Chapter 782: I have no heart to rest

The flowers drift away
Han Lin never saw a bald head.
The heavens and the earth are still divided ...
He wrote one, and I read one. When he wrote the fourth sentence, he paused to think, and then slowly wrote the last sentence—
"I—have—no—heart ... Qing ... and—Hugh ..."
I looked at those words and suddenly felt unable to move.
I have no intention ...
Inadvertently ...
I raised my head a bit, looking at the close-up face, but with a cold face, he was looking down at his "masterpiece", without complacentness, and without excerpts. Ashamed, but his eyes were darkened, as if still pondering, and he seemed to be lost in thought.
I don't know how long, as if aware of my gaze, he turned to look at me.
A slight smile.
There was a snowy wind blowing into my heart.
I have no heart to rest.
Good one I have no heart to rest!
At that time, I accompanied him to study hard all night and gave him a sentence-by-verse interpretation of the Book of Songs. I never imagined that the first poem he got in this life was a passionate poem.
I have no heart, Qing Xiu.
I supported the table and stood next to him, watching him drop the money, then slowly put down the pen in my hand, took the handkerchief to gently dry the ink stains on it, and then carefully folded it, before handing it Come to me and smile: "I am ugly."
I looked down at the handkerchief and remained silent for a long time before slowly reaching out to pick it up, but the convulsions that I couldn't keep my fingers on, the papa was pinched in my hand, as if it was going to be crushed by me and broken into powder.
He looked up and smiled at him: "Thank you."
The palm of his hand was blurred with nails, and it was obviously painful, but he didn't feel it at all. The person in front of him couldn't feel it either. He looked at me with a smile, with a little thought, and said, "But , The wife and the son are about to get married. It is not very good to write such a love poem to the wife. Why not write another poem next?
"No need."
When I spoke, my voice was so hoarse that I felt strange to him. He gave me a surprised look, but I didn't look at him, only bowed his head and said, "I have disturbed the adult for a long time, and it's time to go back."
After speaking, turn around and leave.
Liu Qinghan was a little surprised, but didn't catch up, just staring at my back.
I walked very fast, but my steps were not brisk, and each step seemed to be heavy. When I reached the stairs, I felt that my strength of life seemed to be exhausted at this moment, but I turned back and looked at that exhaustion. The man who has been happy for my whole life has no feeling at all. He only uses that intact eye, reveals a little coolness, and looks at me quietly.
The person I loved and hated the most in my life!
I finally gave him a hand: "Sir, goodbye."
He stunned: "Mrs. go."
I couldn't help smiling at the simple words.
Go well ...
Let's go.
I'm going out of your world, and you want me to go all the way.
I was smiling, stepping on the thin wooden ladder step by step, and walking down step by step, I knew that the wooden ladder of this inn was built from ice, and every step was like stepping on the ice On the edge of the edge, every step was so cold and so painful, but I bit my lower lip, firmly made me not to look back, or even to show a little embarrassment.
At this moment, I suddenly remembered the cold rainy day.
But this time it was me and turned to leave.
There was no icy rain, and no piercing pain behind me, but I seemed to feel it clearly, how he broke away from me that day and stepped out of my world.
It turned out to be such a pain ...
It turned out to be such despair ...
Finally, I couldn't hold it, I almost fell, I could only hold the handrails firmly to stabilize my body.
The traffic on the outside was full of people, and the people downstairs were full of enthusiasm, as if all of them suddenly disappeared at this moment. There was only dim light in this narrow staircase, a quiet space, and a drop of hot tears, like broken beads. , Slipped silently from my eyes.
No one came upstairs or downstairs, so no one saw this narrow and formidable staircase. I sat alone and wept silently.
My whole life, the unforgettable joy, ended here.
Qing Han, thank you for giving me an empty joy.
...
.
The next day, the first day of March.
After a full night of rain, the weather cleared up the next day, and the sunlight coming out of the window seemed to bring the fresh smell of rain.
As soon as he opened his eyes, he saw Pei Yuanxiu sitting at the bed and looking at me.
I still seemed to be trapped in a dream, a little confused, half a moment, and murmured: "Why are you there?"
"You came back in the rain last night. I'm worried you're sick."
With that said, he reached out and touched my forehead to try the temperature, and then restlessly said, "Well, it's not hot."
I smiled: "I didn't get wet."
"But it was too cold last night. You walked back from the riverside alone, I'm afraid--"
"Don't be afraid."
I smiled slightly and sat up. He hurriedly helped me put a pillow behind me so that I could sit comfortably on the bedside. The sun shone on my face, although it was still pale, but a faint smile was enough to make up for the apathy and morbidity brought by paleness.
He looked at me with a smile and asked, "What did you do when you crossed the river yesterday?"
"The household registration is cancelled."
"Cancel household registration? You go-take a divorce?"
"Ok."
"In case, what do those people ask Liu Qinghan?"
I smiled a little: "Ye Maye divorced his wife before marrying the princess, even if the people in Hube dare not mention it to anyone with leopard gall, where are they going to sweep the royal face. Don't worry."
He hesitated for a moment, but immediately realized that a faint expression appeared on his face, as if he couldn't believe I would do it. In the face of his surprise, I just smiled lightly. After a while, he reached out and stroked my cheek, and said softly, "Until now, I really feel that you are going to marry me. . "
"Tomorrow is the big wedding, do you still say that now?"
His palm rubbed me with a cool cheek: "Nothing really counts without a marriage with you."
"So how are you going?"
"Already prepared."
"Really?" I frowned slightly. "But these days I'm in the house and I haven't seen the wedding hall you arranged. Where did you arrange it?"
He smiled mysteriously: "You will know tomorrow."
I looked at him a little funny: "This, you have to keep me secret?"
He nodded solemnly: "Um."
I couldn't help but smile: "What about the new house?"
"Of course it's ready, but well—"
"Keep it secret, right?"
"A surprise?"
I gave him a nasty look, but it was a surprise to pay my respects.
He also laughed, like a child. Then he stretched out his hand and stroked my cheek again, and said, "You, I ’m still too thin. I can only feed you slowly after getting married. Today, your task is to take a good rest, keep your spirits up, and prepare to be the best Happy bride. "
I smiled in his palm and nodded gently.
He leaned over, kissed gently on my forehead, and went out with a smile.
I leaned on the bed and watched his back disappear at the door where the sun melted, until the elongated shadow slowly disappeared, the smile on the corner of the mouth slowly faded away, and a little tiredness curled up, but Just then, there was another footstep outside.
Is he going and returning?
I hurried up again and made a smile, but saw a small figure push in the door, and under the sun, those big clear eyes blinked.
"Live."
A gentle smile immediately appeared on my face.
These days, Lie and I are not as tired as each other like in Jixiang Village. It is also because after knowing my marriage with Pei Yuanxiu, the child is a bit overly silent and even alienated from us. I used to want to tell Pei Yuanxiu if you want to postpone it a little bit, hoping to wait until Lier accepts it, but he told me that to let her accept it, the first thing is to tell her that it is impossible fixed one.
In fact, I also know that he is right.
Even I can only accept this.
After all, the child is also big. It is a matter of course to have her own thoughts. She would mind her mother getting married, and it is reasonable. This matter may really not be changed anymore. I can only hope that my daughter can slowly Understanding.
Although, maybe not even myself can understand.
Seeing that I was going to get out of bed, Lier immediately walked in to the bed and whispered, "Mother."
"You are here, Lier." I sat happily by the bed and took her little hand: "Get up so early today?"
"Ok."
"I came to see my mother so early, do you have something to tell my mother?"
"..." She was silent for a moment, and said, "Lier just saw that Dad went out of his mother's room."
As soon as I heard it, I hurriedly said, "Your dad just came to see his mother. He was not in his mother's room last night."
Lier looked up at me and was silent for a while, and said, "Will Dad be in his mother's room every day in the future?"
I froze for a moment.
Such a young girl should not have made her aware of these things, but now seems to be inevitable, I thought about it, and said softly, "Yes. After my mother married your father, we They are husband and wife. Husband and wife must be together. "
Speaking of which, I also seem to understand where her loneliness came from.
I do n’t know who she used to sleep with each night in the past years, but after I returned to her and took her to Jixiang Village this year, I took her to sleep. One was originally because the house over there was small, and the other was really hoping to make up for what I owed her over the years; but since I promised to marry Pei Yuanxiu, I did n’t sleep with the child in the same bed, of course she There will also be loneliness, and you will feel that you are no longer loved.
Thinking of this, I leaned down, caressing her thin shoulders, and softly said, "Lier, you have grown up now, the grown-up child should sleep by himself. Even if the mother doesn't marry your father, in the future You ca n’t sleep with your mother all the time. "
"..."
"However, everything else is the same as before."
"..."
"Mother and your dad will only love you more."
Lier didn't speak, only blinking at me with big eyes, and after a while, he stretched out his small hand and hugged me.
I looked down at the child's silence, and hugged her tightly in my arms, but after all I didn't know how much loneliness she still had, and I didn't see it through.
.
As if to make up for my words, this night, the night before my wedding, I slept with my child.
She put on her clothes early, kneeling on the bed, and the soft brocade was ringing around her as if it were trapped in a soft cloud. After I washed it, I also sat on the bed. As soon as I lay down, this girl got into my arms. Like a cat who found a stove in the cold weather, I continued to rub my neck and chin with my cheeks. For a while .
I smiled and said, "Lier, it really gets bigger and stickier."
She buried her head in my arms. After a while, she said dullly, "I don't want to grow up."
I smiled, and stretched out my hands to caress her dark hair, but at this moment I felt a little embarrassed, as if I saw it many years ago, I once nestled beside my mother like this, crying with red eyes and hugging her sobbing.
I don't want to grow up ...
Lightness doesn't want to grow up ...
The mother's voice is very pleasant, just like my voice, but she rarely talks to me deliberately and gently. It seems that she has always regarded me as an adult, and she uses the same calm and calm voice to admire in adversity and adversity. I speak and explain to me.
Maybe it was because of this that I was at such a age that I was caught off guard.
"Stupid boy, there is nothing wrong with growing up or not."
"..."
"Just be comfortable."
Just fine ...
When I think of these words, I just feel sour, looking down, my daughter is already in my arms, falling asleep.
I smiled, lowered my head and kissed her forehead, and slowly closed my eyes.
In the dream, it seems that I can still see my mother, hugging her daughter.