Chapter 86: : Heartfelt Complaint

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Tuk Tuk knocked on the door, and a respectful voice came from outside: "Master, the evening class has started."
Indifferent voice replied: "Seng Zhao, you preside over for the teacher."
The clear and steady voice sounded again and again: "Also, the teacher does not go out in the past three days. Meals are prepared and delivered here. You don't need to blame. After three days, the teacher will return to normal and preside over all affairs. "
The promise was made outside the door, and the steps were far away to silence. He looked back at me shaking his head on the pillow, gently covered my mouth, and smiled softly: "Don't persuade. After sixteen years, let Rosh be capricious for three days."
I fumbled out the yellowed notebook from under my pillow and opened it, with photos of me and my parents in between, and the four corners were worn badly. Youyou sighed straight from your ears: "In sixteen years, I sleep with it every day. When I think you are too worried, I beg the Buddha: If I can see my wife again in my lifetime, I hope the Buddha will give me three. Day, only accompany his wife, do nothing else."
Tears poured out, sliding down his cheeks onto his long hair. He stood up halfway, and the pale gray eyes of the abyss wandered around my face, and the slender fingers of the bones touched my facial features, all the way down. "Ai Qing, let Weifu take a good look at you..."
The slender hand touched my neck, reached the collarbone, and slid down again. The eye waves followed the hand carefully. His body quickly became hot under his concentration. His breathing became unstable again, his eyes blurred, and he leaned over and kissed me.
Holding his hand, staring at the deep wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, he persuaded softly: "Stop today, don't get tired..."
"Not tired." The hand was still sliding down and stopped on my lower abdomen, the voice was eager, "I just looked at the lingering, but never saw it. What is this? How did I get hurt again?"
I bit my lip hard, and only the pain made me realize that he was really by my side. He sniffed his nose and told him: "It was left when the stomach was born. My age can open the stomach directly to remove the child, avoiding the pain of childbirth, and it is very safe. So many women have children like this."
Suddenly raised his eyes, looked into my eyes, whispered and said: "Xiao Shi..."
Put your hand on his palm, smile and say: "Your son, just over six years old. He is as smart and handsome as you, very good and very sensible..."
"Six years old..." He lowered his head, his neck was originally elegant like a swan, and there were a few circles on his neck. When he lifted it up, his eyes were filled with mist. "Rosh has been thinking for sixteen years, I don't know It’s impossible to know what our child is like, whether it’s a man or a woman. I thought he was sixteen years old and didn’t want to be six years old..."
"I took a lot of pictures of him. My son also wrote you a letter." Ouch, I patted my head, "My bag is still in the temple just now, I don't know if it will be taken away. There are many in it. What about your stuff."
Thinking annoyed, it has been two hours since I met him now, right? Focusing only on the haunting, he completely forgot everything around him. As if standing in the clouds, surrounded by white clouds. Between the clouds and the clouds, they are misty and dreamy. His tentacles touched his skin, the rapid breath sprayed on his face was from him, and the wedding ring he wore on his chest was shaking in front of his eyes. On his wrist is a string of agate arms with a lifetime commitment. Everything is so unreal.
He asked me the details, got out of bed and walked out the door. Come back in a while and tell me that someone has been sent to get it.
I thought of getting up, but he was pressed back into bed again. Look at me carefully, shake your head and sigh: "Ai Qing, look at you, it hasn't changed, it's more beautiful than before. Rosh is confused, how old are you now?"
"Thirty-three years old." I smiled and sniffed. "Rosh, I have known you for ten years..."
He smiled brightly, his eyes narrowed with deep gullies, and the ruthless years carved a few head-lifting lines on his original smooth forehead. He said softly, "Rosh is fifty-three years old and has known you for forty years..."
Looking at his wise and compassionate face, the 53-year-old had already faded his youthful vitality, and the vicissitudes of tranquil charm were added to the eyebrows. He can no longer be described as "handsome", with a clear look and insight into everything.
"Rosh, I'm sorry. I kept you waiting too long..."
Brushing off the broken hair on my forehead, a soft and soft kiss fell on: "It's good if you come back..."
Sixteen years apart, there is so much to say. Until the oil lamp was lit and the dim yellow swaying light, we continued to chatter and chatter. No point, just say whatever you think. I wish I could tell the other party everything.
"Rosh, tell me how you spent the past sixteen years." He didn't eat lunch himself, but he didn't forget to let his disciple bring me dinner. It is rice and a few exquisite side dishes. He knows that I prefer rice to pasta. There was no such condition in Liangzhou, and in Chang'an, I could finally eat rice.
"According to what you say, keep a low profile and read all the available Chinese books." He wouldn't let me get up and eat a few cases in bed.
"Think about the rules of the Chinese phonetic rhythm, how to translate Sanskrit Buddhist scriptures into eloquent Chinese, which is easy to memorize. Leading disciples to cultivate their minds and self-cultivation, these 16 years, they also passed quickly." He looked at me diligently for dinner, Keep picking dishes for me. "According to what you say, make some prophecy prophecy from time to time. The five-colored silk burnt ash and condensed into shape, but it was just my thoughts.
I was stunned and stuttered: "You, don't you always disdain Lu's favor, do you disdain this prophecy of prophecy?"
"It's not for Lu Shi." He smiled meaningfully. "It is to let Master Yao Qinguo know that I have magical power and is willing to hire me to prepare for Chang'an."
This time really froze. I used to persuade him to be sternly rejected by him, but now...
Seeing the doubts in my eyes, he smiled tenderly and said Yan Zhengzheng: "Ai Qing, you told me: It is difficult to stand up to the deeds without depending on the sovereign. Who is the true lord of these owls? In the name of the Buddha, Anshun’s heart is all right. In this way, I will use these tricks that can cater to them. As long as Yao Xing can help me achieve my dreams, why not?
Concerned, he still did so. In the past, he was so noble and righteous, and disdain these blinding tactics. But this chaotic era changed him after all. His last success was due to these last-minute changes...
"Ai Qing, you should know that in the last year of Gu Zang, Liangzhou experienced a more terrible famine than 16 years ago."
I nodded. I also told him about it. He stood up and slowly paced the room with his hands behind his back. The thin and tall body was a little rickety, and his back was lonely.
"Juqumenxun killed Duanye to become king independently, and took advantage of this famine to attack Lvlong. Mengxun's initial battle was unfavorable, so he took Wan Dian food outside the city in the name of disaster relief, trying to lure the Lulong people."
He paused, took a deep breath, and his voice trembled: "Lü Long refused to open the city gate, and the people could not make a living, let alone live through the winter. The trees in the city were cut down, and the tragedy of people eating each other occurred every day. When he was alive, the people requested to leave the city for Monson’s army as a slave. Lu Long feared that Monson would use food as a bait to instigate the people to rebel, and actually killed thousands of innocent civilians! The body smelled every day. Lu Long dropped Yao Qinzhi At that time, more than 100,000 people starved to death in Guzang City, and the whole city was almost empty!"
I have no thoughts to eat again. Cloak got out of bed and walked to him, holding his trembling hand. He turned to look at me and gently embraced me in his arms. Swallowing his throat, lowering his eyes, his sorrowful face covered with wise face: "Ai Qing, even though Rosh has learned everything from your mouth, he knows that he can't save it. But he still runs around and can save several people. That’s fine. But he annoyed Lv Long. When he ordered the killing of the people, both my disciples and I were placed under house arrest. If it were not for Lv Long to show his favor to Yao Xing, I’m afraid that Roche would not escape starvation. This Second, Roche could not shelter even two hundred people..."
Stroking his thin back, it was bitter and unbearable: "Rosh, I'm sorry, I'm not by your side at this difficult time. You are suffering alone..."
He shook his head and rested his chin on top of my head: "When he was imprisoned, Rosh rejoiced, but fortunately he sent you away. Otherwise, if you and the children were here, how could Rosh bear you suffering like this?"
Leaving my body slightly, I smiled with my jaw: "When Rosh was young, he hoped to build the Zongchuang School and become a guru. After seventeen years in Liangzhou, I realized that my own Zongzhuang School is so important or not? If I write a book on Mahayana No one can compare unless Gakan Yanzi. But even if I can write a book on the creation of a sect, the Central Plains where Buddhism is unfamiliar, there are very few people who understand Mahayana righteousness, how many people can understand?
He let me go, walked slowly indoors, and then raised his head and said loudly: "What is most needed in the chaotic world is not the Grand Master, but the Dharma that comforts people's hearts and spreads all living beings."
He stood in front of the window, turned his head to look at me, and his all-permeable smile made him very imposing: "So Roche has no longer asked to be a great master. For the few years left, he should do more to spread the Central Plains Dharma As long as more people can accept the Dharma righteousness, even the poor people can become Buddhas, it is enough. This is a matter of establishing a sect, until the Dharma is promoted to prosperity in the Central Plains, and naturally the wisdom of future generations will be established. ."
He looked up at him, and Qingzhen's face was full of traces carved by the years. There are deep wrinkles carved on the forehead, eyes narrowed slightly, and rough lines are drawn in the corners of the eyes. There are also indelible fine lines on the lips, the deeper the fine lines when smiling. The eyes are gone for a long time, with a calm vicissitudes, but more insightful.
It was the ideal of all Dharma masters to establish the Zongli School and become a great master of the generation. It was also the ambition he had established since the age of thirteen, but he abandoned it at the age of fifty-three. For the rest of his life, he devoted himself to the translation of scriptures without writing a theory. In the eyes of many Buddhists in Middle-earth, it is a supreme contribution to be able to translate so many important Buddhist scriptures. But for himself, translating scriptures sacrificed his ideals for forty years, allowing Buddhism to spread rapidly in a way that the Chinese can understand. What kind of pains and pains will make him make such a choice?
And he, as some Buddhist historians in later generations think, is only a successful doctrine spreader of Buddhism heritage, a "talented and wise" master?
His disciple, Zhu Daosheng, one of the four sages of Shimen, advocates epiphany, and all beings have a Buddha nature, which is the earliest prototype of Zen in later generations;
Based on his three translations of "Zhonglun", "Hundred Theory", and "Twelve Gates Theory", Tang Gaoseng Jizang created the three sects, Zun Roche as the ancestor;
The monk Zhiyi chose his translated "Fahuajing" as the "Zongjing" of the Tiantai Sect. The Tiantai Sect is also known as the "Fahua Zong". The greater the influence of the Tiantai Sect, the higher the prestige of Roche;
His translation of the "Amitabha" is short and easy to recite, making it a "textbook" that everyone in the Pure Land Sect must read every day. The Pure Land Sect gradually expanded its influence with the widespread spread of this scripture;
In the 13th century, the Japanese monk Nichiren founded the Nichiren Sect in Japan according to the "Fahua Sutra" translated by him.
These are not enough to prove his greatness. Is he a true grand master? There is a great master who does not translate, but that is Xuanzang. Without the surviving of his own works, there is no harm to the guru status of these two masters.
The nose began to sore and unbearable. Looking at his wise and compassionate eyebrows, I understood that he didn't care whether he was a guru, and he didn't have time to care. There are more important things waiting for him in his life. Put into his arms again, circle his waist, listen to his heartbeat, and tears could not help dripping on the maroon robe. And he just kissed the tears in the corner of my eyes gently for me, and the wind and cloudless smile embraced me and warmed me up...
The backpack was taken back the next morning. I can't wait to take out a large stack of photos and tell Rosh one by one in chronological order. From the moment when Xiaoshi was born, he celebrated my 33rd birthday. Thousands of photos were printed from my laptop and mobile phone within a day, almost consuming Xiao Nie's adhesive paper.
He turned very slowly one by one, seeming to spend the past six years with Xiaoshi on each one again. When I was emotional, I couldn't help but tears. Looking at the photos like this, quietly passed in the morning.
Rosh's hand was shaking, his breathing was getting heavier, and Wei Wei took the last picture tremblingly. This was taken on the snow the day before I left. I made two big snowmen with Xiaoshi, one little snowman. Xiaoshi tied the Adelaide silk around my neck to a snowman, and put the agate beads on his neck into a heart shape into the heart of another big snowman. Then he took off his hat and put it on the little snowman's head. He said, this is our family.
Xiaoshi stood next to the little snowman who represented himself, waving like a bright sunshine on Rosh's small face. On the little snowman, the branches twisted out some English letters.
Tell Rosh: These letters are ILOVEU, I love you!
Rosh's hand shivered and tears fell on the photo. He quickly wiped it off with his cuff. I smiled and wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes, remembering the picture that day. Xiaoshi took my scarves at that time and asked me to turn around, and let me see them after he played with them. When I saw the symbols of the three snowmen representing the three of us and the line of words, I cried like Roche. These ideas came from Xiaoshi himself. At that moment, I really miss our family of three, like these three snowmen, hugging each other tightly...
I approached him sitting on the edge of the bed. He put my arms around my waist, buried my head in my abdomen, and choked with a voice: "Ai Qing, you have taken care of you alone. Rosh is ashamed, as a father, But did nothing..."
"Rosh, don't blame yourself, you just can't help it." I sniffed my nose and smiled as hard as I could. "Yes, my son wrote you a letter."
Find the letter in the bag and hand it to Roche. He opened it. The hand holding the stationery was still shaking. My probe asked him: "Xiao Shi is written in simplified Chinese after a thousand years. The sentence pattern is also different from the ancient text. You need to read it horizontally from left to right. Do you need my help?"
"It's okay." He looked at the letter, his nose was heavy, and he answered me in a dull voice, "Your notes, Roche has read it hundreds of times, and he's already used to it."
I haven't read Xiaoshi's letter. This is what he wrote to his father. Although he didn’t say it wouldn’t let me see it, I still have to respect my son. I stared at Rosh, who read the letter. His eyebrows grew closer, the corners of his mouth shuddered, and his throat knotted up and down in the neck with several neck lines. After reading it, he couldn't help covering his face with his wide sleeves, and his shoulders shook slightly.
"Rosh..."
He was still buried in his sleeves, and a sobbing cry came out, and the right hand shook the letter. I took it, look at the stroked childish font above:
"father,
Hello there! I am Xiao Shi, your son, I am six years old this year.
My mother told me that you are far away, the trains and planes can't get there, so you can't visit Xiaoshi. But, Mom said, you love Mom and Xiaoshi very much. You miss us every day, you are the best dad in the world.
Mom said I look like you. My mother sometimes cries at me when I look at it. I know that my mother misses my father. Every year on Xiaoshi's birthday, mother wants Xiaoshi to make a wish. Xiaoshi's wishes never told her mother. Xiaoshi's wish is: Dad can be with mom, so that mom won't cry often. Xiaoshi didn't like her mother crying.
It was very hard for my mother to take Xiao Shi, although she was taken care of by her grandparents. But my mother was very filial and said that her grandfather and grandmother were old and could not keep them worried. Every time Xiaoshi became ill, her mother would be so anxious that she would not sleep for several nights. My mother loved me so much that she read to Xiaoshi every night. Mother sometimes gets angry because Xiaoshi is too naughty. But my dad was assured that Xiao Shi would be obedient in the future and would no longer make her angry.
Mom said she would come to see you. Xiaoshi knows that her mother is looking forward to seeing you for a long time. She can see you, and Xiaoshi is also very happy. Xiaoshi also wanted to come, but his mother said that Xiaoshi was too young to come. Mom said that as long as I study hard and grow up to be a scientist like Uncle Nie, I know a lot of things, I can come to see you.
Although I could not see my mother for half a year, my mother could not call Xiaoshi. But Xiaoshi knows that her mother must be very happy to see her father. Dad has to take care of his mother for Xiaoshi. My mother is in poor health, often dizzy and has no energy, and takes medicine every day. But when she is busy with work, she will forget to eat and take medicine, and often stay up late to read and write articles. Xiaoshi always reminded her mother to take medicine and supervised her not to stay up late. Mom is with dad, dad must remind mom to eat and take medicine on time and go to bed early.
Mom said she will be back in half a year. Xiaoshi originally hoped that his mother would bring his father back, but his mother said that his father could not come to us. So, don't worry when your mother returns. Xiaoshi is a man who will grow up quickly and take good care of his mother.
Dad, wait for me to grow up. I will definitely come to see you when I grow up.
Your son: Xiaoshi"
My tears can't help but fall. This child was so sensible just six years old. His wish for silently acknowledging candles on his birthday was for his parents to be together. I can't give him a complete home. In any case, I shouldn't be a parent...
Roche hugged me into his arms, hugged tightly, and tears fell on my neck: "My wife, thank you for teaching your son so well. Rosh is sorry for you, sorry for my son..."
We embraced and cried for a long time. At that moment, his cute little face kept shaking. I miss my son, and I feel like I'm in a hurry...
Finally, our emotions calmed down. He took Xiaoshi's letter and read it again. When he looked up again, there was a trace of dignity on his face: "Ai Qing, can you only stay for half a year?"
I nodded slowly. Ben wanted to tell him a few days later, but he was still told by his son. His eyes dimmed, and he stood up and paced to the window. His eyes fell on the pine tree outside the window, without a word for a long time.
Heartbroken. Why would I want to only accompany him for half a year? However, even this little time was stolen from God. Approaching him, softly calling: "Rosh..."
He turned around, his eyes no longer sad. With a light smile, the wind is clear and cloudless. Embrace my shoulders and smile with me at Jinsong in the snow: "Buddha can let you and my husband meet again in their lifetime. Rosh has been grateful and has nothing to ask for. Half a year, enough..."
I laughed too. Yeah, for half a year. As long as we cherish the bits and pieces of the past six months, we can make more sense than we have for decades, don't we? Leaning on his shoulder, he felt the happiness and satisfaction in his heart. The heart becomes soft like cotton.
After leaning on each other for a while, he turned to me and asked, "Ai Qing, do you still need to take medicine every day for your blood deficiency?"
Ugh! Why do you want to talk about everything? If you knew it earlier, you should check his letter first.
Not wanting to tell him the truth and worrying him, he said lightly: "It doesn't matter. I have a prescription to treat blood deficiency. As long as I take it every day, it will be fine."
Going to the bag and handing the medicine printed by Xiao Nie to Roche, he looked carefully and nodded. I transcribed it myself and handed over the printed version to me. Then took the prescription out.
After he came back that day, I kept telling him what to do, and I didn't let go of the details. It only concealed the leukemia at the birth of Xiao Shi and the subsequent bone marrow transplant operation. He listened eagerly, hearing his son's early wisdom and early maturity, and nodded compliment. Hearing Xiao Shi's mischief, he frowned and shook his head, and he could not help laughing.
It wasn't until the shadows in the room were blurred that night came. His disciples have delivered the boiled medicine and dinner. Seeing me finish my medicine bitterly, and force me to eat all the dinner. He tried to pull him to continue, but he smiled and shook his head.
"Ai Qing, tonight, go to sleep. Your son has explained that you need to make you eat and take medicine on time every day. You can't stay up late." He smiled warmly, "I will take care of you instead of my son."
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The famine that occurred in the winter before Lu Xing's surrender to Yao Xing recorded in "The Book of Jinlong Lulong": "Ju Chumeng Xunxun fell again and Long defeated it. Xunxun asked to form an alliance, and stay in the valley to help the hungry. Gu Zang The price of the valley is expensive, the fighting value is five simple words, people eat each other, and there are more than one hundred thousand people who starve to death. The city gate is closed, the woodcutter is desperate. It’s so touching, it’s all pits. So the corpses accumulate on Qu Road."
Hui Jiao’s Biography of the High Monk records why Luo Shi didn’t write:
Shiya is a good Mahayana, and he has a lot of ambitions. He often sighs and says:'If I wrote a book of Mahayana Abhitan, I wouldn't say Kayan Yanzi than Ye. Now in Qindi, There are few people who have a deep understanding. What are you talking about here?
It is sad but stopped, only Yao Xing wrote the "Volume of Reality" two volumes, and annotated "Vimo". Polite, it is mysterious."