Chapter 175: One word

From the day when Lao Lin confirmed Alzheimer, Lin knew that everything in the world could happen to anyone.
But she thinks that "everything is no big deal", she still can't do this open-minded.
So she took some time to calm herself down, although at the time her thinking was almost out of touch with her environment, she used her instinct to react to her surroundings.
The camping process is a barbecue, a night camp by the lake, and a mountain climbing event the next day.
Lin Zhaoxi was arranged a three-person tent.
The girl with her tent took her outside the tent. She bent over and climbed in. The girl stood outside the tent.
The men's outdoor clothes on her body are obvious. The girl stared at it for a while and said, "When you have been waiting for a long time, the barbecue is going to cool down. Will I take you to eat?"
Lin Chaoxi took off his coat and revealed the damp t-shirt inside: "I changed my clothes and went. When I went down the mountain, the rain was too big and it was all wet."
Her explanation made the girl look relaxed: "Well, I will go first, you will wait."
The other party left, and very thoughtful to help her pull the tent zipper.
The space is instantly dark, and the haze is covered.
Lin Xia sat on this cross-legged position for a while, then took out the note from the pocket of his clothes on his knee.
She looked at the above, only a short two lines, but she felt a great panic.
She held the phone tightly in her hand, lit the screen and watched it darken, so it went round and round, but in the end, no characters were knocked.

Lin stayed up all night.
The next day, everyone woke up early.
According to the schedule, today's main task is to climb the mountain.
The students were full of energy, because they had a sudden rainstorm yesterday, which led to other people looking forward to the trip to Nanshan Temple.
Everyone carries a big bag, a good outdoor dress, a sweater, and the remaining baked bun and corn in the hand.
Lin Zhaoxi stood at the door of the campsite and said, "Be careful."
"Do you really want to go?" Pharaoh’s classmate pretended to ask worriedly.
"I don't go, there is a psychological shadow."
"We also have psychological shadows!" Pharaoh and Aguang suddenly shouted, "Can we not go?"
"No, no." Lin impressed them and rushed them out. "You haven't entered the mountains and encountered heavy rain, and you are going to feel the call of nature."
Resolutely smiled and reached out, hooked one, and dragged the two to the camp: "The hardliner looked after the camp."
She slammed her and nodded: "Be careful."
Lin smiled and waved at them.

Watching the large forces march into the mountains, the lakeside camp suddenly became empty. Last night, the bonfire still braved a little blue smoke, and the lake was sparkling in the distance.
It took a bit of effort to find a very comfortable position. She sat cross-legged on the big rock on the lake and began to look at the points of defense of the point on the bus yesterday.
She sometimes writes ideas on the book, and sometimes follows the process of summing up the thoughts, thinking about the questions that may be asked, and the answers they should make.
When she is distracted, she will pick up the phone and see the progress of everyone climbing in the WeChat group.
Today's weather is very good, the mountain is in the middle of the wind and the sun is shining. The stream that surged yesterday has subsided and quietly flowed.
Lin Zhaoxi saw a photo of the old king taking off his shoes and treading the water. At that time, Aguang was trying to taste the stream in the downstream. The next photo was just two fights.
The sun shines from the leaves of the mountains and forests, and sometimes the forests will see the mirrors. His eyes were clear and clear, and soft spots fell on his face.
After about 2 hours, the whole team touched the entrance of Nanshan Temple.
In the WeChat group, the top of the mountain was photographed. There are two towering ginkgo in front of Nanshan Temple. The green canopy is covered with cover and is quiet and magnificent.
She turned the circle pen, stretched a stone on the stone, put down the notebook, and began to look at the photos seriously.
Compared with the two former Ginkgo bilobas in the ancient temple, the temple itself is not eye-catching.
The courtyard wall is dark yellow and the bricks are old.
Perhaps there is a squirrel hanging out at the door, or it may be that the smile at the entrance of the courtyard is too peaceful and peaceful. The whole temple seems to be completely independent of the whole space, and it is a real place.
She followed the photo and entered the monastery with them.
Students follow the rules of the photo. After entering the temple, they only take pictures of mountains, trees, horns and mountains.
She watched the koi in the short video, and it was holding the railing at the pond, just in the mirror.
She returned to the WeChat dialog interface and clicked on the dialog box. The last record, or the time they spent together before the flower roll.
Lin Chaoxi knocked on a few words - are you free to talk?
The white waves on the lake beat the shore, the foam was soft, and Lin waited for a while, looking down at the reply, but the phone suddenly vibrated.
Caller ID "裴之" two words made her have a moment of chaos, but after pressing the answer button, she suddenly calmed down.
"Early."
Lin Zhaoxi held the phone, very straight man said: "In fact, it is not early, almost noon."
"There are many trees in the mountains, and the fog is still not scattered. It looks like the morning."
"Cough." She cleared her throat. "The sun is big by the lake."
"Is it sunscreen?"
The sound of the voice was mild, as if guessing her intentions, so deliberately made some jokes and wanted her not to be so nervous.
The courage of Lin Chaoxi’s original drums suddenly dissipated, leaving only the unclear sorrow and grief.
She changed her posture to shake hands, and the lake wind ran over her hair. She reached out and put the hair behind her ear and slowly said: "No, I forgot."
There was a very subtle wind in the phone, and I should be walking. He is getting farther and farther away from the slightly noisy crowd and waiting for her to talk.
Lin Zhaoxi: "The next thing I want to say, no matter when you feel that you can't listen, or it is difficult to accept, you can hang up the phone directly." She took a deep breath. "Really, it doesn't matter to me." You don't have to care."
At the end of the phone, I was still walking. Lin even thought that he might not even have a moment of stagnation.
"You said yesterday, I want to come up with a long lamp?" He was very keen, he asked, "Now, you want to ask me because of some questions that may make me jealous, in order to give me the opportunity to not answer and ignore you later. So didn't keep up?"
"Yes."
"Thank you, I understand." He said, "You can ask, no problem."
Lin Zhaoxi: "When it rained yesterday, you loaned the coat to me. But I am sorry, for this reason, I accidentally saw some old injuries on your body. I remember that you are learning mma, there is bruise on your body. It’s normal, but those are knife wounds, and it’s not like surgery.

"It’s a knife wound." He said, "It’s not because of surgery."
The person at the other end of the phone was so calm and calm. Lin sighed deeply and only felt sad: "I know, I am actually in the name of caring for you, trying to listen to your , which is very inappropriate or even appears Worse. But I thought about it all night, I still want to ask two questions: What happened to you, how are you doing now?"
"Have you seen that note?" Suddenly asked.
"Yes, I also saw the note in the clothes, very, very sorry." Lin Zhaoxi did not find any reason for the accident.
The phone was quiet again.
Lin Chaoxi is already ready to hang up the phone, but he hears the sound of screaming: "No wonder you will be like this." He said, "I should say that I am sorry, I don't have to be so serious, it is just one." Kind of preparation, I am sorry to scare you."
Lin Chaoxi didn't know what to say. The lake was so vast that it was actually comforting her.
"I don't quite understand." Lin said.
After a sudden pause, suddenly realized what was said: "You didn't call the phone on the note?"
"I do not have."
"why?"
"what?"

Why don’t you call? You may get the answer directly, and you can pretend to know nothing afterwards.

"Although it is too nauseating, I care about you. If I see it, I can't pretend I don't know." It's so hard to be so sharp, Lin can only answer seriously, "And I actually hesitated for a long time with a mobile phone. But if you don't know, you can ask your arbitrarily, obviously you are not respecting you."
"I understand." The tone of the voice was very weak, and there was no sigh of relief. He sorted out, "You care about me very much. After seeing the note, I am very worried, but for the sake of respect, I must ask me personally. After careful consideration, you have chosen the phone. Once I feel embarrassed about your problem, I can hang up the phone directly. Do you use this method to express a determination that makes my eyes disappear?"
"Yes, if you hang up the phone, I will buy the bus ticket directly and go home, so that I will not appear in front of you again."
The phone was quiet again, and it seemed to be stunned.
After a while, he said: "Just go, are you a little embarrassed?"
"You don't want to see the blood like this..." Lin Xixi wanted to cry a little.
He almost laughed helplessly. His tone was very gentle: "To be honest, it is not necessary for me to be careful in my place. It has been a long time for me and I have no problem. But I understand. After your thoughts, I can only say, thank you very much."
Lin Chaoxi felt that she should go to the open space, she heard the wind and there was a very fine and crisp bird.
She was silent for a while, and before the opening, she interrupted what she was saying.
He said that he was very calm: "I just said that the note is a preparation because I have a family history of mental illness. The first phone call on the note came from Tzu Chi Hospital in Yongchuan City. It is a A specialized brain hospital that treats many mental and psychological illnesses at the same time. My former psychiatrist is now working there. The second call on your note is his private mobile number."
Lin Chaoxi opened the notebook on his leg. On one page, there was a note that was wet by the rain. The writing was blurred but extremely calm. The two numbers on the note already had an answer.
"The reason why I went to seek help from a psychiatrist is because I have had short self-harm. When I was adolescent, I also had no way to deal with good psychological conflicts. The knife wounds on my body came from this."
The more calm you are, the more difficult Lin will be: "Why... why?"
"Because my mother died."
The lake was quenching around the wind, and she was instantly red-eyed. After a while, she tried to make her tone sound less trembling.
"How could this be?"
"Breast cancer." He answered, "I just said that I have a family history of mental illness, so my mother has always opposed me to study mathematics. I think that problems in this field will cause me to have symptoms of schizophrenia, just like my father."
"Her view is wrong."
"Yeah." The voice of Yu Zhi was slightly nostalgic. "But at that time she was sick and asked me to never touch mathematics again. I promised. After her death, the promise she had made to me brought me a huge The psychological pressure makes me very painful. Every time I finish reading mathematics related content, I have to pass self-mutilation to relieve the guilt in my heart. I can draw two knives on my body, and no one can find it, which will make me feel more comfortable."
The voice of the cockroach is very light, and people can hardly realize any pain, but it is hard to get up in the evening.
"When did this happen?"
"Summer vacation in the third year."
Many can not be said and can not be said, there is an answer.
That day, sitting in the cafeteria, told her that she must go back. She didn't do much to keep, even now there is no such dialogue.
She is very, very regretful.
"I'm sorry." Her voice was so low that she couldn't smell it. "I'm really sorry..."
"Without this, you are not sorry for me, and from beginning to end, I am sorry, only myself."
The voice of Yu is calm and sober: "You are right, my mother's opinion is wrong. I have imposed her wrong opinion on myself, and I am suffering from it. It is not correct."
He paused and it was hard to get a helpless tone: "But at that time there was no one in the family who took care of me, so I took some time to realize that I can't continue this way."
"and then?"

Then, I went to the hospital and went to a professional psychiatrist. After entering the formal treatment procedure, I gradually realized that although I thought I was calm enough to get rid of the mother’s influence, her long-term anxiety disorder still led to I have a serious psychological problem."
"Anxiety disorder?"
"Yes, it is also a certain type of mental illness. So she will be too much and unreasonably worried that I will have schizophrenia due to mathematics." He almost laughed at himself with self-deprecating, "even my psychiatrist It may be that the genetic combination of schizophrenia and severe anxiety disorders can give birth to a heterogeneity like me."
"No, you are amazing." Lin said.
"It should be said that the profession is very great." Yan Zhi said, "With the help of doctors, I gradually realized that deep down, I actually recognize my mother's opinion. I am afraid that I will lose my mind like my father. Be a complete madman. So I try to make sure I am awake in various ways, including asking for help, including all self-harm. The essence of all is fear."
The singularity of self-satisfaction, Lin Xixi has been speechless for a long time.
The footsteps of the phone gradually stopped, and it seemed that a door was opened.
The wooden door is screaming, Lin Zhaoxi seems to hear someone saying "you are coming."
She didn't know what action she had done, but it was probably a salute and a compliment.
"So the piece of paper you saw was a kind of treatment at that time. It helped me overcome the fear in my heart." The sound of 裴 is very light, and therefore it seems to be more gentle. "And after healing, I still Keep this note because it's more of a reminder. Even if I may be suffering from mental illness someday, I am ready, so there is nothing terrible."
It’s incredibly calm.
Lin dynasty's gaze falls on the note placed in the notebook - if you find that I have an abnormal situation, please call: 021-56823xx or 189765434xx.
Lin Xiangxi thought that the two questions she had asked had been answered with great frankness and sincerity.
- This is the case, and I am fine now.
She covered her lips, tears dripping onto the back of her hand, and oozing through her fingertips to her lips, both bitter and awkward.
"Do you have any wishes?" He paused and suddenly asked her.
"I?"
"You seem to want to come to a long lamp yesterday, but now because of my reasons, you have not been able to come, so I am very happy to do it for you." The stunned meal, "and unfortunately I also know some people, do not report to Shili Village Wang Meijuan’s name can also be discounted."
"I will you transfer the WeChat to you?"
"You don't have to see it like this."
"How do you make a wish?"
"Conveniently telling me, telling me your wishes, I will finish it for you and press it under the long light."
"That troubles you make a wish for me." Lin said.
"It seems that there is no way to do it."
"You don't have to see it." Lin smiled low.
He seems to recognize her statement.
There was a very short conversation on the phone, paying money, paying, writing, and lighting...
It was followed by a long silence.
"Well?" After a while, Lin could not help but ask.
"All right."
"What is your situation now?" she asked.
He did not answer, only one photo came along the network.
In the photo, there is a half room swaying candlelight, and outside the wooden window is the green hill. She seems to be able to see the wind and the sky.
Lin Zhaoxi couldn't imagine how a 16-year-old boy, with his mother's death, had great perseverance and tried to find help with his wounds.
She also does not know how deep self-analysis of a person can truly realize the most vulnerable part of her heart and, in a few years, tell another person in such a calm way.
She may even be confused forever, and how much effort can she become a person like this.
He is extremely awake and unspeakable, knows who he is and knows what he is going to do, and he is always ready to meet the luck.
Just before hang up the phone, Lin heard the sorrowful saying - "It's beautiful, you should take a look."