Chapter 17:

Coming out of the music classroom, Zhang Man was walking along the corridor connecting the two teaching buildings with her guitar. A cold wind blew through. She tightened her school uniform jacket tightly and shivered slightly.
Outside it was the same as last night, with continuous rain. It was neither like a thunderstorm in summer nor was it vigorous even when it rained like spring.
The weather is gloomy.
Meeting Senior Qin Shuai again made her feel a wave of trouble.
In the previous life, Qin Shuai confessed to her, just after she broke up with Li Wei.
She changed seats at that time, and the two of them were very far apart, almost at the opposite ends of the classroom, so she wouldn't say a word to him on weekdays. On weekends, she stopped going to his home to make up lessons, and the two of them had completely cut off contact.
The pain of first love was deeply buried in her heart at such a distance, numb with study or some other things. As long as you don't think about him, the pain in your heart will feel better.
Over time, the calm and tranquility brought about by the numbness made her feel relieved, and she thought she was gradually recovering.
But Li Wei didn't seem to be. The quiet boy always blocked her at the door of the classroom or school after school. He seemed to have a lot to ask her.
However, how could Zhang Man at that time entangle him again.
She felt that he was simply unreasonable. Since she already had a girlfriend and didn't like herself, why bother to lie, why bother with herself, so she hardened her heart and never ignored him.
Ignore it, ignore any of his actions, and treat him as air.
This kind of accumulated indifference made the young man more and more gloomy and paranoid, and finally broke out on a certain day.
It was a Friday, and she went to the teacher's office before school in the afternoon. Before returning home, she saw Chen Feier texting her, saying that Li Wei had been standing at the school gate, as if waiting for her.
Zhang Man wanted to tell him the last time, so he packed his things and walked downstairs.
At this moment, she ran into Qin Shuai in the corridor.
Qin Shuai was a senior in the senior class, so there would be no intersections, Zhang Man can't remember where he met her now. But that day, Qin Shuai stopped her, took out two movie tickets from his pocket, and asked if she could watch a movie with him later.
Zhang Man wanted to refuse directly, but he thought of Li Wei who was waiting at the door, so he changed his mind and agreed.
She felt that she didn't have the ability to stop him from being entangled through words, so perhaps the action could be more direct.
Besides, she also has selfishness.
Sixteen or seventeen-year-old young people will always feel unbalanced because of some things. At that time, Zhang Man had always been brooding about Li Wei's lies.
He deceived her and made her have strong doubts and disappointments about herself and the world for a long time. No matter what you do, as long as you think of him, think of this unsuccessful relationship, you will find it difficult to calm down.
So such a coincidental opportunity, let her finalize it before she can think more, and eagerly want to return the grievance to him.
It's like returning it to him, and she won't feel uncomfortable anymore.
So she agreed to go to the movies with Qin Shuai and walked out of the school with him.
On Friday afternoon, there were a lot of people at the school gate. Some vendors selling snacks pushed their trolleys back and forth and yelled. The students gathered around the stall eating skewers and hot pancakes for one dollar each.
Outside the school gate, there are many parents who are standing in front of the school waiting to pick up their children, rubbing their red hands in the cold weather and breathing.
At the bustling street corner and the bustling crowd, she spotted him at a glance.
In the cold early winter, the teenager was wearing a thin school uniform, standing under an evergreen camphor at the entrance of the street.
He has his hands in his pockets, his back is leaning against the tree, his cheeks are thin and he doesn't look very energetic.
He has lost a lot of weight, and his whole person is so thin that he is about to merge with the bleak winter day around him. Even the camphor that has not fallen leaves behind is richer than him.
The moment he saw him, Zhang Man's heart seemed to be scalded, and the bitterly suppressed emotions swept through these days again, making her almost untenable.
The teenager saw them too.
He squinted his eyes, straightened his back slightly, stood still, but stared straight at them, his dark eyes with an incomprehensible look.
Being watched by him like that, Zhang Man suddenly felt a little flustered for some reason, she immediately turned sideways, not daring to look at him again.
She squeezed her hand, clamoring with jealousy and grievance in her heart, she said to herself: "He lied to you, he doesn't like you at all in this way. You are right to do so, at least to let him Stop entangled."
Thinking like this, she deliberately stood closer to Qin Shuai, tried to raise a smile, and talked to him intimately. Qin Shuai was just introducing her to the movie she was going to watch for a while. She listened cooperatively, nodding her head and smiling at him from time to time, her expression stiff, her palms sweating out of tension.
She thought to her heart that lying is really a very difficult thing, I don't know why he can do it so easily.
If they want to go to the cinema, they have to walk through the street, so they will definitely pass by him.
She said to herself from the bottom of her heart that she passed him this time, and let this relationship be completely let go.
But the boy did not make her wish.
The distance between the three of them is getting closer, like a slow motion shot in a movie.
Just as they were talking and laughing by his side, the young man suddenly walked over from under the tree and grabbed her wrist, his eyes gloomy as if dripping water.
"Zhang Man, where are you going?"
His voice was hoarse and hard, like ice ridges hanging upside down under the eaves in the twelfth lunar month.
She looked at him and felt very contradictory in her heart, as if there was a pleasure of revenge, but it was more unspeakable panic and uncomfortable.
The grievances in her heart caused her trouble again, giving her the courage to continue.
She tried to pretend to be very happy, trying to withdraw her hand hard, and with a warm smile on her face, she looked at Qin Shuai next to her for comfort, then turned around and said to him extremely coldly: "I want Go to the movies with the seniors."
With such a deliberate distinction, she thinks she has done a good job.
The boy was silent, but did not let go.
He glanced at her, then at Qin Shuai next to her, a strong storm was rolled up in his usually unwavering eyes, and his eyes turned red in just a few seconds.
He took a deep breath, as if trying to calm his mood, looked straight at her, and asked softly: "...Can you not go?"
His voice was so low and his tone fell downward, Zhang Man even heard a faint pleading.
At that moment, he let go of all his pride, like a most ordinary young man, wanting to retain his hard-won love.
Zhang Man was almost soft-hearted at the time, but the next second he told himself that he was a habitual offender. So she hardened her heart and mocked: "What does it matter to you if I date the senior?"
After hearing her response, the teenager lost control.
The blue veins on his forehead bulged, his teeth clenched, and even his facial expressions were a bit distorted, as if he lost his mind for a while. He squeezed her wrist fiercely and didn't let go no matter how hard she struggled. With great strength, Zhang Man couldn't help but scream.
Zhang Man kept telling him to let go, but he kept staring in her eyes, just not letting go.
The whole process was in a stalemate for nearly a minute, and her wrist was pinched in pain.
She was panicked by his stare, and murmured in a shaking voice: "Let go, I'm still in a hurry..."
Qin Shuai also came to help her, trying to break the fingers he was holding on to him.
It's a pity that the young man can't listen to people's words anymore. No matter how she and Qin Shuai persuade her, they just hold on to her. The paranoid look is like Zhang Man has never seen before, like a lone wolf in the wild , Suddenly confronted you in the thick night, it was so frightening.
Many people at the school gate began to look here.
At that moment, she suddenly remembered the rumors about him, so she was scared, stunned by the boundless fear and grievances. She trembled and said without a word: "Li Wei, are you crazy? You crazy man, You let me go, you hurt me!"
She yelled, her voice already crying, so paranoid and gloomy he made her sixteen or seventeen years old at a loss at a loss.
The young man's dark expression began to shatter when he saw her tears. The storm that had intensified in his eyes was forced to calm down at that moment, and it became an unspeakable pain.
He seemed to be scalded, so he let go of her hand so suddenly, his eyes moved from her face to the wrist.
He looked at the shocking red marks on her white wrists and took a staggering step back.
Zhang Man could never forget his expression at that time.
Regret, pain, fear, sadness... His eyes are getting redder and red, and the beautiful brow seems to be because of the red mark on her wrist, which can no longer be stretched.
After a while, the young man squeezed a fist in annoyance, and seemed to want to come forward to explain to her, but she shrank back a few steps in fright.
It was those few steps that blocked all his thoughts and actions.
In the end, the boy didn't say anything, he took her carefully for a long time, so serious that he wanted to remember every detail on her face.
Then he turned and left.
At the moment he turned around, seventeen-year-old Zhang Man heard the sound of his heart breaking. She instinctively wanted to raise her hand and grab the corner of his clothes, but she stopped abruptly.
...
The movie that day seemed to be a comedy, but after watching the end, she was already in tears.
After that time, she and Li Wei never spoke.
The boy slowly became what he used to be, even worse than before. He hid himself in the corner, and no longer interacted with others, and became depressed day by day.
Later, he got the qualification to be sent to the University of B, and even started not to come to school.
Until one day before she transferred, he suddenly came to school, walked to her seat, and asked if she had seen anything he had put on her table before.
Zhang Man thought he was asking him about the physics book that he put on her desk one day, but she didn't even turn it over, and threw it directly into the drawer.
So he said coldly: "I saw it."
After hearing the answer that she didn't care about, the boy stood beside her seat for a long time, until her coldness could no longer be maintained, and then walked away with her head down.
This is the last conversation between the two in the previous life.
From then on, the boy who lightly hugged her by the street lamp with red ears, the boy who looked at her with stars in his eyes, disappeared after that winter.
...
Time never stays for anyone, but one day after a long time, some obscured truths of old memories will be revealed.
It was many, many years later that Zhang Man realized that what he was asking at the time was the love letter he had carefully sandwiched in the physics book.