Chapter 251: : Fear and helplessness

But it was useless. Jian Ran was so powerless that she was about to fall down at any time, just like she felt when she was sick before.
Maybe it's just because I'm sick. I'm more sick than usual, and the one-time dose of medicine has no effect.
Thinking of this, Jian Ran came to the living room, poured a glass of water, and took the metered medicine again.
After eating, Jian Ran returned to the room to lie down on her and closed her eyes, hoping that the effects of the medicine would be effective soon, and she would not be so uncomfortable.
Jian Ran waited for a long time, not only did she not feel better, but she lay down in a cold sweat.
After being discharged from the hospital two years ago, as long as she insisted on taking the medicine, she would not feel anything wrong. Why is it so suddenly today?
Jian Ran couldn't understand, she was so sad that she was rolling around on her sex. She wanted to make a call to her father, but she didn't want him to worry, so she put down the mobile phone she picked up.
The phone hadn't been released yet, but there was a call coming in. She took the phone back and saw that it was Qin Yue. She felt a little softened. When she answered the call, she heard Qin Yue's low voice: "What are you doing?"
"I..." Jian Ran sniffed, and suddenly felt aggrieved to cry, but then pressed the grievance back, trying to speak in a calm tone, "I seem to be sick. o"
"Don't hang up, wait for me."
Then, Jian Ran faintly heard the sound of closing the car door. She held the phone and buried her head in the pillow, feeling as uncomfortable as a thousand ants.
Before long, Qin Yue's voice came from the phone again: "Open the door."
"Open what door?" Jian Ran didn't react in a daze. She, who had already lost her head, would never think that Qin Yue would appear at her door.
"Open your door." Qin Yue's voice came from the phone again, sounding a little worried.
"Huh?" Jian Ran let out a silly voice, and then thought for a while, before realizing that Qin Yue was asking her to open the house.
She got up, dragged her weak body and swayed out. When she walked to the door, she reached out to hold the doorknob. She clearly saw it, but she grabbed it.
"Jian Ran--" Qin Yue's voice came from outside the house.
"I'm opening the door, you wait." Jian Ran fumbled for a long time before opening the door. After the door was opened, she couldn't even see Qin Yue clearly. "Are you Qin Yue?"
"It's me. I'm Qin Yue, your Qin Yue." Qin Yue grabbed her and left.
"Qin Yue, what are you doing?" Jian Ran pushed him, but his body was really weak, and the whole person was lying softly in his arms.
"I'll take you home." When he returned to their home, he would never let her stay outside alone, and never let her suffer alone and write about loneliness.
"Home? Whose home?" Jian Ran muttered silently, "My home is where my father is. I don't know where my home is when he is not in."
She will be sick, helpless, and afraid. It must be her father who is not around, she must be.
In the past three years, her father had never left her. She was so helpless if her father suddenly left today.
Listening to Jian Ran's words, Qin Dali tightened the strength of his arm, wrapped her tightly in his arms, and said solemnly, "Jian Ran, I don't allow you to talk nonsense."
Blame him, blame him for not protecting her well, so that she will encounter those painful things, and that she will lose her past self.
"Qin Yue? Are you Qin Yue? Who is Qin Yue?" Jian Ran said vaguely, "I don't seem to know you anymore. It seems that I have known you for a long time. This feeling is true. That's weird."
"Jian Ran..." Apart from calling her name, Qin Yue didn't know what else he could do.
Jian Ran said: "Not only do I not know you, I don't know who I am. When my father says my name, I will be called. But I can't remember who I am or what happened in my past. I don’t know, many times, I feel as if I will disappear at any time. It’s as if I don’t belong to this world."
"I'm afraid in my heart, but I dare not tell my father that I don't want him to worry about me. He is not young anymore, just like me. He doesn't want to tell me those things in the past, it must be for my good. But It also makes me understand that the past must not be a good thing."
"I keep telling myself not to think about the past, but I still can't help but think about it. What kind of fear have I encountered before that makes me unwilling to think about my past?"
"What did I say so much to you as a stranger? After I said it, you won't understand how uncomfortable my heart is. You will never understand how scared I am."
She is alone, always pretending to be indifferent, as if she doesn't care about anything, and doesn't make any friends.
It is not that she is unwilling to make friends, but that she is afraid to make friends.
If someone asks her some day, what university did you go to, where did you work before, you used to...
When others ask her these simplest and most basic questions.
How should she answer?
If you answer honestly and tell others that I can't remember the past, would those people treat her as an alien?
"Jian Ran, I understand. I understand everything you say." Qin Yue kept telling her, his heart ached as if it was broken and it was difficult to breathe.
This is his Jian Ran. She always smiles no matter what, she uses her unique smile to conceal her inner worry and fear, and pretends to be strong, as if no one can take her.
He really hated himself for losing her, and for so long. How did she live these three years?
"Hehe..." Jian Ran sneered and shook his head, pulling out a smile that was even worse than crying, "Even my father doesn't understand, how can you understand?"
I don't know if the mind is unclear, or if the sick person is particularly vulnerable. Jian Ran said all these things and fears that had never been mentioned to people.
Maybe it's been really lonely for too long, too long without friends, it will be so easy to jump into the net cast by Qin Yue, and can no longer extricate himself.
Knowing that he saw his deceased wife through her, but she still relentlessly rushed towards him like a moth to a fire.
Many times, Jian Ran was jealous and envious of Qin Yue's "Jian Ran".
Although that Jian Ran is no longer by Qin Yue's side, they have shared beautiful memories. There is also a person who loves her deeply, cares about her, and has such a lovely daughter.
And her?
She only has a father, nothing else, not even the memories everyone should have.