Chapter 52: Am i sick

Chapter Fifty Two
Xie Ning thought: He has been waiting for this sentence for too long.
For so many years, it is not that no one has told him that homosexuality is not a disease. Our country has passed the same-sex marriage law.
However, from the mouth of a psychologist, it has a different meaning.
It was like an authority figure, solemnly removing the shackles from him and proclaiming him not guilty.
Xie Ning thought that his heart should have fluctuated. The clinker was in his ears at this moment, but he never made any big waves.
Other people's hearts are shining, throwing a stone down, rippling waves of waves.
The lake in his heart was frozen, and the stone smashed on the ice with a huge noise, but since then disappeared, there is no follow-up.
So Shainin just blinked and even smiled inconspicuously.
His emotions were too light and too weak, and even joy was separated by a thick layer of ice at this time.
Only one person is different.
In front of Zhuang Yan, those ice cubes will gradually melt, as if from winter to spring, from black and white painting to color painting, showing his colorful inner world.
If his emotions turned into inextricable threads, then Father Xie and Yan Xi tied one end each, and the rest was wrapped around Zhuang Yan.
"Thank you." Xie Ning said to Ji Wenbin, "Thank you for letting me hear this."
If he can take a sip from the water cup at this time, he will find the dangling water in the cup, and then find his shaking hands.
It's not that he has no feelings and emotions, but he has even forgotten himself.
Ji Wenbin flashed a few thoughts in his mind, and finally smiled at him thoughtfully: "If you have any unpleasant experiences and feelings, you can talk to me."
Xie Ning looked down, thought for a while, and then slowly spoke.
...
Xie Ning rarely thinks about things before adulthood, and most of them are unpleasant experiences.
Occasionally I think of it, and what is most impressive is that the psychologist repeatedly transmitted to him the thought of "homosexuality is mental illness" and Xia Wan's occasional hysteria.
Those psychologists would always ask him a lot of questions, dig out the roots of his past, and look for the abnormalities in him from a little bit of clues.
They would look at him with pity, but the kind of compassion made Xie Ning's creeps.
It seems to say: Although you are mentally ill, it doesn't matter. It can be cured. You want you to be obedient.
As long as you are obedient.
Xia Wan sometimes cried and hugged him, with a mournful voice: "Ningning, it's okay, you'll be better. Listen to your mother. Don't like men. Your mother will make you a normal person."
Her expression is really like a mother facing a terminally ill child, sad and firm.
Xie Ning would occasionally be in a daze, whether the normal person she was talking about corresponds to homosexuality or neurosis.
Or in Xia Wan's eyes, there is no difference.
At first, he would also express his views with Xia Wan: "Homosexuality is just a sexual orientation..."
In exchange for Xia Wan's hysterical anger: "Why is my son gay! Why are you such a person!"
Why am I such a person?
Xie Ning was silent afterwards.
Homosexuality is a mental illness.
Can be treated.
Correctable.
Xie Ning asked himself, is he really wrong?
Why do those psychologists come to the same conclusion as Xia Wan?
Is he really mentally ill?
When waking up from a dream late at night, looking at the moonlight, he asked himself over and over again?
Am i sick?
Am i sick?
Am i sick?
He was puzzled and confused.
Why does everyone say he is sick.
Since childhood, he has been serious and obedient, and Xia Wan has always been proud of having such a son.
When did Xia Wan look at her from being proud and caring to hating iron and steel.
He...what did he do wrong.
Xia Wan took him to several psychological counselors, took various medicines, and used various correction methods and treatment plans.
But little effect.
Once when I came out from a counselor with Xia Wan, Xia Wan suddenly broke down and cried: "Ningning, my mother is so uncomfortable, why can't you get better? Why can't you change?"
Xie Ning stood blankly at the door.
He looked at the distraught Xia Wan, but his heart was as calm as stagnant water.
He couldn't feel the slightest affection for the people connected by blood, nor the slightest sadness.
His world seemed to be covered by the vast snow, and his eyes were full of deserted white.
There is no vitality, and there is no vitality.
Later, he was probably more and more silent, and communication with the outside world became less and less. The psychologist judged that he also suffered from emotional apathy.
Xia Wan cried again, crying and said, "Ningning, listen to your mother, and your mother will cure you."
Xie Ningjing looked at her face quietly, and a sense of fatigue spread from the deepest point to the whole body.
He didn't speak, just curled his lips mockingly.
Xindao: I really became a neurosis.
...
The weather outside is not very good.
There was still a small sun when I went out in the morning. At this moment, the wind mixed with heavy rain made everyone's clothes wet.
Xie Ning was caught off guard when he pushed open the glass door, and was bent by the sudden wind.
Someone nearby supported him and said "careful".
Xie Ning nodded at him and whispered thank you.
He didn't bring an umbrella, so he hesitated a little now.
He came to see the psychologist without telling Zhuang Yan, so he didn't let the driver drive.
I haven't taken a driver's license. I didn't think there was anything before, but now I realized that it was really inconvenient.
When I walked to the entrance of the hospital, my clothes were soaked, and I probably had to take a hot bath when I went back.
But it is also very likely to catch a cold.
He pursed his lips.
There are too many taxis at the gate.
Xie Ning slowly found a bus stop sign, but today's wind was too strong, and the stop sign could not be used as a cover. The slanted wind was mixed with raindrops. He wiped his face and found that it was covered with water stains.
There are seats for people to rest at the bus station. Although there are many people at the moment, the seats are empty, and the seats are already wet.
Xie Ning waited for a long time, and finally came a few taxis, but they didn't get them.
Finally, when someone was almost gone, another pregnant woman with a pot belly came next to her.
When the last taxi stopped, Xie Ning slowed down a bit, not embarrassed to fight the pregnant woman.
The pregnant woman got into the car, pulled down the window again, and asked him, "Young man, where are you going, if you drop by?"
Xie Ning was stunned.
The pregnant woman said: "It's not easy to wait for a taxi right now. It took a long time for a taxi to come here. You see you are soaked, so let's join a car at once."
Unfortunately, the lakeside villa and the pregnant woman's home are in two directions. Even if the pregnant woman is willing, the driver does not want to travel around most of the city in the storm.
Xie Ning smiled at the pregnant woman: "It's okay, I'll just wait a while."
There are fewer and fewer people around.
The sound of wind and rain were still loud, which matched Xie Ning's chaotic mind. He waited for a long while, before waiting for the next taxi, he simply sat down in the cold seat.
The pants are soaked anyway.
The rain curtain leaned down.
Xie Ning stared at the water droplets in series, his brain slowly became blank from clutter.
If the person trapped here is not Xie Ning, he might be able to paint this rain scene and enjoy the romance of this lonely journey between heaven and earth.
He smiled happily, watching a group of people crossing the road with umbrellas in the distance, and the busy streets, watching the car tires splashing across the small puddles on the ground.
After watching for a long time, he was so cold that his body began to tremble, and he was stunned when he touched the phone in his trouser pocket.
The phone was shaking.
Xie Ning suddenly remembered that he could call the driver to pick him up.
He pursed his lips.
Today is really... I don't know what I am thinking.
The phone was trembling all the time. He took it out and saw that it was a call from Zhuang Yan.
When I was about to pick it up, my hand slipped because it was covered with water, and the phone fell to the ground, rolled again, and finally fell into a small puddle.
Xie Ning took two steps to pick up the phone.
Today's luck continues to be poor.
The phone screen fell to pieces.
But somehow it can still talk.
Xie Ning had just connected Zhuang Yan's phone, but the phone screen went blank before he heard any sound.
I don't know if it was because of the water.
Shaining:...
He looked at the dark cell phone screen, and a sense of grievance suddenly rose in his heart.
He bit his lip and thought: even the phone must bully him.
Xie Ning has no idea what to do now.
There was rain falling down his forehead, being held by the upturned eyelashes for a while, and falling from his eyes when he blinked, as if he was crying.
After a while, my eyes were also hazy, and I couldn't see anything.
He sat blankly at the station for a long time,
I don't know how long it took, a black car stopped in front of him.
He felt that this model of car was a bit familiar and couldn't help but look at it more.
The results become more familiar...
Someone got out of the car with an umbrella.
This person looks familiar too.
Xie Ning wiped his eyes, trying to wipe off the rain on them, so that the man could be seen more clearly.
At this moment, the man had walked up to him under the umbrella.
Xie Ning blinked, and her eyes were wet again.
The figure is very familiar, and the voice is very familiar: "Why? Can't you recognize me?"
Hearing this sound, Xie Ning's nose suddenly sore.
"Did you cry?" he asked, his voice a little panicked, "Don't cry, I'm not here to take you home."
Xie Ning looked up, and when he saw the angular face, suddenly couldn't help but plunged into his arms: "Zhuang Yan."
Zhuang Yan hugged him, and his voice sounded above him: "Well, I'm here."
Most of Zhuang Yan's clothes were dry, except for the shoulders and the corners of his pants.
Xie Ning is not a crying person, but now she was hugged into her dry and warm chest, but she started to cry quickly.
It was as if he finally found an embrace that he could rely on and feel at ease, and he could vent all his grievances and pains unscrupulously and unscrupulously.
He wanted to say: I'm so uncomfortable.
Uneasy, sad, wronged, uncomfortable.
Those pains that no one can talk to, no one can understand.
It was as small as the cell phone that just broke, and it was as large as the silent resistance these years.
His memory is very good, and the dusty memories are turned out little by little, like old and yellowed photos, stained with dust.
So the grievances he had forgotten swept across.
When he expounded the past in front of Ji Wenbin, he was still quiet and calm, with a little indifference, as if those things had already passed and could not affect his current mood.
But when he slammed into Zhuang Yan's arms, all his emotions came alive again.
He couldn't help crying presumptuously.
The author has something to say: 　　 sweet text, no abuse. is not it?
Recommend Cui Rosh's new pit "Our Head Has Collapsed" serialization, super beautiful, tears forced!
Li Mokong, the head of Wentiandao, the world's number one master and the number one beautiful man
Suddenly found out one day
I turned out to be a character in a novel
What's more sad than a character in a novel is
He is not the protagonist
If you are not the protagonist, you don’t hang up, if you don’t hang up, you die
Since then he has embarked on a long road
Xiao Hang, the writer of a certain website, is a popular book, and is trending towards becoming a god
Suddenly found out one day
The villain in my own novel has come out
What's more terrifying than the villain in the book is
This "villain" is kind of cute
Li Mokong: "Great God, write me a note in the book!"
Xiao Hang: "iyourfather. Call Dad!"
The app address can be found by searching for the name "Our head has collapsed" or the author name [Cui Roche].
thank!
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