Chapter 37:

Ji Yuyan was desperate and held on to the armrest of the sofa, and slowly sank down. She stared at the box that was rejected by Jing Xiu at the door of the room, and looked at the water trails from the melting snowman in the box, just like bloodstains from her heart.
She clasped her hands, clasped her fingers together, and squeezed hard, trying to use the pain to make herself feel alive.
The door of the suite opened with a click, and a long thin light leaked in. Yao Xiao yawned, closed the door, and walked lightly to the door of Jingxuan's room in the light of the moonlight and the light from the street lamp.
Ji Youyan watched quietly as Yao Xiao walked to Jingxun’s door, squatted down
body, then picked up the box containing her broken heart, turned around and walked out.
"What are you doing?" Ji Yuyan suddenly said coldly.
Yao Xiao didn't notice that there was a person sitting in the living room at all, and was frightened by Ji Youyan's sudden utterance, and danced several times.
The posture was funny, but Ji Yuyan couldn't laugh at all. She stood up, walked to the wall, and turned on a wall lamp.
When the dim light came on, Yao Xiao could see that the person standing in front of him was Ji Youyan. She raised her head and sighed, and complained in shock, "Mr. Ji, you scared me to death, why are you silent."
Ji Youyan didn't mean to appease her. She stared at the box in Yao Xiao's hand, her throat became sour, and she asked again in a dumb voice: "What are you doing?"
"Teacher Jing asked me to come up and take care of this." Yao Xiao followed Ji Yuyan's line of sight to the snowman, and replied calmly.
Take care of it...Does it feel annoying even if it is left? The light in Ji Youyan's eyes was completely gone. She lowered her head, she had no strength to laugh at herself.
After Yao Xiao answered, he realized that Ji Yooyan seemed weird? She tentatively asked: "Ms. Ji?"
Ji Yuyan raised his eyes to look at her, sniffed, and showed a far-fetched smile.
The slightly watery eyes betrayed her fragility.
Yao Xiao was taken aback. He realized that Ji Yuyan was afraid that he had misunderstood what he said, so he waved his hand and added: "Ah, Teacher Ji, don't get me wrong. The electric heater is turned on in Teacher Jing's house. This snowman may melt within a short while after taking it in. "
Ji Youyan blinked, startled, as if he didn't react.
"Ms. Jing asked me to take it down and ask if the catering department can store it in their freezer first." Yao Xiao explained.
For a few seconds, Ji Yuyan wondered if she was so sad that she had auditory hallucinations?
But she severely pinched her fingertips with her nails...
It hurts! !
Ji Youyan suddenly widened her eyes, and she was dumbfounded and delighted when she heard her heart suddenly blooming like fireworks one after another.
She raised her hands high, ecstatic, and walked two steps quickly, as if she wanted to give Yao Xiao a big hug, but she restrained herself in Yao Xiao's teasing eyes. But no matter how she tried to pretend to be calm, the curvature of her lips really couldn't be suppressed.
Yao Xiao looked at her as if she was left behind, with a rare awkward and lovely reaction, and couldn't help but chuckle twice.
"Teacher Ji, how about discussing something with you?" Yao Xiao joked half-truth.
Ji Youyan looked at Jing Xuan's closed door, his eyes were tender, with a shy smile, and nodded. Let alone one thing, now even if it is a hundred things, she is willing to promise Yao Xiao.
"Ms. Ji, how about you send something to save next time?"
How difficult is this snowman to keep. She was caught in the cold by Teacher Jing, and now she has to go to the catering department to find someone to store the snowman in their freezer. Then, the courier went to work tomorrow, and she had to make time to send the snowman back in person. The most important thing is that this snowman has been kept in the refrigerator after such a toss, and it will become deformed after a long time.
The brain circuits of people who are in love are always different from ordinary people. Even Teacher Jing, who has always been calm and calm, is no exception. Yao Xiao was sad and funny.
Ji Yuyan couldn't hear Yao Xiao's overtones. She laughed lowly, and promised her with a good temper: "Okay."
Yao Xiao lifted his glasses, and pointed to the snowman helplessly: "Okay, Teacher Ji, I will go down first, otherwise it should be changed."
Ji Yoon nodded.
After Yao Xiao left, Ji Youyan stood in the living room for a long time, looking at Jing Xuan's door, with mixed feelings. After great sadness and joy, she wanted to cry and laugh again.
Like a child. Ji Yuyan laughed at himself.
She subconsciously walked two steps towards Jingxuan's room, narrowed her eyes, and stopped again. Axun pretended to be asleep. She didn't want to face her tonight. Even if she succeeded in her routine, she shouldn't go and slap Axun happily now?
Ji Youyan laughed and turned back to the room thoughtfully.
She returned to the room, shivering by the low temperature in the room, quickly closed the bay window and turned on the electric heater beside the bed. Then she went into the glass room, put water in the wash basin, and prepared to warm her hands.
The water rushed into the wash basin. Ji Yuyan immersed his barely conscious hands in the warm water that had not yet released heat. He watched the waves and gradually lost his mind.
Yao Xiao was so loud just now, Axun, I should have heard everything in the room, right?
Obviously, she had just pinched the snowman, trying to apologize for misunderstanding her in the afternoon. In the evening, she fell into her own inertial thinking again, complained about herself, and misunderstood Axun again.
Axun, what would you think of her?
Before dinner, she and Axun went in with an umbrella. On the way, Axun's emotions were obviously much more relaxed than in the afternoon and evening. Why did Axun suddenly feel bad after eating, and even pretended not to see her. ?
It must have happened during the meal...
Ji Youyan was blessed to his soul, and suddenly no longer had the thought of warming his hands. She quickly turned off the faucet, and before she could dry her hands, she sat back on the bed, took her phone, and clicked on Jing Xun's WeChat portrait.
She watched the cursor blinking in the input box, pinched her five fingers, and sent a message to Jing Xiu: "A Xiu, are you asleep?"
As expected, Jingxun did not reply to her for two minutes.
Ji Youyan raised his hand and breathed in, took a deep breath, lowered his head and continued to send a message to Jing Xiu: "A Xiu, I apologize to you about Ning Wei in the afternoon. I am self-righteous."
She mustered up the courage to talk to herself one after another.
"Maybe Ning Wei's timidity and cowardice made me think of myself, so I couldn't help but sympathize with her. But you are right, blindly indulge in your own emotions, and isolate those who care about yourself from your own emotions. Besides, they are also selfish people."
"I used to have many words, many things, many emotions, just like Ning Wei, I can’t say it. I don’t know how to talk to you, how to explain to you, and even I don’t want to let you know. ."
"When Chi Dongqing mentioned Guo Wen in the evening, I don't know if you noticed it. I was very nervous. Because I don't know, did you know that I once sold a song to Guo Wen. You ask me the song that you think is very similar. The one released by Guo Wen is the final version I decided on."
Ji Youyan's throat began to feel astringent and his breathing was heavy. It is not an easy task to cut oneself apart for others to see. But she persisted: "Do you remember? Just one year after I debuted, I released two online singles, which are my most satisfying work, but there is no splash. I am disappointed, but not reconciled. Cao Tianchi didn’t want me to sing anymore. He said that the Chinese language market is sluggish, so let me go acting first and gain fame before singing. I don’t want to. I think I signed him for singing and not acting for acting. He laughed at me. I still love dreaming when I'm old, and I don't recognize reality clearly, and devalue my work as worthless."
Those harsh words, for a long time, were the culprit of Ji Yuyan's midnight insomnia-she fell into infinite self-doubt.
"One day, a music producer came to me. He said he admired my song, but Cao Tianchi pushed all my cooperation to the outside and suspended all my work, so he could only come to me directly. I thought It’s an opportunity, full of expectations, but after seeing my work, the music producer told me that the work was good, but it was wasted in my hands."
"He wants to buy a song from me on behalf of a very popular singer. He said that in the current market, whether the song is good or not is not only determined by the quality of the work itself, but more importantly, it depends on this song. Who wrote the song and who sang it."
"Fame and popularity are more valuable than talent. It is my people who spoiled my song."
Ji Yooyan couldn't go on.
She gritted her teeth and continued typing for Jing Xiu: "I didn't want to sell it at first. Later, after the release of another single I financed myself, Cao Tianchi once again persuaded me to recognize reality, and I became confused. In the end, I was confused. , I sold the song to Guo Wen. I want to know if my song is not good, or this market, this reality is not good."
Ji Youyan choked a little. She still couldn't say it, still couldn't tell Jingxun frankly, that was only part of the reason why she sold songs.
She couldn't say it. During that time, she had almost no job, no income, little savings left, and life was stretched. It costs money to make music, money for equipment, money for rent, money for catering, money for transportation, and money for falling in love with Jingxun...
In love, there is communication, Jing Xuan never hesitated to spend money on her, how could she keep making Jing Xuan pay the bill unilaterally?
But she finally had no money.
Jing Xiu fell ill during the filming. She was worried about Jing Xiu and wanted to take care of her, but after she took out the money for the air ticket, she left the airport and even had no money to take a taxi to Jing Xiu's studio.
What she said can be said, Jingxun, I want to see you, but I don't have money, you have to buy me a plane ticket? Ji Yuyan's tears dripped uncontrollably on the phone screen. She tried to wipe away the tears, but the tears were wiped more and more.
"But I dare not tell you, I'm afraid you think I have no backbone, I'm afraid you will find that I am not as good as you think I am. I'm afraid you will be disappointed in me..."
"I told you that every song is my child, my pride, and my dream, but I finally sold it."
"I sold my ideals. I dare not tell you." Every word seemed to be dug out from her heart. Ji Yuyan curled up his legs and sobbed out of breath...
Across the living room, Jing Xun stared at the phone screen, biting her lower lip, her eyes flushed. She lifted her head to force her tears back, but still tears gushing out unruly, sliding down her cheeks...
How could she not know that Ji Yoon sold the song. For each of her songs, she rushed to be the first listener and gave her the first applause. As long as she was by Ji Yooyan's side, and even the scrapped manuscripts that Ji Yooyan wrote dissatisfied with, she picked them out one by one from the trash can, flattened them, and kept them cherished.
But Ji Yuyan didn't want to tell her, how could she be willing to embarrass her?
There are so many things about her lover that she doesn't want her to know, she can guess it, she can't guess it. She always comforts herself. One day, Ji Youyan will trust her and rely on her enough, and will voluntarily tell her everything about her.
But in the end, she just waited and became more disappointed.
Jing Xiu sniffed, and tolerated the sourness in his heart. She wiped away the tears, went to the glass room to wash her face, and then boiled the water.
The water boiled, and her face couldn't tell that she had cried.
Jing Xiu finally replied to Ji Yoo: "Come here."
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Then, Teacher Ji cried and fell asleep without seeing the news.
The full text is over.