Chapter 401: I walked all the way just to see you again.

"What are you doing?" Mo Nianchen raised his eyebrows to look at her.
"Drinking." Li Shengxia said.
"You can't drink."
"I can learn."
"Li Shengxia, you can just say that you want to escape. Avoid the night with me alone."
Li Shengxia didn't expect what he said so directly, and suddenly he was at a loss: "I..."
He said with a cold face, "Am I that scary? Am I going to eat people? Haven't we spent the night together?"
"..." She froze there and didn't know how to answer the conversation.
"I'm sleepy. I'm going to sleep first. You have to drink it by yourself." Mo Nianchen turned around and turned his back to her, lying on the sofa.
Li Shengxia stared at his back in a daze, and couldn't help thinking of what he had said to her in "Shili Hongzhuang"...
It's not that he is terrible, it's that she is afraid... afraid that she will do something wrong if she is not careful, irreparable things. Then, again, always regretting...
Mo Nianchen didn't speak again, nor turned around, as if he was asleep.
Li Shengxia couldn't help but think of many things in the past, and slowly fell asleep leaning against the coffee table...
In the middle of the night, Mo Nianchen turned around to look at her, found her sleeping position, and walked over slowly. Crouched down and looked at her.
‘Idiot, is it so embarrassing to be with me? ’
‘I admit that it was deliberate just now... Deliberately touched your lips... Almost a shot out of control, but I still held back. Because you say you want me to respect you, because you say you want an equal relationship. ’
‘Because you said that, I tried to restrain myself. ’
‘You don’t know how challenging it is for me every time you appear. I'm going to pretend how difficult it is to be indifferent to you. ’
‘I keep learning to play various roles, to please you, or to be indifferent to you. But the result is still that you can’t ignore you, you can’t care, you can’t pretend to be nothing. ’
"Watching you make physical contact with other men, even if you just slap Ouyang in the face, I think it's unbearable..."
"I must be crazy..."
‘It’s so crazy...’
‘Even if you want to hit someone, I would rather, you only hit me...’
‘What kind of illness will make me become like this. I can't remember anymore. ’
‘I just remember, too many past events. Too much...I can't let go of your memory. ’
‘From my eight years old, to my nineteen years old, to my twenty years old, to my twenty-five years old, my thirty years old...’
‘Never imagined another woman, never imagined losing you...’
‘Always pretend that you are alive, yes, you are alive, even if others think you are dead, I still feel that you must be alive. ’
‘I can’t let you die, because you are dead, I don’t know what else I mean to survive...’
‘I am so attached to you...’
‘I am so sorry for myself, I can only love you. ’
‘Do you think I haven’t worked hard? Didn't you work hard to leave you? ’
'but……'
‘How can I do it? ’
‘Twenty-two years. ’
‘Do you know how long 22 years are? ’
‘It’s two hundred and sixty-four months. ’
‘It’s one thousand one hundred and forty four weeks. ’
‘It’s eight thousand and thirty every night. ’
‘...’
‘I can’t calculate this hour hand, this minute hand, this second hand...’
‘It’s like running water through my years. ’
‘Like a wheel running over my years. ’
‘It’s like a wandering rain, drenching my past. ’
‘I walked all the way just to see you again. I saw you and I wanted to love you again. I love you and want to have you again...’
‘I don’t know if everyone who loves someone is so greedy, anyway, I just have to...’
‘Because you have to, so try to get close to you. ’
‘What kind of posture do I have to use to have you... You are, tell me. ’
‘Neither can I please, nor chasing you, nor pestering you, nor pretending not to care, nor coldly treating you, nor irritating you. No matter how you do it, there is always a beam of light called "No way, no way" emanating from you, keeping me thousands of miles away. ’
‘Xiaxia, you are my ten-mile red makeup, do you know? You are my first love, my first time, my only wife, and the only woman I love deeply. You are all my memories, and you are my ten-mile red makeup...’
‘But, I can make ten miles of red makeup, I can leave those memories, but I can’t leave you alone. ’
‘You always hesitate, always avoid, always say sorry to me. ’
‘Why are you saying sorry to me? You should know that no man would like his beloved woman to say these three words to him. This represents alienation, rejection, I am not in your heart, and the impossible between me and you...’
Mo Nianchen closed his eyes slightly, he didn't know why he suddenly became so vulnerable today...
Just now in Shili Hongzhuang, he almost lost his mind, and he showed his miss for her.
He lowered his posture, and did not dare to put himself in the dust. Because she said she wants equal love.
But what exactly is equality, he has no idea.
If he loves her, she will also love him called equality. Or, if he loves her, she can also not love him for equality?
He vowed to learn what kind of love she wanted and what her so-called love was.
But halfway through, I found it difficult.
Imagine being like her, giving up halfway every time you encounter difficulties.
He knew that he had no chance to give in...
Can't give up halfway...
For her, there was no pause, no hesitation, no turning, and no thought of turning back halfway.
But ah...
Anyway, give him a little response, even if it's just a little, let him know that she wants him to persevere.
Don't give him any hope, he is really real, afraid that he can't stick to it. I was afraid that he would suddenly want to follow her decision, give up her, and forget her.
In that case, twenty-two years of life will become a completely blank, meaningless, and unending past. No one cares, no one cares, no one cares about the existence.
Then, it becomes completely non-existent.
Mo Nianchen stretched out his hand and gently rubbed her red lips...
Her lips are beautiful, and every time he sees it, he can't help but want to kiss her.
He didn't know why he became so timid and cowardly, probably because he had lost her two times hysterically, and he would never dare to experience such pain the third time.
If he was the old man, he would definitely want to hug her without even wanting to kiss her...
Does it become weaker as you grow up?