Chapter 38:

Ji Youyan didn't have the courage to speak after sobbing. She looked at the dialog box that was still unresponsive, smiled bitterly, wiped her tears off the bed and washed her face.
She actually didn't expect Jingxun to respond to her immediately. She had lived up to Jingxun's so much gentleness and tolerance, and now all this is her own responsibility. She just wanted Jing Xun to know that she was different from before. She will become honest, learn to show weakness, and let go of the pride and pride that she shouldn't have in love.
Even if she is still doing it hard, slowly, she can always put her heart together and show it to Jing Xiu.
This is her sincerity and determination.
Tomorrow, she will be recording the show. In order not to swell her eyes, she washed her face with cold water and put a cold towel on her eyes for a long time. Make sure there is nothing unusual, and she is too tired to warm her hands and feet. She went back to bed and wanted to turn off the alarm clock that reminded her to go to bed. She took the phone and turned on the screen to find an unread WeChat message.
Jing Xiu sent it to her a few minutes ago. There are only three simple words: "You come here."
Ji Yuyan immediately sat up, ecstatic. A few seconds later, she threw down the phone, got out of the bed, put on a cotton mop, and walked out in one go.
It wasn't until Jingxun's door trot all the way to Jingxun's room and raised his hand to knock on the door, that Ji Youyan's sanity returned.
What is she doing? Ji Yuyan looked down at himself with the wrong left and right feet and disheveled clothes, and laughed blankly.
Ji Youyan shuddered unconsciously when the cold in the living room hit. She retracted the hand that was about to knock on the door, changed the left and right slippers, tidyed up her clothes, and was about to comb her hair, but the door suddenly opened without knocking.
Standing in the light and shadow, Jing Xiu's face was always deserted.
After such a heartbroken confession of himself, seeing such a peaceful Jing Xun, Ji Yuyan opened his mouth and called out "Axiu", and suddenly he was embarrassed and ashamed to say nothing.
Jing Xiu frowned almost imperceptibly when he looked at her thin pajamas.
"Come in." She opened the door wide and said lightly.
Ji Yooyan's spirit was shocked instantly and flattered. It was Jing Xiu's figure that turned away and let her go, so she could see the whole picture of Jing Xiu's room for the first time. It is obviously the same layout and furnishings as her room, but it seems that because of Jingxuan living in it, everything looks so different.
Ji Yooyan twisted his hands together, raised his foot and stepped into Jing Xun's door, walking with exceptional dignity step by step. One surprise after another tonight made her a little dazed. She asked herself unconsciously, does this open door also represent a little bit, Jingxuan's heart door opened to herself again?
Jing Xiu didn't notice her thoughts. She stood at the table, picked up the kettle and poured her a cup of hot water, handed it to Ji Youyan, and calmly said: "Clean."
Ji Yooyan looked at her peaceful brows and raised the corners of her lips uncontrollably. She took the cup with both hands, and the heat from the cup was ironed on her hand, making her feel so comfortable.
"It's okay." Her voice was a little dumb after crying.
Even if Jing Xiu handed her a cup now, she thought she could drink it with a smile.
"Drink a little and warm yourself up." Jing Xiu said gently.
Ji Youyan chuckled and drank water obediently. The heat flow really went down her throat, all the way down, all over her limbs.
She drank the water and saw Jing Xiu enter the glass room, putting water in the wash basin, her expression could not see emotion. Ji Yoo beats nervously, unpredictable Jing Xuan's attitude.
"The snowman is very cute, I'm interested." Jing Xiu didn't know if he noticed her peeking, and suddenly said with his back to her.
Ji Youyan bends his eyebrows and said: "Then wait until it snows, I'll make you a bigger one outside, OK?"
Jing Xiu stirred the water, and refused: "No need."
As soon as Ji Yooyan's eyebrows darkened, he saw Jing Xun turn back, his eyes falling on his hands that were a little red and swollen with cold.
"Can't your hands stand the cold?" She said in a very ordinary tone.
Ji Yuyan suddenly felt warm and a little bit sour. Ah Xiu remembered it all.
"Come in and soak your hands." Jing Xiu turned off the faucet, turned sideways to let out, and said gently.
Ji Yuyan suspected that he might be dreaming. She stood there looking at Jing Xuan in disbelief, Jing Xuan raised her chin and motioned to her. The corners of Ji Youyan's lips gradually rose. She put down the water glass, followed Jing Xuan's instructions, and stepped into the narrow glass room.
The hot water in the washbasin, as Ji Yooyan's hands plunged into the water, shook the brown water, which was the color that Ji Yooyan was familiar with.
Jing Xiu put a medicine bag for promoting blood circulation and preventing frostbite.
In the winter of the first year together, she and Jing Xun developed frostbite after playing in the snow. Jing Xuan was surprised and distressed. She said that it was the first time she heard of the scientific name frostbite. Ji Yuyan teased her whether she learned a little more Chinese after being with her, and gained a lot of knowledge. Jing Xiu poked her frostbite twice amusedly. She pretended to be painful and screamed. Jing Xiu was so frightened that she was covered and screamed.
Later, Jing Xiu knew that her hands couldn't stand the cold. Every winter when it gets cold, she protects her hands more actively than she does, and gives her gloves and warm handbags.
In the winter of the second year together, Jing Xiu didn’t know where he heard from Chinese medicine doctors saying that frostbite was the cause of poor blood circulation. She deliberately learned the method of rubbing her hands and pressing acupuncture points. When she stayed together at night, she urged her Huoxue asked her to soak her hands with tangerine peel, and she asked her to soak her hands with wormwood, as well as some medicine packets made of Chinese herbal medicines that she could not name.
Every time Ji Youyan sees her serious and gentle appearance, he feels soft and wants to tease her. Once, after soaking her hands, Jing Xiu was helping her apply anti-chilblain hand cream. She teased her: "Why are you so good to me?"
Jing Xiu didn't raise his head and said, "If it wasn't for you to play the piano and write songs for me, it's a bit useful, I don't care if you are going to be frozen into pig's feet."
Ji Yuyan couldn't hear her duplicity. Pretending to be dissatisfied, she hugged her in her arms, pressed her ears and asked ambiguously: "Are you sure, is this only useful?"
Jing Xiu pretended not to understand, "Otherwise? Let go, it's not finished yet."
Ji Yuyan slyly said: "I really don't know? Then I think it is necessary for me to remind you." With that, she started to kiss Jingxun's ear.
Later, the hand cream that had just been applied was hurriedly washed away by Ji Yuyan.
Recalling the past, Ji Yoon felt a little hot. Did Jing Xun keep these medicine packets for herself?
Jing Xiu's long eyelashes were hanging down, her side face looked as gentle as she used to be under the dim light: "Will it be too hot?"
Ji Yuyan shook his head, flexed his ten fingers placed in the hot water, his heart beating like a drum. Jing Xiu hasn't mentioned the matter on WeChat. Should she take the initiative to bring it up? Maybe this is a good time?
But before she mustered up the courage, Jing Xiu took the initiative to mention it before her: "I always knew that you sold the song to Guo Wen."
Ji Youyan choked.
It's not that she hadn't guessed, Jing Xiu might have known about it. After all, she asked herself tentatively that year, and then it took so long to answer herself.
"It's just that you don't want me to know, so I pretend not to know."
Ji Yooyan moved his lips, seeing Jing Xiu's plain appearance, but he felt like something was pricked hard in his heart. What kind of uncomfortable Jing Xuan, who cooperated with his lies?
"I've been thinking these days, what kind of person am I in your eyes?" Jing Xun lowered her snow-white neck and looked at the overlapping shadow of her and Ji Yoon on the ground.
"Very good person." Ji Youyan said with a sore throat. Apart from the word "good", she couldn't think of any other adjectives that could sum up her beloved lover.
"Even if I am impersonal and too harsh?"
"You are not." Ji Youyan denied.
"But many people on the Internet also say that to me."
"That's those people who don't know you and don't know you. If they understand your kindness and tolerance, your seriousness and dedication, they will definitely not misunderstand you so much."
Jing Xiu raised his eyes to look at Ji Youyan, then smiled lightly: "Then why do you think that if I knew you were selling songs, I would think you have no backbone and would not understand you?"
This is Jing Xiu's long absence, showing her such a smile. She was smiling so brightly, but Ji Youyan couldn't be happy. A Xiu's eyes were not smiling, her eyes were lonely.
"Where is there any perfect person in this world? It's not because you are perfect that I like you." She looked at Ji Youyan and said each word: "Because I like you, I think you are perfect."
Ji Yuyan's heart trembled, and Jing Xiu said, "But that was the past."
His hands were still in the hot water, but Ji Yuyan felt that his hands and feet were starting to get cold.
"Maybe we have never really met each other. I don't know you've been so confused, and you don't know, for a long time, I also felt very at a loss and couldn't find my identity."
Ji Youyan's surprise is obvious.
Jing Xiu faintly sighed, and said with a bit of self-deprecating: "Is it because I look like the scenery is infinite, and it doesn't seem like there is something to ask for and feel uneasy? It seems that everyone feels so.
Ji Yuyan pulled out his hands abruptly, turned to Jing Xun, tried to say something to comfort her, but his throat was blocked. Because she found that she could not justify herself. She did exactly as Jing Xuan said, watching her smooth and self-confident, as if she had never thought that Jing Xuan would be afraid and uneasy.
Jing Xiu didn't blame her, she drew a towel, raised Ji Youyan's left hand, wiped it gently, and slowly said: "I have won awards one after another, and have been liked by more and more fans. The more praises. But I get more and more sad."
why? Ji Youyan didn't have the courage to ask her aloud.
Jing Xiu changed Ji Yuyan's right hand to wipe, one finger and one finger, gently wiping the ground. "A lot of sleepless nights, I looked at the ceiling and asked myself, if I'm really as fascinating as they like me, why are the people I like getting farther and farther away from me, and dislike me less and less?"
Ji Yooyan was stunned in astonishment. In the next second, she grabbed Jing Xun's wrist with her backhand and said eagerly: "I didn't, Ah Xun, why do you think so?"
"But your performance is not like this." Jing Xiu looked at her with calm eyes. She pulled out her wrist little by little from Ji Youyan's hand.
Ji Yooyan is lost. She reflected on herself, what was her performance like?
She put herself at the disadvantage of this relationship, she was trapped in her own low self-esteem and anxiety. She and Jingxun have no relationship; she has been rumored with male celebrities time and time again; when Jingxun asked her, she concealed her dishonestly again and again; she bought cakes by herself in Jingxun, and came all the way. When celebrating her birthday with her, asked her to wait until after midnight before returning to herself; after she called before Jingxun was seriously injured and dying, she was not seen.
She always thought that Jing Xiu was disappointed and cold in her heart, so she left her.
But Jingxuan told her: "Acknowledge your failure and convince yourself that you no longer love me. It's actually not an easy task."
In Ji Yooyan's dodges again and again, she gradually couldn't find evidence that Ji Yooyan still loved her. She has gone through self-comfort, and has come to the road of self-deception. From the beginning, she couldn't bear to ask, and then she didn't dare to ask.
In the end, she collapsed in the "good" that Ji Yuyan promised to break up in front of his hospital bed.
Ji Yuyan walked like that without taking a note, as if he had been waiting for that sentence of relief early.
The sluggish cuts on the two broken ribs made her sober every time she cracked.
It was in such repeated pain that she persuaded herself that Ji Yoon didn't love her anymore.
Ji Yuyan burst into tears, except for the pale and feeble "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know...I don't know..." She didn't know how she should confess herself in order to embrace the crying Jingxuan in the past and convince her , From beginning to end, she loved her that way.
As Jingxuan's closest lover, she was actually like all outsiders, and she had never truly understood Jingxuan sincerely. She couldn't imagine how fragile and uneasy Jing Xuan would spend those tossing and sleepless nights, and she had to smile when she faced herself.
A harsh ringtone suddenly came from outside the door, breaking the silence of the room. It was the cellphone alarm clock that Ji Yuyan threw in the bedroom to remind her that it was time to go to bed.
"It's getting late." Jing Xiu walked out of the glass room, looked at the door, and said softly: "Go back, there will be work tomorrow, it's time to sleep."
Ji Yuyan saw Jing Xun's face facing her under the shadow of the lamp, and light of water was also sliding down her cheek.
Ji Youyan's distress seemed to have opened a big mouth, dripping with blood. What kind of face does she have, ask Jing Xiu for forgiveness.
She didn't know how she got back to the room, or how long she had been sitting on the bed in a daze and was silent for their chat records.
She rubbed Jingxuan's portrait with her fingertips and accidentally jumped to Jingxuan's homepage, only to realize that Jingxuan's circle of friends that Jingxuan had always blocked her did not know when it had opened up.
Inside, there is only one movement, which is a lyrics.
The release time was three months after she broke up with Jing Xun, when she and the male lead of the new drama "Tuina" were going viral.
You are my dream of gains and losses, and I am the one who you don't need.
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Note: The last line of lyrics is from the song "To Huanghuai".
Sorry for making some cuties wait for nothing yesterday. I borrowed the building to inform in the comments, maybe some little cuties have not seen it. The author went to the hospital for a gastroscope yesterday, and it was uncomfortable after the procedure, so there was no update last night. If there is a sudden non-update next time, little cuties pay attention to the comments, I will ask for leave.
Thank you little snail boots and crystal_nqy for your long comments.
Sometimes I wonder, how can I be worthy of so much and really like it so much. Except for writing stories with heart, I can't repay you, thank you.