Chapter 49: Looking back at life scenery (4)

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Libra's ruling planet is Venus, and its attribute is the wind direction constellation. Pay attention to balance in interpersonal relations, they are elegant in nature, strong communication skills, and easy to be trusted. They are easy to feel lonely and afraid to be isolated, hoping that lovers will accompany them, but the wind direction attribute determines that the Libra women are afraid to be restrained. They are quirky and fickle, they have a set of their own logic of acting, and their hearts are not as easy-going as their appearance. They are very self-willed but decorated with elegance, they are very independent but they are very kind, and they are very good at calm, they often boil the water when they are hot, but when they are cold, they freeze all around ...
Zhang Jun asked me, "Are you right?"
I said: "Yimei's words are all correct, and slanderous words are all wrong."
Zhang Jun laughed happily: "How do I think the opposite is true? The words of Yi Mei are all wrong, and the words of defamation are particularly correct."
I knocked him with a book, and turned to see him again.
The ruling planet of Taurus is Venus, and its attribute is the earth constellation. They are not impetuous and impulsive in their work, they are thoughtful and patient. They are very artistic and have the potential to appreciate and taste art. They are very stubborn, and once determined, they will not change, whether it is a relationship, a job, or an environment. This is both their strengths and weaknesses.
The Taurus man has always been impatient, and the same is true in relation to love. He will not rush to meet you, and he will rashly fall into the trap of love. When he sees a girl, he will observe for a long time before deciding whether to pursue, but Once decided, they will give up with all their heart without reservation. Taurus men are family-oriented men, eager for family harmony, strong possessive and protective desires for their families, and are potential machos. They may be silent and tolerant, but attach great importance to dignity ...
I laughed while watching: "Yeah, we have the same ruling planet-Venus, in charge of love and beauty."
I looked at him and laughed, probably only those in love would be pleased with that little coincidence.
Zhang Jun has no interest in his own character analysis. I am reading a book, and he is looking at me.
I said, "You're not like an honest cow!"
"So what do I look like?"
"Like a pig."
"you are a pig."
"You are. Come and say" I am a pig "."
"Say what?"
"I am a pig!"
"You are a pig!"
"I am a pig!"
"Yeah, you are a pig!"
The two of us just talked nonsense, and we kept on laughing and laughing. At that time, it seemed that no matter what we said or what we did, it was very interesting and sweet.
One night's time passed by so quickly. I didn't feel sleepy at all. I just felt reluctant, and I was infinitely dependent and infinitely dependent.
After getting off the train, the school has a car to pick us up, get on the bus, and look at the familiar scenery around me. I suddenly have a panic and we are back in the real world.
Zhang Jun and I sat quietly and silently, as if we couldn't find anything to say. There was a strange sense of strangeness between them, as if someone was whispering on the train and laughing all night.
The driver is probably a fan of Chen Shuhua, and she put on Chen Shuhua ’s album, and her songs have been in the carriage all the time, from "Dream Awakening" to "Rolling Red Dust".
"At first, you who were careless, and the young man who was careless, the love in the red dust, just because the life was hurriedly silent ..."
Zhang Jun was still ignorant, but I felt like I was stabbed in the apex of my heart, pretending to enjoy the scenery, and looking away from the window.
"It's easy to come and go. It's been decades of people's travels in the world. It's easy to separate and hard to gather. Love and hate are the oldest worries. It should belong to your heart. It still protects my chest. Clouds and rain covered hands behind face ... "
In the singing, the car stopped downstairs in my house. My sister was playing downstairs with friends. When she saw us, she screamed and ran over excitedly: "Sister, sister ..." and yelled upstairs again, "Dad , Mom, my sister is back. "
Zhang Jun was about to get out of the car to help me with my luggage. I immediately said nervously: "No, no." He dragged the baggage hard and swayed down the car. I do n’t even know what I ’m nervous about, so I ’m afraid of being seen by my parents. Fear of being seen by a neighbor?
My mother leaned her head on the balcony: "Luggage can be put on the ground, your dad has gone down."
Zhang Jun stood by the car and looked at me silently. Teacher Xing and Teacher Wang waved goodbye to me in the car. My father said thank you to the teacher.
I stood beside my sister, smiling politely and said goodbye to my teacher and classmates. Surrounded by father, mother, sister, teacher, and classmates, the distance between me and him was far away. The voice was noisy and the atmosphere was lively, but my heart was a desolate and quiet.
My sister grabbed my hand and walked upstairs, twittering and asked, "Is Beijing fun? Have you taken pictures on Tiananmen Square ..."
In those days, feelings of that age could only be hidden in the dark. I did n’t even have time to look back, so I went home.
When I got home, I took out the gifts for my sister, mother, and father. They were all very happy. My sister was bothering me to ask Beijing or Qingdao which is more fun, but I was in a trance.
My mother said: "It's too tired to take the train. I don't eat well outside. Let's go to rest first. I bought a lot of good food and prepared it for you at night."
I went back to the bedroom and lay in bed. Although I was very tired, I couldn't sleep. Seeing familiar bookcases and familiar beds, I felt like I was Cinderella after midnight, and all the magic disappeared and returned to the real world.
Outside, it was just a small group of us. Zhang Jun was fascinated by the moment. When he came back here, his life was brilliant, what am I? Therefore, the dream is awake, no matter whether it is painful or crying, it can only seem to smile casually.
3
What kind of life scenery do you want
Because you are a big boy, you are proud and careless.
Because I am a little girl, I feel inferior and sensitive.
We work hard to love, thinking that as long as we work hard enough, we will change everything,
But I don't know, our ending is already doomed.
Years later, the years are gone, youth is old, you are no longer proud, careless,
I no longer have low self-esteem and sensitivity, but we never love so hard and so hard.
I can only sing that old song,
In tears, I remembered that you loved me very seriously and awkwardly and smiled alone.
I woke up at more than six in the morning, sitting alone at the table, sorting things back from the trip. Tickets to the Forbidden City, tickets to the Summer Palace, tickets to Laoshan, tickets to the Snake Hall, and a few shells that Zhang Jun and I picked up at the beach of Qingdao ...
Tickets in Beijing are single tickets, but after the Great Wall, they were all two tickets. Zhang Jun was completely unconcerned about these trivial matters. The tickets were handed to me. He certainly thought I threw it, but I was very careful. Collected both of our tickets.
I do n’t want to take pictures, but I also know how precious these times are, so I chose to remember them forever in my own way.
I smoothed them out, put them in a carton, and stuffed them in the cabinet under the bed.
When closing the cabinet door, I suddenly realized that I could sleep on these happy days every day. I couldn't help but laughed secretly.
A pine cone, a piece of stone.
This is a gift for wavelet. Pack them in a cowhide envelope and prepare to write a letter.
Before I mention the pen, I always feel that I have a lot of feelings. I want to tell him a lot, and I want to tell him what I have seen and heard about the outside world.
After thinking for a long time, I only wrote one sentence.
"The pine cones under the Great Wall of Beijing, the flakes on the Lao Mountain in Qingdao."
I looked up at the map of China pinned to the wall. Maybe one day, I could walk through all the mountains and rivers. Maybe by then, he would not refuse me who could already fly.
At more than nine o'clock, Lin still and Shen Yuanzhe came to me to see the final exam results together with the school according to the prior agreement.
Although the bright red list has been mottled, the handwriting is still clear.
Guan He is the ninth grade, Lin is still the tenth grade, I am the nineteenth grade, Zhang Jun is more than seventy grades, Shen Yuanzhe is more than sixty grades.
After seeing my results, I was so desperate that I was so hopeful that the math and physics tests were broken. However, it was still in English with 73 points.
I never tried hard, but I hardly saw any improvement. Although there is a well-known saying that "persistence is success", when you are in the middle, you only feel that the more you insist, the more desperate you are. If I give up completely and rely on my cleverness and memory to cope with the exam, I am afraid that it will not be much worse than this score, otherwise I will not feel harder and more disappointed.
Shen Yuanzhe proposed to drink cold drinks together. I was already in such a bad mood that I had no perfunctory energy. I just found an excuse and refused.
A person walks on the hot asphalt road, no longer pretends to smile, no longer pretends that he does not care, let his face collapse, walked in stride, has not stopped, but there is a sense of confusion that does not know where to go.
In the eyes of outsiders, the first 20 grades are good enough. My confusion and pain seem to be somewhat inexplicable, but this is not just a result, but, I do n’t understand, why do you work so hard but have no gain? I questioned myself and the future. I have no looks, no wealth, no family background, my future can only rely on my mind and diligence, if hard work is not equal to harvest, it means that I can not rely on my own efforts to determine my future, then my future, Who holds my life? Since I can't control it by myself, why should I work hard?
I don't know how long I walked, I stood under the shade of a thick willow tree.
Because it was daytime, there was no business in K-Singing Hall, and the four working girls were greedy and cool. Under the shade of the door, they set up a small table to rub Mahjong. His face changed and changed, but his youth was similar every year.
If I go to a technical school, now I have to start an internship. I can play mahjong leisurely with the internship salary. My parents do n’t have to worry about my early love. Instead, the plan introduces me to an object, and I do n’t have to suffer for the English You don't have to like a guy to be sneaky, just go to work and think about whether to dance or play mahjong after work, whether to meet a boyfriend or girlfriend.
If I give up being an ascetic monk for English and rely on a little cleverness and general hard work, my grades can also be mixed, and I have more time to study fashion, dress up beautifully, go out and play with Tong Yunzhu, life It must be more swaying than it is now.
Several girls played mahjong several times, and I was still standing in the shade of the trees in a daze. They were half curious and half alert. "Miss, are you waiting for someone?"
I stared at them in a trance, asking for a moment of silence: "Is Wavelet there?"
A girl rubbed her cards and said, "Wave? No one ..." Another girl hit her hand: "Wouldn't it be boss Xu? It seemed to be called this name." She looked up at me: "Who are you looking for?"
I smiled and turned away.
There are many kinds of scenery in life, but which kind of scenery is the one I want most?
I can choose to give up or choose to persist, but which one is many years later, I will not regret it?
Before, I didn't understand it. Now that I have worked hard and been disappointed, I realized what Chen Jin meant at the time. The word "persistent" may be harder to write than any word in the world.
When I walked to the river and was about to arrive at home, I suddenly remembered that the gift in the bag was for Wavelet, but ... If I chose to give up, the gift in the bag would never have to be sent out. I looked at the sparkling river and started to stay. What kind of scenery of life is what I want most?
I turned and ran to the cabaret.
Hearing my footsteps, all four girls looked up at me in surprise. I took out the cowhide envelope in the bag and handed it to them. They looked at the name on the envelope and studied it.
I said, "This is for Xu Xiaobo, just your little boss, you know?"
The four girls nodded immediately, and I turned away.
I slowly paced back to my home, took out a blank piece of paper, and wrote on it: Summer vacation plan.
From tomorrow on, recite one hour of English every day, recite ten English words, and see half an hour of grammar. The rest of the time is free to control.
I signed my name "Luo Qiqi" under the plan. This is my own oath to myself. In the long, hopeless and dull, joyless, this is the only restraint and strength I can give myself.
Press the word side of the summer vacation plan down under the glass plate of the desk. Except for the three words "Luo Qiqi", because of the penetrating back of the paper, there are traces, and the rest is just a piece of white paper.
This book is just for yourself, not for others.
Looking down at the snow-white paper, there was inexplicable loneliness and sadness in my heart. These hard efforts and these painful struggles are only known to me. The colorful and splendid youth in the eyes of adults is actually not as easy as they imagined.
Can't help but hold the pen on a piece of letter paper, writing "Long Bow" over and over again, and after writing one piece of paper, change to another. This is a problem I have unknowingly developed over the years. Whenever I am sad, I like to write "long bow". It seems that this way I can release the sadness in my heart.
Amidst the clamor of classmates Ma Li, it was a fake to catch the wind and wash the dust. It was true to eat, drink and have fun. I had a meeting with Yang Jun, Ma Li, Wu Hao and Horseshoe Gang.
During the party, Wu Hao mysteriously said to me: "I heard the classmates from summer camp say you and Zhang Jun ..."
I made a flattered action with exaggeration: "I didn't expect to say two more words, and I was so honored to be the gossip girlfriend of classmate Zhang Jun, so excited!" I giggled, "Last semester, I and The squad leader went back home several times during the evening self-study. They also said that I had a problem with Shen Yuanzhe! "I pointed to the horseshoe." At the beginning, when I sat at the same table with the horseshoe, didn't you put us together! Say that we are not friends and don't get together! "
Horseshoe said bitterly: "I even linked my name with Luo Qiqi, am I not so aesthetically pleasing?"
I bluntly slapped him on the back. He screamed exaggeratedly: "I believe that she secretly loves Zhang Jun. I believe that Zhang Jun likes her. I firmly believe it!"
My heart tightened suddenly, the muscles on my face tensed, but I saw everyone laughing. It turned out to be just a joke, and I immediately followed everyone laughing out loud.
Hee hee, the story about Zhang Jun was easily revealed. Boys and girls of our age, who have better looking eyebrows, are unavoidably rumored to be rumored in such a way, like rumors such as Zhang Jun, the gossip has more girls than me, and less me.
After the party ended, Ma Li waited for everyone to leave, and mysteriously called me aside: "Honestly, what is your relationship with Zhang Jun?"
I was nervous again, and the second monk was puzzled: "Did you just explain it? Just ordinary classmates."
"Let's come! Ordinary classmates will follow you home specially at night?"
"What do you mean?"
"When the first year of high school started, didn't we make a bit of a contradiction! I went outside to find a few people and asked them to talk to you. As a result, every time I just promised to be good, I turned around and regretted it Later, I learned that Zhang Jun greeted them. "
I can't say anything, there are surprises and surprises, and some weird joy.
Ma Li thought he scared me, patted me on the shoulder, and frowned, saying, "Relax, I won't tell my classmates, you are now covered by people, and I dare not offend Zhang Jun."
"Go to you!" I pushed him away with a palm and strode away.
Perhaps because of the horsepower, I ignited hope for Zhang Jun again, but after the summer camp, more than a week later, Zhang Jun did not appear in my life.
Intellectually, I can accept the fact that Zhang Jun never looked for me again. I do n’t need to think about the philosophy of life. I only need to think about what kind of person I am, but those sadness and loss cannot be analyzed rationally. controlling.
One day, Mom and Dad went to work. My sister practiced the keyboard and ran lazily to watch TV. Although I woke up, I still squinted in bed.
The younger sister came and knocked: "Sister, someone is looking for you."
I thought it was Yang Jun and horsepower. They didn't care to say: "Are you mistaken? So early!"
He shuffled a handful of hair, walked into the living room with his hair disheveled, flipped on his slippers, and saw Zhang Jun sitting on the sofa, refreshing and handsome.
Immediately I fled back to the bedroom, combed my hair and changed my clothes in the mirror, and I felt very nervous. After struggling for a while, I finally combed my hair and went out.
Zhang Jun stood up, but only looked at me silently because my sister was there.
My sister is still devoted to watching the "New White Lady Legend" for the thousandth time, not paying attention to the strange things around her.
I do n’t think it ’s such a poke in the living room, so I said,
Let ’s go out!

Going downstairs, walking silently along the path to the river, the two lay on the bridge and looked down at the rushing river.
Although it is daytime, there are no pedestrians on the bridge. On the second day of junior year, a new bridge that was wider and easier to walk was built. This old bridge with irrational design was abandoned, but I like to walk this old bridge no matter when I cross the river at any time. The reason is not only It is close to my house.
Zhang Jun said: "When we were young, this bridge was quite a lot of people, but now it has become a deserted bridge."
"Yeah! It's narrow and full of steps. Every time I cross the bridge, I have to carry my bicycle. I can't ride a motorcycle. Of course no one left."
"What do you usually do?"
"Nothing, just go to bed and read."
"What book to read?"
"Sometimes textbooks, sometimes idle books."
"When did you become so serious? Still working so hard during the summer vacation?"
I didn't know what to say, and it was silent, and finally there was a little atmosphere of conversation between the two.
"Luo Qiqi ..." he called suddenly, and I looked at him. He held back for a while, before saying, "Did you regret it?"
"Huh? What regret?"
"On the summer camp, we are together ... Do you regret it?"
"No!" I replied quickly, stopped, and finally summoned the courage to ask him, "How about you? Do you regret it?" I was afraid that he regretted it, and he even asked me if I regret it.
"Of course not!" His expression was finally no longer so tense, he threw a stone into the river, and said with a smile, "The day after tomorrow, the college entrance examination will be released, let's go to see the results!"
Anyone who wants to enter the university will probably pay attention to this, and more importantly, with him, I immediately agreed: "Okay."
He smiled: "Then the next morning at nine o'clock, we meet here, and we will see each other."
"it is good."
The two stood silently for a while, and I asked, "Are you still okay? If you are okay, I will go home." My English task today has not been completed.