Chapter 68: Fanwai 1: Fleeting Years (3)

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"When I saw you, I saw you, I knew it was impossible, but I hope you came to see me."
"Tell you a secret, I don't like picking stones, I just like picking stones with you."
"You have fallen asleep on a big rock, I will use a cold hat to help you cover the sun, as long as you are sleeping, I will be willing to cover the sun for you forever."
"Tell you the biggest secret, I am very jealous and hate you talking to Guan He!"
"When I'm unhappy, when I'm happy, I write 'longbow' on the paper. It seems that you are unhappy and happy with me. If you write a piece of paper and throw it away, no one knows what it means."
"The first time I was tempted by you was the day when there was hail, you said you would protect me."
Zhang Jun did not understand this sentence, what does it mean? Qiqi liked him when he was in elementary school? He read a few pieces of paper again, Qi Qi ignored him at that time because he misunderstood that he liked Guan He, not because he already knew that he had stolen the pen.
But why did she lie to him?
In the moment of sudden epiphany, it was like a bomb buried under the end of the year exploded in his head. The heavy years not only did not reduce its power, but made it ferment and swell. Suffering.
But there is ecstasy under pain.
His heart is beating wildly, his hands are shaking, Qi Qi, Qi Qi, have you ever really loved me so much? Zhang Jun, Zhang Jun, you are such a fool, why do n’t you understand that the softest corners are always hidden deepest?
Zhang Jun couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed his phone and called Guan He.
After ten years of not meeting, but not in any mood, he opened his mouth and asked, "How do you know there are words in Lucky Star?"
Guan He was very surprised. Although she really hoped that Zhang Jun did not throw away Luo Qiqi's gift, after all, it was just hope. After all, she had heard of his countless vigorous affairs in recent years. She said: "I knew it eleven years ago that Qi Qi secretly told me."
Zhang Jun was silent. After a while, his voice asked hardly: "Why tell me now? Why wasn't it then?"
Guan He said nothing.
Zhang Jun slowly recovered his mind and asked, "Why would you suddenly tell me this?"
"I don't know. Maybe because I received a letter from Luo Qiqi and suddenly wondered if you still remember her."
Zhang Jun wanted to say something lightly, "Of course I remember, she is one of my ex girlfriends", but he couldn't tell.
"Since you still keep the gift she gave you, I will tell you one more thing. Luo Qiqi has returned to China and has been growing up with us in the past few days."
Zhang Jun's heart jumped wildly and asked with a steady voice: "Is there her phone?"
"I only have her email address, but this world is not big. Luo Qiqi has classmates, and you also have classmates. If you have the heart, you can definitely find her."
A few words came from the phone, and Guan He said, "I'm going to hang up."
Zhang Jun said: "Okay. Just now ... sorry! Anyway, thank you for letting me know that there are words in Lucky Star, those words are very important to me."
Guan He was silent for a while and said, "Thank you yourself! If Qi Qi has forgotten you and has forgotten me, she will not write to me. If you have forgotten her, she has thrown away your memory, even It ’s no use telling you. "
Guan He finished talking and hung up.
Zhang Jun stood blank for a while, then suddenly rushed outside, rushed to the door, and returned, stuffing everything back into the box, holding the box downstairs.
I drove for more than eight hours in one breath and returned to my hometown in the early morning.
But when he really returned to his hometown, he began to be confused. What exactly did he want to do?
Tell Qiqi that I misunderstood you? I did n’t break up with you because I did n’t love you anymore? I said my love has been wiped out by you are all lies?
Because of the pride and awkwardness of the young, there was indeed one misunderstanding after another, but after so many years, these misunderstandings have long been unimportant.
He parked his car downstairs and sat silently.
When disassembling the Lucky Star, the long time was shortened, as if they were quarreling and breaking up just yesterday, the middle ten years did not exist. He can recover those lost time and correct the mistakes he made in his youth, but when the impulse dissipated, he found that the past time has passed, and the future time-there is no future! They can no longer look back, nor can they move forward!
After sitting for a long time, he lit a cigarette, and while driving, slowly drove the car from one street to another.
The four elementary schools and middle schools where he and Qiqi were studying together. The movie theater where they watched movies together. At Qiqi's previous home, he and Qiqi went to the roller skating rink ...
He has returned to his hometown several times over the years, but he has come and gone every time. This is the first time he has revisited his hometown.
With the appearance of each place, all the memories that he deliberately blocked were like a movie, and in his mind, scenes were vividly let go.
From noon to afternoon, Zhang Jun walked all the places he and Qiqi had visited, searching for her figure in the crowd while fearing and hoping, even he himself did not know whether he was Do you want to see her or don't want to see her?
After looking for a day, he did not see Qi Qi.
He didn't know what it was like in his heart, but he felt tired, and the heavy exhaustion made him seem to collapse.
He parked the car by Qi Qi's favorite river before, and the whole person was lying on the steering wheel.
Actually, what if it is found? What is the difference between seeing and not seeing?
Who knows if she is married or has a boyfriend?
Even though she is still single, she and he walked through very different life paths. What else can be said besides "hello"? Those misunderstandings are sorry that they have been washed away by the years and no longer matter.
What can he tell her? Over the years, both the body and the soul have been stained with layers of dust that cannot be washed away. Ten years, long enough to shape them into two strangers. He was no longer a teenager who had no regard for it. The red bumps had made him numb. He had no courage to jump down the river of time to chase her.
The past is used to recall, not to pursue.
He knocked his head heavily on the steering wheel, again and again, as if he could knock off the dust and vicissitudes of the decade.
Zhang Jun lay on the steering wheel for a long time until the sunset reflected his glass windows red.
He raised his head to look at the broken bridge in the distance, where there was no one there, only the glow of the evening glow was lonely.
Today is over!
And tomorrow, tomorrow is the horizon!
He lit another cigarette and opened the glass bottle with Lucky Star while smoking it.
"I would like to ask you whether I am good or Guan He, but I am afraid of being disappointed and even more afraid of you lying, so I have been afraid to ask and disdain to ask."
"Actually, every time you invite me to go out to play, I really want to go, but I have no money to invite you, I can only refuse, and when I have money in the future, I must agree."
"On my birthday, my wish is that you will love me forever. Will you love me forever?"
Zhang Jun didn't want to look at it anymore. He opened the door and got out of the car. He walked up the dirt of the road and looked towards the river.
It was the last splendour of the sunset, the evening glow paved half of the sky, the trees by the river were all reflected orange-red, the river was sparkling, a little silver light was glowing, and the broken bridge crossed the shore alone, on the river Cast a graceful reflection.
Under the reflection opposite the river bank, a woman in a big white T-shirt and blue denim shorts sat. She bent her head down and washed the stones with the river water. Every time she washed one, she directly pulled up the big T-shirt and dried it, and put it in the old tin box beside her.
Xiaguang and Boguang radiated each other, and the woman's thin figure was plated into a warm and fuzzy silhouette, which could not be seen clearly, but it seemed like a gentle dream that was lost outside of time.
Zhang Jun's body froze, the cigarette between his fingers slipped and fell to the ground.
Qi Qi suddenly looked up at the other side of the river, Zhang Jun immediately squatted down, hiding in the bushes, and he didn't understand why it was such a strange and childish reaction.
Qi Qi's eyes swept slowly on the river bank and then lowered her head, continuing to wash the stones.
Zhang Jun's tears slowly poured into his eyes. He wanted to control it, but there was no way to control it. He pressed his palm firmly on his eyes, but there was no way to press back all the sadness, only to soak the tears. His palm.
At the age of nineteen, he was hiding in their elementary school classroom alone, lying on the place where Luo Qiqi had sat, crying for her, but she would never know that a teenager had shed tears for him.
At the age of 29, he wept again for Luo Qiqi. Will Luo Qiqi know?
Ten years later, they stood by the bridge when they were young again, under another bridge, on another bridge.
However, the distance between them is not only a bridge, but also a Pacific Ocean, as well as ten years of human life and red dust.
Zhang Jun was no longer at the age of nineteen, and Luo Qiqi was no longer at the age of seventeen. They are no longer the person they love deeply in the other party's memory, and even they do not know whether they miss the person or the pure and sincere young time.
How about meeting again? The goodbye to you is not you anymore. The familiar face only highlights the vicissitudes of years and years.