Chapter 231.1 - Tournament (32) part 1

Chapter 231.1 – Tournament (32) part 1
[Lee Hyung-jin]
As I lay on the bed, I repeatedly threw the monster ball up and down.He was dazed, frustrated and unenergetic.
A strong sense of exhaustion and fatigue was eroding my whole body.
It’s been like this ever since I went to the competition stage.
Is it because of the feeling of helplessness?
I don’t think I can do anything, or should even do anything.
It wasn’t like this when I took part in the stage separately with Ho-jae.
Rather, I was motivated after the struggle.
It was after I suffered so much that I became so motivated, but I also decided to survive by myself, thinking about my future plans.
Until the gods became involved in the competition stage.
After that, I had to run as far away as possible, and that too, all day long.
I can’t even remember the exact situation at that time, I just knew I had to run.
I did everything that I could to escape the endless explosions and the heat burning the planet’s land.
Nevertheless, I almost died several times.
Indeed, if I had responded a little late, it was clear that not only the party I was with, but I would also have died in the explosion.
And at the last moment, when I was burrowed deeply on the other side of the planet, I felt a strong vibration under the ground.
If the gods hadn’t sent the party out in time, could they have survived?
That couldn’t be.
That’s how I judged it back then.
The moment the tremor reaches where I was, it’ll kill me.
So I took out the monster ball, which had saved the female challenger named Lee Jin.
I knew if I stayed out there, I couldn’t protect myself, but if I’m in a monster ball, maybe I can live.
Monster Ball’s admission quota was one.
At that time, I wasn’t worried about Lee Jin.
I was wondering whether I should kill the other members or just go in.
After I went into the monster ball, they could have taken me out.
After the explosion, if they still survived, they would have blamed my actions.
Then, I thought it would be the right decision to kill neatly and go in.
When I came back to the hotel after all the fuss, I had a lot of thoughts.
I felt strange.
Of course I knew I was different.
I was trapped in this crazy hell. I couldn’t help but change.
But I couldn’t believe I thought of killing others so easily.
And if the situation didn’t end there, I’m sure I would have executed my thought.
Even if I went behind and regretted it, that moment would still have taken lives.
I felt that I was acting strange.
As if I wasn’t being myself.
I felt a sense of skepticism and futility.
Why am I struggling to survive like this?
Is it right to live by hurting others?
I never thought about it on the tutorial stage.
No one has ever appeared on the stage to the 12th floor where I am.
It was really dangerous, but at least I didn’t have to kill the monster and feel guilty.
I would gladly kill them and then rejoice in the pleasure of my survival.
But is it okay for me to try to kill a person, treating them like monsters?
Even if I was in danger of dying.
The most painful thing was, if I were to be in the same situation again, I would try to kill another person.
Without thinking, it was clear that I would make decisions faster than anyone else.
It wasn’t just skepticism about myself that was bothering me.
I am not confident of going through the stages of Hell’s Difficulty.
It was scary.
The fear I felt on the run seemed to be the same on the stage.
It was not a question of whether I could clear the upper stages, but a fear that I would die if I went in.
[Lee Ho-jae, 49th floor: Sorry.]
The message came at dawn.
We had quite a long conversation.
There was no feeling of resentment or disappointment.
I didn’t hate him or feel bad about him.
I was too scared to bear such a trivial feeling.
I just repeated that it was okay like a broken robot.

It can’t be alright…

I breathe in deeply.
As if I had swallowed a hot lump of iron, my chest felt hot and stuffy, then suddenly becoming cold.
I grab the monster ball, which had been repeatedly thrown and caught.
Monster Ball did its part that day.
In fact, it was the first time I had ever used this monster ball.
The monster ball wasn’t bought in the store window, it was obtained after I cleared a stage, as an additional reward.
At first, I sneered, saying what kind of trash item they had given me.
This monster ball was seemingly useless to me, who was attacking the stage alone.
Just because you have a monster ball, doesn’t mean it’ll clear the stage for you.
Rather, things will only become more dangerous while staying inside the monster ball.
But that day, Monster Ball proved its usefulness admirably.
When I was about to pass out, I had taken the help of the monster ball and thus, am still alive.
Without it, I would have died on the competition stage.
Maybe I can use this again.
The most problematic floor in Hell’s Difficulty is the 17th floor.
If I put myself in this monster ball and give it to Hojae.
If I could skip the 17th floor and move upstairs just like that.
Wouldn’t my chances of survival be much higher?
The question is whether this is possible.
Damn it. I have to ask Kirikiri about this.
I wish I had come up with this idea earlier.
Anyway, I’ll take this and ask Hyung.
I was supposed to meet Hyung with the vice president of the Order of Vigilance this afternoon.
Feeling a little optimistic, my complexion turned better..
As I was leaving, I remembered the god who gave me this monster ball as a gift.
I once resented them for giving me useless items, but now I’m really grateful.
The God of Hope.
The God of Hope really smiled at me.