Chapter 311: You are the gentlest light in the world (52)

How do you say that feeling?
He was very helpless and powerless, and knew vaguely that he might be unable to go on.
In fact, he had been mentally prepared for this situation.
After all, the doctor had already made a diagnosis a long time ago. He was born with a deficiency, so his body's resistance was extremely poor. I have been so weak and have induced many complications. You may die at any time, it may be today, it may be tomorrow, if you are lucky, it may be years later...
People who are chronically ill actually die the most painful.
Because other people died without warning, it was impossible to predict their own death.
But people who have been ill for a long time have all the abnormalities in their body, knowing that their bones are getting worse, and knowing when they will not be able to survive.
Foreseeing death, and then watched me step by step toward death.
You can't even save yourself.
Because the doctor has already said that there is no cure for medicine and stone.
Every time before entering the ICU, Gu Xishi would have symptoms such as lethargy, chest tightness, shortness of breath, and so on. He generally had a fluke and did not have such a strong premonition.
But this time, Gu Xishi's heart seemed to have been sinking under the lake.
It's so cold.
Without the heat, his body became cold inch by inch, and he did not even dare to stretch out his hand to hug Fanxing while sleeping at night, for fear that she would be cold by himself.
Carefully use the tip of the index finger to trace the eyebrows and eyes of Fanxing...
The stars, my stars.
In the past, I always heard people say that I have not given birth to a king, and that I have grown old. This is the most powerless thing in this world.
He didn't know until now that what really makes people feel powerless in this world is the difference between us in a healthy body.
The age gap can still be surpassed.
But the interval between life and death is really helpless.
"Fanxing, I have a hunch that I may not be able to survive this winter." Gu Xishi did not choose to hide it.
With others passing away for a long time, so Fanxing has no defense at all. It's better to take advantage of this last time and give her a little bit of psychological preparation, so that it will not be completely unacceptable at the time.
Fanxing pursed his lips, and after a glance at Gu Xishi, he lowered his head stubbornly.
Do not listen, Xiaohuahua chants.
As long as she does not listen, it means that Gu Xishi will not die.
"You touch me, it's almost no temperature." Gu Xishi took Fanxing's hand, reached into his clothes, and pressed it on her body.
Obviously, he was talking about such a heavy topic about his own life and death, but he was stunned like a well-inspired and instructive teacher, calm and self-sufficient.
"So I think death should be very close to me. This is inevitable, Fanxing, we can't escape, you know?"
People can only go on walking if they are brave enough to face it.
The more you evade, the less you can get out of the mud.
If Fanxing can face his death, he might find someone he likes to support each other and spend his life.
She always escaped, and she never wanted to come out in this life.
Although Gu Xishi knew Fanxing, he still underestimated the paranoia of Little Bear Cub after all. Fanxing herself was originally a besieged city, only she opened a door to let people in, she had never come out...
"Gu Xishi, bad guy!" Fanxing bowed his head and cursed dully.
"Fanxing, for me, death has never been the most terrible thing. I think the truly terrible thing in this world is that I have never met you in my life." Life is never based on the length of the person. And those things that happened are the true meaning of his life.
For more than twenty years, he was confused, waiting for death.
Meeting Fanxing is the real beginning of his life.
He even feels...
In this life, he forced it.
Moreover, it is a painstaking effort, at all costs, to force it. If it weren't for force, Fanxing would have no chance with him.
His bones are estimated to be the price of force.
This faint feeling made him still grateful even if he died. Thanks for this life, he can meet his little star.
"I don't want to talk to you." Fanxing narrowed her mouth, sniffed, and stopped crying.
"You like me so much, you won't be willing to ignore me." Gu Xishi touched her face.
Now that the future is known, accept it frankly.
Death is not terrible, it is terrible to indulge in it, but wasted the last time together.

The weather slowly cooled down and it was winter.
During these two or three months, Gu Xishi seemed calm and not like a person whose life was about to burn out.
When I wake up every day, I habitually kiss Fanxing's forehead. He is getting less and less energetic, sometimes holding the stars in the bed for a whole day.
Fanxing felt that Gu Xishi was like ice, cold.
At the beginning, there was still a bit of temperature in his arms. She hugs him and can transmit the temperature of her body to him.
But the later, the more cold he got. Even if she was warm all over, holding Gu Xi in her arms, she couldn't make him warm.
So not only Gu Xishi, but Fanxing also gradually felt...
That kind of vitality gradually lost.
Fanxing feels like she is hugging a porcelain doll when she is hugging Gu Xi.
If you hug too lightly, you are worried that you will lose your time. But if you hug him too hard, you are worried that Gu Xishi is so fragile and will accidentally kill him.
So every time Gu Xishi fainted and fell asleep, the little bear cub opened his eyes in confusion.
The confusion about death, the fear of loss.
She is very afraid of losing Gu Xi time, but she can't do anything.
Gu Xishi seemed to be very afraid of her being sad, so he told her over and over again that he was not afraid of death. In fact, he was mentally prepared for it, and he was going to die sooner or later.
She wanted to reassure Gu Xishi, so she pretended that she was not afraid at all.
When you cheat Gu Xi.
Qihe, she lost.
Xu Ruiqing, she is lost.
Xie Zhan, she was lost.
Qin Lie, she was lost.
Now, she is going to lose her time for Gu Xi.
The previous feelings were taken away, Fan Xing now felt that she felt empty when she thought of it, but when she thought of losing Gu Xi, she felt sore in her heart.
The little bear cub stared blankly at Gu Xishi's brows lying beside him, watching...
A tear suddenly fell silently.
For the first time, a grievance and incomprehension spontaneously arise.
why?
She didn't want to have a lot of things, but just wanted to raise a small flower. Why did she lose every time?
Gu Xishi clearly told her that God is fair, and God will take back something else if he gives a person good luck. For example, he was born better than most people, so he took away his health.
But her IQ is lower than most people, so what did God give her?
She obviously doesn't have anything, so why would she pick something from her hand?
Is it because she is a little monster?
Everyone in this world hates little monsters, so little monsters don't deserve fairness or anything. Including, florets.
But she didn't want to be a little monster, she was born a little monster, what can she do?
Confused, hesitated, puzzled, puzzled.
If there is nothing she wants in this world from beginning to end, it doesn't matter whether it is fair or not. Even if she was still that little monster in a cage, she would not think about whether the world was fair to her. As long as she can dig a tunnel and eat a candied haw, she is very happy.
But finally, she also has what she wants...
So began to learn to think.
why?
Why can't she be fair to her a little bit?
The little monster wants to have someone he likes.
Fanxing tilted his head, blinked, and the teardrops on the curled eyelashes trembled. The ignorant expression was infected with a tinge of gloom and sickness, these worlds could not be completed, and eventually turned into a seed of paranoia, which took root in the bottom of my heart
The little monster wants to have someone he likes.
But no one gave a chance.
Gu Xishi said that God is fair, but it is not.
God won't give little monsters a chance at all, the chance is to win by himself. Fairness too.
God is actually no different from other people.
When she was soft, everyone bullied her, and so did God.
When she was fierce, the little monster turned into a big monster, everyone would be afraid of her, the same goes for God.
Fan Xing's head slowly deflected, like a sluggish little robot, as if it had opened up little by little...
She was obedient and never had a chance to be fair.
Then...it's not good.

At the end of December, there is still more than a month before the Lunar New Year.
Gu Xishi was completely cold.
This time it was really cool from head to toe.
When I sleep at night, I still breathe. When Fanxing sleeps until midnight, my heart no longer beats. Passing away in his sleep, he didn't even say a word to Fanxing before he died.
"Gu Xishi." Fanxing poked Gu Xishi's waist and shouted.
No response was received.
Fanxing stayed for a long time, tears kept rolling in her eyes, and she blinked her eyes in a panic, so that the tears did not flow out.
When the little bear cub hugged Gu Xi especially paranoidly, he hugged him tightly.
As long as she hugged her tightly enough, Gu Xishi would not die.
Fanxing hugged Gu Xishi's body and slept all night, until the next morning.
Gu Han didn't know how crazy it would be to spend more than ten hours holding his brother's body so calmly.
"Gu Xishi is dead." Fanxing kept repeating this sentence over and over again.
After several months of preparation, Gu Han has basically been able to accept the fact that his brother is leaving...a ghost!
I can't accept the fuck!
But in the last few months of his brother, Fan Xing was most worried about.
Even if Gu Han was sad, he still had to help his brother take care of Fanxingxian.
Gu Han originally thought that Fanxing would break down directly, and even prepared a tranquilizer...
If it can't be suppressed, give it a shot first.
As a result, Fanxing's mood is calmer than anyone else.
To be more precise, she is quiet.
Except that he slept with the body all night, which was scary, there seemed to be nothing unusual.
Just staring at his brother's corpse, she has been sitting next to the coffin since the funeral, and will not move a step.
I moved a small stool and sat behind the coffin. People came to express their condolences, and suddenly saw a dark head popping up beside him, and almost died on the spot.
The funeral of the Gu family was very traditional. They paid attention to the peace of the land and did not intend to cremation.
When someone was needed to guard the mourning hall in the middle of the night, and when everyone else couldn't keep going to sleep, Fanxing quietly crawled into the coffin and lay with Gu Xishi.
"Gu Xishi, mine." Fanxing held Gu Xishi's hand, very paranoid.
"It's mine for generations to come!"
"Don't be afraid, I can find you. I'm great, I can find you."
Even more powerful than Ergo!
Ergou can't recognize you, but Little Xingxing can!
After the funeral was held for five days, Fanxing slept in the coffin for five days.
Gu Han has always known about this, he just opened one eye and closed another. After all, his brother is gone, and the only one in the world who can take care of his sister-in-law is him.
Still pay more attention.
When he was covering the coffin, Gu Han deliberately checked...
Make sure Fanxing is not lying in it, so that people can put the coffin together.
Sometimes being too calm is not necessarily a good thing. The more calm some people are, the more horrifying things they can do.
Gu Xishi was buried in a cemetery outside.
Everyone sighed that the Gu family was jealous of the talent. With that kind of mind, if he inherited the Gu family, Gu family still didn't know what kind of monster it would develop into.
But the real relatives have no other thoughts except sadness.
After Gu Xishi was buried, Fanxing changed from staring at the coffin to staring at the tombstone.
After everyone is gone, sit behind the tombstone, holding the dog leash in his hand, and keeping the dog together...
"When Gu Xi, I miss you."
She remembered that when she first came to this world, she didn't understand a lot of things, but when Gu Xi patiently taught her the way.
He is so beautiful, she has never seen such a gentle little wild flower.
They are beautiful, gentle, and smart.
She had never seen someone better than Gu Xishi.
It is very cold in winter, and the dogs are sobbing and restless with cold.
After Fanxing sat for a whole day, his lips turned black at the sight, but he always tilted his head and maintained the initial movement.
The dog was pulling on the rope desperately. It seemed that it was too cold and wanted to run.
After Fanxing was pulled twice, he simply loosened the rope.
The dog that had been raised for a year barked and ran away quickly, not knowing which corner he was hiding in to avoid the wind and snow.
Fanxing looked down slightly, muttering to himself, "Look, when Gu Xi, you lie."
Gu Xishi said that after he leaves, Rourou will be a friend who can always accompany her.
It turns out that it is not.
Dogs can also run away, it is impossible to replace Gu Xishi at all.
"Little monsters’ parents and sisters don’t like little monsters. Other people don’t like them either. Dogs are the same. Little monsters are just little stars of Gu Xishi, not others..."
She could have endured darkness if she had never seen light.
She could have tolerated all the injustices in this world, if she had never met the person she wanted to fight for...
Have you ever seen the gentlest man in the world?
His name is Gu Xishi.
He is the only light belonging to the stars, and the only ray.
Illuminated her ignorant world, led her to stumble out of the abyss of ignorance and ignorance, making her want to actively like, pursue, and protect the love in her heart for the first time.