Chapter 111: Seek her in the public thousands of Baidus (Part 1) (3)

I nodded: "I want to wait a few days to get better and go to Jiangnan. Xie Lang and I always wanted to go there. Although he is no longer there, I am alone. I go to the same place. Go to the place we all yearn for."
I smiled at Aunt Huang: "I also want to thank Aunt Huang for your life-saving grace, I will leave after a few days."
"Thank you." Aunt Huang shook his head: "You are not in good health now. Resting for a few days is not an option. Why don't you stay and be a company with my lonely old woman? When you are well, I still want to leave. I can't force myself to stay. you."
I looked at Aunt Huang’s kind face and thought of my mother. Since entering the palace, I have never seen my mother again. Is she well now? After careful consideration, it is indeed not suitable for me to travel long distances now, let alone Xihe must still be looking for me. I looked at the green mountains and white clouds outside the window, and nodded.
In the days that followed, I stayed at Aunt Huang’s house. Her home was called Huangjiacun on the other side of the mountain I saw that day. Aunt Huang has a son and a daughter. The son married a girl from the same village. A small courtyard was built next to Aunt Huang's house. The daughter married to Liu's family in Shanqian Village, and her husband was also filial, and they often came back to see her.
Aunt Huang’s husband is from the same village as her, and the surname is Huang. He accidentally fell off the cliff when he went hunting in the mountains. It is not easy for Aunt Huang to pull a few children. Fortunately, the children are very filial. Although life is poor, it is happy and warm.
I just stayed at Aunt Huang's house. Aunt Huang insisted that I take care of my body, and asked her children to send me rice, noodles, meat and the like for me to eat. My complexion gradually improved under her conditioning, and my face gradually plumped. Her daughters and daughters-in-law were about the same age as me, and they also sent me their clothes to wear.
The package I brought was returned to me by Aunt Huang that night. I put it in a wooden box with the key next to me. I took some money from it to Aunt Huang, she insisted not to accept it, and even became angry. I just gave it up, thinking about it later.
Because Huangjia Village is in the mountains, the air here is pleasant and the folk customs are simple. The news that Aunt Huang rescued me spread from Huang’s family village. Many other peasant women often came to see me, lamenting my life and often sending things.
Today is a new dress, tomorrow is a handful of freshly picked vegetables, even with dew, and the next day may be a pot of honey. Although they are all very simple things, they deeply warm my heart.
Aunt Huang often chats with me about her past, her children and husband, and some other anecdotes about other people in this village. I know she does this because I feel comfortable. I would occasionally talk about the past of "my", but every time, the cage appeared in my heart.
Aunt Huang was afraid that I would be sad and hurt my body when I remembered the past, and would gently interrupt me when I "remember". I am grateful for her kindness.
Although Aunt Huang's family is not well-off, she is still able to make ends meet, relying on Aunt Huang and her son to farm for her main livelihood. Most of the peasant women in the village are also farming, but they often wash clothes for the wealthy people in the town. Some craftsmen do embroidery work. The nearest town is a few miles away, but because Huangjia Village is located in the back mountain, few outsiders come.
I often sit on the bed and look at the mountains outside through the window. The mountains here are majestic, no matter from a distance or a close look, they are full of mountains and rivers. But without losing the beauty and tenderness, even though it is the end of autumn, it is still green. Viewing it makes people feel comfortable, as if all the unhappiness has become insignificant in front of this beautiful green mountain.
After more than half a month passed, Aunt Huang finally allowed me to walk around, but I rarely walked out of the house. I must choose the time when the autumn sun was high. She often said that if Xiaoyue didn't take care of her well, she would easily fall to the root of the disease in the future, and it would be more difficult to have a child.
During the days when I was pregnant in the palace, the maternal attendants said how many times in my ears, these truths were naturally clear. But, in my future life, will I still have a husband and children? I should be alone all my life.
When I was completely out of Xiaoyue, I helped Aunt Huang to do something. When Aunt Huang went to work in the fields during the day, I always helped her to wash those clothes.
This work is not difficult, because every time Aunt Huang brings back not a lot of clothes, it will not be very hard work, which counts as repaying her. I have already thought that when I leave, I must leave some money for Aunt Huang to make her life easier.
Often, when the sun is at its peak, I will sit by the river at the head of the village and wash in the warm water that is irradiated by the sun. I even learned the folk laundry method. Although I had never touched such a job in the past ten years, I was able to get started quickly after learning it.
Occasionally, in the interval of washing, watching the clear river slowly and gracefully flow by under my feet, disappearing into the far invisible end, and my heart gradually calmed down in this calmness.
Although, I told myself time and again, don't think about it, don't remember it again. Those in the past belonged to another woman. However, the past is still flooding in like a tide and cannot be repelled. Maybe, in a few years, I will be able to forget it logically, or my peaceful memories, just from the perspective of the beholder, and I will sigh at the past.
Those two men who will never be forgotten in my life will always be engraved in my mind.
They, with a ring like a water flap like a moon, with the warmest image at the beginning, walked into my life with that long floating lamp with flowing water, and when I was the loneliest in my heart, they gave me comfort and made my heart slightly Throbbing. In the following days, he saved my life and my heart more than once.
I know his affection for me, it is true love, like a river, sometimes turbulent, sometimes lingering.
I know that on that night, I told him my identity and how hard it was for him. At that time, I thought he would give up. After all, he is such a beautiful young man, with a prominent background, what kind of woman can't get him?
But I didn't expect that, he chose to guard silently. This is something I cannot repay or repay in this life.
Even if I wanted to, we were doomed to miss when the gate was closed behind me.
Even now I am forced to abandon the past.
Even if I say I will forget who I am, can I really forget?
Even if I forget, but what about him? His identity can never be changed.
On the night of those three inns, when I heard the floating lights on the meandering water, I was expecting. I thought I saw my heart clearly, and I thought I could accept it. However, after I actually saw him, although I was happy, it was only a flash in the pan. What followed was my anxiety. I can't ruin him, I can't repay what he has done for me, and I can't owe more debts.
So I chose to leave. As long as he can't find me, he will definitely go back to the place that belongs to him.
And the other man, he walked towards me with the most noble and most majestic face, but at the very beginning he waved his sleeves wide, denying me everything. When we met again, he poured all his love on me with the most tender attitude in the world.
He is the emperor of this world and can express his love for a woman in any way he can think of. He gave me everything that a woman, or concubine could have, whether it's petting or rewarding.
Once, I was sweet, even if there is guilt in this sweetness. However, I am his queen after all, and that guilt sometimes becomes uneasy. However, what I can't think of is that when he spoiled me the most, he killed my most respected father. The reason was only those old things.
I can't see through him, so I am afraid of him.
I can't forget the eyes that opened in the cold light of the dagger, and I still don't know why the medicine didn't work on him. But he didn't kill me or punish me. He gave me a child.
I could use this child as a solace in my life. However, it was the poison wrapped by his Ling Luo who buried my child.
I used to hate him so much, that my heart was bleeding for it, but I was willing to die with him.
For him, every time he thinks about it, his heart is suspended by a small thread, with sorrow and pain, with reverence and fear, with love and hate intertwined, with this thread that will break at any time swaying, making me The emotions are beyond words.
There is a slightly itchy shivering feeling, I don't know what it is, and what I have done to him, I want to come now, either hate or regret, but I have not paid for it. But I finally understand that I can't blame anyone for everything.
Everyone has their own helplessness. What I want to blame, and what can be blamed, should be our identity and the red wall.
Closing my eyes, I smiled softly, but my heart tightened.
I think I love him.
Shen Xiyao.