Chapter 115: Emotional breakdown (one / ten)

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"Axin is back, wash your hands and eat!" "Mom, I took the first place in the class in the final exam!" In the dimness, the mother's cry was so familiar and unfamiliar.
"My son is awesome! Dad takes you to swim on weekends!" Father always regarded himself as the pride of his life, but Chen Xin no longer remembered when his father stopped talking about him.
"Dad, I want to buy an astronomical telescope. I promise I can get four Aces at the end of this semester!" When I was a child, I always yearned for the sky. What was my ideal at that time? astronomer? astronaut? At that time, everyone seemed to think the same.
"Son, you have to take care of yourself when you are alone, and spend more time with your classmates in school. If you don't have enough money, just tell me." I was admitted to college and left the house for the first time in his life. A bank card was stuffed into Chen Xin's pocket.
"Hello, I am also in this dormitory, everyone will be a brother in the dormitory from now on." Chen Xin can't remember who this is in the dormitory, but it should be the eldest brother? The oldest, he always takes care of other people.
"Axin, look at that senior sister, what a shame! Don't grab me, I want to chase her to be my girlfriend!" Senior sister? Chen Xin was very impressed with her. He didn't rob his brother, but his brother still fell in love.
"Whoever goes to the cafeteria to have a meal, bring me one! Hurry up! A point back to defense!" A group of shirtless boys in the dormitory were playing games. At that time, they didn’t even have many notebooks. What are you playing? ? It seems to be CS.
"The lights are off, don't send messages to your girlfriend!" Someone outside the door was checking their bedtime, and Chen Xin almost forgot that they were not allowed to turn on the lights after ten o'clock in the evening in the university.
"Senior, do you have a girlfriend? If not, can I be your girlfriend?" This is the first school girl to confess to yourself? Since his sophomore year, Chen Xin has been responsible for the work of welcoming new students every year. In addition, he is more handsome, so he can't remember how many school girls confessed to him.
"Little Chen, do you want to form a club with the senior?" Which senior is this? Why don't you remember?
"Let's sing together! Celebrate the establishment of our new club!" When did I form a club?
"What kind of song should I sing? I can play piano accompaniment. It happens that there is a piano here." Senior sister who can play piano? Why don’t I remember?
"Will you play that "End of the World"? That song was very popular a few years ago. Why did I choose this song? Everyone celebrates the establishment of the new club. Shouldn't they sing a more festive song?
"The song adapted from "Bamboo Song"? I will, I have studied the original Japanese version." The senior sister sat in front of the piano, and the bright music sounded.
However, it is strange that the senior sister sang the Japanese version, while Chen Xin himself sang the Chinese version.
However, the two songs use the same tune and the melody is the same, so even if the lyrics are different, Chen Xin and the piano sister still cooperate very well.
When the two were singing together, the sound of the alarm clock suddenly sounded, breaking the harmony.
Chen Xin woke up.
Reaching out to grab the phone on the bedside table and turning off the alarm clock, Chen Xin sat up from the bed.
The newly installed ground source heat pump has started working, and the temperature in the refuge at this moment has risen again. Compared with the previous few days, it has not been so cold. Chen Xin does not need to shrink in the quilt when he wakes up every day. The ideological struggle can get up.
However, although the person was awake, the memories that emerged from the dream made Chen Xin feel melancholy and made him still immersed in those memories.
The bits and pieces of living with my parents when I was young, the friendship between my classmates, brothers, and friends in school when I was growing up, and those who were in love in my life...
Memories are beautiful, but they are also heavy.
However, in addition to his parents, what Chen Xin cares most about is the senior sister who sang with him at the end of the dream.
Strictly speaking, that is not the senior sister, because she and Chen Xin are students at the same level, but they are half a year older than Chen Xin, so she will let Chen Xin keep calling her senior sister after they meet.
Recalling the spirited self ten years ago, the memorable things I did in school, and the people memorable, Chen Xin felt like he was attracted by a huge vortex, and his emotions were constantly growing. The fall, unable to break free.
After brushing his teeth and washing his face, Chen Xin did not prepare breakfast as usual, but sat on the sofa with a bit of decadence and gloom.
Chen Xin is not surprised that he will dream about the past. People's dreams are related to what he thinks. It is normal to have dreams every day and night.
But... the people and things in the memories, the places full of memories, no longer exist, and I can't go back~EbookFREE.me~ I looked at the paper I posted last night on the wall and stood down. Chen Xin fell into deep self-doubt. Can he really achieve this goal? Can you really stick to it? Does your persistence make sense?
Chen Xin is not a person who is easily decadent or depressed, but at this moment he is deeply in self-doubt and denial.
He was doubting his abilities, his motivation to keep on living, and his purpose of living...
The end of the world is a stressful environment, and it is also a continuous, almost endless stressful environment.
In such an environment, the pressure of survival, the mental loneliness, the despair of not seeing hope in the future...
These emotions are constantly accumulating. Some people have poor bearing capacity and may soon be emotionally collapsed, but even those who can bear it, it is difficult to remain optimistic and positive in such an environment.
Because there is really no reason to make people optimistic, and there is no future worth looking forward to make people positive.
Perhaps because of the existence of the system, Chen Xin could not put himself under so much pressure. He felt that life would only get better and better, and he was able to remain optimistic.
But when he recalled the past and the good things in the past, and contrasted with the loneliness, loneliness, darkness, and coldness of the present, the pressure and negative emotions accumulated from the end of the world to the present erupted at this moment, and Chen Xin insisted again. Can't help it.
He is not a Brooklyn kid who can never be defeated, nor is he the kind of Long Aotian who can transform his mentality from an ordinary person into a fight for hegemony, slaying the gods and destroying demons in an instant after traveling through another world.
Chen Xin is just an ordinary person, an ordinary person indistinguishable from everyone else. He would cry, be afraid, be decadent, and despair.