Chapter 109: Seek her in the public thousands of Baidu (Part 1) (1)

When I woke up, it was just dark.
I didn't wake up naturally, and a short burst of pain spread to the whole body, as if there was a hand dragging the lower abdomen. I almost broke out in a sweat.
The window curtains hung in front of you, and a few small yellow flowers were embroidered on the light green fabric, which was very simple. I opened it gently, looking for a sip of water.
Xihe lay on the table of the Eight Immortals in front of the window, still not awake. I didn't know when he fell asleep the night before. But judging from his clothes, maybe, he just looked at the moonlight outside the window and gradually fell asleep.
Even in his sleep, his brows are frowning, and he has brought the dust, as if there is something worrying about it, even in the dream, it cannot be erased. But there is another perseverance in the worries, as if he would face no matter how difficult things are.
Such him is different from the memory.
Shen Xihe in his memory is as super dusty as a curling autumn moon, warm and lustrous.
Although I have always heard that he is accustomed to fighting, and that he is hard to resist, knowing that he is both civil and military, but it is the first time that he has seen such a determined look.
Deep down in my heart, I know that he is determined, but I cannot fulfill his determination.
I know very well that he is here for me.
Although the windows are closed, they are not tight. I saw his temples being slightly swayed by the cool wind that passed through the gap in the early morning, and when I saw his slightly thin clothes, I felt a touch of sourness in my heart. After thinking about it, he took the cloak he had put aside and put it on his body gently.
With this movement, Xi He woke up. Seeing me standing in front of him, he couldn't help laughing. His smile was gentle, as warm as the sun.
I gave him a faint smile: "Master, it's better to go to bed to sleep. It's still early."
He shook his head and frowned again: "Why are you getting out of bed! You can't get out of bed now, let alone catch a cold."
He said that he helped me to the bed and smiled at me when he watched me lying down: "That's good. What do you want, I will pour you some water."
I looked at him and suddenly realized that the smile he gave me was always so gentle, either fresh and bright like a new moon, or shining like a new sun. That is the gentlest side a man can show.
The heartstring quivered slightly. However, I immediately reminded myself that I can't forget that I am his brother's wife. Even though, Ling Xuewei nowadays no longer exists in this world, even though, being his brother's wife is the most important thing in my life to forget.
However, facing him, I can't help but mind this former identity.
I watched him hand the water in front of me, but didn't answer it. Instead, I asked, "Xihe, tell me why you are here."
I looked into his eyes, my tone was calm, but my heart was fluctuating.
He lowered his head, but I couldn't understand the smile. After a long while, he looked up, but did not answer my question. Instead, he asked sadly: "You, don't you want me to come?"
I turned my gaze away, the sky outside the window was very blue, the blue that is unique to the early morning, without any impurities, and the light came in, and there was the cleanest air.
I turned my face to look at him: "All I hope is to set foot on this road alone. Both you and him are born with your responsibilities, and all I have to do is fulfill it."
"Do you really think this is fulfillment?" Xi He seemed to get angry and asked, looking straight at me.
I met his eyes, smiled sadly and said, "Yes, it is perfect. But not you, but myself."
Xi He was stunned. He looked at me and shook his head: "I won't fulfill you. Because, I won't let go anymore."
He was very firm when he said this, with a stubborn expression on his face.
My eyes stayed on him for a long, long time, and then I took his hand: "Xi He..." My eyes went straight into his eyes: "You go back. Your brother needs you, Da Xi needs you. You. And I..." I smiled sarcastically: "What I need is to see you and his great achievements. Then I will feel happy."
I let go of my hand and turned my head, ignoring the increasingly sad look in his eyes.
"From when I went out of the palace, and from now on, there is no Ling Xuewei and no queen Ling in this world. There is only one ordinary woman in this world. She only needs the simplest life and the good memories of the past are enough. This memory was brought to her by the two most perfect men in this world. She is the happiest person in this world."
I talked and laughed: "I really look down on myself sometimes. A woman who has been married as a wife, but her heart is wavering. Maybe because the first encounter was so beautiful, maybe because she got too much, so she gave up If no one is left, then, the best way is to let go. As long as I watch the happiness of those two people, I will get the greatest happiness."
I looked into his eyes and said, "Are you right, Xihe."
Xi He looked at me for a long time, and then he said word by word: "I won't let go again. Brother Huang has the world, and I only want you."
"I only want you."
Xihe's words hit my heart like a heavy hammer, and they were all mixed up for a while, beyond words. The heartstring was flicked, but I felt so painful, so painful. Tears slid across my cheeks, I shook my head, quickly wiped away the tears from my face with my hands, and met his fiery gaze. I tried to ignore the meaning of that gaze.
I slowly and sadly said: "Xihe, you and I know it, this is impossible."
I looked at him with a long smile, and he didn't look away. In fact, he knew it in his heart, it was only a temporary impulse.
For a long time, he didn't speak. I opened the door a crack and looked at him with a smile: "Xihe, it's not too late to go now."
A gust of wind blows, and my body feels like a ten thousand needle pierced. The sour and itchy pain is unbearable. I can feel the strength in my legs disappearing little by little, but I persisted, still looking at him with a smile, but my hands Grasping the door frame.
Xi He looked at me, his eyes firm and even stubborn. However, the next moment he suddenly laughed.
He also shook his head slowly: "I've already said, here, there is no Yu Wang Shen Xihe, only a civilian, Xie Yuhuan. "My hands were tight, staring at his eyes, and he said with a sigh:" I know you have made up your mind, but is this determination well thought out? You were born a king, and the responsibility of your family and country was born with you. You really can let it go? Now the Southwest invasion is not peaceful, yours Brother Huang is anxious about this and can't sleep day and night, can you let it go?"
The last figure Shen Xiyao gave me that day appeared in my mind, and I felt a palpitation, and the soreness in my heart surged again.
I took a deep breath and said, "Xihe, the most important thing is our past, which can never be changed. No matter what, you are Shen Xiyao's younger brother, and I can't escape the past that was once a queen. This It's doomed, you can't leave everything behind, and I can't accept it either."
My voice became sad: "Because we have no way to escape, we are destined to have a good relationship when I enter the palace."
"But you are not Ling Xuewei anymore."
He took a step forward and picked me up. I struggled, my eyes slammed into his dark eyes, and couldn't help calming down.
He lowered his head and looked at me tenderly: "So, I can also choose not to be Shen Xihe."
Xihe put me on the bed and looked at me pityingly: "The queen mother shouldn't be so anxious to let you out of the palace. How can your body stand the bumps at this time?"
He said that he took the quilt and covered it for me, looked at the sky and said: "It's still early, you can sleep for a while and take a good rest. I'll buy you some conditioning medicine back. The journey is far away, so you can't hold it any longer. ."
I nodded and closed my eyes, but my heart jumped.
"I want to drink some meat porridge, can you buy it for me?" I whispered.
He walked to the door and said, "I'll buy it for you. When I come back, we will discuss the future, okay?"
I nodded and did not open my eyes. After hearing the sound of the door being gently closed, I turned over and got out of bed and looked out the window until I saw Xihe’s figure walking into another street. I closed my eyes tightly. Let the tears fall. Then, I quickly took the package out of the inn and walked quickly in the opposite direction to Xihe.
This small town is not big, I believe that even if there is meat porridge for sale in the morning, it is hard to find. Moreover, the meat porridge takes a long time to cook, and Xihe will naturally take more time to go.
The small town in the early morning is cold. I tightened my body and walked quickly, although I know that I cannot catch the cold at this time. But I have no choice but to hold on. I don't have much time. I have to find a hidden place before he buys something and goes back, or a place where no one goes.
I must leave, leave alone.
I walked blankly, picking a small path, and the direction was the same as when the brigade came yesterday, in other words, I was walking back.
In this way, Xihe should not have thought of, and would not have thought of looking for me here.
I smiled to myself, never thought I would have such a day. There is nothing left, even my name, my origin, and even my own everything. But it's good, just like my new life, even with the scars of the past, but as long as I deliberately hide them and don't uncover those scars, I will be a brand new person.
This person is no longer a Miss Xiangfu, no longer a Queen of Daxi, no longer has a beautiful palace, no longer has the love poured out by the two most perfect men in the world.
She is just an ordinary citizen.
I also have to forget the talents that I have learned since I was a child. Those are things that a common people will not touch.
I want to completely forget everything in the past, just for my brand new life.
The road ahead is getting more and more crude, almost a dirt road made by human feet. I looked at the surrounding mountains, it should be out of that small town. There were a few faint houses far away, and I saw the blue smoke circling around, mixed with the faint light of the morning sky, there was like a fairyland, revealing tranquility and peace.
When I reached the ridge with farmland on both sides, I had exhausted all my strength. I staggered, seeing everything blurred. I think the package in my hands is so heavy that I can barely breathe.
From afar, a few figures appeared in front of him. That is to get up early in the morning to do farm work. The figure was near, and it was a few peasant women with a basket in their hands.
I saw one of them pointed at me, and my body swayed and fell like a dead leaf. The sky is clear and bright in my eyes, and there is cool air on my face. I felt someone lift me up, and there was a buzzing voice, I just lost the ability to see other things in that light.
Can't hear or see clearly. It seems that I have felt this way when I tried to think about it, but I can't remember it anymore.
The light quickly shrank into a halo of getting smaller and smaller, and then, in an instant, the last light disappeared. My whole body was wrapped in the faint darkness, but I didn't feel fear, I just felt very relaxed, everything has passed.