Chapter 169:

I could have settled in the dark, if I had never seen the sun
He didn't have much memory of what he called childhood.
Day after day, year after year, experience a constant layer, so no memory is needed.
Even if you think about it, it's just training and fighting.
It is these two monotonous words that are enough to summarize all his time from childhood to adulthood. Injuries, blood, and death often accompany him.
You had a really hard time as a kid.
The only subordinate in the mask who knew a bit about him in the past once said so.
He doesn't think so.
He didn't think that was bitter.
This kind of life has been repeated since consciousness. It was a normal life for him. He did n’t know that it was hard work. Other lifestyles.
If you don't know what is sweet, naturally you don't know what is bitter.
He rests in darkness because he only knows darkness.
…………
He never had any idea of ​​the existence of a child.
The human fertility rate is already extremely low, and he is even less likely to see those underage children in the army. When he was on the battlefield, what he saw and saw was nothing more than the continuous wars and deaths everywhere.
The cold starry sky, the silent stars, the dark universe, that's all he can see.
The glory of the stars praised by the so-called literati Mo Ke, the light of the sun that gives hope and warmth to him, is nothing but a glimmer of thousands of stars in the dark universe, which will eventually fall to darkness.
Life comes from darkness, and it will finally be dark.
...
"I seem to have seen your eyes somewhere."
The child who had just been taken over by him said, looking at him with big eyes, his eyes were bright.
Obviously dark eyes, but there is bright light in the black.
But a boy of fifteen or six years old looks to him like a child, and he has not even a third of his life.
That green face was plainly immature, naive, and stupid.
But perhaps because it was too clumsy, the child became more and more clean and tidy, and could see through at a glance, just like the crystal clear spring water. water.
At that time, he didn't let people drag this little stupid guy away and save his eyes.
It's just a little strange.
It is strange why the pupils are black, but they can be so bright.
Later, I thought, that might be an instinct.
Always in the dark, so the first time I saw that little light, I instinctively approached it.
Those who do not know the so-called literati Moike always like to say with emotion that human nature always yearns for light.
He has always been okay.
It is a pity that his indifference cannot control the so-called instinct of human beings.
………………
"BoSS, if you had the heart to throw that little guy on the planet and let him sprout for the family, you don't know what will happen now."
The red-haired subordinate once felt that way inadvertently.
He was a little at a loss.
When inferring the future direction of the war on the battlefield, he has always been precise and meticulous, and almost the entire battlefield is in his control. But he always did not like to assume the past. He always felt that the past had happened, and it was impossible to change. It was meaningless to assume.
Useless things he never does.
Only that time, he was distracted for a moment.
If that's the case, it's probably irrelevant after that.
It's like a small stone thrown into the water. When it sinks, it leaves no trace.
The water flowed forward, and the stones that had sunk in the water stayed quietly in place.
From the beginning to the end, for each other, they are nothing but strangers.
...
At the beginning, he didn't take the child to heart at all. It's like a person. When he walked forward, he saw a young bird with a broken shell falling to his feet, and then carried the young bird back to his servant to raise it. Anyway, just give it a place to eat and take a bite of water to keep it alive, and he will probably forget it after a few days.
It was just that the fledgling was too able to toss, and refused to stay in his own nest obediently. He had to toss in front of his eyes, waving the fluffy wings, and he waved awkwardly and hardly The stance looked like it would fall through in the next second, or bumped into the trunk, and he couldn't help but look at it a few more times.
It feels like that, such a small, delicate and clumsy little guy, if you do n’t watch, do n’t pay attention, you ca n’t live long.
It is for this subtle reason that when the child appears in his field of vision, he always takes a subconscious look.
This is probably the so-called care.
...
"Yes, I don't like you."
This answer made him look straight at the boy for the first time.
Obviously he has nothing to send to others, as long as he knows that he will promise to go down, and what he is waiting for is a world-beating future that jumps from the bottom to everyone, but the young boy refused him without hesitation.
He wasn't angry and didn't feel embarrassed, just a little puzzled.
He always thought that this was a frail little guy that made him see through at a glance, but at the moment it made him wonder what was in the little brain.
He didn't know what he liked, but he could see that although the child said that he didn't like it, he still liked him.
The teenager's dark eyes were always bright when he looked at him, and his eyes looked at him as if glowing.
He thinks that this should actually be called like, right?
he thinks.
It's hard to guess a child's mind if he likes to say something on his mouth.
Although he later learned that the child really liked his face.
Robin told him that it was the kind of face control that looked at others when they looked good.
It was as if later, the dead child saw Salome intently, as if he saw him for the first time, his eyes were as bright as glowing.
… He suddenly felt that it was definitely not like a person's eyes.
...
At that time, he didn't know that he had had a strong connection and affiliation with this boy in the past. But even when he didn't remember anything, he couldn't help but start to care.
He never believed in the destiny's trajectory. What must be said is probably what the literati said, the human instinct for light.
He didn't know what the light instinct was, but he didn't know when it started. His gaze was always subconsciously looking for the child's place.
The teenager doesn't seem to like the dark place. The place he is in is always bright, as if he has been in a bright place for a long time. The light penetrates and melts into his body, so even in a dim place, the child laughs. At that time, he seemed to be glowing, but in the dim place, only he was bright.
He has always been at peace, and he still remembers the day and night on that planet when he was young.
He doesn't like day, because day means danger and death. Those carnivorous monsters are always hunting in the day, and the day is too bright, and it is easy to expose his whereabouts. He once looked at the side countless times. Companions become flesh for those monsters.
Only the night is safe for him. In the dark and dull night, darkness surrounds him and makes him melt into the darkness. As long as he stays quietly, no one will find him, Attacking him, the flesh-eating monsters could not detect his existence. On the contrary, he stayed in the dark, changed from a prey to a hunter, and could easily kill anything trying to approach him.
War is actually the same as hunting on the hunting ground.
It's just replacing monsters with humans.
Silence in the dark has become a habit. He habitually lurks in the darkness, staring at his prey like a hunter.
Then, one shot will kill.
All his enemies said he was like a ferocious beast lurking in the dark.
His subordinates were so angry that he said it was an insult to him, but he didn't think it was an insult.
Because he knew what those people said was the truth.
He was a ferocious beast from the darkness.
Because of this, he always feels that he doesn't like places that are too bright.
It is because of this feeling that he is indifferent to what those people are saying that yearning for light is human instinct.
Later he learned that the so-called bright place does not mean that there is light, and the so-called light does not mean sunlight.
Even in the dark, when the boy in his arms smiled at him, he felt that everything around him seemed to light up.
He didn't know if it was an illusion. It was just that the deceased king girl had combed her long golden hair behind her ears casually, and slanted him a lazily while speaking a word.
It's probably your heart that lights up.
The facial expression of the blond prince looks half-spoken and half-sneered. Generally speaking.
She squinted and leaned there lazily, and he saw the light from the corner of her eye passing gently on the white piano opposite.
He doesn't like her.
It's not because the prince always likes to haunt him in public and show his love to him—she has been tangling him for so many years. He doesn't feel happy or bored. Is no sense.
His affection for the queen girl was as calm as a stagnant water, with no ripples at all, whether he liked it or disliked it, whether he hated it or not, nothing.
I don't like it or even get bored, that's what happened later.
When he saw her looking at the teenager, he began to feel uncomfortable. Then, this discomfort grew bigger and bigger, gradually became dislike, and then continued to become bored.
He didn't like the way Salome looked at Mute, he didn't like to see the woman smile at Mute, and a word of that woman and a finger touching Mute started to make him extremely sick.
Troll, for the first time in all these years, you saw me.
Salomé lazily rested her arms on her chin, and her eyes looked at him with a smile.
He knew the meaning of her words. For so many years, he had only looked at her with his eyes, just like watching the grass and trees on the roadside, and never really saw her.
You probably don't know how terrible you look at me.
She smiled and said, but she didn't smile at all.
She said, Troll, what would happen if your eyes were seen by Mute?
When she said that, she burst out laughing.
She said that he had seen her for the first time in so many years, and why hadn't he seen the woman out of control for the first time.
He knew that she hated him, and probably from the day of the first encounter, everyone saw her treating and admiring him differently, but all he saw was when she looked at him Cold.
so good.
That woman said so.
You have him by your side ...
Her charming, slender eyes squinted, and behind the beautiful blooming petals was the silence of the withering.
She said, you won't be the same as me if you have that kid by your side.
That was the last time he saw the woman.
Soon after that, the woman was ashes on the planet devoured by flames.
…………
"Do you choose to pursue the secrets of the past or the future with that child?"
The subordinate who said this sentence probably always felt that he wanted to reveal the secret for revenge, because he hated the behind-the-scenes master, and hated it anyway to find it out in revenge.
This is not the case.
He never felt how cruel his life was when he was young, and naturally there was no hatred, and he didn't want any revenge.
He just didn't like having a hand manipulating himself behind the scenes, it was as if he was choking.
Not for revenge, just to cut off the hand that was trying to hold him.
No one can control his will, no one can.
However, his so-called will, at a glance, saw the past image in the training room completely collapsed.
He had few strong feelings, but at that moment, he hated that person so much.
The man with the same face as him barely exposed the ugliest of all he ever had before the child.
[Troll, what if Mute sees your eyes like this? 】
He didn't dare to think.
He carefully hid the ugly devil in his heart so that no one could see it.
He never cared what others thought of him, but he didn't want the child to see himself like that.
…………
Troll?
It was a ferocious beast that deserved to stay in the night.
Everyone says that, and it's true.
He just needs to be quiet in the dark, from the beginning, now, and then to the end.
Born in the dark, longer than the dark, and finally dark.
That should be the trajectory of his destiny.
But this so-called trajectory turned unexpectedly, and the monster quietly lurking in the dark unexpectedly saw a little light, maybe because of curiosity, maybe because of other, or maybe the so-called instinct, it went to that point Without knowing the direction of the shimmer, he went under the light.
That little ball of light was too light and too weak, and it seemed like it would break with a light touch.
If it wants to touch it, it can only carefully retract its sharp minions, and gather its suffocation and blood.
It lay there, guarding next to that little ball of light.
It lay on the ground quietly, squinting to enjoy the light it had never felt before, and the warmth falling on it.
………………
Everyone thought he was crazy.
He thought he was indeed crazy.
When the gunfire of the Star Destroyer blasted the door of Emperor Star, he didn't think of anything in his mind, and the consequences, blame, and future all disappeared into his mind.
Go to the child.
That was his only and all thought at the time.
His fascination with teenagers has reached a point where he himself feels terrible.
A teenager's actions, words, sometimes even just a look, can easily control his will.
[I give you the universe. 】
The light of thousands of stars is brighter than the dark eyes of a teenager when he looks at him.
What is the meaning of all disasters?
He thought he was gone.
…………
Even if he knew the truth later, he knew that the boy was not a small child, but he still felt that the other party was still a child.
The little, fragile and naive, he was to be carried and pampered, carefully guarded, and touched a little, and he felt bad.
He didn't know at that time.
The so-called child is indeed weak and naive, but after that naivety comes with an indescribable cruelty.
Children are usually stubborn. If they like it, they like it, but this likeness is only a part of their life. If they lose it, they lose it. They can still live on and lose what they have lost. One place in life.
The teenager said everything.
Whether it's the past of Gaga and mankind, or the demise of the earth.
Mute probably thought he was hiding it well.
Perhaps for others, he did hide it very well.
But he knew what he wanted to do.
He knew him too well, and he knew every bit, every place, even every strand of hair.
He knew that the child was determined to leave when he told them everything.
Young people have always been docile, soft and not stubborn, but once a young man decides something, no one can change it.
Including him.
The waiting days seemed to be a sentence of execution. He was like a death row waiting for the death sentence to be pronounced. He was unable to escape, and could only wait numbly for the arrival of death.
The child's smile, the child's breath, and the soft body, and the intimacy of his ears ... He is like a gambler on the brink of death, a patient with terminal cancer, craving for the false sweetness.
[Wait a few days, I'll see you again, OK? 】
【……Ok, I will wait for you. 】
He didn't know what expression he used to say that.
But he knew he couldn't wait.
...
At this moment, he looked at the boy's lips.
The lip is pink, like the color of the buds, and when he kisses the lip, he can always taste the sweetness.
He couldn't figure out why the lips that were sweeter than anything could say such a cruel language?
[Major General, I like you. 】
he knows.
[Like to the point where ... you can spare your life. 】
he believe.
But what about that?
Speaking of likes, he didn't choose to leave him.
So what's the point of so-called like?
…………
He looked at those dark eyes, and there was bright light in those black pupils at all times.
He thought he might understand something, the reason that the man who gave his paternal gene chose to do that cruel thing.
The child saw too much in his eyes.
Too unbearable.
Whether it is the man who has the same gene as him, or the first generation who gave him the gene, he can occupy a place in the heart of this child.
And he was just one of them.
This is not fair.
Too unfair.
There are too many important things in a teenager's mind.
There are too many things more important than him.
He was jealous of madness, but he never said it, not once.
Because he was reluctant, he was reluctant to say a heavy word to the child. Sometimes the teenager only needed an aggrieved look, which made him distressed.
...
He heard Mute smiled and said to him, I like you.
I also heard him tell him calmly that I want to leave you.
He doesn't understand.
He just suddenly wanted to ask.
What do you think I think of you?
... and what do you think of me?
………………
The boy led him from the darkness to the light. He used his warmth to let him know the throbbing of blood flowing in his body, and the sweetness when the heart beat.
Then, easily took everything away.
He was a little hesitant, the huge light curtain was right in front of his eyes, and the boy stood there behind the light curtain.
They were so close, as if within reach.
He looked at the child's dark eyes quietly, and suddenly remembered that day, deep in the planet where he was born, he was sitting in the cold prison, through the light curtain outside the iron prison, With his eyes open, he watched quietly as the teenager took the hand of a man with the same appearance and stepped onto the spaceship.
He watched quietly as the boy's back disappeared into the gate where the spacecraft had fallen.
At that time, when everything was silent, he stayed in the darkness, quietly, and could hear nothing.
It was supposed to be the most accustomed silence and darkness. I don't know when it would be unbearable.
In that silence, one second more is suffering.
One more point in that darkness would be crazy.
Just like now.
[I could have settled in the dark, if I had never seen the light]
…………
……………………
A huge cylindrical light curtain flashed in the air, and the flashing light illuminated the face of the marshal standing in front of the light curtain, which was a beautiful face.
It should be like this--
But at this moment, the face felt only shudder and horror.
That face didn't have too many expressions, but the same face, the same expression, as if not moving at all, but for some reason let the man change from person to person so that he could tremble with a glance. Humanoid beast.
"If you forget, I'll say it again."
Troll almost forgot himself.
In front of the child, he carefully retracted his sharp teeth and claws, hiding everything that was ugly and dark, so he didn't want to see it.
Hiding too long, he almost forgot himself.
He was originally a beast from the darkness.
"I once said that you would use whatever you want to do with me."
This humanoid beast stared at the boy in the light curtain quietly with a trembling look.
The calmer the look, the more terrifying it was.
It was like the silence that suffocated before the storm.
"But if you use it, you have to pay."
The beast never believes in mercy.
Weak meat and strong food.
All it believes in is blood and claws.
It just knew that it would die if it couldn't eat.
Therefore, it will bite its prey under its claws.
"If you don't pay the price, I'll take it myself."
No matter what means are used--