Chapter 48: Chapter 48

understand.
I don't understand yet, it's probably a fool.
"Sorry."
The throat rolled, and the three low words seemed to be choked.
Jian Songyi didn't know what to say. The sorrow and sorrow were piled up in his heart. He didn't know where to touch him, so he could only say one thing, sorry.
Sorry.
Is it rejected?
Bai Huai wiped the moisture from the end of his eyes for him, smiled, and his voice was still gentle: "It's okay, let's go, go home."
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, anyhow, I said it, Jian Songyi didn't accept it, and he was not surprised.
He had imagined 10,000 ways to be rejected, each of which was heart-piercing, but it seemed that now this slightly choked sentence of sorry was extremely gentle.
He turned and walked towards the lounge, packed Jian Songyi's bag, made up the bed in the lounge, folded the quilt squarely, took out his mobile phone to take a taxi, and stood in front of Jian Songyi while waiting for the car to block the wind for him.
Careful and appropriate, as always, it seems that neither the confession nor the sorry aroused any emotion in his heart.
Want to cover up, whitewash peace.
However, Jian relaxed, at a loss, holding the sketchbook, and followed Bo Huai blankly, until he was stuffed into the back seat of the taxi by Bo Huai, still dumbfounded.
Bo Huai sometimes wondered if there were two Jian Songyis, usually smart, stubborn and ruthless, but every time he came to him, he became a fool, and he couldn't bear to be angry with him.
Jian Songyi was right, what he could do with him, he could only offer it as an ancestor.
He glanced at the plastic bag Jian Songyi was holding in his arms: "Just hold it like this, don't you plan to return me?"
Jian Songyi's unreasonable temper came up at this time: "It was originally mine, why give it back to you?"
"You gave it to me."
"Can't you come back after giving it away?"
"...Yes, you can do whatever you want."
Bai Huai lowered his head and smiled helplessly.
This sketchbook was bought by Jian Songyi when he was five or six years old, but it was accidentally turned over by Bai Huai and was about to pass. Jian Songyi thought it had his father's endorsement on it, so he didn't think much about it and gave it to him.
Afterwards, Bai Huai kept carrying it with him. This carried the memories of the two people he cared about most in his life. It was extremely precious, so when Wang Shan stole it, he rarely got angry.
And what makes him feel more uneasy is his thoughts hidden inside.
I don't know when it started. He felt that his liking for Jian Songyi had changed, becoming the kind of liking that wanted to guard him for a lifetime.
At first, it was ignorant.
When he first appeared in the alpha feature, the ignorance became uneasy.
Although he hadn't lived as an omega for more than ten years, he suddenly became an alpha, making him realize that there was an insurmountable copper wall between him and Jian Songyi.
Alpha and alpha are discriminated against whether it is moral public opinion or policy restrictions.
The most important thing is that at the age of thirteen or fourteen, it is the age when the boy's love for the first time. Intentionally or unconsciously, he will always hear others say that which good-looking omega has confessed to Jian Songyi again, and it seems very Right.
At that time, Jian Songyi was at the age of the most peacock, and he was very publicized. He always said that he wanted to be the sweetest a and marry the sweetest o.
The speaker has no intention, the listener has the intention.
When Bai Huai first smelled the alpha pheromone in his body, the sweet and sour secret thoughts became extremely bitter.
He was afraid that his wishful thinking would bring criticism and controversy to the young man, and he was also afraid that his secular prejudice would make the young man feel burdened and disgusted.
He felt that it was a secret that could be hidden for a lifetime. He was really suffering, so he wrote that sentence in that notebook.
When I was writing, I was accidentally seen by Wang Shan.
That night, Wang Shan stole the book, said he wanted to make it public, and said he wanted to show it to Jian Songyi, what kind of nasty thoughts the people he thought were brothers actually harbored.
During the dispute, he was thrown downstairs.
Downstairs is a thicket and undergrowth. Bai Huai was looking for it all night with a flashlight. His hands and ankles were scratched, but he never found it.
Before he could close his eyes, I heard that Jian Songyi had acute gastroenteritis. His parents were not at home, so he hurriedly asked for leave, rushed to the hospital, and stayed there for a day. After returning to school, Wang Shan jumped off the building.
And that night, he entered into formal differentiation, because he was the top alpha, the process of differentiation was extremely depressing and painful, and there was no father by his side to tell him how to be an alpha.
He shut himself in the room, afraid to let anyone find out, let alone tell Jian Songyi. The wall of the bedroom, because of the painful hammering of the wall time and time again, the paint fell off and was stained with blood.
When he came out again, he was indifferent as usual, hiding all the pheromones, as if nothing had happened.
Jian Songyi thought that Wang Shan jumped off the building to stimulate him.
He did not deny, he felt that everything could be hidden, until he went to see Wangshan.
Wang Shan laughed coldly and sadly at the time: "Bo Huai, do you think this kind of thing can be hidden? It can't be hidden. But don't worry, I won't say it, I just want to see with my own eyes how you can't hide it. Live, and how the good brother you care about most thinks you are nasty and disgusting. God is still fair, no one will let it go."
When Bai Huai left the ward that day, the first sentence she asked Jian Songyi was: "Jian Songyi, what am I to you."
Jian Songyi didn't hesitate at that time: "My buddy, my lifelong buddy is closer than my brother."
Bai Huai smiled at the time and seemed to have a satisfactory answer.
Then he left the next day, with nothing but the pot of small cedar.
He promised his father that he would give up his medical career and study literature and political affairs. The condition was to transfer to Beicheng, even his household registration, and he had no plans to return.
If that love can’t be hidden, then let’s go. It’s the embarrassment of losing both sides. It’s better to turn into a beautiful regret in the memory. Maybe one day, I don’t like you anymore and I’ll come back.
Later, it really came back.
But it's not because I don't like it anymore, but because I like it too much. I still like it after three years of separation and cut off all connections. I like it until I feel that everything else is no longer important. As long as I can see you and stay with you.
I have prepared for the worst.
But now that I can tell this long and lonely love, I can sit quietly with you, watch the car lights cut through the night, and pass by the city where we have lived together since childhood. For me, there is nothing wrong with being content. .
These are the thoughts of Bai Huai.
He tilted his head and looked out the window.
Suddenly smiled and said, "Jian Songyi, except this time, I don't seem to have lost."
Seems.
Jian Song thought for a while, since childhood, except for this monthly exam, Bai Huai has never lost.
He is the best in everything, he has always been, so good that he is outrageous.
And if it wasn't for himself this time, he might not lose.
Jian Songyi tilted her head and looked out the other window: "I'm sorry."
Originally, Bai Huai wanted to say, there is nothing to be sorry about, I like you, and if you lose, you lose, and you lose willingly.
But he never spoke.
Jian Songyi breathed a sigh of relief on the glass, a thick white mist blocking the corners of his red eyes reflected in the car window.
What he didn't say was that the sentence I was sorry was because if he were not so dull, reckless and self-righteous, would Bai Huai taste less suffering for so many years.
In the late autumn night, the fog was heavy, and the misty ground rushed through the city, rushing across the night, leaving only a vague shadow behind.
On the window of the car, the person behind him was faintly reflected, but it was too vague to understand the other person's thoughts.
Only one room remained silent.
The car stopped.
Get off, respectively.
Jian Songyi suddenly turned around and called Bai Huai: "Do you have nothing else to say?"
Bai Huai paused, didn't turn around, just said lightly: "Yes, many, but I'm afraid you don't like to listen."
"Bo Huai, why are you always like this? How can you hide things like this? I'm different from you, I can't hide things, so I won't guess other people's thoughts. You are like this, I really annoy you Up."
Jian Songyi let out a deep breath, trying to get the mist out of the corner of his eye.
"I also bother me, just like a fool, I haven't found anything for so many years. I still blame you, blame you, you off, and think you like others, and you are good with me every day. I also ask if you have a crush on me. ...I'm just a fool anyway."
Throat rolling: "So, today, can we make things clear."
Bai Huai didn't know what to say for a while, and the lines on his shoulders were stiff: "I thought, if you said I'm sorry, we just made it clear."
"Understand what a fart." Jian Songyi was so angry that Bai Huai said, "How can I explain it? What is it? Do you like me? When did you like me? Why do you like me? And what do you like me? Which? Have you clarified the question? Why can you wrong yourself like this? Saying those words makes me feel guilty, uncomfortable, wronged and wronged me, can't you?"
Jian Songyi's eyes turned redder.
The temper is still so bad, impatient, loves to explode hair, fierce, stabs all over.
He just didn't know how to hide his soft belly.
How can people dislike it.
Bai Huai let out a sigh of relief slowly, turned around, took a step forward, stood a short distance from Jian Songyi, down and met his eyes, his eyes were gentle, word by word, slowly and logically, but utterly sound, determined and affectionate.
"Yes, I like you."
"When did you like it? I don't remember. Maybe I liked it from the beginning."
"I like you because you are Jian Songyi."
"Like everything about you."
"The problem is clear."
"I can be wronged, so you can't be wronged at once."
"In this way, I should love you very much in the future, spoil you, and treat you very well, so I want you to be my boyfriend, can you think that's okay?"