Chapter 43: :wake

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I sat by the bed and watched him quietly.
Yesterday was a very tired day, but because there was one more person beside him, he couldn't sleep well anyway. There was no other bedding in the room, I could only curl up next to him all night. This night was really painful. I was afraid that I would wake him up if I turned over. I was afraid that I would touch his skin inadvertently. It would be embarrassing to wake up later than him. Such a dare not sleep, until the body numb. He got up at dawn and crept to the ground as he walked around the room, for fear of disturbing him.
He looked carefully at the sound sleep in front of him. He is thirty-five years old. Although he lacked the youthful spirit of eleven years ago, he is still rich in spirit and pure as water. Xu is always meditating in the Buddhist temple, he is much younger than the other thirty-five men of this era. In his middle age, the light wrinkles on the corners of his eyes and forehead add to the mature charm that he did not have when he was young. Yesterday's haggard, after a night of rest, it seems that his appearance has recovered a lot now. There was a faint smile on the corner of the mouth, and bright lips with bright colors, it seemed to be doing a good dream.
I just crouched in front of the bed and stared at him fascinatingly. At noon, he was still asleep, and it was estimated that he had never slept so late in his life. But my head was getting deeper and deeper, my head lowered, and I fell asleep on my stomach.
There seemed to be something touching on my head. I woke up in a trance, and saw countless times of light gray pools in a pair of dreams rippling at such a short distance, and my heart beat so fast that I couldn't bear it.
"You... you woke up..." I quickly got up and asked him hurriedly, "Are you hungry? I've told them to give me food..."
Feel the bowl on the bed beside the case: "Oops, it's cold. Let me warm them up..."
The sleeves were grabbed and turned around, seeing him pull my sleeve, eyes full of nostalgia. I glanced softly in my heart, and called softly: "Rosh..."
"Really every ten years, you will come back." He was still lying, closing his eyes, sighing slightly, the corner of his mouth raised slightly, "just come back..."
I squatted close to him, put his slender hand on my face, and said with a smile: "Yes, I'm back..."
The right hand that I put on my face, trembling and moving slowly, from the eyes to the nose to the lips, every time I slipped, the glittering light under the eyes was one more point. Then he suddenly sat up and put me into his arms forcibly, resting his chin on the top of his head. The stubble pricked my scalp, and itchy, it made me want to laugh, but the tears were laughing.
"Buddha really treated Roche so much..." A trembling sigh floated over his head. "He brought you back..."
He held my shoulders and looked carefully: "Eleven years, you haven't changed at all..."
"I'm old, I'm twenty-five years old now..." He smiled and took a nose.
"A year in the sky, ten years on the ground?" He gently stroked my hair as if facing the most precious jewelry in the world.
"The first time I saw you, you were ten years older than Rosh. The second time, you were as old as you. Now, Rosh is ten years older than you." His fingers rubbed his cheeks, staring at my eyes, "Ai Qing, this'ten' is a fixed number..."
I laugh, yeah, did God arrange this intentionally? Seeing his naked chest, I couldn’t help thinking of last night with a fever on my face, and said to him a little embarrassedly:
Well...you clean your body first, then get up to eat something... And, you may have a headache, I also It made people sober up the soup..."
I myself had someone fetch the water in early in the morning and secretly washed it. I wanted to scrub him, but I was afraid to wake him up, and I didn't have the guts to wipe him. He was sweaty all night, and he spit out alcohol and spit in three days, which is not very good.
Hearing what I said, he suddenly realized what and let me go. The blanket on his body slipped away, revealing the blood stained on the mat last night. Too late to see his condition, he took my right hand in front of him, opened his sleeves, and looked at my elbow. The wound was not visible after the operation, only a little scar.
"It's really magnificent, and he's completely okay." He looked up at me, frowning, puzzled. "Just, where was he injured again?"
Now that I understand that he is for this blood stain, he whispered softly and said, "I was not injured... Those, only the woman's first time..." Facing him, I was never as shy as this moment, "I'm fine anyway, You don’t have to worry..."
"For the first time?" he muttered, his doubts getting heavier and heavier. A little bit lost, did he really remember nothing?
Reluctant to think more about this problem, you have to do something. I got up and planned to go to the sink. My movements were so big that I hurt my lower body and "sizzled" with pain.
"Where does it hurt?" He hurriedly pulled me, his clear eyes fluctuated, and turned around me inquiringly.
"I'm really okay." Gently opened his hands and endured the pain to bring the basin. The towel I dipped in the basin was brought from modern times. The towels in this era are too rough. I blushed and wrung the towel, spread it out and handed it to him; "Wipe your body."
He didn't pick it up, opened the blanket and looked inwards, and suddenly blushed like the sun of summer. Startled, he turned around and asked me, "Did Rosh hurt you?"
This... I'm so angry and a little funny. This peerless and intelligent person is so slow on this issue. How can I be a girl? "It's not you that hurts, it's my willingness."
He froze for a while, and asked me solemnly, "Ai Qing, when did you come back? How could you be here?"
"I arrived yesterday." Thinking about it, I still had to tell him the truth, "Last night, Vishati helped me meet Lu Guang, and he agreed to replace me with Emperor Azusa..."
He shuddered, his face suddenly turned white, and hesitantly asked in a low, inaudible voice: "Last night, did you really see you?"
I nodded.
"It turned out not to be a dream... Ridiculous Roche still thought why this dream felt so real." He leaned close to me, opened his mouth, and squeezed out words for a long time, "Is it true... broke the ring?"
"Rosh, I seduce you." I bit my lip and gently grabbed his hand. "Buddha has spirit and will know your sincerity. In the case that it is impossible for everyone to persist, you are struggling. Three days. They also gave you a drink of aphrodisiac, so don’t think about what happened last night, don’t demand yourself again, you’ve never had it..."
He bowed his head and said nothing, clutching the blanket tightly in his hand, trembling slightly, his fingers knotted. I knew he could not accept this reality for a moment, sighed, and put the basin and clothes on a few cases.
"I'm going out first. You can wash your clothes and put on your clothes." It was a narrow silk shirt. They only brought this kind of secular clothes and refused to give them to the monks. "Can't find the monk's clothes for the time being, you should wear them first."
Picking up the cold food, I walked out of the room.
There were still guards at the door, and I went to eat hot as I ordered. Although they are not difficult, they are also kind to me, they can basically guarantee what they want, but they are not allowed to move freely. The sun was charming in the courtyard outside, and under such a blue sky, the war and chaos that ordinary people least expect to see occurred. Without this war, Roche might have been drowned in a long history and lost the reputation of future generations. But this prestige has to be exchanged for a lifetime of suffering. Is it a matter of luck or misfortune?
When I returned to the room with the hot broth and naan, I saw him wearing the clothes and sitting cross-legged on the carpet to read the Scriptures. He is tall and tall, in fact, wearing a tuxedo tunic is very heroic. If you don't have that bright head, you can describe Yushu Linfeng as a light.
I put the tray on a few cases and saw some muddy water in the basin. He had washed it. Call him to eat something, but there is no response. He closed his eyes and read the Scriptures. I wasn't bothering him, so I waited quietly.
However, he continued to rest for almost two hours. The further I went back, the more sad I found out that he was not making up for the early class, but punishing himself. He kept thinking all the time, how long did he plan to do it?
I couldn't stand it anymore, grabbed his hand and begged: "Rosh, please don't read it. It's my fault, I seduce you. It's the wickedness of the temptation to commit the ordained person. I will bear all the sins, and it has nothing to do with you. "
He opened his eyes, glanced at me sullenly, shook his head slightly to break away from my hand, and kept mumbling.
A glance at the room saw a feather duster in a bottle and took it. "Rosh, if you think you are guilty, I can help you."
"People in the extreme West believe in a kind of teaching. They think that the sins of committing sexual precepts can be remedied by self-sufficiency. Whipping yourself and alleviating the pain in your heart with a physical injury, you can be forgiven by heaven." I squatted in front of him and said softly Ask, "Are you either?"
Catholicism is prevalent, and the church has continuously planted sexual guilt into people's minds, repeatedly emphasizing that will defile people's souls from entering the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, those who hate or fear sexual desire, including monks and nuns, use self-bearing as a crime of atonement, in exchange for the pain of this world in exchange for the happiness of the afterlife. During the ravages of the Black Death, some people formed self-defense teams, marching from village to village, and every time they went to a public place, they whipped themselves and beat their backs until they were bloody. Buddhism does not have such self-reliance, but I can only go to the doctor in an emergency.
He looked at me, with pain in his eyes, silently pulling his jacket to his waist, closing his eyes was still chanting.
I stood behind him, grabbed the feather duster, took a deep breath, stabilized my hand, and bit my lip to beat. With a crunch, he shuddered, and a shocking red mark immediately appeared on his clean back. I clenched my teeth tightly, then whip backhand. This time, it was drawn on myself. When the pain was transmitted to the brain, the eyebrows could not help but the tears gathered in the eyes without tears.
"What are you doing?"
The feather duster in my hand was taken away, and I fell in his arms. I saw him in shock and pity in tears.
"You have to punish yourself. I will hurt you with you. If you don't eat, I will go on a hunger strike with you. If you can't accept my identity, I can shave my head and become a nun."
I couldn't even breathe smoothly, so I breathed hard: "Just, Rosh, I won't go anyway this time. No matter what kind of wind and rain, let me go with you, okay?"
Being hugged vigorously by him, I hugged him back with my greatest strength. If I could just blend into his arms and become one with him, I would be happier. With his head resting on his naked shoulder, large tears dripped down, sliding down the red mark just left behind his back. His chest was undulating violently, sobbing sullenly, staining my shoulders wet. This is the first time we cried while embracing each other? I can't bear you crying again...
"Ai Qing, I didn't punish myself for being broken. My body is just a skin sac. In order to spread the Dharma, Mahayana can also pay attention to doing things conveniently. Moreover, this time the wine-colored ring was broken under intimidation, and the Buddha in my heart has no obstacles . Rosh confessed to the Buddha that his heart broke with his body..."
He was only a few inches away from me, his fingers slipped unconsciously on my face, and the pain dyed Qingjun’s face dull: "No! Rosh’s heart was not broken last night, eleven years ago, twenty Years ago, it was already broken..."
"I met you when I was young, and I have fallen into the center of my heart. After you leave, I don’t know why I have to draw your appearance again and again. I don’t know myself until I see the face of the Buddha will become yours. I’m deeply in love and I can’t extricate myself. Those who practice, love is the greatest bondage. Rosh is frightened, and whenever he thinks of you again, he punishes himself by chanting. But when you come back again, Rosh’s happiness is more than clarifying Buddhism , The chanting is completely unable to expel the devil in your heart. After kissing you, it is clear that I can never break away from love..."
The crystal tears twirled in his deep sunken eyes and rolled down his side. "I couldn’t see you for the last time eleven years ago. I sat in your room for three days. I finally thought about one thing in three days: since I can’t forget you, why not think of you as a daily practice. He can calm his mind and concentrate on practice. If you don’t return after ten years, go to the Central Plains to spread the Dharma as you said. However, when preparing to go to the Han Dynasty, Guizi suffered a disaster and Rosh was humiliated."
He paused, swallowing his throat, and continued, "Rosh has been thinking about Buddha for three days, and he can still keep his heart as water, seeing his cousin as a void phase. But after breaking the wine ring, he saw what he was thinking. It’s just you. I’m not completely impressed last night, but I dare not admit it. Although the memory is vague, I can still recall the unspeakable moment of joy. So I persuaded myself to continue to do the same as before, but just did it again. It’s just an unspeakable dream. But you told me that it’s all true..."
He sucked his nose deep in his nose, his slender and elegant neck twitched violently, and his blue skin was beating under his skin. He looked down at me and shook his head in pain, tears dripping drippingly onto his shirt: "I just knew that I really had it with you... With the reality of the husband and wife, how could you dare to do this life without Lu Guang's persecution? This matter! So what Rosh thought of was not ashamed of Buddha, but secretly secretly hid..."
He let me go, held his head in both hands, hammered mournfully, and shrugged his shoulders: "This kind of thought came up, and Rosh was ashamed and afraid. After decades of practice, he still couldn't resist the desire for you, the karma, the mind No amount of sutras can be cleared. How can Rosh be so irresistible, how can he deserve to be a Buddhist disciple..."
Look at him and thump myself. I took his hand and tried to speak, but I couldn't say a word in pain. He looked up and his face was full of tears: "I still remember Rosh had a Luo Hanyan when he was young:'If it is thirty-five and does not break the ring, when Daxing Dharma, countless people, it is no different from Ubo. If you hold it. Incomplete abstinence, incompetence, and just being able to be a good-looking master.
Rosh thought of this when he was just reading, and it was unbearable. Rosh was at the age of thirty-five, and it was already God’s will that Rosh could only be a man in this life. A talented and talented master, unable to establish a sect, and become a generation of masters?"
I was crying so hard that my breathing was hard. I have never heard him say so many words at a time. Word by word makes me feel colic. "Rosh, I'm sorry, I disturbed your heart to the Buddha and made you helpless. If you want me to disappear, I can go."
"It's too late..." He slammed me into his arms and pulled me away just a moment later, shaking and kissing me. The slightly salty tears stayed between the tongues, I wonder if it was his or mine.
"Whether you are here to test Roche's heart towards the Buddha, or to save Roche from danger. Since the Buddha has brought you back, Roche cannot let you go and suffer another decade of torment..."
He hugged me tightly again: "Ai Qing, you hit a whip on yourself to make Rosh wake up. You are willing to share with me even the pain, and have the courage to ride the wind and rain with me, and Rosh will not be guilty. Acknowledge your love for you for twenty years? Rosh blindly blamed herself, she couldn’t become a guru, and she forgot your sufferings. You came back when Rosh was the most difficult, like last night. Humiliation is still delivered by your innocent body. How can I refuse your affection for me? Even if you can become a grandmaster, even if you practice to the highest level, you will be nirvana into the colorless world. Without you, you are just the body of the soul. In terms of fun?"
He left my shoulder, wiped tears for me, and held my head, his expression was very firm: "With your company, Rosh Gan enters the deepest infernal hell."
"Don't forget, let's..."
Ten fingers of our right hand were intertwined, we hugged and kissed, and kept tearing for each other's kisses, but caused more tears. No more ten years can be wasted, we, from now on, cherish every minute, every second...
I didn't know how long to cry, he suddenly let me go, holding his head and groaning.
"what happened?"
"The unraveling of the two decades of unraveling will actually cause headaches..."
I burst into tears and laughed: "That's because of drinking." Picking up the bowls in several cases, "This is the hangover soup, it would be fine to drink it earlier."