Chapter 24:

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I opened the door and walked into the hall. It was dark and silent, and a familiar feeling came on me. But without thinking about what it felt like, I reached out and turned on the large chandelier in the hall, and everything became brighter. My first feeling at this time was that Dad really hadn't come back yet!
At the end of the day today, I have learned so many things that all of a time made me feel very tired. So I did not stay in the hall for a moment, dragging my exhausted body and mind, went straight up the stairs, planning to take a good rest. I came to my room, took a pajama and went into the bathroom. Some people say that water is the most spiritual, so putting your body in water is the best way to rest.
When I lay in the water, I thought I would feel as comfortable as I used to be, but today it is totally different. The sound of water flowing between the skin is so clear that I can't relax and take a good rest. So I had to wash my body quickly and get out of the water. When I stood naked in front of the mirror, the two rings on my left arm gleamed brightly in the mirror. I put on my pajamas and walked out of the bathroom helplessly. What should I do now? I want to lie down on the bed, sleep? But my dad hasn’t come back yet, and I’m very worried, so I can’t sleep at all. Forget it, just walk around upstairs, or sit downstairs in the lobby for a while, maybe Dad will come back later, by then It's never too late to sleep. Making up my mind, I put on the white robe that I put on the bed this morning, and walked out of the room. The inside and outside of the entire castle were quiet, and the sound of my extremely light footsteps was constantly echoing in the hall.
I walked slowly step by step around the corridor on the second floor, passing through rooms and doors, but I didn't have the desire to push them in, let them pass by me. Maybe I am scared, because every door is connected to another world. When you open it, you have to face all the possibilities, good, bad, familiar, or unfamiliar. But what I fear most is-alone.
By the way, when I walked into the hall just now, the oncoming feeling was loneliness. I have not felt loneliness for two years, but today it suddenly made me feel lonely. Thinking about it, I actually came to the door of my previous parents' room. There was a thick cobweb on the door, but it still gave people a very familiar feeling. Although it was not locked, I didn’t have the courage to open it. I remembered everything in it clearly in my heart. It was still the same as before, a bed, two tables, a few stools, and Everything should be covered with thick dust now, but I am still afraid of the shock that I have seen with my own eyes. So I turned around and rushed downstairs, this is escape!
After I went downstairs, I went to the kitchen to make a cup of black tea, and I sat down on the sofa in the hall. The feeling of tasting tea alone is far less good than two people being together. I drank a cup of tea, and my casual eyes stopped on a low cabinet next to the sofa. I don’t know how many years this cabinet has been left here. I only know that a long time ago, a chess board and Some chess pieces, that was the battle between me and my previous dad when I was bored. Now my dad will put some newspapers on it, but now there is nothing on it. I don’t know if it is like me. Feeling alone, afraid of being alone.
I am really surprised today, why do I feel lonely when I see everything, I never paid attention to it before. I used to go home from school every day, and as soon as I got home, I would go back to my room to do my homework. When it came time for dinner, I would go downstairs to have dinner with my dad. After the meal, I helped dad wash the dishes and wipe the table. After everything is done, sit here with my father to drink tea, chat, or read the newspaper. But today, why am I alone? Why hasn't Dad come back yet?
I looked away, not wanting to see the lonely cabinet again, but I couldn't help but see the corner on the opposite side. That is a place I am most familiar with, because there, I stayed for more than a thousand days and nights.
I remember that when my parents first left, I was alone, and I, who had never gone out, were even more afraid to go out. I was afraid of everything outside, whether they were harmful or harmless, and I didn’t know them at all. Anyone, even if they go out the door, there is nowhere to go, so they curled up in the corner in fear, because only when my back was against the cold wall, I felt that I was dependent. That icy feeling is still so clear in retrospect, and the corner seems to be calling me, making me feel the urge to curl up there again. I took another sip of tea and settled, but I still got up and walked over.
I hugged my knees and lay down against the corner of the wall, quietly closing my eyes. At this time, the icy feeling on my back from the wall must be the temperature of loneliness, the temperature like ice and snow!
I now deeply realize that loneliness is a very strange feeling.
When you can't hear a voice around you, what you feel is loneliness.
When the noise around you is constant, but you have nothing to do with you, you feel lonely.
In short, I don't like this feeling very much.
father! Why are you not coming back? Why leave me so lonely and so scared?
I lay down and kept asking these questions in my heart, but no voice answered me. I can only lie quietly in the corner and wait, waiting for others to answer, waiting for Dad to come back, waiting for someone to wake me up, waiting for someone to pull me up from the cold corner, waiting for someone to be lonely and afraid Drive away from my life, but will anyone really come? Will anyone really do this? Does anyone really know that a poor person like me is waiting?
No, never, from a long, long time ago to the present, I still lie here, can it be said that this cold corner is where I really should stay?
No, no, my mother said: "You are still too young, and there will be happiness in the future, so you must wait quietly and wait for that day to come."
Mom, did you hear that? I'm waiting, I've been waiting, because I promised you, so I will abide by my promise and wait until my happiness comes.
But now the body is so cold, really so cold, and the surrounding is so quiet, there is no one, no sound.
My consciousness gradually blurred. I don't know how long it has passed, and I don't know whether I am awake or asleep. Everything is prohibited, and I can't perceive it.
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