Chapter 60: That grand farewell (1)

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17-year-old met you in the rainy season
Your innocent smile has been with me for many years
Now we are all grown up
You are still that old face
1
Always remember the first kiss
The world is so big, but I just met you;
The world is so small, but I have lost you.
The world is so big, but I can't always forget you;
The world is so small, but I can't meet you anymore.
On Wednesday afternoon, after class, the class teacher asked me to go to her office.
I vaguely understood what she wanted to talk about. Sure enough, she told the students of previous years of early love. They used their experience of declining grades and failed college entrance examination to teach me that early love is absolutely incorrect. From the perspective of the same female, she emphasized that girls are more affectionate. Whether psychologically or physically, early love will do more harm to girls than boys.
She said bitterly for an hour, and I remained silent.
As soon as I walked out of the office, I immediately forgot all the things she said into the trash. It was n’t that she said it was unreasonable, but that the truth she said was more understandable than her. She underestimated me. Mind.
Zhang Jun was also asked by the head teacher to talk to him, and he was certainly also admonishing him to break up, but we have n’t done anything that happened, and we do n’t even bother to talk about this issue.
Teacher, for me and Zhang Jun, it is very annoying, but it does not constitute any deterrent.
Zhang Jun and I are still "early love". I have the halo of the first grade. Zhang Jun is the top four in the class. The head teacher and his brother-in-law also know that the teaching methods adopted by the teachers are relatively gentle, but they are still inconvenient. I want to tell the teacher that if my learning is affected, it is not because of early love, but because of you.
In the mid-term exams, I am the first grade and Zhang Jun is the 28th grade.
I was relieved, shouldn't the teacher whisper early love in our ears to affect learning?
On Saturday night, Zhang Jun asked me to take a walk by the river.
The autumn colors have crossed the poplar trees on both sides of the river bank, and at a glance, there is a golden color, which has a heavy glory.
We sat on the bridge and watched the river flowing under it.
Zhang Jun gave me an old tin biscuit box, and I opened it to see that it contained many beautiful stones.
I looked at him suspiciously. He smiled and said, "Late birthday present."
I couldn't hold back and smiled with my lips closed: "I thought you forgot this year."
He said: "I will not forget."
"Why are there so many stones? Didn't you just give me one every year?"
He grabbed a few stones and let them fall from his fingers, making a clanging sound: "In these years, I will pick stones when I like you, and throw them when I don't want to like you. I still remember when I saw you dancing with Xu Xiaobo in junior high school. I ran here that evening and threw all the stones. While throwing stones, I said to myself that I absolutely do n’t like you anymore. "
The pictures of the past come to my mind, as clear as it happened yesterday, but it has been shaking for more than three years.
I smiled bitterly and said, "That night, I was under the bridge."
"Huh?" He didn't understand.
"The night you dropped the stone, I was sitting there and looking at you. After you left, I went back home because I was too late to be scolded by my dad." I pointed to the shadow beside the pier , Where I was sitting.
He looked at me sideways, the expression on his face seemed sad and joyful, and weird. It is estimated that I was not much better than him. From the bridge to the bridge, we took more than 700 days to arrive.
He looked down at the river and said, "I always think you hate me, but later you helped me hide the gun, and I thought you couldn't do these things for anyone. When you refused to give me a gun, I appeared Anxious, but very happy in my heart, I think you seem to care about me, otherwise I will not go to check the conviction regulations of private guns. Later, if you take the question and set me, I think, will you like me a little, but you I ’ve been with Xu Xiaobo. I ’ll take the questions and set you up. You said you do n’t like Xu Xiaobo. I ’m very happy. Later, I was locked in the police station for interrogation. It ’s scary and happy. "
At that time, it was n’t just him who was uncomfortable. I whispered: "Every time I see you with someone else, I feel particularly uncomfortable. The dress I wore when I danced with Xiaobo that day was red because of you ... Always wear a red dress. "
"Why didn't you care about me at that time?" Zhang Jun rubbed my head a few times and held my arm fiercely, very hard, very hard, so hard that I hurt, and I know that he just wanted to let I feel this pain.
I felt the pain he gave me in silence and joy. He sighed and let go of me.
His eyes were so sad that I felt sour in my heart and leaned on his shoulders. For the first time, I was very gentle and very humble: "We will stop quarreling in the future. If you do n’t want me to go to Shen Yuanzhe, I will alienate him of."
He stared at me, smiling sadly and softly: "Qiqi, if you haven't changed, how good it should be."
I thought he was talking about my feelings, lowering his eyes, shyly said: "I will always like you, will never change."
He suddenly lowered his head and lightly touched my lips.
My body was tense, there was tension and expectation in my heart, and my eyes were closed, but I didn't turn to the beginning, with hints of encouragement.
He had been hesitating, nervous, and daring not to take the next move. I waited a long time, and he didn't move. I turned my head away with disappointment, and my eyes were still closed under embarrassment and shame. But he lowered his head again and kissed my cheek. I tilted my head in his direction, my lips slipped across his face, and I kissed his cheek a few times. I was rubbing my tight skin. His lips finally came together, he kissed me softly tentatively, but immediately left again, I did n’t turn the head, clutching his arm tightly, he seemed to suddenly make up his mind, suddenly lowered his head, and finally I really kissed me and gently pried my lips with the tip of my tongue.
Because of my awkwardness, this kiss is not as touching as it is described in the novel. The two often touch their teeth with their tongues, and the teeth touch the teeth, but we are still very involved.
When he finished, I still closed my eyes tightly, leaning against him softly without any strength in my body. He held my hand tightly and said, "Qiqi, I'm sorry, I have always been a very bad person."
I buried my face in his neck and hummed softly: "Well, you are a big bad guy, but I like big bad guys."
Zhang Jun muttered to himself: "They said that girls will always remember their first kiss, don't know if it is true."
I smiled and said, "Ten years later, you come and ask me."
He looked at me silently and smiled, but he laughed erraticly.
The late autumn evening breeze was cold, he took off his coat and put it on my shoulder.
I shrunk in his clothes and shook his hand in silence, the mood was a peace that had not been seen for a long time. I feel that the previous quarrels are boring, everything else becomes unimportant, I only know that I like him very much, as long as he likes me, I will be very happy.
He also sat silently, holding my hand tightly, which made me feel particularly warm.
He suddenly asked me: "Do you want to study any major in the future?"
"During this time, the light is busy arguing and angry. Where do you have time to think about this? Do you have time to think about this?" I am half coquettish and half complaining.
"I think a lot, especially about your future."
"What? Tell me."
He hugged me abruptly and smiled and said, "I won't say this tonight, okay?"
Obviously it was a topic that you mentioned yourself. I smiled. With joy in my heart, I only nodded to him, "No."
He held my hand, looked up at the sky, and said with a smile: "Tell you a joke."
In his jokes, I laughed and laughed, and he kept looking at me.
From Monday to Friday, Zhang Jun never came to me and went home with me.
Since the two of them talked by the bridge last weekend, my mind has become peaceful, and I am no longer suffering so much. I have n’t paid attention to these details.
On Saturdays, classes are normally held during the day, but Zhang Jun still hasn't come to me. I had to go to him after school.
He and Huang Wei sat and laughed by the fountain below the teaching building. Huang Wei turned a blind eye to me, and I pretended not to see her, and only said to Zhang Jun: "When will I see you at night?"
Zhang Jun looked at me silently for a while: "Did you not see Tong Yunzhu?"
"What's wrong? Is she looking for me?"
Zhang Jun shook his head and remained silent for a long time: "I have something tonight."
In front of Huang Wei, I did n’t want to show any disappointment. I smiled and nodded:
Okay, then I ’m going.

I started to get angry while walking. After a few minutes, I reminded myself that I just said that I was not angry at the weekend, and my mood slowly calmed down. Maybe Zhang Jun had something important, but I carelessly forgot to tell me.
Tong Yunzhu chased breathlessly and handed me a letter: "Why didn't you see the figure as soon as school was over? This was transferred by Zhang Jun to let me give you after school."
I am very strange, he never wrote me a letter, why suddenly gave me a letter?
I don't want to go home, I just want to find a quiet place and read the letter undisturbed. He ran to the river in one breath, threw the schoolbag on the ground, and opened the letter.
Luo Qiqi
As soon as I saw the beginning, my heart sank and I couldn't believe it again.
Luo Qiqi:
I wanted to tell you last week, but I really don't know how to speak, I can only write letters.
When I was in elementary school, I always felt guilty for you. Every time I saw you in silence, I wanted to do something for you. At that time, you were really like a little rabbit, or the most frightened rabbit. Every time I was with you, I was particularly nervous, and I was very careful, I was afraid to scare you away.
The memories of elementary school are not beautiful, but because of the high teacher, all the unhappiness becomes irrelevant. There has never been a teacher who is as good to me as Teacher Gao. When every adult thinks I am incurable, only Teacher Gao praises me. If there is no teacher Gao, I will definitely be completely bad until I die on the street. In the summer vacation of the fifth grade, I will listen to teacher Gao every day and go home with you again. There are no tobacco and alcohol, no fights, there are still many exercises to do, obviously not fun, but I am very happy, I am very happy every day, especially looking forward to school.
Once, the two of us were playing in the water in the river. I was lying on a big rock to sleep. You covered me from the sun with a cold hat, so I pretended to sleep, to see how long you can hold it. You actually kept holding it and made me Really embarrassed to pretend to sleep again. Do you remember? I must have forgotten. You were really stupid at that time. You did n’t do anything stupid, and you would n’t say anything. As long as I and Teacher Gao both looked at you, you would stutter, and you would n’t be able to say any questions you would obviously do.
After I went to junior high school, my friends became more and more, and the teachers treated me well, but I do n’t know why. I always think of the summer vacation of the fifth grade, remembering that we listened to teacher Gao together, and remembering that you solved the problem quickly, but ended It's unclear how to stutter, and I'll explain it to you next. As I said, you nodded non-stop and weren't afraid of a sore neck. It also reminds you of the silly way of holding a cold hat to shield me from the sun.
I used to think that if we did n’t go to the same middle school, maybe it would only become a very beautiful memory, and you would only become a memory of my regret and happiness, but we are in a school and I can do it every day. Seeing you, there are cabaret, dance hall, no matter where I am, I can always meet you.
I'm worried that you and Xu Xiaobo will get worse when you get together. You're worried that silly you can't cope with the gang of gangsters. I'm sorry that you stubbornly oppose the cornucopia in the most stupid way. But you haven't changed, not only have you changed, but the better. From talking with people to keep their heads down, to standing in front of thousands of people, and winning prizes in speeches; from stammering when they are nervous, they can't even speak clearly, to participating in debates on behalf of the school. I have listened to every speech and debate contest you have; I have also watched the posters you published, and I have also specially recorded the footage of you in the TV news. Watching you become more confident and happier a little bit, I heartily please you.
I always thought it was because I had done something that I was sorry for you, because of guilt, so I especially hope you can have a good life. When I suddenly discovered that I was jealous of Xu Xiaobo, I realized that I had fallen in love with you, and I didn't even know when this happened.
When you were in the first year of high school, you were in the next class, and I could see you almost every day. You never regard discipline as zero and always like to be late. Everyone is seated in the classroom before you step on the ready bell and walk to the classroom. I used the power of the squad leader to occupy the best position in sight. I really like to see you at that time, combing the tall horse tail, walking up, not squinting, holding my head high, one step at a time, the horse tail shakes happily behind the head. Your whole body exudes confidence, like a fighter, no matter what is in front of you, you will stride over with your head striding forward. Every time I see you, I feel like I have a lot of strength.
You are often taught by teachers of various subjects because you are late, but you still do your own thing. Once you were late, the teacher did not let you enter the classroom. I saw you dedicatedly admiring the scenery outside the window. You also dipped your fingers in the water. Drawing on glass, I obviously enjoy being driven out of the classroom by the teacher. Even those who see you will be happy. I even secretly thought at the time, it is best if you can be fined by the teacher often, so I can see you often during class.
At that time, I wanted to tell you every day that I liked you, but when I thought of secretly escorting you home, your shouting name was "Xiaobo", and when I thought of Song Peng confessing to you, you took the love letter back in public In front of Song Peng, I was timid.
Because of the summer camp, I finally have the opportunity to really get close to you. I have played countless tricks to catch up with you. Every day with you, I am always surprised and upset. I am always afraid that I am not good enough to make you like enough.
Probably because I have known since I was a child, I always have a little you in my heart. I always try to protect you and take care of you, but you have grown up, not only grown up, but also stronger and better than the average person, I am in you The face is just an ordinary boy, you don't need my protection and care at all.
When I was with you, I vowed secretly and ecstatically, I must make you happy forever, but now I find that I have not done it, and I can no longer do it.
I used to love you very much, but those feelings have been exhausted in countless trivial contradictions and quarrels again and again.
I thought about it for a long time, and think that breaking up is the best ending for you and me. You will definitely meet a good boy in the future, he will make you always keep your head up and step forward.
Zhang Jun
I didn't shed tears, nor did I feel uncomfortable. I don't believe this is true.
I tucked the letter into my pocket at random, carrying the schoolbag, and returned home calmly, but put down the schoolbag, lied to my mother, and walked out of the house again.
I went to Zhang Jun's house to find him, called Zhen Gongzi to inquire about his whereabouts, and went to the place where he often went to find him. I didn't know what I was thinking, I only knew that I wanted to see him.
After a whole night of searching, I searched home, school, roller skating rink, karaoke hall, dance hall ... I couldn't find him.
I walked downstairs to his house and sat on the stage beside the flower bed, waiting for him.
It was more than eleven o'clock in the evening, and he still didn't go home. I still waited and didn't even consider how my parents would handle my late return. Until twelve o'clock, the familiar figure appeared under the dim street lamp.
He put his hands in his trouser pockets, lowered his head, and walked slowly.
"Zhang Jun."
He turned around and looked at me staring blankly, never expecting it to be more than twelve, and I was still here.
I walked in front of him and did n’t want to cry. I could only smile hard:
I ’ve read your letter, do I want to know if you are serious?

He nodded slowly: "seriously."
"Is there really no chance of salvation?" I admire myself, and I can still speak so logically.
"The college entrance examination is still in half a year, so concentrate on your studies, and don't force yourself to accommodate me."
"I like you, do you know? I do whatever I want, and I didn't force myself."
He was silent for a while, and looked away and said, "But I don't like you anymore." He seemed afraid that I didn't believe it, and said, "I'm very unhappy with you. It's been a long time. Anything I like will be punished. depleted."
I was breathless with pain, as if a house in my heart that had been carefully maintained collapsed rumblingly, as if the whole heart would be broken into powder, but my face laughed strangely, perhaps to prevent tears Next, it may be just the habitual reaction for so many years, the more you are injured, the more you have to cover up with a smile.
He said, "I will take you home."
We walked silently, when I passed the familiar bridge, I tripped on the steps, he held me up, the physical contact made me suddenly, no longer care about self-esteem and pride, grabbed his hand , Almost begging to ask him: "Can we break up? No matter what, I am willing to change, you tell me, I will definitely change."
He stared at me silently, as if there were nostalgia in his eyes, but when I thought he would agree, he withdrew his hand: "You can't turn your mind for a while now, take a good sleep tonight, and you will know tomorrow that it's no big deal. "
My pride and reason have not allowed me to say anything, but my fragility and feelings are unwilling. I firmly grasped the fingertips of his gradual departure, hoping that he could be soft-hearted, but his power was greater and more determined. Finally, he drew his hand hard, away from me.
He was walking in the front, and I was walking in the back, keeping a distant distance between them.
I suddenly remembered the story he told me about quitting smoking. He started smoking from the second grade of elementary school until the third grade. His addiction to smoking was quite large, and he had to smoke at least one packet a day. In the first year of high school, he decided to be a normal student and started to quit smoking. It ’s uncomfortable. Friends around me often deliberately seduce him and smoke him, but he said that since he ’s decided, he must stick to it and get through the most uncomfortable days, and everything will get better. After the week, he no longer has any desire to smoke.
I think this time, he also made up his mind to quit me.