Chapter 3: If it is another time, I will definitely

it snowed today.
The first snow of the year.
The weather is still very cold recently, and fewer people can be seen on the street.
Maybe they all left the city.
Nothing happened in school today, it was still a peaceful day.
However, the transfer students came to the class. At this time, it is because of the college entrance examination. After all, the score here is relatively low.
It’s almost the final exam, but there are more and more questions I don’t know how to do. Maybe next semester I will be kicked out of the key class.
But... a year off from school and no effort at all,
Of course it is.
If I can stay here as well, for those who work hard every day,
Isn't it unfair...
Efforts are not necessarily rewarded, but sweat will not deceive people.
However, even if I am not in the key class now, Xiao Ran will be fine.
First in the class, the teacher's key concern should not be troublesome.
Although I don't know how much effort she put into being so stupid before.
In short, it doesn't matter if I don't exist. The almost two years that have passed have proved that I am nothing but unfounded worries.
But think about it, just in case she gets bullied again, she will bite her like a mad dog and warn others like a bad.
I'm still really stupid,
Like a fool...
...
.....
Well, be honest with yourself in the diary.
After all,
I'm just satisfying myself.
I thought this would slightly reduce the guilt of the stupid thing I had done before.
I think this can protect my daily life as always.
I thought that I would never encounter the same thing again...
But, in fact,
I spent three years in high school when I was silent and withdrawn, and felt that I was almost out of breath.
So, my daily routine...
It's broken long ago.
(The handwriting trembles here)
I used to think that I was great and could do a lot of things without letting my parents worry about it.
But actually...
It's not like that.
(There are traces of being wet with tears)
Not only did I fail to do anything about that time, I did too much wrong.
Grab his hair and knock him down the pit of the abandoned house with his knees, no matter how he begged for mercy.
Actually, I didn't want to be a hero! It's not protection at all! Not even for justice!
I am just simple...
(Here the diary paper is scratched by the pen point)
Vent out the anger and anger that I could only grit my teeth and cry at the back of the warehouse that night!
Can't wait to use my own strength to do something anxiously!
To prove something, tell yourself that you are not so weak, tell yourself not to think about Xiaoran crying in front of the hospital bed,
then.....
(The torn paper here is re-flattened)
Of course, what you get in exchange is to pay for your actions.
Everything in life has changed from the past.
From the end of the one-year suspension, the first day of school, in the eyes of many people looking at me, I knew...
The old days when I was happy every day, didn’t have anything to worry about, and worked hard to rejoice in my growth.
Not anymore.
But perhaps instead, I always felt that I hadn't changed much before, and I was dissatisfied with my age and greeted mature me.
That time I felt my growth very clearly.
It turns out that the seemingly uniform and empty principles in the book are true.
It’s not that you can gradually become the person you want to be by repeating it day after day, but only what you have experienced.
Will it grow....
And the boy really didn't grow up slowly, the boy really grew up overnight.
Obviously I got the mature calmness I have always hoped for, and I can stay sane and smart in everything...
why...
What I envy now is,
What about the kid who simply hoped to be a hero and worked hard every day...
I feel that since he waved goodbye to himself, I was getting further and further away from him.
It turns out that growth is not just about getting new things...
Growing up...It turned out not to be as good as I thought...
It would be great if I could go back, and it would be great if I could go back to the happy days before,
If I could continue to smile with the carefree and happy sunshine every day, Xiao Ran would not be untalking now, but still as stupid as before, just entangled behind me.
If I didn’t go out that night, or if I was more greedy, if Aunt Qin didn’t get sick at first...
if....
If... my daily life... if I could do it again...
I must!
I... definitely...
(The handwriting is trembling here, but I didn’t continue writing...)