Chapter 34: Desire to change intoxication for sadness (1)

"I am the Queen of Daxi." I repeated, but my voice fell low and tears fell.
I looked up at him, eyes blurred with tears, I couldn't see his expression, but I saw his hands shaking. He held the jade pendant so tightly that his knuckles turned white.
I wiped away my tears and tried to speak in a calm tone: "So, I can't be your princess, I have no choice."
He stared at the jade pendant, unbelievable and unwilling to believe it.
He laughed suddenly for a while, so sad, "I, I would rather you be a concubine who wants to be favored by the emperor's brother, then, maybe I can force you to come from him."
"You won't." I said slowly.
He laughed out loud after hearing it, but I could see the loss and sadness in his eyes, and my heartache was so bad that I couldn't breathe, and my eyes were darkened.
After a long time, he stopped laughing, shook his head and handed the jade pendant back to me. I didn't dare to look at him. I stretched out my hand to hold the jade pendant, but he didn't let it go. I secretly used a little force, but still couldn't get it back. I looked up at him, and he was also looking at me, his eyes deep.
"Lord." I whispered. He recovered and let go. I took the jade pendant in my hand, as well as his remaining warmth.
I carefully put it away, and when I looked up at him again, I tried to squeeze out a smile as much as possible, and my eyes ran into his eye sockets. His eyes were still so gentle, but there was a trace of sadness. He also smiled and looked at me, even though the smile seemed unnatural at all. I think the same is true for my smile.
"I will hold on to your Ling family, when necessary. This is the only thing I can do for you." He said slowly, his words firm.
I tried my best not to cry, and smiled reluctantly, "You know, he doesn't like our Ling family. However, he will always deal with the past."
After a pause, I continued: "I don't want you to keep me and Ling's family. I want you to think only for yourself and don't hurt your brother's feelings."
"This is my promise to you." After that, he turned and left.
I stretched out my hand to try to stay, but I knew it was not possible, my hand dropped, tears flowed silently, but a stubborn smile was raised at the corner of my mouth.
Suddenly there was a violent coughing sound. I heard it and saw that he had walked to the side of the first section of the porch. He was holding the porch with one hand, half bent, and the other hand covering his mouth, but the cough continued to come.
I walked quickly down the pavilion and came to him, his face was red with a cough, and his expression was haggard. I slapped his back lightly with my hand, he straightened his body abruptly, coughing stopped for a while, I could see that he was holding back.
"What's the matter? What's the matter with you?" I asked hurriedly and anxiously, very disturbed.
He didn't answer my words, took a deep look at me, and endless sadness flashed in the dark eyes.
He slowly bowed to me, "Queen Empress, Xiao Wang has resigned." After he said, he got up and walked away quickly.
I leaned weakly on the pillar he had supported before, and finally cried.
Scenes flashed before my eyes with him—the one who was put on the shoulders by Xiao Rongzi’s long sword outside the Chang Ting but did not change his face, the one who chatted with me in the Yanbo Pavilion and talked about the past and the present. He who stared quietly in the lotus bushes and wanted to marry me as his concubine, and he who made my promise in the golden armor outside Lao Laoting...
I watched his figure disappear at the turn of the Jiuqu Long Corridor. I know that he, who has brought me good memories and comfortable feelings in this palace of loneliness, has left me at this turning place.
Cut everything, no hope, this is exactly what I want, isn't it! I laughed softly, the wind blew my hair around my eyes, and I let the wind blow more and more rapidly, not caring about anything.
It's raining, and torrential rains are frequent in summer. Standing in the promenade, watching the rippling surface of the West Lake, and the lotus wagging in the wind and rain, I touched my skirt and accidentally found the purple jade Linghua flute hanging on the skirt. I took out the flute and played it slowly. The sad tune reverberates on the West Lake, and there is no friend to appreciate it.
After a long, long time, the rain stopped, and I finally calmed down and walked slowly back to Kunning Palace. Huiju was standing at the door looking out.
"Niangniang, where have you been, is it raining?" Seeing me, Huiju quickly came out to welcome me and walked to my side to help me.
I waved my hand and walked towards the palace. As soon as he stepped into the door of Dongnuan Pavilion, his feet were soft and fell onto the hard ground. My leg hurts, but it's no match for my heartache.
Huiju came to help me up, "Manny, what's wrong with you?"
I smiled palely, "It's nothing, suddenly I'm a little tired. You can help me go to bed and lie down for a while."
Huiju looked at me worriedly, helped me rest on the phoenix bed, and took a thin quilt to cover me.
I closed my eyes, "Huiju, I want to sleep for a while."
Huiju took a wide fan and slapped it gently for me. I clutched the corner and turned my back to Huiju and lay down, tears streaming down again.
I tried to say to Huiju in my usual tone: "No need to fan, it's not hot, go down."
Then he said, "Let the bed curtain down too, don't call me."
Huiju answered, and took a few ice sculptures from the table and placed them at the head and foot of the bed. Then the bed curtains were put down, and my surroundings dimmed.
When I heard the sound of her going out and closing the door, I finally buried my head in the quilt and burst into tears.
This is what I want, and I have always been prepared, but I didn't expect to be so sad, I didn't expect that I would rather die than face it now. However, I know that I have had to put it down completely. From now on, I will recreate the queen before I met him, the queen who seemed to have everything but nothing. That's okay, isn't the self at that time also very happy? Tired of crying, I fell asleep.
When I woke up, a lamp was lit in Dongnuan Pavilion. I stretched out my hand to open the curtain of the bed, and Huiju was sitting on a stool not far away, dozing off with her head on her hand.
I looked at the sky, it should be very late, I slept for so long. The windows were not closed, and the wind at night brought a slight chill.
I got out of bed slowly, my legs still ached, but it didn't matter. I walked to Huiju's side and shook her gently.
Huiju opened her dim eyes, and it took a while to fully wake up, see me standing in front of her, and got up quickly.
"Manny."
I smiled, "You go back to sleep."
"Niangniang is hungry, lunch and dinner are useless. I am heating up the porridge in the small kitchen, and bring me a drink."
Really feel a little hungry. I nodded, Huiju rubbed his eyes and went out, and soon brought porridge and some side dishes.
I couldn't eat it after only a few bites, and I still didn't calm down completely, and I didn't have an appetite.
"Niangniang, isn't it delicious?" Huiju asked carefully.
"No, it's delicious, but I just got up and I don't have any appetite." After that, he looked at the porridge and vegetables, and then at Huiju's somewhat lost face.
Hui Ju Xu thought I thought she did it, it's better than Haoyue or disagreeable. But it is really my mood that makes me unable to eat.
"I'll eat it later." I smiled at her, "Go to sleep, I'll sit by myself."
"The mother is up, she will definitely not want to sleep for a while, Huiju will be here with her."
I looked at her sincere face, thought about it, and nodded. I'll be sad again by myself. With Huiju, you can talk and distract yourself.
Just like this, a lone lamp was lit, and Huiju and I were chatting. I asked her about the situation at home, listened to her talk about my childhood, and occasionally I also talked about my childhood, and I gradually calmed down.
"Niang Niang," Huiju was talking about new things in the palace, and then continued after one thing: "Huang Jing, who heard the food delivery, said that Lord Yu came back earlier this time. He had made an appointment with the emperor. It's half a year."
It is not surprising that Lord Yu was famous for being good at fighting. "
"However, it is said that the enemy's strength this time is nearly double that of the original investigation. It is said that the fight was very dangerous."
"The prince is also for my Daxi border people to suffer less from the torment of the war." As he said, he felt even more sad.
"The emperor will definitely give the prince a lot of rewards."
"That's natural." I said lightly, but didn't want to talk about this topic again, "Hui Ju, where did the book I read this morning?"
Hui Ju hurriedly got up and looked for me.
I propped my chin with my hand and looked at the beating candle, his face appeared before my eyes. Suddenly remembering his abnormal cough today and his pale face, I became worried. However, I said to myself cruelly: I have already forgotten, and I have to let go!
At dawn the next day, I still felt uncomfortable in my heart and wanted to go for a walk.
Huiju opened the closet. I pointed to the light green tunic I wanted to wear yesterday and said, "That one."
Huiju served me to put it on, and simply curled the middle hair behind my head as I wanted, and the rest hung between my temples.
"Niang, what kind of jewelry do you use?" Huiju asked me when she opened the round box with the tourmaline and chrysanthemum pattern.
I didn't look at it, and just said lightly: "Anything will do." After speaking, I closed my eyes.
"Well, Niang Niang." Soon, Huiju said to me.
I looked in the mirror and was startled. The jasper magnolia hairpin that Huiju wore for me was the one that Wang Yu said he picked up and returned to me. I reached out and touched it without saying anything. I took the earrings and put them on myself.
"Niang Niang, your jade pendant." As she changed her skirt, Huiju took the jade pendant that confirmed my identity and wanted to bring me.
I didn't want to see it suddenly, and waved my hand, "Don't wear it anymore."
After that, he walked out of Dongnuan Pavilion, and Huiju followed.
I have forgotten how long I haven't walked in the imperial garden in the early morning. I walked aimlessly, and unconsciously walked on the Jiuqu Promenade, and when I reacted, I had already walked more than half of it.
I laughed at myself and said to Hui Ju back: "Go back to the palace to get my flute." Hui Ju left as ordered.
After yesterday's events, plus the evening banquet, he won't be here today, right?
Not to mention so early. I told myself to walk slowly, and in a blink of an eye I arrived at Yanbo Pavilion. The white yarn fluttered slightly, and the fog in the morning hadn't completely dissipated. I couldn't see it clearly. It wasn't until I walked to the pavilion that there was anyone in the pavilion.
He faces the West Lake, wearing a white brocade Confucian shirt. I can only see his back, mixed feelings in my heart. Why is he still here? But myself, didn't I also come here. I smiled softly, turned around and wanted to walk away, but accidentally stepped onto the fallen leaves floating in the corridor and made a slight noise.
I didn't care, but didn't want to. I didn't take two steps, my arm was tightly grasped.
When I looked back, I saw a pair of surprised and delighted eyes.
He looked surprised, but his eyes flashed with joy, and the morning sun couldn't compare with it.
I struggled to get away from his hand. But he slammed me in front of him, his hands clasped my shoulders tightly, his eyes were so fierce, I didn't dare to look directly, and looked away slightly.
"You..." His tone was incredible, but so excited that he couldn't say anything.
I still struggled, "Let go of me, let me go."
I feel very sad, why should I come here? Why come! Deep in my heart is the faint thought of wanting to see him again, but as a result, why is this so? Is it God's punishment to me! I was upset in my heart that it was so quiet in the morning, even a slight voice would be heard.