Chapter 47: : Precursor to the storm

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We spend a lot each day. He first wrote a Sanskrit scripture silently, and then worked with me verbatim, sometimes consuming half a day for a single word. Our progress is not fast, because although his Chinese can be spoken fluently, it is still very difficult to form words, especially the ancient Chinese from 1,650 years ago. For me, being able to read ancient books does not mean being able to write, and it is also very difficult in this respect. However, we do not need to hurry. In the future, Roche, with the support of Yao Xing, will set up a large interpreter in Chang'an with thousands of participants. It is said that more than 1,200 people participated in this "Vajra Sutra". What we are doing now is just practicing hands, hoping to lay the foundation for him in the future. So when you look at each other like this, it's fun. It is often when the ladies of the court come in to set food and light the lights, only to realize how fast time passes.
In our common life, there is another essential content: eroticism. He is not struggling, this psychological contradiction has always accompanied him. But besides being a devout devotee, he is also a man with a man's body and desire. Every time his struggle ended in surrender to the body. Love defeated, at least temporarily defeated religion. But how long can you win? I can't predict. Strict abstinence has been enacted since the time of the Buddha. I can’t change his outlook on life since he was seven years old. He has spent more time worshipping Buddha than he has loved me. I don't want to use love to deprive him of his pursuit of ideals. I just hope that it is not a sin to infect him sexually. Love and ideals can coexist.
Can love and ideals coexist? Can fish and bear paws have both? Like a philosophical proposition that cannot be demonstrated, this contradiction, whether I want to admit it or not, always exists. It can be temporarily forgotten in the closed environment during our house arrest, but once we get out of this golden cage, how can we face the world? With a bitter smile, it seems that this cage is still good.
So when I was writing my investigation diary, I was always thinking about why Buddhism wants to abandon sex, and what is the relationship between religion and sex.
The primitive religion took an affirmative attitude towards sex, advocating it and letting people enjoy the joy of nature. In primitive religious ceremonies, sexual activity will become the most noble and mysterious worship. The fundamental reason is that the primitive religion was born in the early days of humanity with backward productivity and poor living conditions. Performance brings racial reproduction and adds more population to the tribe.
However, with the gradual increase in productivity, when the material pursuit cannot satisfy the spiritual pursuit, a systematic theory-based religion appeared. Almost all high-level religions have the basic principles of denying the present world, advocating the afterlife, and pursuing eternal life. However, people can feel the irreplaceable happiness of other things during sexual activity. If they affirm sex, they affirm the joy of this world, which will affect their belief and loyalty to the idea of ​​salvation of the soul.
Religions all adore gods, and gods are superior to ordinary people. Religion upholds spirit, while ordinary mortals often indulge in the appetite of the world and the joy of the flesh. Religion cannot be on the same level as ordinary mortals. When religion is elevated to the spiritual level, it is necessary to deny the happiness in the present world, raise the physical needs to the spiritual stage, and sublimate it to make people believe and pursue.
Hinduism advocates abstinence and vegetarianism, but in Khajuraho, it has a world-famous temple. In the temple nearly a thousand years ago, tens of thousands of reliefs of various sexual poses were carved densely. These ordinary sexual poses that cannot be done by ordinary people can only be enjoyed by the gods. There is a story of Hinduism, a young man indulged in the joys of this world, unwilling to practice monks. The deity came to question him. He said that he could already enjoy everything in this world. He was unwilling to give up these vested enjoyments and go to heaven ascetically. So God took him to heaven, he saw the peerless beauty that could not be found in the world, tasted the delicious food that could not be made in the world, everything was incomparable in the world. Therefore, when he returned to the world, he would no longer be interested in the world's women and ordinary food. So, relying on hard work, he finally went to the heaven he longed for after death.
"Every day I see that you are writing, what is it about?"
I closed my notebook and looked back at him with a big smile: "Write my own mood. If one day I have to leave you, at least there are black and white words reminding me of what happened when I was with you."
"Ai Qing, we won't be separated again..." He trembles and hugs me tightly, like a drowning man in the sea holding a broken mast tightly. His head rested on my shoulders, his cheeks pressed against my neck, and the newly grown stubble hurt me a little.
Really? Why do I always have an ominous hunch? Rosh, your IQ is higher than mine. I'm afraid you have smelled the smelly air before the storm...
"The beard is growing again. Come, let me shave you."
The harbinger of the storm finally arrived after the twentieth day of our house arrest, and Lu Guang wanted to see Roche. I wanted to follow, but he didn't allow it. I had to insist, but he was dismissed by one sentence: "Ai Qing, do you want Lu Guang to know your importance to me?"
Watching him leave tenaciously, my heart trembles and my eyelids jump straight. I can guess that Lu Guang's purpose in seeing him was to see if he had been wiped out of his will by a luxurious life. I can also guess the outcome of this meeting, and Roche will certainly refuse to admit him. I know more about the consequences of this rejection. Lu Guang will suppress his sacred authority among the people in a public insult.
I don't know how long I waited. When he appeared heavily at the entrance of the dormitory with his face, his heart kept falling down...
"You still refuse him, right?"
He raised his eyes, his eyes tired. "Don't worry, I'm fine..."
I looked around and looked at the luxurious hall under house arrest for twenty days: "This Jinyiyusi, will soon be over..." Turning around to face him, he said: "Rosh, you will never follow, He should have no patience to wait. There is only one way left."
His face paled slightly. As smart as he is, he will not guess Lu Guang's last method.
"Since you can't be used by him, he will try to ruin your reputation and suppress your prestige among the people in the Western Regions. In this way, your appeal will be lost and the threat to him will be gone."
"Ai Qing, these, Roche thought about it. But if I succumb to him, what would be the result?" He looked at the pure blue sky outside the window, and the whole Qingjun face was full of pity. Ah. I am insulted alone, it is better to be a tiger."
"He will make you ride a bull and a bad horse in front of everyone, watching you fall over and over again, to make fun."
"It's just humiliation, but what's the fear?" Clear eyes looked at me, and there was a wide smile in the corner of his mouth. "Ai Qing, are you afraid of Buddha's blame for leaking the heavens for Roche?"
"I don't have any other chance to leak." The eyes were red, and I felt sad when I remembered the humiliation. But why there are only a few words of records, if I can be more detailed, I may be able to find a way to prevent it. "Rosh, I only know that he will let you ride a bull and a bad horse, but I don't know when and where this will happen, and I don't know what other cruel methods he has used against you."
"Don't worry about it. These are not the things Rosh fears the most..."
I paused and looked at him with my probe. What is he most afraid of? He avoided my eyes and stared at the blue sky in front of the window. Under the sky, a few birds flew by, free and cheerful. When can we fly out of the cage? Not only is the cage holding our body, but more important is the cage holding our own soul.
After that, our days fell into an inexplicable sadness. Every day when I was translating the scriptures, neither I nor he was absent, but I smiled at each other. The lingering at night becomes more obsessed and more intense, each time seems to be an ecstasy moment before the end of the world, until exhaustion hugs each other and falls asleep.
He was called away by Lu Guang five days later, and this time he stayed longer. When he came back heavily, there was a big red swelling on his bright forehead. What scared me the most was not this redness, but the despair he had never had on his face.
I jumped up, supported his rocking body and let him sit down, twisted into a heart-wrenching heart. Asked what happened to him, but he did not answer, his eyes fixed. He tried to get the ointment, but was pulled by him.
He looked at me with nostalgia and reached out to touch my face: "Ai Qing, once you are free, you go to Vrsati, and he will fight to protect you." He suddenly put me in his arms and passed it on his chest The sound of the heartbeat is more disordered than ever. "Buddha mourned and heard Roche's plea and sent you here. Although only one month later, Roche was grateful and had nothing to ask."
This decisive tone made me cold all at once. What I feared the most and did not want to happen really happened. Break away from him and stare at him, biting the corner of my mouth, only this pain can make me speak clearly. "Rosh, tell me, are you thinking about how to die?"
He was irritated, his eyes full of sadness enveloped me, but he quickly turned his head and steady his trembling shoulders: "Ai Qing, don't talk nonsense, how can I..."
"Rosh, did you forget to carry forward the mission of all living beings of Buddhism?" I interrupted him, shouting with all my strength, "Did you forget that there are countless people in the Central Plains struggling in this troubled world?"
"And me, after thousands of years, I would rather abandon my family and come to you by radiation, not to accompany you this month." I roared, never angered so much, "If you love me, you must live for love Go on, this is great!"
"It's the easiest thing to die. It is the strong who bear the humiliation and live on, carrying out the mission finally." I grabbed his hand, biting it hard. A bit of salty taste poured into the mouth with tears, bitter and sour.
I looked up to see him trembling but holding back the pain, and shouted: "Rosh, you remember, your mission is more important than life!"
Staring at my eyes, gradually warming from the previous despair, he suddenly laughed loudly, and his tone was full of openness: "Okay! Ai Qing, live. Let's live together!" Looking at the tooth marks on the back of the hand, firm Nodded, "After Roche, never say the word'death'."
Then he regained his usual tenderness and laughed into a light smile: "Ai Qing, you always have a way to wake Rosh up."
I sighed with a sigh of relief and looked for medicine to apply to him everywhere. I just wanted to keep a tooth mark. Why can't I just control it?
"Ai Qing, after thousands of years, you would rather abandon your family and come to me by radiation. Does millennium refer to the difference in time between heaven and earth? Is your family waiting for you in heaven now? What is radiation?"
The hand that gave him the ointment shook, and he looked up to see his thoughtful eyes. "Rosh..."
His mouth was gently covered, and he covered me gently with another hand that didn't need to be applied. "It's not a good thing to leak the heavens, Buddha will blame you. So, you must be cautious in the future. Even if it is to Rosh, it must not be said."
That night I had been in trouble. The heroine who traverses the novel most often says-I know the result but I don't know the process. For me, 1,650 years is too long. Even the fact that there are only a thousand words in the history books is difficult to guarantee the authenticity, not to mention the process behind this word phrase, I can't predict at all.
It was he who came in the middle of the night as if there was a faint sigh. He should also be able to feel my sleeplessness. However, we were silent silently until the sky was pale.