Chapter 262: Who can tell a loneliness

If it were possible to start again, I would definitely not go to Chengxintang to see him that day, nor would I go to turn over the one-story portrait. In this way, I might still be able to live in self-deception, and feel so stupid that I am happy.
He hurried into the palace that day, and I brought my favorite milk tea to Chengxintang to give it to him. I didn’t want him to rush into the palace and didn’t even make a face-to-face encounter. Chengxintang is his study and bedroom in the palace. I and other concubines have never entered. Looking at the unguarded door this time, I finally couldn't help curiosity in my heart, pushed the door and walked in. There is a voice telling me that my doubts can be answered here.
Sure enough, the furnishings in the hall are simple, and the details reveal elegance. The desks, walls, and painting jars are full of paintings, and the paintings seem to be the same woman. I couldn't help but come close to see it.
The person in the painting is either walking in the forest, or dressing by the stream, embroidering under the lamp, or busy in the kitchen. She wears linen and sackcloth, Jingchai has a plain face, but she can hardly hide her face and smile. I watched it carefully, and refused to let go of a detail, afraid to confirm the identity of the person in the painting.
In fact, from the first sight of the painting, I recognized her. But in my memory, she is extraordinary, but deep in her gentle eyes is a touch of sadness and indifference. It is different from the inner happiness of the people in the painting.
So I sent Anya to inquire about it in secret, and finally learned a shocking royal secret. But I can only remain silent and seal all the resentment in my heart.
From then on, I changed from a lively and cheerful girl to a taciturn woman. From a pure and kind-hearted woman to a jealous woman who cannot tolerate others. Then there is happiness, I feel like a prisoner, I will always be locked in this gorgeous cage, or, forever, in my closed heart.
I still enter the palace occasionally, pretending to know nothing, but carefully observing the woman in secret. From her smiles, every move, I saw loneliness, sadness and helplessness. She was also unhappy. As the most beautiful, noble, and most powerful woman in the world, she who was loved by the emperor was unhappy at all. I even sympathized with her, though, I hate her.
Until the letter from the father, the secret letter made by the Rouran secret method can only be read in the moonlight. My father secretly formed an alliance with neighboring countries to attack Daxi, hoping that I could steal the platoon map and quietly collect the military layout to help them win.
Almost with a revenge mentality, I agreed.
I know that I will pay a huge price for this, and even fall into the abyss of immortality.
But what about it? At this point in life, only a comeback will appear hopeful and meaningful.
The Dongchuang incident is necessary. In fact, I hope he finds out that I am a spy sooner. When he was abducted and sent to Dali Temple, I only said to him coldly: "I hate you", but my tears couldn't help falling.
I did not expect that she would come to see me in the jail. This is my last chance. In other words, it is our only chance to change everything.
The leap that had been waiting for a long time was just to pierce the sharpened wooden hairpin into her chest. But for some reason, when I saw a flash of relief in her eyes, when I thought that she was his beloved person, my hand couldn't help but lose accuracy.
Yes, the woman in front of him is what he loves and is worthy of his love. Their stories, if I were an outsider, I would definitely cry for it.
But I can't help it, I am Princess Yu, who loves Princess Yu very much. There is no way to get married in this life, so the only chance is the next life.
Muchai is not very sharp, but the moment I penetrated my throat, I didn't feel any pain. I only saw the golden light and shadow, he reached out to me with a gentle smile and full of pampering.
So, I gave him the most beautiful smile, and I only hope that this smile will make him engrave his life and find me in the next life.