Chapter 30: : Passing away

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Entering the room of Jomo Moro, a strong smell of medicine filled the whole room. It's been ten days since I returned to China, and the situation of Jomo Moroyan has been worrying. He vomits blood every day and has been dizzy several times. Vshatipah stays by her father's side 24 hours a day to deliver medicine and water. After a few days, everyone lost weight. And Roche, besides the daily service, also chanted daily beside his father. Both of them had no time to take care of me, so I could not help breathing. At this time, I can't propose to leave, so I help take care of Jumoroyan.
"Guo Shi..." I approached Jomo Moro on the bed. His thinness made him look dazed, with only a pair of light gray eyes, it seemed that he was the only place with vitality on his body.
"Girl Ai Qing, you're here." He nodded slowly, trying to prop up his upper body. I hurried forward and placed the cushion on his waist. Such contact touched his skinny body, and he felt uncomfortable for a while.
"Is Ai Qing a little surprised that I want to talk to you alone?"
"Well, I was surprised." I answered honestly. Somehow, he felt like my boss. Although I have always called the tutor as the boss, in my heart, he is the person I respect the most. I smiled faintly, "However, when the National Teacher asked me, there must be something to talk to me."
"Girl Ai Qing is not an ordinary woman, and Yan has seen this since ten years ago."
I said nothing.
"Yan knows that there is not much time, and he is tired of this mortal, and he will return soon, so as not to drag on his relatives." My nose was sour, and I just wanted to say something optimistic, interrupted by his still wise eyes. "It's just that people are always concerned about this world. For Yan, these two children..."
Intuitively feeling that this conversation must be related to the two brothers, he quietly waited for him to continue.
"Girl Ai Qing, you have an extraordinary history. Could you tell a person who will die, my two children, what will happen in the future."
I was surprised and looked up to see the light in his eyes. Did he guess my score? But how did he know?
"The girl's face hasn't changed in ten years, but it disappeared bizarrely. Yan believed that the girl must know what ordinary people can't know."
I can’t reveal history, but if it’s a dying person, should we still stick to this principle? Looking at me hesitating, he further said: "Ai Qing girl, if you trust a dying person, you won't leak the heavens, but it's okay."
Hesitated again and again, and finally couldn't bear to hide him, selectively confessing some. "Guo Shi, Roche's future achievements will be recorded in the annals of history, and will be well-known." Under any record, he should be submerged in a long historical trend just like ordinary people. And I have decided to give him proper reminders to prevent the tragedy he might encounter in eleven years. That's all I can do for him.
"Are Roche's achievements in Buddhism?"
I nodded: "Roche has a great influence on the spread of Buddhism in the Central Plains Han Dynasty."
It didn't take long for him to speak, and he seemed to be thinking about something. "Actually, being a father, naturally hopes that the child will have a good time, but a safe life is even more important." He coughed again, and I quickly stepped forward to help him. He slowed down and said, "Vishati, I'm not too worried. He is responsible and open-minded. He was a bit cynical when he was young, and it will naturally wear off in the future. But, alas, what I worry about most is Luo. What..."
My heart beat and looked at him blankly. He has never heard him say so much at a time since Jumoro had become ill. At this moment, his face turned abnormally red, and he coughed and said, "He is too clever, but he hasn't had any hardships since he was a child. He thought too much, but he never said it. Such a temperament, instead It will be unfortunate for a lifetime."
I remember reading a report that a group of scientists have developed a genetically modified mouse that is smarter than ordinary mice. Some people predict that if such a method is applied to people, it may make people smarter and have higher IQ. However, soon people began to rejoice that they did not rush into turning this dream into reality. Because the research found that the transgenic mice became smart, they also paid a very painful price. Although the new genes added to the "smart mouse" can activate nerves and help memory and learning, the "smart mouse" has become more sensitive to pain and injury.
So, being too smart is really not a good thing. When misfortune comes, they will become more sensitive and more unbearable. Many ordinary people are accustomed to things that they are used to, but they will not tolerate it. How many philosophers have experienced the feeling that everyone is drunk and I wake up alone. They often seem crazy, and the fate of their lives is often very tragic. This is the sorrow of the wise. Roche could not escape this sad fate.
Kumoroyan said: "Miss Ai Qing, you said that his life's accomplishments are in the Buddha Gate. Although I don't know where the girl came from, what the girl said, Yan believes it is true."
"Guo Shi, you have a rest first." I handed over the glass and let him drink with my hand. He gasped for breath and said, "No, I'm afraid I'm running out of time..."
He suddenly looked at me sharply: "Ai Qing girl, knowing that Roche will be in Buddha's life for a long time, why do you bother him? This is not cruel to him? Or, you are respecting the life of Buddha. Come to test him?"
The hand holding the glass shook, and the glass fell to the ground, making a crisp sound. Packed up in a hurry, I couldn't prevent my thumb from being cut, and stunned me at once. He, he already knew. Yeah, Mo Po Xun was the servant he brought from India. I lived in that small courtyard for three months. How could Jumoroyan not know?
"National Division……"
He sighed, a painful expression in his eyes. "Yan is a person who has come here and has suffered from the troubles of love. At the time, he was still a vulgar and had a lot of criticism. I thought that a love word can resolve everything, but I fell in love with a person who is more than a heart, and it is not only myself who is suffering, but also tired children. ."
He stopped breathing and said after a while: "It can be seen that the girl also has a heart for my child. It is just that he has dedicated himself to the Buddha and has such achievements in the future, so he can no longer allow the word "love" in his heart. Now."
Closing his eyes, he was extremely tired, and there was a slight tremor in the corner of his mouth: "Miss Ai Qing, don't you have to go the way Yan passed..."
I came out dumbly from Kumaroyan's room. I always felt that the steps under my feet were light and fluttering, and the whole person seemed to be drained of strength. Vesati turned around at the door, saw me coming out, and hurriedly asked me, "What did your father tell you?"
"It's nothing." I mumbled, and when I saw him, I asked again, shaking my head wearily. "I'm very tired, Vlaxati. I'll go to sleep for a while."
When he returned to the room, he walked past Roche, who was carrying the medicine. His eyes fell on me, concerned, inquired, and pityed. My tears couldn't help, and I quickly turned my head to prevent him from seeing, and speeded up my steps back to the room.
Every night, he would chant in the room. I always turn off the lights and hide in the darkness. The luminous candlelight in the room cast a long, lonely shadow on the window. The shadow didn't move, only the Sanskrit sound murmured out, echoing in the empty night. Roche, if there is no 1,650 years between us, if you are not the identity that can not be changed in a lifetime, should I bravely confess to you? And you should be affectionate to me, will you accept me? But why are there so many? You and I, after all, are only occasionally staggered parallel lines, back to the original position, we all have their own burdens. I love you, so, I decided to give you up...
Kumaroyan became more and more serious every day, and King Qiuzi and Queen, a family of relatives, visited him several times. I saw Bai Zhen, Bai Chun's youngest younger brother, and was named King Luzi by Lu Guangli eleven years later. I even saw a little girl who was eight or nine years old, Princess Guizi, Emperor Azue. When I saw her, my mood was beyond words. That was the object of his breaking the eleven years later, his future wife. When I read history before, I saw this record of Rosh, although he was also stunned for him, but always found it bizarre and interesting, when the story was told to others. Now that he has truly integrated into his life, it is no longer just a few lines of records in the history book, only to find that if he falls in love with him, how can he still bear such a relationship with other women in the future? Seeing the late Emperor Asoye shouting at his brother at Rosh Jiao, and seeing Rosh smiling at her, I was really jealous and mad, even though the object of my jealousy was still a little girl. But when I was about to explode, the words of Kumaruoyan would sound in my head, like ice water, which suddenly wiped out all the fires I should not have. Yeah, I promised that Kumaruyan will leave as soon as possible. What am I going to go back to, jealous of the fate he should have?
After using all kinds of precious medicinal herbs and dragging for more than ten days, the oil lamp was finally exhausted. That night, the two brothers were staying in front of the bed, and I was standing in the corner. Hearing Jumoroyan intermittently, he said to Fossati, "Don't resent...your mother...she always loves you..."
His sharp eyes were loose at the moment, only his throat rolled up and down, and he could vaguely recognize that he was saying, "I don't know... can I follow her... in the Western Elysium...reunite again..." The skinny seemed to be visible There was a bit of a wry smile on her face, "I'm afraid I can't stop... She has already proved the three fruits... She is in the colorless world, and I... but still in the desire world... struggling..."
Vishati took her father's hand and wept bitterly. Rosh said nothing, staring at his father's face in sadness. Jumoro Yan murmured: "When I saw her for the first time, my heart was no longer on my body..." His eyes regained glory again, as if he saw something, "She is so beautiful, so beautiful... …"
"Sister-in-law, don't go... The children are still so young..." He suddenly stretched his hand forward, and at this moment, he was completely immersed in memory. There was warmth in his eyes that he had never seen before, as if the man he was thinking about was right in front of him.
"Sister-in-law, wait for me..." He pushed hard forward, and Vshatti quickly hugged her father. Kumoroyan's hand was unable to hang down, and fell into Vshatipah's arms. Vrsati shouted "Father" frantically, but he did not respond anyway. Rosh stared blankly, still unable to see the expression on his face, suddenly kneeling on his knees, the Sanskrit scripture murmured out, forming an inconsistent contrast with the cry of Vishpatti.
"Don't read it! What else would you do besides chanting?" Vishati put down her father and turned to roar at Rosh, with a hoarse and rough voice. "What's the use of your chanting all day? Can you resurrect your father?"
He pointed at Roche, gritting his teeth with horror. "You will only hide in the scriptures to escape. What else can your Buddha give besides painting an empty post-mortem world?"
"Vishati, don't say your brother this way." I rushed to grab his arm. He lost his mind, and actually transferred the pain of losing his father to his brother.
He turned to me, his eyes red and bloodshot, and his chest undulated. "Mother only has one son in his eyes. He has never had a day of filial piety with his father. But father still thinks he is proud of him.
He suddenly shook me off, so strong that I almost stood still. "And you, you are the only one in your heart. He is loved by everyone, but if you look at him, what reward will he give to those who love him? The father is dead, but he has no tears! He is a Monster without emotion!"
"Enough! He is even more painful than you. You can cry out to express your dissatisfaction. You can cry if you want to cry or scold, but what about him..." I looked at Rosh, who still muttered the chanting with his eyes closed. Tears poured out: "He didn't know the pain, he was too painful to cry..."
"Ai Qing..." Rosh suddenly uttered a voice with a silent and unspoken voice that had never been heard before. "Vishati is right. Rosh is a monk who should have been a monk. "
"Rosh..."
He stood up and walked out: "I went to the palace to inform Uncle Wang..."
I want to chase and be caught by Vshatipah. I tried my best to push him away and rush out the door. I don't know what Roche will do, I only know that I want to guard him and protect him.
He walked anxiously, instead of going to the palace, but out of the city gate. Seeing him, the soldiers guarding the city immediately let go. When it was my turn, I stuffed all the money in my body and finally let me go.
He seems to be walking aimlessly, too quickly, and often staggers. Finally he stopped by the Tongchang River, and he burst into tears facing the river. The desolate night, the outskirts of no one, his crying seemed extremely lonely.
I have been watching silently in the distance. Rosh, you are not without feelings, you just cannot cry in front of people. Why do you, a person with rich emotions and delicate sensitivity, believe in a religion that wants to cut off all human emotions?
I have been guarding him in the distance, and every time I can’t help but want to rush to him, the words of Jomo Moro will ring in my ears. Rosh, I can't disturb your state of mind anymore, all I can do is wait in silence like this.
Recalling that I often listen to Qi Yu's songs in modern times, the thing that moved me most was "The Weeping Camel". I was moved before for the sad love story of the same name under San Mao's pen. Now, on this lonely night, looking at the person in the distance who was crying and cursed, suddenly thought of this song, a sense of sentiment never spread across the body. The heart has nowhere to escape, it can only hurt so cruelly.
I am carrying happiness, but I am looking for pain. Wandering may be the only way to love you.
I wanted to give it all in, but forgot to regain it. Forgetting is perhaps the most merciful blessing to you and me.
Eyes born with tenderness, cursed even when crying, no tears, how to flow loneliness.
I couldn't open my eyes in the wind and sand, and walked in darkness. In the desert, even the road is indecisive, the heart is Polaris, regardless of the reason.
I can't hear love when the sand blows, and it's hard to be quiet if I want to remember You and I, even hatred, are indecisive, letting the uninformed wind and sand remove the footprints
I sang this song in my heart again and again, the tears wet the lapel, the wind blew, and it was cold. See, your influence is so great that I dare not sing or cry. Rosh, you are not alone this night, I am with you, crying with you. Let me clean the tears I have accumulated over the past 24 years for you. After that, you and me, don't cry anymore, and let the uninformed sand in the desert sweep away the footprints you and I have left.
At dawn, he finally walked back. The night is as cold as ice. When I stood up with him, there was no more heat in my body.
Summer finally passed, and autumn came unconsciously.
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Three Realms: Buddhist terminology. Namely, desire world, color world, and colorless world.
1. Desire. Desire refers to the five desires of wealth, color, name, food and sleep. Mainly refers to the of men and women. "Men and women participate in residences, and there are many desires, so it is called the desire world." There are twelve interesting places in the desire world. "Quan" means "Quanxiang". "Five-Quan" refers to the sentimental life and death. There are five places, that is, hell, beasts, hungry ghosts, people and Liuyutian, so it is also known as the "Five-Quan" mixed habitat. There are also buddhas and bodhisattvas who come here to live and practice holy fruits, also known as cohabitation places. Among them, there are eight places of hell, such as waiting for life, black rope, public union, screaming, yelling, hot, hot, and innocent, plus beasts and hungry ghosts. There are four places including Nanyuezhou, Dongshengshenzhou, Xiniuzhou and Beijuluzhou. There are four heavens: Wang Tian, ​​33 days, night ferris, Jian Shi Duo Tian, ​​Le Bian Tian, ​​He Tian Zi Zi Tian, ​​etc. Heaven and man are ten good things. This is based on the average, is below, the bottom is the infernal hell; heaven is above, he is the highest from the sky.
2. Color World. Located above the Desire Realm, living for the departed beings. Color, meaning substance. "The palace is tall, it is a metamorphosis, so it is called the color world." The color world has four reflections for seventeen days. Meditation is the state of meditation that calms thoughts. Four meditation days are the different rewards that are felt by the depth of the achievement of meditation. There are four levels of premises. Three days of initial meditation (Vatican, Vatican, and Great Brahma), two days of meditation (less light, celestial light, and aurora), three meditations of three days (less net, infinite net, and full net), four Eight days of meditation (no cloud, blessings, wide fruit, no worries, no heat, good presence, good opinion, true appearance). This voucher was the residence of ordinary people in the first three days of the middle school, and the residence of the holy man in the next five days. It is a place of separation for all Saints.
3. No color boundary. Above the color world. Living for invisible beings. "But there are four hearts, colorless form, so there is no color boundary." The colorless boundary has empty borders, knows the borders, has nothing, and thinks. These four are all named with different realms of mind. There is no place in the colorless world. You can cultivate a certain empty space in a certain place. If you leave the color behind, you will enter a certain empty space. Due to its intangible form, it is also known as Sikongtian. These three realms are always a world. Mahayana Buddhism believes that there are countless such worlds in the universe.