Chapter 105: Extra monologue

Jiang Zesheng always felt that he was a monster, since the kidnapping case when he was young.
After being rescued in that abduction case, on the surface he still looks as good as he used to be, as if the proud man of fate is the son that made his father proud, the talk show off by his mother and friends, but nothing seems to be missing, but Jiang Zesheng himself knew that things were different, and everything was different.
When the father was negotiating with the kidnappers, he gave up on his political future for his own political future. The mother turned a blind eye ... and the dark, flashing and thundering three days became a scar and an injury in his heart forever.
On the surface, he looked the same as in the past, but after that, his mother's concern, his father's harshness, and the closeness of his friend ... the once-loved pet in the family died, and Jiang Zesheng could no longer have the slightest feeling, he Indifferent, cold ...
Looking at his mother who was fooling around because of his father's derailment, and hugging his crying mother, Jiang Zesheng could not feel the slightest sympathy, not even a word of false condolences.
Facing his father who had felt pressured by strict requirements and wanted to work hard to be a good son to make his father happy, he no longer wanted to work hard to please each other and show his desire for fatherly love, but he was very calm, Very indifferent, even not caring about the other side, he not only did not feel happy, but also developed an impatient mood.
Even when his grandfather passed away, he looked at the sad and crying relatives around him ... He couldn't feel the slightest grief, but felt very depressed.
He appeared impatiently in the hall of worship, but he had to be, even the hypocrisy of the formula ... He didn't want to say the last word.
Since then, Jiang Zesheng knew he was ill.
Although alive, it is no different from the walking dead.
Only when darkness and thunder sounded, he ceased to be indifferent, perceiving the emotions of fear, panic, fear, and rapid heartbeat like when he was a normal person when he was a child.
His mother was the first to discover that he was afraid of thunder, but after the mother discovered the problem, Jiang Zesheng was not concerned and worried.
It was the mother's cold and cruel accusation: "Afraid of thunder? Your boy is afraid of what thunder looks like. It's a pity! From then on, you won't be allowed to turn on the lights and rest in a thunderstorm, and turn it off when it hits thunder and rain. I have to cure you of this problem! "
He has since been deprived of the right to turn on the lights to avoid fear in thunderstorms.
Jiang Zesheng clearly realized that his mother didn't love him. What she needed was just a perfect son who was perfect as a machine and could show off to outsiders.
But when he realized this, he no longer felt sad, he just felt indifferent ...
The only thing that made him feel was the night that thundered.
But he could no longer escape.
Because of his selfishness, his mother could only endure in silence and pain ...
Jiang Zesheng thought he would be so numb, indifferent, and spend his life mechanically in pain, unable to bear the choice of suicide as the end of his life.
This life without a color and a walking dead made him painful and boring.
Until he met He Ziming--
Only a little different glory in his life, let him feel that in addition to numbness and unbearable pain, fear, life can also have love and expectation.
Even if the love and hatred had caused him pain, it was painful and happy.
Because of He Ziming, he let him live an infinite expectation for the long life.
He Ziming was first seen at a banquet held by the He family. At that time, Jiang Zesheng didn't feel He Ziming. He just looked at him more because of his appearance.
To be honest, He Ziming didn't look like an orphan from the countryside at all. Instead, he was too beautiful and exquisite. He almost had a sense of enchantment, compared with many beautiful city children.
Even Jiang Zesheng, who was accustomed to handsome men and women, couldn't help looking at him for a while.
But for only a while, He Ziming was too beautiful in Jiang Zesheng's eyes, but he was also stupid and clumsy ...
Almost everyone who attended the banquet at the He family knew that the He family adopted the child, but he just found a mobile blood bank for his younger son, but the child did n’t know it, and he was stupid and naive. He really wanted to adopt him. The brothers of the He family really wanted to be with him. They tried to please others and wanted to be integrated into their circle. However, they did n’t know that they were completely treating him as a fool. Watching his jokes.
Jiang Zesheng doesn't like silly, naive, simple things.
Because, in their circle, the more silly and sweet they are, the faster they die.
It's too fragile, it's too vulnerable, there's nothing to love.
During the banquet, the youngest son of the He family, He Xizheng, was always by his side. He looked like a good old man and trusted the fool boy, but Jiang Zesheng saw at a glance that the sick young son of the He family was waiting for an opportunity. He He Ziming made him a joke.
Sure enough, after a while, the stupid and dumb teenager was under the instruction of He Xiyi, and came over with a glass of mango juice allergic to mango.
"Hello ... Hello, my name is He Ziming, please ... May I ask you to drink mango juice?" The teenager came to him with a pair of bright, naive eyes looking at him, like a kitten for adoption. ,Carefully.
If I had known that he and He Ziming would have the following entanglements and could go back in time, Jiang Zesheng would desperately want to go back to that time, even if he was allergic to his death, he would have to drink that glass of mango juice.
Or, even if you don't drink mango juice, you can treat him tenderly, and then be gentle enough to give him face and make friends with him.
He could see that He Ziming had a good first impression on him.
But no ...
At that time, Jiang Zesheng could not predict the future, nor did he know the importance of He Ziming to him in later life. I don't know, how precious He Ziming, who has never been hurt and frustrated, compares with later!
Jiang Zesheng only pushed He Ziming indifferently. He didn't even explain his mango allergy. He answered coldly, "Thank you, I never drink mango juice!"
After speaking, he turned and left, not even giving He Ziming the opportunity to say another word.
It caused a lot of people to have a chance to ridicule and laughed at He Ziming: "Haha, you don't see Jiang a little face and don't give him face, turn around and leave."
"He thought he was something, and he wanted to sacrifice Shaojiang ... Hot cheeks and cold ass."
"..."
Jiang Zesheng knows that He Ziming has become the face of the later look. He also has a share and has a great responsibility, even one of the main reasons!
He couldn't break free, but only bear, atonement.
But at that time, he didn't think so. At that time, what kind of ridicule the people would have to He Ziming, Jiang Zesheng could imagine, but he was of little help. He was relieved of He Ziming's thoughts. He even felt no sympathy for He Ziming ... You should be indifferent to him, be ruthless ...
At that time, in his opinion, silly white sweet could not last for a long time in such an environment. Even if it wasn't for him, there would be others who let him suffer, stumble, and indirectly taught him to recognize that reality is doing good.
With so many poor people in the world, let him sympathize with him one by one. Where can he get sympathy?
What's more, he had no sympathy.
But he didn't know his mistake and stupidity.
Later, there was very little intersection between Jiang Zesheng and He Ziming. Although they attended the same school, they never met. Jiang Zesheng almost forgot that he had met such a person. There is such a person in the world, only in other people. In the chat, he faintly heard that He Ziming, as he expected, had been miserable by a group of rich second-generation 'teaching to learn to be human', restrained a lot, and matured a lot.
But what does it matter to him?
However, everyone has his own life, and so is he, unable to escape.
Intersect with He Ziming again, once when he was forced to turn off the lights and feel thunder and lightning by his mother. After waking up the next morning, a second personality appeared, which really scared his elegant and noble mother. .
At the doctor's diagnosis, he was mentally and mentally troubled, with a personality split and bipolar disorder.
His mother was frightened, but not because he was distressed and worried about his son, but because his son was no longer outstanding and excellent, making her embarrassed and leaving her no way to show off ... For the sake of face, Jiang Zesheng's parents The news was blocked for a while, and Jiang Zesheng started a long, depressive psychotherapy ...
His parents couldn't accept that their proud son was a monster without empathy and empathy, but they didn't reflect at all, and didn't know that all of them were caused by them.
They themselves have this problem, but it is not as serious as Jiang Zesheng.
In the course of treatment, Jiang Zesheng was very depressed and painful, especially when he was disappointed and indifferent to his parents, but he didn't have the slightest love.
In order to ease this pressure, he chose to go online in an anonymous forum and talked about his distress.
He hides that he has no empathy, empathy, suffering from split personality and bipolar disorder, and only confessed on the Internet that the previous abduction caused great psychological trauma and indifference to his parents, as well as his and his parents' Existing problems and profound expressions of his indifference to this indifference ... whether to him or his parents.
It may be that the subject of the post is not attractive enough. He waited for several days and no one answered him. Jiang Zesheng didn't care, right when he was in a tree hole for entertaining himself.
The first and only person who responded to his post was an anonymous netizen.
The man comforted him, persuaded him, and talked about many of his problems to the idea, so that Jiang Zesheng was very empathetic, and the man started talking.
The man told him that he was an orphan who was adopted by a rich man because of his special blood type, because his son had a serious blood disease and needed a mobile blood bank, and he lived in that environment Depression is painful, but one cannot give up hope after all ...
I don't know why. After the netizen said this message, Jiang Zesheng's inexplicable thought flashed He Ziming's face.
But after thinking about it, I didn't think it would be such a coincidence. He and the other party may not be in the same city. Country Z is so big, it is too normal for people with the same situation to dispel this idea.
Jiang Zesheng was very speculative in chatting with that netizen. Going to chat with that netizen once or twice became his daily work.
At that time, Jiang Zesheng did not know that the person sitting at the other end of the network cable was actually He Ziming.
The second time I saw He Ziming in reality, after a day of school, he was eager to go to the toilet, but in the toilet of the school, he saw a group of the second party of the Fair Party preparing to bully He Ziming and another ordinary boy. .
On that day, Jiang Zesheng had just had a psychological treatment, and the psychologist kept pressing him and asked, "Why don't you have compassion? Seeing others' pain and discomfort, don't you want to help others? Seeing that your pet died, Don't you feel sad? "
"You should be sad. When you see someone in need of help, you should help others. That's a normal person." I was forced to inculcate such a concept.
His mother also chased him and kept asking: "You have no expression at all. Your dad found a mistress and gave birth to a child. Then the child may replace your status. Are you not sad at all? Don't want to let yourself Is it normal? You have no expression at all, just like a wooden stake! "
His mother beat him, the psychologist brainwashed him, but Jiang Zesheng gave birth to a kind of rebellious psychology.
He thought, why? Why should they follow the path they want? He's not. He just doesn't have empathy, what about empathy?
Who dares to say that he just has a problem and cannot be regarded as a normal person?
He is partial.
Jiang Zesheng walked into the toilet, and those second generations saw him coming, and all stopped their movements.
He Ziming looked at him with a pair of and white eyes, his eyes were wet with the light of Greek wings.
Jiang Zesheng knew that he was asking for help, but it was when he was accused of not having empathy and empathy. The more he looked at He Ziming's eyes, the more hesitant Go to the toilet door.
"Jiang ... Jiang Zesheng, help me!" He Ziming heard a scream for help from behind him, instead he accelerated his pace and cut off the last glimmer of hope.
No one can save you, only you can save yourself ...
Anyway, these rich second generations won't really kill him anyway.
Jiang Zesheng thought this way, as if he was moving away faster and faster, but kept thinking about He Ziming's sorrow and cry for help at that time.
When he reached the gate of the school, he paused and some wanted to go back.
But in the end, instead of doing so, he chose to notify the school's security and guards to let them rush to the toilet.
After watching the security guards listening to his report, he hurried to the toilet ... Jiang Zesheng thought, this is probably enough.
He has done his utmost to He Ziming.
But he didn't know at that time, it was not enough, it was far from enough.
The author has something to say: After the previous chapter was outside the fairy world, I said I would write it. It is not the same as the previous content. Copying and cheating subscriptions is not the same as what I wrote. If you do n’t believe it, you can go back and read it.
I do n’t understand. Is it wrong to keep promises these days?