Chapter 722: It turned out to be an empty joy

The moment I saw the news, I thought I would pass out.
But I didn't.
When I felt all the feelings brought by this news, I thought I would cry.
But neither did I.
I didn't even shed a tear, but my eyes were so dry that it only hurt when I blinked, so I almost didn't blink, just opened my eyes blankly, watching the silver-gray fine rain curtain outside the door, covering some of my eyes.
The sky gradually turned.
I don't know when the rain stopped, but it was dark.
The sunlight faded little by little, like a huge black hand, slowly pinching me, and everything around me was slowly swallowed up by darkness, and the whole house became quiet as a silent tomb.
In such a dark darkness, I slowly lit a candlelight.
As soon as the fire lighted up, I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my eyes, and tears burst into my eyes, blurring everything in sight.
But I still stubbornly opened my eyes and looked at the flickering fire.
But, in the blurring of tears, that faint candlelight burst into a sea of ​​fire.
Familiar sea of ​​fire ...
I got reborn from that sea of ​​fire, but the figure in the sea of ​​fire, the figure that gave me a chance to be reborn, why is it so blurred, so blurred ...
.
Its daybreak.
The candlelight was struggling all night, and finally it could no longer be sustained at this moment. The heart of the candle fluttered, turned into a ray of green smoke, and eventually went out.
I kept the candlelight just like that, and kept it all night.
When I raised my eyes, a faint light penetrated through the concealed door and shone on my face.
I thought that the night would not go through.
There was a slight radian in the corner of my mouth.
Speaking of which, this world will not be able to continue because of who has left it. Even when I lost my first child, I was so miserable. In the end, did I not give up my life?
In fact, whose life is not so?
How can there be absolute happiness, and forever forever?
As human beings, how many opportunities and how lucky are we to meet the person I love him, and he will love me, even if they meet, what is the probability that two people can go on? Maybe a small thing in life will separate two people, destroy this love and even tear it apart.
And God, let me meet him, let him love me, even willing to do things that he would never even think about for me.
This is the greatest kindness that God has given me for half a lifetime.
Thinking of this, I slowly got up, but because of sitting all night, my legs almost swelled and lost consciousness, and almost the whole person had to fall down again. I hurriedly held the table to barely stabilize my body. Regaining consciousness, I pushed the door and slowly went out.
There was a hint of sweet scent in the cold morning air.
Not far away, the smell of bamboo forest.
I looked up and looked at the green verdure in the inner courtyard. The morning breeze was filled with the fragrance of bamboo leaves. I took a deep breath, only to feel that it was cooling into my heart and spleen. All the sorrow, sorrow, and embarrassment are exhausted.
Suddenly, I remembered another morning, he was wearing a long shirt, holding a bowl and holding half-bowl, standing in front of me, and seeing him like another generation, his eyes were clear, his smile was cool, and the air was full It is the fragrance of bamboo leaves and the fragrance of earth.
My tears fell and fell into his palm, and the half of the clear water stirred up ripples.
My whole life, the unforgettable joy, came from this.
I don't blame him.
I don't hate anyone.
I only feel bad. It turned out to be an empty joy.
.
For a long time, footsteps came, and several maids greeted them, saying carefully, "Mrs. Qingying."
"Ma'am, what's wrong with you, you look so ugly!"
The faint phantom in front of me was like a morning mist, scattered by the wind. I stood there watching for a long time, leaving only an empty space in front of me, and at this time I just returned to my senses.
Turning his head, he looked carefully at the concerns of the maids.
I smiled slightly: "Where's my son?"
"My son is in the courtyard. Last night, Miss Li was always begging to find his wife, and my son stayed in the courtyard to accompany Miss."
"Oh." I nodded and said to them, "Thank you for some hot water. I want to freshen up first, and then go to the inner court to find a boy."
"Yes."
They were well prepared. I did n’t finish talking for a while, and the copper basin and towels with hot water were delivered. I refreshed them a little while looking at the mirror, although my face was still haggard, the red blood in my eyes was also It couldn't be washed, but it looked a little bit, so I changed out of clothes and went to the inner court.
After the spring rain, it is often a better sunny day, especially the spring rain in the south of the Yangtze River. It also adds a touch of vitality to the land. The flowers and trees in the courtyard have given rise to new buds. After the rain, they have become more prosperous, and there are still crystals on the eaves. The rain drops are low, and the bluestone slabs under the feet are cleaned. No matter where you go, you can feel a fresh breath.
As if everything was completely new.
I walked hurriedly in such a lively yard, but instead walked to the arch bridge, as soon as I looked up, I saw a familiar slender figure standing at the bridge head, looking up at me.
It is Han Ruoshi.
I did not expect to see her first, but she was clearly waiting for me-if she was waiting for Pei Yuanxiu, naturally she should look up in the direction of the inner court.
After thinking about it, I walked calmly: "Miss Ruo Shi."
"Sister Qingying." As soon as she saw me, she greeted me with a smile, and reached out and held my hand: "Are you okay? I saw you like that yesterday, and I was worried that you were ill. Is it all right now?"
Her hands were cold, colder than mine, and she looked like she should be questioned. I shook my head slightly and said, "I'm fine, yesterday I was ill."
"Sister don't say that."
She clenched my hands as if to make me warm, but I felt cold in her palms.
However, when she spoke, her words were very enthusiastic: "Sister, you have to know that every move you take affects the heart of your son. Yesterday, if you were uncomfortable, your son would not care about anything, and there was no guest from Xichuan. Even the booklets sent from the government have not been read. They are still stacked in his study. "
"……Is it."
"He doesn't even care about making soldiers so big."
"..."
Han Ruoshi held my hand and said softly: "Sister, you stay with the son, but the son is meticulous to you. If you are really sick, the son will not be able to survive it. In this way, the sister does not know What should I do? "
I looked up and looked at her worried, half a moment, and said lightly, "No."
"No? Doesn't my sister think that it doesn't matter if you're sick?"
"..." I shook my head gently: "I'm not talking about this."
"..."
She blinked a pair of black and white staring eyes and looked at me in confusion. I have pulled back my hand and said, "Thank you Miss Ruosi for your concern, but you can rest assured that the son will not be able to stand it."
"That's good."
"Now, I'm going to see Lier in the inner court. Will Miss Ruo Shi go with me?"
"Uh, don't go."
She said, her smile a little awkward. Recalling the way Pei Yuanxiu stopped her in the courtyard, I also regretted it, but at this time I didn't care much, nodded in apology to her, and turned over the bridge.
Just when I walked to the bamboo forest path in the inner courtyard, I heard Lier's voice inside: "When will the mother come?"
After my footsteps were stagnant, I heard that it was quiet inside, and then Pei Yuanxiu's voice sounded, "Coming soon."
"Daddy, you said the same last night."
"..."
I heard a sigh.
It seems that Pei Yuanxiu was not tormented by this girl.
Thinking of this, I accelerated my steps and walked around, turning a corner, and seeing that elegant house, after a day of drizzle, it became more brand-new and warm, and rain dew dripped on the eaves. Pei Yuanxiu was wearing a suit In white, standing on the porch, looking up at the transparent raindrops, and Lier stood beside him, holding his belt in one hand.
They both saw me at the same time, and Lier immediately smiled and rushed over, "Mother!"
I walked over and embraced the girl who ran into my head, feeling the warmth of her little body, and seemed to drive away the numbness of my limbs and her body. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kept rubbing Holding my cheek: "Mother, why didn't you come back last night, Lier is so worried about you."
"Don't worry, mother, isn't this back?"
Having said that, I looked up and looked at Pei Yuanxiu.
He still stood still, still a gentle expression in his eyes, but he could see bloodshot inside.
This night is also a sleepless night for him.
I felt a little guilty, holding Lier and walking up the steps, and said gently, "My son."
"You're back."
"Um. Thank you for helping me to look after Lier."
"Thank you, thank you."
"..."
I looked at those gentle eyes and said nothing, but turned to Lier in my arms and said, "Lier, my mother is so hungry."
Lier immediately said: "Don't you have breakfast?"
"Well, hurry back to see Lier, I haven't eaten yet."
"Then go and get it for your mother!"
"Okay. You tell the kitchen guy that she wants snacks, almond cakes, chestnut cakes, jam cakes, and a plate of crystal buns, and chicken congee."
"My mother wants to eat so much?"
"Do you remember then?"
"of course can!"
She shuddered smugly, and I let her go, and the girl turned her head and ran out, while she ran silently in her mouth, as if she was afraid she might forget it.
Looking at her cute look, I just felt that no matter how big the pain was, it didn't seem to matter.
When her back had run out of sight, I slowly turned around, but Pei Yuanxiu's face didn't have the slightest smile, it was just too calm, and there was no glory in her eyes, she looked at me quietly .
I thought for a moment, took a deep breath, and finally said, "No matter what, the son has raised Lie for so many years, so that she is carefree and grows up happily. "Thank you, thank you."
"..." He looked at me without talking.
Although I didn't say anything, I could understand everything from those eyes. Just as I got the news yesterday, he immediately understood and knew how I would be.
Thinking of this, I apologize, but also frankly: "I have something to say to my son."
"..."
After a long silence, he finally spoke, but his voice was also hoarse. Although a smile appeared on his face, the smile was barely as if it would disappear in the next moment.
"Do you have to say it now?"
I looked into his eyes and said softly, "Actually, it's time to say it while on board."
"..."
"But the son advised me not to rush, you said, maybe time will change what I want to say."
"Time, hasn't it changed you?"
"..."
I was silent and shook my head slightly.
At this moment, his eyes flickered, as if something was broken in an instant and fell to the ground.
The kind of fragmentation made me feel pain, but no matter how painful, it should be short-term.
I spoke, Shen said, "I should go."