Chapter 128:

Ji Yooyan laughed too much, Jing Xun was a little softened when she heard her happy laugh, but she couldn't keep her face, she still sullen her face, tilted her body a little, and warned Ji Yooan with her eyes.
Ji Yuyan teased Jingxiu out of experience, and he knew how to get it right. She received the dangerous message, the laughter stopped, and she immediately pressed her lips to hold her smile, a beautiful face, abruptly stupefied.
Jing Xiu's cold face couldn't be stretched anymore, turned back in silence, turned his back to Ji Youyan, and the corners of his lips cocked secretly.
Ji Yuyan sat up straight, took out the towel Jing Xuan hung around her neck, and while helping Jing Xuan wipe some wet hair, he coaxed Jing Xuan: "Don't be angry, A Xuan, because it's so cute, so I can't help it. I want to laugh."
She knows that Jing Xiu is not really angry, but she is still willing to cooperate with Jing Xiu's occasional little aegyo disguised as a tsundere: "Besides, although I laughed loudly, I have already been punished, am I?"
Jing Xiu let her wipe, scroll the mouse, browse other Weibo in Chaohua, and asked unhappily, "What punishment did you get?"
Ji Yuyan sighed and sold miserably: "Hey, you don't know, I have worked so hard to sign in Super Talk for a long time since I was rejected the last time I joined the group. But the tone of your reply just now is a bit fierce, and it's all on my Weibo. It's related to your repost. I might be beaten as a super-talking ball for CP. The host will lock me into a small dark room soon."
"They have worked so hard for a long time."
Her tone was pitiful, Jing Xun was teased by her and pretended to be indifferent: "That's just..." Before she could finish her words, Yu Guang swept to a Weibo, her eyebrows sank, and her voice abruptly. Stop.
Weibo is a relatively experienced CP fan reminding other CP fans in Chaohua: "I just saw someone fighting for their position. I know everyone is wronged for YY, but there is a lot of discussion in Chaohua. It’s easy to be hated and say we have crooked buttocks, so everyone should be cautious in our words and deeds, and eat sweets in silence. If you are interested, add an anti-triad group. There is a shortage of staff.
The battle of position... After she came back, she went to take a bath, and she has not read the news online. However, after the start-up conference, she contacted Jiang Chun to make her pay attention to the dynamics and control the wind direction. She also asked her to contact the staff placed in the backup club to prevent the Qiuqiu from being attacked by rhythm. Jiang Chun Didn't you do it well?
Ji Yuyan did not wait until Jing Xuan's second half of the sentence, stopped the wiping action, and went to see what Jing Xuan was looking at.
Her gaze fell on the Weibo in the center of the screen, and she saw Jing Xiu's face sinking like water, her heart soft and soft.
She knew that Jingxun felt sorry for her and was unhappy about it.
She stretched out her arm, put her right hand on Jing Xiu's catkin, and took her hand to slide the mouse to close the Weibo page. "Axun, do you know that, I am actually very happy to be on stage with you today." She put her chin on Jingxun's shoulder.
Jing Xiu grabbed the low air pressure, tilted her head slightly, rubbed the hair in Ji Youyan's ear with her cheek very lightly, and answered her, "Why?"
"Because I am standing next to you like this, standing infinitely close to your height, I have dreamed for a long time." Ji Youyan's voice is low. She bit her lip, opened her mouth, and said frankly: "Axun, there is something I have never dared to tell you before. I thought I was a particularly despicable person at that time."
Jing Xiu was surprised that Ji Yuyan used such a serious word to himself. She frowned her eyebrows, turned around and stared at Ji Youyan, the reflection in her clear eyes was full of Ji Youyan.
Ji Youyan bends his lips slightly, and raises his hand to touch Jingxun's picturesque eyebrows. Her voice was unnoticeably lonely, "I even felt for a while that such a filthy me is not worthy to enter your eyes, defile you, and blaspheme you."
"Yes..." Jing Xiu interrupted her disapprovingly.
Ji Yuyan touched Jingxun's nose with the tip of her nose, stopped her words and said, "Axiu, you let me finish."
Jing Xiu's throat moved, and her long eyelashes dropped in acquiescence.
"Do you remember, when you first took the film, I didn't have a job, and I was always by your side. At the premiere publicity meeting, I wanted to witness all your first times, and I followed. You stood On the stage, I mixed with the fans in the audience. I watched you talk generously with other seniors on the stage, and listened to the fans in my ears enthusiastically crowding and admiring you, and I was sincerely proud of you. you are happy."
"I remember." Jing Xiu responded softly.
At that time, they had just finished the game. Almost everyone had an instinctive bias towards the flow of draft origin. The public generally defined her as a vase. As a result, she took over the big production of a famous director as soon as she debuted, which made others jealous. Since the official announcement, she has never stopped mocking and cursing her. She always felt that she was a person with good psychological quality and strong ability to withstand stress, but at that time, she also gradually understood the taste of insomnia. She gritted her teeth and tried her best to play this role. She joined the group two months in advance.
That was the hardest day in her 21-year life at that time, and also the happiest day, because Ji Yuyan who understood her was accompanied by her—Xihan, warm, and dependent on each other. So much so that in the years when Ji Yuyan drifted away, she even felt that if she gave up everything, she would be happy to go back to that time.
But Ji Yuyan said, "But there seemed to be an inadvertent moment. I seemed to be isolated from the hustle and bustle. I was a little apprehensive. I felt that you on the stage seemed a little far away from me. Sitting under the stage was nothing unusual and nothing. What’s the difference between my worthy me and the fans around you who look up to you but can’t reach you, or maybe one day there will be no difference?

"It seems that from that moment, my desire for success became urgent. I was afraid of being thrown off by you, and eagerly wanted to catch up with you, and wanted to stand by your side." Her tone was a bit distant. , But very calm, like an outsider looking at the past objectively, "Although I don’t want to admit it, people are really different from each other. No matter how hard I try, I can’t keep up with you. So Fear and unwillingness to torment me day by day, but I can do nothing but stand still and watch you fly higher and higher and farther away from me."
In the first two decades of her life, she was in a smooth and radiant role, and she played a role that attracted attention. But after entering the entertainment industry, she slowly realized how small, even, how mediocre she was. In order to make her obedient, Wang Junchan implemented a psychological suppression strategy against her, repeatedly attacking her self-confidence and obliterating her recognition of herself, forcing her to admit a little bit that she can't, she can't, she must follow her Only planning to go can get ahead-without traffic, she is nothing.
"Until one day, I stood in front of the computer and saw you stand on the high platform again during the live broadcast and won the big prize. I suddenly realized that I couldn't be completely and sincerely happy for you. I even had a flash of thought, if ...If you succeed, you can slow down, if...if you can wait a little longer, I'll be better." Her calm voice fluctuated slightly, and it was suffering from the pain that made Jingxuan feel distressed.
Jing Xiu's throat tightened. Except for love in her life, she had never tried to fail, so she had never considered Ji Yuyan's suffering from this perspective. At first, she indulged in Ji Yooyan's considerate tenderness, and later, she became entangled in Ji Yoo's attitude that is as if it were just as if it were just as if it were not. It's not her fault to go too fast, but as a lover, she didn't notice Ji Yooyan's emotions, and she was responsible for not giving Ji Yooyan a sense of security.
She felt sore in her heart, touching Ji Youyan's forehead with her forehead, and apologized: "Sorry, I...I didn't notice."
Ji Yuyan kissed her against her forehead and shook her head, "It's not your fault, I've hidden it so well that I dare not let you discover it."
"It was the moment I regained my consciousness that I suddenly felt so terrible. I actually know that I became eager for quick success and quick gain, but I don't know when I turned out to be completely different. Even the one who loved me deeply I actually feel jealous and unwilling to achieve human achievements. I think I am like a dark monster. Even I spurned and cannot accept myself, how dare I let you discover it, how dare you to accept it? "
She hated that kind of self, but she was out of control, she had become that kind of herself. Afraid of losing Jing Xiu, she could only continue to pretend and pursue utilitarian gains, but the more pretended and the more chased, it seemed to push Jing Xiu farther and farther. In a vicious circle, she was like a trapped beast trapped in a swamp. She couldn't get out of it. She could only watch herself being overwhelmed and suffocated.
What used to be so difficult to say, but now she can finally say it with a slight smile. She accepted that self and reached a reconciliation with the past self.
It was Jing Xiu who gave her confidence.
She believed it, and believed that there was someone in this world who truly loved her, the complete, true, and imperfect one.
Sure enough, Jing Xiu lifted her feather eyelashes lightly and solemnly answered her: "I can."
She said: "Yanyan, we have played all kinds of characters and have entered the hearts of many people after so many years in the industry. Can't you understand that human nature is complicated, and seven emotions and six desires are inevitable. No matter how noble people, no Dare to say that I have never had dark thoughts. These are just normal human emotions. Why do you require full blame?"
She kissed Ji Yuyan's thin lips and whispered: "I know, I am in love with a person, not a god."
Ji Yuyan looked into her tolerant and gentle eyes, and his heart was full as if something was going to overflow. She tightened Jingxun's waist, feeling Jingxun's speechless indulgence, and slowly curled her lips to tease herself, "I know I was wrong. I don't know where the idol baggage came from at that time. Maybe it was Because I am in a relationship with you, I mistakenly thought that I was the same as you."
"Huh?" Jing Xiu asked muffledly between her neck.
Ji Yoo’s tone was light, but serious, as if he sighed from the bottom of his heart: "You are a god."
"My Goddess."
Jingxuan's heartstrings were moved, and there were thousands of words lingering in her mouth, but she couldn't talk about it all of a sudden, and finally had to pretend to be calm and yell at her: "Fancy words."
Ji Yuyan smiled lowly, not annoyed. Wherever the love came, she unconsciously slid into Jing Xiu's clothes, and invited Jing Xiu ambiguously, "Will you use action?"
The pores on Jing Xun's waist were trembling, but he still grabbed Ji Youyan's hand and sensibly said, "We've said it before. The work started today, and there will be a show tomorrow."
Ji Yuyan knew that Jing Xiu was serious about his work and did not reluctantly, so he withdrew his hand obediently, but reluctantly lay down on Jing Xiu's neck, feeling the heat of her skin, Wang Mei quenched her thirst. After a while, she calmed down, raised her head and thoughtfully said: "Okay, let's rest early tonight. I'll get a hair dryer to help you blow your hair."
Jing Xiu let out an "um" and got up and sat down on another chair.
As soon as Ji Yooyan walked to the door, Lin Yue called her from a distance: "Sister Ji, the phone in your room seems to ring."
Jing Xiu remembered something and took the cell phone beside him and sent a message to Jiang Chun. She was sitting alone in the study, and Ji Yuyan's words echoed in her ears. Time passed, and looking back at the past, she understood more and more that the mistakes they had missed were caused by each other's faults, as if they were destined.
She didn’t notice it during the first performance of "Sunflowers in the Night", but now thinking about it, to some extent they seem to be like Shen Yu and Qiao Yue-each other thinks that each other is the bright sun in the sky, and they are the one facing the sun. The sunflower that was born.
Longing is the feeling that is the furthest away from understanding. [1]
Jing Xiu took out the pen and the sticky note, the pen walked around, and wrote two lines on the sticky note. She wanted to insert this note into the notebook Ji Yuyan used daily, but she could not find its trace on the desktop.
She opened the drawer under the desk, and the notebook was inside. I picked up my notebook and pressed two books underneath. I glanced at it and knew it was related to Buddhism.
Jing Xiu was slightly taken aback, picking up the two books subconsciously, and unexpectedly saw the lifelike portrait of Dao Kong at the bottom. She sighed helplessly in her eyes.
She didn't accidentally say that after knowing the truth, she couldn't do it without burden. If doing these things can make her feel better, she has no intention of stopping.
Not hiding in a hard-to-find place, indicating that Yanyan did not intend to deliberately conceal her anxiety, so she did not intend to conceal her knowledge and understanding.
Tacitly.
Jing Xiu pressed the note between the portrait and the book.
On the post-it note, she wrote a line in Chinese: There is passion and desire, love and hate, not god.
Another line of words, writing Jingxuan in Chinese and French is too shameful, and finally a compromise is written in English:
Notyourangel, butyourgirl.
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[1] From "Reaper" Ai Ran Soyousuke
English level 0, I don’t know if the last sentence is translated correctly. The original meaning is: not a goddess, but your woman.
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