A Lame Joke
Translator:
Nyoi-Bo Studio
Editor:
Nyoi-Bo Studio
Tang Jing sat upright in front of her father, who sat behind a large office desk and wore reading glasses to carefully read through the new draft that his daughter just handed in.
He had been reading the three-thousand-word manuscript for a full fifteen minutes and did not plan to put it down yet. It was very quiet in the editor-in-chief’s office.
It was a long time before the editor-in-chief, Tang Yuanan took off his reading glasses and massaged the inner corners of his eyes.
Xiao Jing, I’m going to retire in a few years…
I know, Papa. You can put the blame on me if there’s any problem.
Tang Yuanan put down his hands and glared at his daughter, sitting on the opposite.
Nonsense! How can your own father be such a person?
Tang Jing did not speak, but continued to look at her father, the president and editor-in-chief of the sports newspaper with the widest circulation in China.
I almost built the newspaper up with my bare hands. It has been twenty-two years … I’m just worried that once you publish the article, there’s going to be a lot of pressure on the papers…
Tang Jing pulled her lips and said,
Then I will resign now and transfer to another sports newspaper. Let them take the blame.
Hey, you…
Tang Yuanan really could not do anything about his own daughter. He stared at Tang Jing for a moment and then slightly softened his tone,
Actually, Tony Twain’s words are not new. The General Administration of Sport of China intends to put the national system into effect and return football to the professional sports school era. Many people have privately discussed this issue. But no one dares to speak out publicly. Even if they said it in front of the media, the press will not print such comments … Do you know why, Xiao Jing?
The pressure from the Chinese Football Association.
No.
Tang Yuanan shook his head and said,
The Football Association has long been a target of scorn. After the Olympics, Xinhua News Agency and People’s Daily continuously published articles critical of the Chinese Football Association. Someone must take the blame for the failures in the Olympics and World Cup qualifiers, and the Chinese Football Association is a good candidate. The real pressure comes from… General Administration of Sport of China. The FA is a subordinate body of the General Administration of Sport of China. The one calling the shots is in fact the General Administration of Sport of China and the FA only follows in accordance with the path given by the General Administration of Sport. So, which exactly was Twain rebuking? It’s not the Football Association, it’s the General Administration of Sport.
Tang Jing’s face slightly changed color. She was well aware of the difference between the Chinese Football Association and the General Administration of Sport of China, and she knew which organization had more power.
After thinking for a moment in her seat, she got up and walked toward her father’s desk. She reached for the manuscript and said,
No, Papa. I won’t make things difficult for you.
Tang Yuanan wanted to reach out to take it back. But he had just lifted his hand when he put it back again, allowing his daughter to pick up the manuscript, which was filled with Twain’s furious words, and walked out of the office.
Back in the press room, Tang Jing began to pack up her desk—her favorite Garfield hanging pendant, her own water glasses, folders, books…
Her colleagues looked strangely at her as she packed up the things in silence. There were fewer and fewer things on the table as everything was swept into the box.
Tang Jing, what are you doing?
Finally, a colleague who had a better relationship with her rushed over and asked in surprise.
I quit my job.
Tang Jing took a folded piece of paper out of her pocket, opened it and pressed it on the table. Then she pick up the box and smiled at her concerned colleague.
Quit…
The colleagues were too stunned to respond and stared dumbfounded at her as she left the office.
The paper that was pressed on the table was a
resignation letter
written earlier.
※※※
When Tang Jing drove her car on the way back to her house, she received a call from her father.
Tang Jing!!
Tang Yuanan roared angrily on the phone,
What do you think you’re doing!
I quit, Papa.
Tang Jing looked calm and said,
You don’t have to care about what I want to do now.
I don’t agree to your resignation!
Then we’ll go to the court for labor arbitration, Papa.
…
Tang Jing could even hear the creaking sound of her father’s teeth gnashing.
Fine!
He spat out in frustration,
Even if you quit, you’re still my daughter. I won’t allow it!
Your daughter is already an adult. I have also moved out a long time ago to live on my own. Even if you are my Papa, you have no right to interfere in your daughter’s life.
You…..
What else could Tang Yuanan say? Tang Jing had heartlessly refused to talk with him.
Okay, Papa. Your daughter now has the steering wheel in her left hand and the cell phone in her right hand. I’m driving on the beltway now. If you don’t want to get a bereavement call from the traffic police later, I’m going to hang up now, Papa.
Hey, Tang Jing you… Hello? Hello!
He could only hear the busy signal.
※※※
That evening, Tang Jing updated her blog post in Sina blog and announced that she had officially resigned from <Titan Sports>. She was now independent and unemployed. Then she recalled some of her life working in the newspaper and thanked some people.
Tang Jing’s blog had always been popular because she was a well-known
beautiful reporter
who followed and covered Nottingham Forest in Nottingham and was rumored to be linked with Dunn. Consequently, her article was quickly reprinted. All the people who knew her were surprised by her resignation because there was no indication that she was unhappy with the newspaper. She even received orders to fly to Chengdu two days before she resigned to interview Twain. Many journalists in China had hoped to do an exclusive interview with Twain but only Tang Jing had the opportunity. Nor did they hear of any contradiction between her and the management—everyone knew she was the daughter of the president and editor-in-chief. No matter how big the contradiction was, it should not result in her resignation…
The advantages and disadvantages of the Internet age were that information spread quickly. So, within one night, the piece of news on
a well-known sports newspaper in China’s well-known beautiful reporter mysteriously resigned out of the blue
appeared on several portals’ landing pages. Many netizens expressed their views on the matter and made all kinds of statements.
The most sensational was someone said that because the woman and Coach Dunn were caught together and exposed, she was forced to resign due to the pressure from all sides. She had said that she was in Chengdu to interview Twain but in actual fact, she was on a date with Dunn. Twain unexpectedly caught the couple in the act and there was no way to dispute it. Nottingham Forest Football Club made a strong protest to the newspaper and she had to resign to quell the error of judgment, even though she was the daughter of the president. Otherwise it would be bad for everyone if the matter was leaked…
Although this version was sensational, not many people bought it. Because how could a foreign football club be angry because one of its assistant coaches had sex with a woman in his native country while on vacation? It was too trifling.
Therefore, the real reason for Tang Jing’s resignation was still widely debated.
There were also reporters who called Tang Jing, wanting to hear what she had to say. As a result, Tang Jing’s cell phone was turned off and could not be contacted at all.
Her window of contact with the outside world only left with the Sina blog.
The next night, just as everyone was still speculating about why the beautiful reporter, Tang Jing who had a smooth career and whose fame was on the rise in the recent years, suddenly resigned, she updated an article in her blog.
This was the last question I asked when I went to Chengdu to interview Manager Tony Twain two days ago. I had asked a routine question, but I did not expect to receive a surprising response. It is well known that Manager Twain is fluent in Mandarin. We communicated directly in Mandarin from start to finish with regards to the question. Therefore, you do not have to suspect that I’ll use the translator machine to tamper with his answer. This is the original text, and tomorrow I will consider releasing a recording of the conversation.
This was the introduction that Tang Jing wrote, which was naturally followed by the article she had showed her father.
<Chinese Football in the Eyes of a Successful English Football Manager>
In the three thousand-word article, Twain’s style of statements could be found everywhere. The unruly English manager berated Chinese football, and hit the nail on the head, which made most people who read it, nodded their heads in approval.
At the end of the article, Tang Jing wrote the following words: Everyone is welcome to reprint the work, but please do not change a single word.
Tang Jing succeeded. She made use of the resignation incident to rouse everyone’s interest, and then threw out the long-planned article after the attention was focused on her blog. She caused an earthquake on the Internet in the shortest possible time.
Sina, Sohu, NetEase, Tencent, Tianya Club…and all the large and small, well-known and little known, professional and amateur, football-related and unrelated websites as well as forums all reprinted the article immediately. As the original source, the number of clicks on her blog surged overnight with the comments refreshing every minute.
Some people agreed, some people scolded, some people contemplated, and some people questioned.
The people who agreed naturally said that the article hit the nail on the head, so that it suddenly dawned on some people.
Those people who scolded were more interesting—they certainly did not scold Twain and Tang Jing because they supported such lousy Chinese football. The reason they scolded was: No matter how bad Chinese football is and how terrible the Chinese Football Association is, that’s our own affairs as Chinese people. Since when do we allow our own affairs to be dictated by an English barbarian? Your words were so harsh. Who do you think you are? No matter how successful you are and how many championship titles you have taken, what gives you the right to be so cocky in China? Not to mention that you appeared to be down and out in the last two years…
Those people who questioned it queried if Tang Jing used a fake article to create sensationalism, which was basically self-hyped. Anyway, now was the era of hype and speculation of others was not unusual. To create self-hype, one just had to take a look at those star bloggers and online celebrities which were the product of self-hype. Therefore, nowadays belonged to the era of
even one is ugly, one must also dare to show and tell.
Their reasons were well founded—an Englishman, no matter how much he claimed to know and love China, could not say such a thing that drew blood on the first prick about the current state of Chinese football. These words could only be written by people who had been immersed in Chinese football for years, or only if they were Chinese who really understood and cared about Chinese football. What was an Englishman doing by joining in on the action? Did he know who the current full-time vice-president of the Chinese Football Association was before he bawled the system out here? Moreover, looking at the pervasive
resentment and impatience towards the system for failing to meet expectations
and
pity your misfortune; condemn your submission
emotional state, how could a British who has nothing to do with our country, have such a sentiment? Therefore, to summarize the above-mentioned points, one could only draw the conclusion that Tang Jing’s level of fraud was too low, or she was simply hawking such a big gap in the story to complete the self-promotion.
The questioning theory
was very popular in the mainstream media because they represented the voice of
calm thinking.
Although these people were indeed very calm, seriously considered, and did not blindly follow the words of other people, it was a shame…that their proper analysis was really wrong this time.
Some people had called on Tang Jing to upload the recording that she had stated, online as the proof.
But the next day, Tang Jing’s blog was quiet and there was no
emergence of Tony Twain’s original recording.
All of a sudden, the tide of those who questioned that she made up the news for her self-promotion became even more intense. It also gave rise to another faction—those who agreed with the article and also affirmed Tang Jing’s original intention to do so. But they still thought that the article was made up by Tang Jing herself.
There were also rumors that the Chinese Football Association was also paying a lot of attention to the article. Even if it was made up by Tang Jing, they did not rule out that she would be brought to court.
Tang Jing later wrote in a blog post,
I have given it some thought. Nowadays technology is so developed, even if I release the recording, I’m sure the disbelieving people will think that it is a fake using some kind of sound-change software. It’s like the fans of the stars whose nude photographs were exposed, they all thought that the photos were created from Photoshop. Just like photographs can be PS, videos can also be faked. In that case, how difficult can it be to doctor a mere audio file? The people who don’t believe, will not believe with whatever evidence you come up with. Sometimes I feel that it’s quite sad to be suspicious of everything, to doubt everything and to refute everything… So, I decided not to release it for the time being. If you have any questions, you can ask Tony Twain yourselves. He is in Sichuan, China, isn’t he?
※※※
Twain suddenly found his and Shania’s vacation plans in this small town, south of Sichuan with his parents and Dunn completely destroyed.
Because a lot of reporters with the different Mandarin accents from all over the country suddenly came to the surrounding home area of Dunn’s parents…
Every day, someone would come knocking on the door and asked politely and humbly,
Can I please ask if Mr. Tony Twain stays here?
Since Tang Jing’s blog called for the people who were in doubt to ask Tony Twain themselves, those reporters really all rushed over. Anyway, they knew Dunn’s home address when they interviewed Dunn before. One by one came looking in hope to hear Twain confirm that the words really came out of his mouth.
In order not to disturb the two elders, Twain and Shania had to move to stay in a hotel in the city and finally lured the swarm of reporters away from Dunn’s home.
But they did not come here for a scenic tour. They just wanted to stay with the two old people. What was the point of going back to Sichuan after all these torments?
What’s going on?
Twain was so surprised as he could not figure out why he would suddenly turn into a cream cake that attracted flies.
The words you said to Tang Jing were put on her blog.
Only Dunn and Tang Jing still had a connection, so he was aware of the whole story.
But I didn’t expect them to come to you so soon. It looks like …
He did not finish the rest. It looked like Tang Jing could not hold up any longer.
Fk, are you serious?
Twain swore,
I only scolded the current state of Chinese football and these people come looking for me like mad men. Conservatively, it is estimated that ten thousand of people are scolding Chinese football every day in China, right? Why don’t they go find them?
The head is not concerned with ordinary people’s admonishments. You’re different, you’re a public figure, a famous coach. Even if you fart, there are people watching.
Twain covered his nose and said,
You’d find a better metaphor in the future. I have a mouth in my head, not an asshole. No, why should I bear the sin for your secret lover? I can’t even have a good time… I’ll just lay my cards on the table, let them know the answer, and then tell them to go fk off!
Aren’t you worried?
What am I supposed to worry about?
Twain looked strangely at Dunn and said,
Since I have already said those words, why would I not dare to admit. It is not a disgrace. Then again… I’m an Englishman, what can I not say? Even if I scold them, what can the FA boss do to me? Shut me out? Not let me attend the CCTV New Year’s Gala? Cancel the ads for my endorsement products? Completely cut off my chances of coaching the China national team? Oh, thank heavens… If I were to gain knowledge of the correct path in the morning, I would be able to die at sunset..
※※※
Therefore, in the next day, through the hotel he stayed at, Twain informed the reporters who had followed him to the small town in the south of Sichuan that he would hold a last-minute press conference tomorrow. They could ask their questions at the press conference.
The hotel where Twain stayed at was the best in the city, but rarely ushered in such a lively scene. They made an all-out effort to hold the grandest event. They handled the publicity well. All the reporters who heard the news was aware of Twain’s press conference, so more people flocked here.
On the day of the last-minute press conference, the conference room which the hotel specially allocated simply did not have enough room for people to stand. The head of the hotel was so anxious that he sweated profusely. Finally, it was Twain who stepped forward and let everyone simply move to the lobby, which solved the problem.
Because it was a last-minute press conference, there was no time to prepare any advertising sponsorship boards in the background. The curtain behind Twain had the hotel’s huge logo and name printed on it, which gave them a one-time free advertisement.
I know what you want to ask. I went online yesterday to have a look at it.
As soon as Twain sat down, he did not wait for the reporters to raise their hands and ask questions. He immediately spoke in Mandarin,
The matter is funny. I’m not saying that the article was funny. I’m saying that everything that came out of it was funny.
I’m not going to deny what I’ve done. I’ve carefully read Miss Tang Jing’s blog post. I am now here to officially announce—that article had sections of what I said and not a word has been changed. It was indeed what I personally said to Miss Tang Jing.
Twain looked at the stunned reporters with a straight face.
Well, that’s all I have to say, good day.
He got up and left when he was done.
That was when the reporters roused themselves and did not care about the order to raise their hands to ask the questions. One by one crowded forward, blocked Twain, and threw their questions at him.
Mr. Twain! I don’t understand why you said all those things!
Tang Jing asked, of course I had to answer. What’s not easy to understand?
No, no, I mean… Your answer is somewhat out of proportion to your identity…
What’s so disproportionate? Because I am the manager of Nottingham Forest, so I can’t comment on Chinese football? Don’t you reporters particularly like to ask the foreigners when you interview them—what do you think of the Chinese players, Chinese football teams… and so on?
Mr. Twain, your knowledge of Chinese football can’t be that in-depth. Could it be Miss Tang Jing made some suggestions and then you said it? Or did she write the answer in advance for you to read it?
Sir, you’re joking. Not only you insult my IQ, you have also insulted my character. Those words came out of my own comprehension. No one gave me any suggestions, and I was not fed any lines in advance.
But you’re British…
So what? I remember saying I know China very well… Understand everything about this country, and of course football. Does it not make sense that I understand your football? Everyone in the world knows how bad your football is. Is it wrong for an Englishman who love China like myself to understand it well? Your football had already made you a disgrace in the world during the Beijing Olympics. What’s so inconceivable about this matter? have already made your football a disgrace to the world? You think you can’t see the fact just because you put your head in the ass? Furthermore, how many of the full-time vice-presidents of the Chinese Football Association are engaged in football understand football? For them to be able to occupy the top positions, how is it that no one loudly ask them if it was reasonable or not, eh? You are not qualified to question whether it is reasonable for me to say such a thing!
As Twain squeezed his way toward outside, he hit back at the reporters’ questions with his razor-sharp wit. The hotel security also wanted to come up to help, but they lost the decisive opportunity to do so and had been squeezed to the outermost edge. They could only look on and worry helplessly at the thick layers of heavy siege.
But Mr. Twain, don’t you think that as a foreigner, it’s excessive of you to judge Chinese football in this way?
What’s too much? It’s rotten to the core, that’s what it is. It’s rotten and you still don’t allow to speak. No wonder your football has not improved for decades. What’s this about don’t wash your dirty linen in public? I think you should take the initiative to air it in public. The more people know, the better. You don’t want to clean up the pus in the wound and yet you want to cover it up… Are you trying to get rich by breeding maggots?
What do you as a foreigner get out of criticizing Chinese football like this?
I don’t get anything. You ask, I answer, that’s the point. If you have other stories to cover, then don’t come here from thousands of miles away and ask me questions.
Speaking of this, Twain became furious—damn it, my vacation was spoilt by this swarm of flies and face in front you still dare to ask this idiotic question to my face!
The scene was becoming explosive and more intense.
After the press conference, the media said that Tony Twain had a fierce dispute with a group of reporters at the press conference, but he did not speak off the cuff…
Mr. Twain, is it appropriate that you criticize a country’s official body that governs football?
What’s inappropriate about it? The British prime minister would be criticized if he did wrong. What cannot be said if a football association has a problem? Perhaps you all think that the Chinese Football Association has no problem at all. That they are hardworking, serious, have the correct attitude and are responsible?
Twain could not hold back his laughter,
I have nothing to say if you really think so. I have already berated and criticized it. Is the Chinese Football Association not happy? Angry? What does it have to do with me?! I’ll tell you this, if they were standing in front of me today, I would say the same thing! But for a dog that is kept by the General Administration, they really think of themselves as influential? That’s the funniest thing in the world… Ridiculous! Sad! Pathetic! Shameful!
With that, Twain pulled the crowd apart with force and squeezed out.
Halfway through, he turned around to the group of reporters and said,
I suddenly thought of a joke. Ah, I say it’s a joke, but it’s actually a true story that happened around me…the atmosphere was too tense just now. Do you want me to tell it to ease everyone’s mood a little?
With that, he went right ahead and recounted without waiting for the reporters to say yes,
My team’s right back, Rafinha, is a member of the Brazilian Olympic team. As one of the few players on my team who had the honor to participate in the Beijing Olympic Games, he came bragging to me that he had learnt Mandarin while he was in China when he returned to Nottingham. One day, during training, he smugly said to me, ‘Boss! I know how to shout the Chinese word to cheer on the Brazilian team!’ So, I let him shout to see what it’s all about, and then I heard him shout, ‘Fire Xie X Long!'
All the reporters present looked at each other, rendered speechless.
Twain looked at them and laughed,
Is it lame? But I think it’s very funny! I laughed till I almost died, ah ha ha-ha ha-ha—–
He left the last-minute press conference hall with chortles of
ha-ha ha-ha
, leaving behind a group of stunned people.
