Chapter 88:

The two beams of light hit Jiang Yan and Wang Xu, so bright that people could not see the things around them. Jiang Yan even felt the hot temperature in the beam.
Walking from the side of the stage to the middle of the stage, about five or six steps, Jiang Yan's forehead was sweating.
It's cold sweat.
The applause and cheers and screams from the audience made Wang Xu very excited. Jiang Yan saw Wang Xu's footsteps in a dizzying light.
He turned to the piano with his back to the auditorium, and he didn't have the courage to look back again. In this second time, the adventures of heaven and earth in the world of ice and fire were double.
The fingers were cold and somewhat stiff. In fact, not only the fingers, but the whole arm was stiff and soft. When I sat on the bench, I almost couldn't open the cover.
Yu Guang was forcibly turned off at this time, and only a dazzling light surrounded him, as if blocking all sounds and images.
Inaudible, invisible.
There was only the empty seat in my mind.
Gu Fei was out of the seat.
He didn't look at the eyes. Although there were many people standing and walking around the aisle, for him, even if it was just a piece of clothing, Gu Fei could see and recognize it.
Gu Fei is not in the auditorium.
He didn't know what his mood was at this moment. He was so confused that he couldn't guess and judge, and there was no way to think.
When the piano is in front of the black and white keyboard, everything around him is confused by the empty position.
"Jiang Ye," he heard Wang Xu's voice, "Jiang Ye! Fuck! What's wrong with Jiang Ye? All right, Jiang Ye?"
He looked up, and Wang Xu's anxious and nervous face was above the piano: "Not comfortable?"
"No." Jiang Yan took a breath, and the surrounding things slowly became clear, contours appeared, and the sound in his ears grew louder.
The applause has stopped and the screaming has become sparse, with only a few whistle sounding from time to time.
"We'll switch to another show if it's uncomfortable," Wang Xu whispered uneasily. "You don't look so good, too nervous?"
"It's all right," Jiang Yan smiled. "Ready."
"Okay." Wang Xu adjusted the guitar, and swiped his fingers lightly on the strings.
With this string of notes, the atmosphere of the audience was lifted again.
Gu Fei is no longer below, don't know the reason, don't know where he is, don't know if he can hear it, or don't know if he wants to hear it again.
Jiang Yan took a breath and didn't think about it any more. He chose to join the show himself. He chose Gu Fei's tunes. He chose to let Lao Xu know.
As for whether the host heard it when Xiaoxu Lao showed up with other teachers, and why it was self-proclaimed in the press, it was not important.
All this has happened, and now upset, panic, and chaos have no meaning.
He was still sitting here, facing the already familiar song, he wanted Gu Fei to hear it, but he also wanted to hear it.
He rarely thinks about "if" and "what if", but when he and what are in front of him, he still rushes forward without thinking.
Jiang Yan rubbed his hands and shook again, and a low laugh came from the audience.
He turned his head and glanced at the auditorium, a smile drew from the corner of his mouth, raised his hand, and landed on the key. When the first note came out from his fingertips, the underside suddenly fell silent.
Until three bars later, Wang Xu's guitar came in. He didn't turn his head to watch the piano. He always looked at the audience, listening to the applause from the moment the guitar chords sounded.
When the guitar was playing, he turned his head and looked at his fingers. There were no other sounds in his ears, only the melody of the guitar.
Wang Xu is playing at a super level. He took a look at Yi Jing and took a camera to take pictures of them. Wang Xu took the guitar and turned to her for two steps. It is estimated that the expression on his face followed his clothes. The silver dragon on it is just as cool.
After a beautiful glide, Jiang Yan's piano sounded again.
Applause and screams broke out again.
Jiang Yan smiled. If my mother knew that the piano's so elegant music was overwhelmed by such noise, I don't know what kind of mood it would be.
But now he feels light.
At this moment, when the sound that he didn't like came from the song he liked, the one he liked, brought him a piano full of depression and boredom, which gave him joy for the first time. Experience.
just.
Where have you been, Wang Badan?
You have never heard me play the piano.
I haven't played the piano for a long time and thought I would never play it again.
This song was played for you, and you ran away.
At the end of the ensemble's strumming string on Wang Xu's guitar, Jiang Yan closed the lid gently, stood up, and bowed to the audience.
"Jiangxi I love you—" a girl screamed below.
Jiang Yan turned and walked off the stage in the noise that could not be separated from the stage.
Teachers and classmates in the background are also applauding.
"Okay! It's so good! This show is the best show in the history of the 4th Middle School!" Lao Lu shouted while applauding.
Old Xu didn't say anything. When Jiang Yan looked at him, he just nodded hard, and Jiang Yan saw tears in his eyes.
Jiang Yan sighed helplessly: "I'm going to ... the toilet."
"How's that?" Wang Xuchong asked Yi Jing following them down excitedly. "What did you just think?"
"Really great." Yi Jing said with a smile.
When Jiang Yan came out from the back door, there was a sudden commotion among the students next to the exit, and several mobile phones were raised.
He bowed his head and walked quickly out of the auditorium door.
There were still many waiting students outside the door, and when he came out, he again attracted onlookers.
"Jiang Ye," someone called him, "The song is really written by Gu Fei, isn't it great?"
Jiang Yan didn't say a word, didn't look over there, walked along the wall of the auditorium, quickly turned a corner, and threw away the exclamation and discussion behind him.
The original calm mood was suddenly disturbed by this sentence.
The wrath and instability temporarily subdued, the subtle confusion and the faint repression of the anger were all slowly spreading from the bottom to the top at the moment.
Jiang Yan didn't want to go to the toilet, but went to the toilet.
He kept his hand in his pocket and squeezed his mobile phone along the way, but he never pulled it out. There were no students in the playground. When he went to the toilet, he saw only a cleaning aunt walking by the bucket with a bucket.
After entering the toilet, Jiang Yan found his hands sweaty when he pulled his hands out of his pocket.
He stood in front of the urinal for a while and felt the urination seriously.
not at all.
Except for the anger that slowly turned from panic and restlessness.
He turned and walked out of the toilet again, took out his mobile phone and glanced.
As he had expected, there was no news from Gu Fei, no news was not missed, and there was nothing he thought he hadn't heard because it was too noisy before.
At this moment, all his emotions towards Gu Fei became angry.
He sat on the stone bench next to him and took out his mobile phone to make a call to Gu Fei.
Thousands of times!
Just say anything, you can fight and fight, what's missing?
Just when Gu Fei's number was clicked out, from the restored Yu Guang, I saw someone approaching him. The fingers of Jiang Yan who wanted to dial slightly shook and stopped.
Gu Fei.
He wanted to go straight to Gu Fei with all his heart, what was wrong with him, what was wrong with Gu Fei, and he said face to face that it would be a big fight.
But now Gu Fei suddenly appeared like this, he was tense again.
Say what?
How to say?
Who started?
What happened to Gu Fei?
All the questions that had been irritated and anger shattered all came back into place, blocking his eyes into a mass, and almost wanted to cough and clear his throat twice.
"Brother." Gu Fei stood beside him.
"Ah." Jiang Yan turned the phone without moving, staring at the grass that had been drilled out of a crack on the concrete floor in front of him.
"Talk?" Gu Fei said.
"Whatever you want," Jiang Yan said. "If you want to talk, just talk, just leave it alone."
"Let's go," Gu Fei said, "go out and turn around."
Jiang Yan put his mobile phone back in his pocket, stood up, didn't look at Gu Fei, and walked directly to the back door of the school.
Gu Fei's footsteps followed him, but he was always behind him, and did not catch up with him as usual.
At this time, the snack street at the back door has not yet ushered in the busiest period of the day. At this moment, only a few stalls were set up, and the boss sat lazily in a chair.
Jiang Yan didn't know where to go, but just walked along the road casually, stepping on the black sludge softened by the sun on the ground, his footsteps could no longer be heard.
He tilted his head back, and Gu Fei walked up quickly and followed him to the left.
He walked to the bridge aimlessly, Jiang Yan hesitated along the dirt road at the bridge and reached the river again, stepped on the rotten ground and broke the earth, and watched the river bed where there was no water for a while. He stopped.
"What am I doing to you?" Jiang Yan looked at Gu Fei.
"Why didn't you tell me you want to play my song?" Gu Fei asked.
"Just for this?" Jiang Yan frowned. "Then I apologize to you, I didn't want to ..."
"No," Gu Fei interrupted him, "I'm not for this, you can play whatever you want, but later ..."
Jiang Yan looked at him.
No emotion can be seen on Gu Fei's face. This person is always like this. No matter what he says, as long as he doesn't mean it, it's hard for you to see from his expression and his eyes.
"Don't say my name later." Gu Fei said.
"What other ghosts are there?" Jiang Yan leaned back against a small tree. As soon as he leaned up, he felt something stuck on the trunk. It hurt, and he hurried to stand upright again. The pain made him Some couldn't hold back the fire. "What else do you think? I have a senior in high school, this time, do you think I'm free? I'm in a hurry!"
Gu Fei did not speak, and sighed softly.
Jiang Yan glared for a long time before turning back to find the key point in his sentence. Although he had a hunch when he heard the host say Gu Fei's name, he really could n’t feel it when he heard Gu Fei himself Comprehension: "What's wrong with your name? Why are you unwilling to participate in the show and not even report your name?"
"It's nothing," Gu Fei said, "it's not ..."
"First," Jiang Yan took a step forward and stared at his eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I used your tune. Second, the four words of composition Gu Fei were not what I asked to say. Only wrote me and Wang Xu. Third, when Xu guessed that the composition was you, I didn't stare at him and told him not to say it was wrong.
Gu Fei looked at him silently.
"Sorry, I do n’t know why you are doing this, I ’m sorry, I do n’t know why you ca n’t participate in these activities, I do n’t know why you have to distance yourself from everyone, and I do n’t know why you are always out of normal school life "Jiang Yan's voice increased a little bit, and all the puzzles and troubles he had caused by Gu Fei's state for so long erupted a little bit," So sorry! I shouldn't have thought about being on stage with you! " I'm sorry! I shouldn't be thinking about giving you a surprise if you don't want to! I'm sorry! Can you do this? Sorry Gu Fei! I'm so stupid, I don't know what you want! "
"Brother," Gu Fei frowned, reaching out and grabbing his arm, "don't get angry first."
"Don't touch me!" Jiang Yan shouted and let go of his hand, "I said, you say something! If you don't want to say it, don't let me know! Just these two paths! No way Pull J8 down! "
"Okay," Gu Fei looked at him. "Do you think I'm great, I'm good, I'm better than many people around me."
"Don't lose your face!" Jiang Yan said, "I'll give you a face to praise you, you're serious! You'll have a better face and longer legs, and nothing else!"
Gu Fei sighed, turned around and touched the cigarette, came out, and squatted down, crouching against the river bed.
Jiang Yan stared at his back for a long time before finally saying, "Yes, I think you are excellent, talented, and smart. Not only do I think so, Lao Xu also thinks so."
"So what?" Gu Fei asked again, smoking a cigarette.
"What is it? So what?" Jiang Yan asked a little irritably.
"I'm excellent, talented, and smart," Gu Fei tilted his head, "So what?"
"So what the fuck!" Jiang Yan shouted, "I want to let people know that you are not what you look like, you are different from the garbage in the steel mill! I want to let you know for yourself! Come with me Everyone you see here is different! You are ten thousand times better than them! "
"Then!" Gu Fei also roared, stood up and turned to walk in front of him, staring at him face-to-face. "Then what? Brother, then? Do you know what kind of life I live? Do you know what kind of life I have lived since the beginning of my memory? You know what! "
Jiang Yan was screamed by him. If he remembered it correctly, this was the first time Gu Fei was so out of control. The first time he yelled at him, he was still close to his face, and he even felt shocked.
"What do you want me to know? Know how good I am, how good I am, let everyone know how smart and talented I am? Then?" Gu Fei lowered his voice. What do you know, right? "
Jiang Yan looked at him.
"I fell asleep, I didn't know anything," Gu Fei's voice trembled lightly. "Why do you have to wake me up? You can go, you must go too, me?"
Suddenly, Jiang Yan felt that he was having a hard time breathing, and wanted to say something, but couldn't say it.
What's it like to be out of step here?
He got off the train and took the first step out of the station.
The hopelessness and gloomy eyes, he still remembers it clearly.
This is the reason why he has to leave so far.
"What about me? My brother," Gu Fei said softly. "I'm right here. I have shackles on me. I don't know when I can take them off, maybe I can never take them off. Then I just woke up and opened my eyes. I will not be reconciled, I will be miserable, you know? "
Jiang Yan looked at him.
"I know I obviously can't live like those people, but I can only live that way now," Gu Fei squatted back to the river, and lit a cigarette again. "I don't want to tell you, love, I will I hope you are happy, simpler, and there is no need to be upset about these things that cannot be changed. "
Jiang Yan didn't speak. He touched it in his pocket and didn't feel the smoke. He wants to go on the stage today, so he didn't bring any smoke on his body.
Gu Fei returned and handed the cigarette case and lighter over.
He hesitated and took a cigarette and put it on, holding it, and watching the smoke flowing in front of him, a few strands of smoke rose, twisted in the wind, and quickly seemed to flicker left and right When dancing, it faded in an instant, from a light blue to an invisible wind.
Gu Fei had never thought of it.
He only felt that Gu Fei was like an eagle tied to a thin iron chain, but never thought that Gu Fei felt the same way, so he closed his eyes, covered his head, and threw away anything other than maintaining balance. idea.
Jiang Yan didn't know how he felt, and he was so anxious that he suddenly regretted it.
but……
That is, now, after Gu Fei said these words, he suddenly found out that when discussing a different place that day, he always felt that there was something wrong but he couldn't figure out where it was. There was an answer.
That is, Gu Fei does not seem to be struggling.
"Is Gu Miao right?" Jiang Yan also crouched behind Gu Fei. "And your mother ... no, mainly Gu Miao?"
"Um." Gu Fei answered.
"Have you tried it?" Jiang Yan bit his lip. He didn't know how to express it accurately. "Try to let her accept some changes. Little by little, hasn't she already gone to class? You can try ... ... maybe she can't accept that her things have changed, maybe ... "
"My brother," Gu Feiyong dropped and stood up, "go."
"Huh?" Jiang froze, but still stood up.
Gu Fei didn't speak again, and he was silent.
Gu Fei took him home, and when Jiang Yan opened the door, Jiang Jing recovered from the dullness and squeezed a smile at Gu Miao, who was sitting on the sofa drawing in the living room: "Er Miao."
Gu Miao seemed very happy to see him, raised his painting and waved at him.
"Let me see," Jiang Yan walked over to sit next to her, looked at the paper in her hand, "is it a rabbit?"
There are many rabbits painted on the paper. The paper is almost full. Rabbits are all green, just like Gu Fei's head.
Gu Miao took another piece of paper and continued to paint. She used green and painted exactly the same rabbit. You can see that she was very skilled in drawing. A paper.
Jiang Yan looked at her intent and didn't know what to say.
"Er Miao," Gu Fei came over, squatting in front of Gu Miao, "brother to discuss something with you."
Gu Miao took the pen, and continued to draw while looking at him, his eyes quickly returned to the pen tip.
"Er Miao, look at my brother," Gu Fei said, "my brother has an event to discuss with you."
Gu Miao paused, paused, and turned to look at him.
"Tonight," Gu Fei said slowly. "Do you sleep in Mom's bed, OK?"
Gu Miao did not respond.
"Tonight you don't sleep in your own bed or the sofa in your brother's house," said Gu Fei. "You sleep, the bed in your mother's house."
Gu Miao still didn't respond, but when Jiang Yan thought she didn't understand Gu Fei's words, she suddenly started screaming.
The sharp voice instantly cut through the silence, piercing Jiang Yan's eardrum like a knife.
Jiang Yan just felt unable to breathe, and the scream sounded of invisible huge pressure laminated to his chest made him just want to cover Gu Miao's mouth.
Gu Fei looked at Gu Miao quietly, took a breath before talking to Gu Miao softly.
Jiang Yan felt he couldn't understand what he was talking about, but he felt stuffy, stuffy in his heart, stuffy in his head, and stuffy in his ears.
When Gu Miao finally stopped screaming, Jiang Yan had a strong urge to shout a few times.
"I tried, Brother," Gu Fei held his hand, his voice was very low. "But for many years, there has been no change. She was born here and grew up here. The range she recognizes is the furthest. To the train station, that's the area where she skateboards, the area where she sleeps, right here, her bed, the sofa in my room, you can narrow her down, but you can't let her leave. "
Jiang Yan looked at him, speechless.
"That rehabilitation study is not low. I ca n’t get her to participate for a long time, so I do n’t know how long it will take before she can make a little progress. One year, two years, three years, five years, or ten or twenty years. "Gu Fei's hands began to tremble slightly." Or forever, I dare not think about it. I have no way to think about it. I can only bow my head so low. I don't know how far I hope. "
Jiang Yan embraced Gu Fei and closed his eyes: "I'm sorry, Gu Fei, I'm sorry."
Gu Fei grabbed his waist and pressed his face against his chest.
In the quiet air, in the snoring of Gu Miao's paintbrush, Jiang Yan heard a low cry of depression.
The author has something to say: 继续 Continue tomorrow.
A sweet author and the black hairs knelt quietly on the ground and said nothing.