Chapter 1138 - Never Wanted to See Him Again

I’m sorry!
Lu Jinnan apologized.
I’m sorry… Xiaonian!

Bai Xiaonian ignored him and continued speaking in a soft and animated voice, sounding as if she was telling a story.
Mortensen couldn’t contact me, so he came over to send me to the hospital. He also sent me home later on!


Lu Jinnan listened and didn’t say anything.

On the 4th of February, the eve of Chinese New Year, you sent a picture to your friends. In that picture, my show was playing on the TV screen. You captioned it with the words ‘Happy Chinese New Year.’ I saw Hong Jinyun’s reflection in the full-length window in the dining room…

On the 14th of February, after you called Mortensen, who gave me flowers and chocolate, you didn’t contact me for half a month! You didn’t even send me a text…


On the 11th of March, we said we’d talk…
At this point, Bai Xiaonian closed her eyes and choked up. She couldn’t hold back her tears anymore.
Just when you arrived at my apartment, Hong Jinyun’s mom called you, telling you that Hong Jinyun was suffering drug withdrawals and harming herself. After that, you left in a hurry! I fell down in the kitchen… and I called you to ask you to come back, but you told me to stop messing around!

Bai Xiaonian had been recounting all these events in a calm voice, but when she got to this point, she was so choked up that she stopped talking.
Lu Jinnan reached out to grab Bai Xiaonian’s fingers, which were colder than ice, and explained,
I’m really sorry, Xiaonian… we’re husband and wife, but in my heart, I owe it to Hong Jinyun, so I…


I’m not done talking…
Bai Xiaonian opened her bloodshot eyes and turned to look at Lu Jinnan. The light from the streetlights was blurred and broken up by drops of rain on the windshield, causing the light reflected in Bai Xiaonian’s eyes to be a brilliant yet dim color.
She calmly pulled her hand away from Lu Jinnan’s, and the corners of her pale lips curved upwards.
So, on the 11th of March, I lost my child…


Bai Xiaonian remembered every single day clearly, especially the 11th of March. It was as if that date had been carved into her heart.
Lu Jinnan froze and felt as if he had been struck by lightning.
The fuzzy memories Lu Jinnan had of that day suddenly became clearer.
After the 14th of February, Lu Jinnan calmed down and started calling Bai Xiaonian. In the beginning, she didn’t pick up his calls, and he went over to her place.
When he found out later on that Bai Xiaonian had moved to another apartment, it took him some time to find her.
Lu Jinnan never stopped apologizing, but Bai Xiaonian never seemed to cave in.
It wasn’t until the 10th of March that Bai Xiaonian answered his call. After hesitating for a moment, she told him,
Come to my apartment tomorrow morning. We’ll talk then…

The next morning, Lu Jinnan brought fresh flowers to Bai Xiaonian’s apartment. The moment he stepped inside, he saw that she wasn’t feeling too well. She told him to sit down and went to boil water.
But the moment Bai Xiaonian entered the kitchen, Lu Jinnan received a call from Hong Jinyun’s mom, who said that Hong Jinyun was suffering from drug withdrawals…
Bai Xiaonian walked out of the kitchen. Her facial expression was darker than before, but she didn’t stop him and simply nodded.
Go. We’ll… talk again when you come back!


Since Bai Xiaonian spat out the word
talk,
Lu Jinnan took it that she was reluctant to let him leave.
After apologizing to Bai Xiaonian sincerely, he left her apartment.
Just when he drove out the entrance to the estate, he received a call from Bai Xiaonian. She said,
Lu Jinnan, I fell down in the kitchen, and it hurts too much to get up. Come… come back quickly! I…


Xiaonian, Hong Jinyun suffering from drug withdrawals is no small matter. Stop messing around! I’ll be back soon, and I definitely won’t stay at her place for long, alright?

Previously, Lu Jinnan rebuked Bai Xiaonian before she could explain herself. This time, he didn’t hang up.
On the other end of the line, Bai Xiaonian was silent for almost a minute. It was eerily quiet.
The call ended after Lu Jinnan softly called out to her. When he called her back, she was already in another call.
But Lu Jinnan really didn’t know… that Bai Xiaonian was pregnant!
Now that he thought about it, Bai Xiaonian probably gave in and decided to talk to him because… she was pregnant!
Bai Xiaonian smiled at Lu Jinnan, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. It was extremely cold…

After Lu Jinnan left, Bai Xiaonian went to boil water in the kitchen with a lot of things on her mind. After filling the kettle to the brim with water, she dropped the kettle when she placed it on the base. She planned to clean up the floor with a mop but slipped and fell. The back of her waist slammed against the open drawer!
She looked ahead.
I sat on the ground, unable to get up. I felt a little life flow out from my abdomen. I even wanted to just… let it go like that! But I still called the emergency hotline after ending the call with you. I was too late and couldn’t save the baby in time. Maybe it was fate.


Let’s get back to the topic at hand. Just now, you said… that we’re husband and wife, but in your heart, you owe it to Hong Jinyun. So, no matter what you do, she always comes first, right?
Bai Xiaonian asked Lu Jinnan a question but didn’t give him a chance to answer her.
Then why must we be together? The man beside me… cares more about another woman than me, am I right?

Lu Jinnan was going to reply when Bai Xiaonian continued,
And besides, now that the baby’s gone… there’s nothing between us either!

Actually, Bai Xiaonian wasn’t going to the Fu residence to give Lu Jinnan a chance. She was going there to give herself a chance.
A chance… to let go.
Now that Lu Jinnan thought about every word Bai Xiaonian had said ever since she stepped into his car, she was essentially rejecting the idea of being in a relationship with him.
She originally wanted to give Lu Jinnan a hard time so that he would leave on his own accord. That was better than revealing her own scars… and suffering with him.
In the past, all Bai Xiaonian wanted was for Lu Jinnan to stay away from Hong Jinyun and forget about her.
Now, all she wanted was never to see him again.
She smiled evilly.
You feel guilty now that you know about the baby, right? When you’re together with Hong Jinyun… can I order you about with a single phone call too?


Xiaonian!
Lu Jinnan gripped Bai Xiaonian’s ice-cold hands tightly. His throat hurt so much that he couldn’t say a word.

I lied, Lu Jinnan…
Seeing that she couldn’t pull her hands away, Bai Xiaonian decided to simply let Lu Jinnan continue holding them.
There was no baby. I just said that to make you feel upset. I just wanted you to show more concern for me than Hong Jinyun!

Bai Xiaonian’s hands hurt because of how tightly Lu Jinnan was holding them, but it was nothing compared to the pain she felt when she lost the baby that day or the pain she was feeling right now…
Lu Jinnan was probably the first man who Bai Xiaonian loved so much she was willing to risk her life for him!
When Bai Xiaonian went to save Lu Jinnan in the US, she was convinced that she would definitely die!
Now, she couldn’t bear to see Lu Jinnan this upset…
What kind of person was Lu Jinnan? Everyone in Haicheng knew that he… was cold-blooded and heartless!
Now that he was so choked up that he couldn’t say anything, Bai Xiaonian didn’t feel like taking revenge. Her heart only ached for him.