Chapter 26: The secret of Shen Zhifan (4)

(on)
Shen Zhifan turned down silently.
For Shen Zhifan at that time, the road ahead was a long night, and anything at any time could become the light straw that crushed the camel.
His bitterness now seems to be pretty cute, but when he wrote those words, his heart was never lovely or interesting, but all about the sorrow and sorrow of tomorrow's life and death.
He never really writes what to do tomorrow, or what to do after the next game.
Of course, I don't want to think about a bright future. I just want to come to him. It's just too confusing. When I don't know if I can survive tomorrow, any "tomorrow plan" will seem a little pitiful at this time.
So he can only write vaguely.
Write his illusory future, brush with a brush that is as vague as possible. For example, if you have one, you can make a small magazine like "Mechanical Eagle". You don't have to be good, as long as you can get rid of it. Difficulties, barely strong enough to have a little day.
The needs of the people are changed according to the current situation. At that time, he lived in the darkness of the day, and the pain and scars were attached to his body as if he were breathing. The habit of hurting was a sad thing. But sometimes I have to get used to it.
This "helplessness" seems to be more desperate and incapable of breathing than "pain" itself.
So his wishes seemed so pitiful, only a little higher than the time.
Shen Zhifan inevitably wants to cry a little, but crying out of the nameless, it will be done.
Because there is no need, Shen Zhifan at that time did not cry, he did not know, but he guessed, he forgot, but the body still remembers.
If Shen Zhifan, who had experienced the darkness in person, didn't cry, now he is not qualified and necessary to shed two tears here.
This is not the same feeling, but because I was originally your strange cognition.
People are very strange. Sometimes the poor and tragic situation of others can often make you drop two tears, but you can face the kind of despair in your own life, and suddenly you suddenly realize that there is nothing to cry, and I feel deeply. The grief of the past was only because of its highness.
Only in person in this muddy, will it be so awake.
However, the muddy road is also able to be stepped on foot under the footsteps.
Shen Zhifan looked at the confused teenager bit by bit in the pain and shackles, forcibly dragged by the invisible rope traction, grinding every inch of the skin, soaked with countless viscous blood.
But even so, the occasional fall of the fine sun still makes him step by step.
Desperate, humble and almost great.
Every time he died, he was lucky. He was lucky and not all lucky. His talent has made him start to emerge slowly.
But this is not a good thing, which means that he was noticed by the audience and was noticed by the wicked desperados.
The most bitter one was also the time he became famous in the underground machine.
His whole body bones were almost broken, and he had already mixed up his experience. He was once again beaten back to the original shape. It was so miserable. It was soaked in the blood like the first time, no, it was even more fierce than at the beginning. If this When you remove those bloodstains, then his body must have been gray and white due to excessive blood loss.
"I felt that I was going to die yesterday. I really want to die, so I can't record it. To be honest, sometimes I will be ashamed why I have to write these. If I die today, this diary will follow. It’s meaningless to kill my death."
"It’s a little better today, okay, this is what the doctor said, but I clearly feel that it hurts more than yesterday. I don’t know if I can live today.

The space here is confusing and the writing is very scribbled. Obviously, he was very hard at that time, and his consciousness was a bit fuzzy.
"My eardrum is broken again. The old injury relapses, so it feels more painful than before. Niya tried hard to tell me anything, but I couldn't hear it. I could only see her lips closed. I tried to give her. A smile, but it doesn't work."
"Aibo is crying for me too. I try to appease him, but maybe I look so terrible, so I scared him."
"That doctor, okay, the quack doctor said that I am now in the blood, no wonder I am a little support... It’s weird, I said it makes no sense, but I can’t help but write..."
"I am going to die, yes, maybe this time I really want to die, I lived, and then I died, nothing to say."
But "nothing to say" was apparently quickly crossed out, and he then wrote in confusion.
"No, let me say a few more words, my sister - Shen Zhirou, my brother always wants to tell you, although you are not so beautiful, but you are always the most lovely in your brother's heart, I want to hug you that kind of cute I don't know how to bless, but I hope that you must be happy... Even if your brother is dead, my brother will look at you in the sky with my parents."
"Although I am a little suspected of cheating, please believe me."
"You are very smart and gentle. They are not worse than the beautiful girls you crave. You are the light that supports your brother." My brother loves you very much, but he doesn't express it very much, but really, my brother is more than imagined. love you more."
He emphasized over and over again that even if he was confused, Shen Zhifan himself was almost invisible, but it was really positively emphasized.
"I know that you have always liked the freckled boy in the orphanage, but he is not a good boy. He often uses the embarrassing vocabulary to evaluate girls in the back. It is not a thing."
"I have never told you that I am afraid that you are sad, so I don't want you to choose him. Even if he has a good skin, but the skin is not important, if you choose this, it is better to choose your brother's body, if you get it."
"But I guess you can't get it, because I might be buried in a mass grave, or even more unlucky, taken away by some metamorphosis... I haven't told you, but there is someone here who is jealous of your brother. Beauty is not a normal person."
"Speaking and talking is a bit confusing. I want to laugh a little. It makes me feel so painless when I breathe. It is obvious that my lungs now feel like leaking around, as if you had all four front teeth when you were a lot of years ago. Look like."
"You must be smarter. If your brother is not there, you must live well. Although you are tired, you will be very happy occasionally."
"I know that you want to fall in love, but definitely don't fall in love for love. It doesn't make sense. It sounds cool but not cool at all."
"I may not see how you are getting married. Will you get married? I heard that marriage is the most beautiful thing for a girl. I want to see you, but it seems that the opportunity is not great."
"Don't marry for marriage. After my brother died, no one forced you. I was afraid that no one would go to the orphanage to adopt one." After I went there, I found that there were so many children who were as homeless as us. There are also bastards, but there are also good kids."
"I hope that you are good, everything is good, and you can go well with the future that your brother may not have."
"To marry love, although I can't say what love is, but if that person makes you feel relaxed and comfortable, or has difficulty but always cuddles, it should be."
"Is maybe you can live."
It took a long time here, and the long stay of the pen made the end of the last stroke of the last "?" word faint, and merged with the last sentence.
"No, it's too difficult. I don't dare to stop writing. I don't dare to sleep. My consciousness is against my will, but I can't sleep. I have to finish at least. It doesn't make sense, but maybe it is already me." The only thing that can prove the thing that I have existed since then."
The handwriting here is too indescribable, and Shen Zhifan tries to recognize it.
He thought that this day was broken here, because it was still half a page, and it has been stopped by reason. Then he subconsciously wants to look at the contents of the next article, and he was scared by the content of the next page. jump.
The whole page was filled with "I don't want to die."
All kinds of handwriting, although most of them are sloppy, can be seen from the shade.
These "I don't want to die" match the depths of those who are more scribble than others, scrambling to stack up one after another, eagerly as if the next second is really too late.
But he believed that he was such a thought at that time, and kept writing down, lest the next second would be broken, and it would be too late.
That whole page of "I don't want to die", shockingly, I can deeply feel the despair and struggle of the boy in that year, and the dark brown dots on the top. I don't have to guess that it is solidified too. Long bloodstains.
At that time, he really knew that he was going to die. He just said calmly and bravely, "I lived, and then died, there is nothing to say." But in the blink of an eye, I was so reluctant, I was not willing to write so straightforwardly. The most real thought in his heart.
He looked at it and the diary was almost leaked from his hand.
Shen Zhifan quickly made the diary book right again. He subconsciously didn't want to look at that page again, and hurriedly turned over.
The page just had been unexpectedly surprised by Shen Zhifan, but I didn’t expect it to be finished.
He deeply felt that the potential of human beings was endless. He seemed to be venting his own sorrow and unwillingness on that page. It was miraculously clear on this page.
"There is a person... there is a person, he may never know that I am dead in this place, because he is a place... I can’t touch it completely, like moonlight, like the sun, but I want to talk about him. Although this feeling is more meaningless than this diary."
"Well, obviously he is more important in my consciousness than I thought. You see my words are suddenly getting better. I don't think I have written such a good word when I am awake."
"I only like him when I like him. I like to be a bit lopsided. It is very complicated. How do you say... Worship, oh, incredible? Yes, it was incredible for me at the time, when I was surrounded by It’s a 14-year-old boy like me. We’ve all had no ambitions. I didn’t feel bad at all. After all, I’m thinking about it, and it’s very comfortable to live a life of nothingness.

"But one day I suddenly saw him. It's hard to imagine that he is only five years older than me. It is already such a character... It's incredible. It turns out that there is one of our kind in this world, and there is such a kind of him. of."
"I know that the most important thing between me and him is that he is born. When he grows up, it is inevitable that he understands that this world of just humanity just looks like a bank, but it doesn't boast so well, even if it is euphemistically The distance between me and him should be slightly larger than the distance between him and his domestic dog, if he has a dog."
"So I want to see him, but I always know that it is just a luxury."
"So I didn't expect that I really saw him. It was two years ago. He probably didn't remember it at all."
"I am sure he is, although it is the same as dreaming, but I really... sure that he is not wrong, of course he may not remember me, after all, we have only been together for three days."
"And at the time he was bloody, unconscious... shouldn't be conscious? Of course it's best to remember."
"I can't remember the mood at the time when I lived. I thought it would make me a little... excited, very good, keep it, so wake up and don't sleep."
"Go ahead, I saw him, I even secretly kissed him, it doesn't matter, he doesn't know anyway."
"He is even more handsome than the Mechanical Hawk. The photo took his face up."
"I... In short, the three days are hard to say, I will not write."
...What strange things happened in those three days?
Why do you not write the main event?
Shen Zhifan looked a little angry, very unreasonable.
"He may not remember me at all, and he will never know what kind of thoughts I have, and where I die. In fact, I don't want him to know that I am so miserable."
"I may like him more than I imagined. To be honest, he is my dream lover. I like his looks and body, even if it is a deadly crush. To be more profound, he is mine. Spiritual tutor, although we have not said a word, most of his things are learned through the unreliable place of "Mechanical Eagle", but he is still my guiding light, let me jump out of that kind of willingness Awkward state."
"He may be a mountain tower that I can never reach. It is actually painful to chase things that can never be reached. I feel powerless, but if it is him, I will be ashamed."
"So I said that the fastest life in my life is probably three days, I can meet him, I am very happy."
"I may really be dying, or why I am so happy to write, not at all sleepy, probably back to the light."
"Well, he should never know that there is my existence, although it is a little sad, it will be the end."
"It’s dawn, I’m going to leave.

"Really goodbye."
"...fuck, the doctor came, he actually said that I am fine?"
"This quack, don't make a joke, I am now riddled with holes, my lungs are still leaking, I can't say a word, is this all right?"
"Well, I admit that I am not angry at all. I want to laugh. If my lungs are not so painful, I want to laugh at the entire underground mech."
"I should have survived, thank the world, thank my sister, thank Niya and Aibo, thank you...he."
"Thank you."
"I am still alive."
(under)
Seeing the end of Shen Zhifan sighed, even if he clearly understood that he certainly survived, otherwise there is no such thing.
But looking at it, I was moved by the diary of the young boy, and he was saddened by his sorrows and joys.
I used to live like this. I almost died, but I didn't die. I remembered a lot and struggled a lot before I died. I tried hard and lived very hard.
However, in general, it is actually similar to Shen Zhifan's imagination. The colloquial diary allows him to fully imagine his own tone.
However, what is strange about him is that this diary is really not thick. When you remember it, it is almost the end.
He felt something wrong in his heart and turned directly to the last page.
It’s 31 years. After that, he didn’t record much after he survived. He hurriedly looked at it roughly to understand that after the war, he finally became famous, no longer the bottom one. Batch, life is no longer so horrible.
He enjoys it on a relatively happy and relaxed day, and does not have ample time to write too many diaries.
So this diary came to an abrupt end here, no more.
"Mr. Grie came to me today, he took me to meet the man."
"He asked me if I wanted to know the truth."
"I always thought that it was just a terrorist organization that the country fears. I am weak. I don't want to admit it, but I still have self-knowledge, so I never thought about revenge."
"So I am hiding in Tibet like a mouse in the ditch, so I work so hard."
"But it seems to be a joke now."
"Just for this purpose, for such a ridiculous truth, what a stupid country it is, and what kind of stupid leader."
"He is right."
Suddenly stopped.
Shen Zhifan had been groping around the dark cabinet for a long time and could not find the rest.
No, it can't be impossible. Shen Zhirou said that he often keeps a diary. When he moved here, it should be 32 years. There should be one.
And that should be more important.
If he remembers it right, what he said at the time was to reunite with him two years ago, that is 31 years, but he still has no record, obviously it is something to be done later, otherwise it is impossible for him to be such an important thing. recorded.
He has probably learned about 26-31 years, and the rest is 31 years - now.
Also, Mr. Gurry, he cares very much. He is probably the one who started to stay here, and the "that person" on the last page also makes him very concerned.
Who, what I saw, and what the truth is.
I don't know, but in a few words, Shen Zhifan still feels a faint ambiguity.
He turned the phone open, Shen Zhifan's mobile phone is very weird, there are few notes with numbers on it, except Shen Zhirou, just like he has no big connection with the world.
Most of the comments are letters, such as this "f", he does not know who it is.
But these days since his memory loss, no one has contacted him.
Not important.
Wait, he has a hand.
Suddenly turned to a hidden address book, the fingerprint is easily unlocked, this address book is also very strange, only one number, no notes.
I don’t know who it is. I don’t have any information when I click in. I don’t know if it’s really not connected or deleted.
He was impulsive and he hit the past.
......
"What, don't you believe it?"
Olivia sighed.
"Well, I know that it may be a little unpleasant for you to accept it. I can probably see it a little... your relationship with Shen Zhifan, but this is true."
"The next goal of Shen Zhifan is probably you."
"It’s not easy for me to escape and talk to the general."
She is not as good as a princess, but she is very elegant and beautiful. It is very elegant and beautiful in line with the princess.
"I have seen the 'death list' of Ferdinandia. Our husband and wife are at the top of the list. Are you moved?"
The words finally calmed down, and he quickly analyzed all the messages, answering and correcting them quietly and politely.
"I am moved, but we are not husband and wife, Your Highness."
Olivia blinked slightly and shrugged helplessly.
"Yes, we were not husband and wife. If your short-lived ghost brother is not dead, the object of my marriage contract is that he is not you."
The words of the continually are in contact with some people. The royal secrets that I learned tonight are a bit horrified and explosive. He needs to start making some preparations.
But even then he replied to Olivia without revealing it.
"In fact, you don't have to pretend that you don't care about it. I know that you are very sad about the death of my brother. Properly showing weakness in front of me may better strengthen our trust."
Olivia groaned and his eyes were a bit fascinating.
Olivia was not his fiancee at first, and it was inevitable that he had thought of some past events.
It’s not just the noble fiancée, even what he has now, it’s not in his turn.
If it wasn't for the death of the brother, he was just a child who lived in an unknown food lane. Because his mother was fostered, he lived a wealthy but not very happy day.
Although it is almost the same now.
He said that it is not a joke to Shen Zhifan. If he is not, he really wants to open a fish shop.
Even if I think now, he thought that he would retire one day. When he is old, he will find a place in a general location and open a general grilled fish shop.
... Shen Zhifan should also like to eat grilled fish.
Seeing that he was drunk, he liked to eat grilled fish.
There was a bit of pain in Olivia's eyes, and there was a brother who had a long-lost voice. She and her words were a lot of years old, but they were also young and unpredictable.
In any case, it’s better than the half-way out of my mind, but the words are much more tolerable than they expected. Her mother entrusted her to the speaker before she died, proving that she also recognized the words. Strength.
As a result, she did not want to marry her.
The words are a very strange person. To be honest, Olivia thinks she is smart, but for so many years, she does not know what kind of person she is.
He said that he is serious and meticulous, there is nothing wrong with him. He seems to be like this to others, but occasionally... Olyvia will occasionally feel that he has a slightly extreme temperament.
But to say that he is extreme, he is too self-disciplined, has not done anything with loopholes, and has almost no shortcomings.
No shortcomings are usually high-intelligence metamorphosis, Olivia thinks this way, but the words are really human, she is so embarrassed to face that face.
In fact, in terms of external factors, Shen Zhifan is actually the man who best fits her aesthetics. She doesn't like too rough muscle men, and she doesn't like the weak white chicken.
Shen Zhifan is located between the two, the ratio is perfect, and it is also mixed with a little bit of temperament that can stimulate the girl's feelings and natural motherhood.
But the words are another kind of handsome, he is more mature, and the eyebrows are more aggressive than Shen Zhifan. If you don't speak, you can feel the strong male hormone taste.
But aggressiveness always gives people the illusion of danger. Even if Shen is more dangerous than words, Olivia still feels a kind of uneasiness when he looks at his words.
If it is not someone who can't find support, it is not the best choice.
He doesn't like her, even if there is a marriage contract, but he has no sense of responsibility for her.
She whispered something short-lived in her mouth, but she knew that she might have an indescribable feeling for the elder brother who died at a young age.
"Are you going to look at your brother's face?"
Olivia looked at him.
The words paused for a moment and suddenly replied.
"will not."
Olivia suddenly smiled: "I suddenly found out that you are a bastard."
The speed of his words is like flying, but it does not prevent him from being undecided and even smiles at her gracefully.
"Actually, you are the most happy to say that you are dead," Olivia looked up slightly. The sparkling eyes in her eyes had the illusion that she seemed very sad. "You have everything for him because he is dead." The dead have no value, you are very lucky."
The movement on his hand finally stopped, and he put on his coat again, but Olivia's eyes moved and he took a step back.
"His Highness, I don't want to mention the past, but in fact I may not like this lucky."
"No one asked me if I wanted to, and I was forced to catch the ducks."
Olivia fell a cold sweat on her forehead, and she tried to stay calm, in front of the muzzle.
"Well, it's my fault," Olivia, though she was a darling from the younger age, unexpectedly knew what the singer was for Junjie. "But really, your delicate fiancee doesn't like this thing."
The words are hooked on the corners of the mouth, he has always been cold and iceberg, so there is a kind of charm that can't be said.
"I will tell my father that you unfortunately sacrifice this bad news."
"I fuck," Olivia didn't hold back her life from her teeth. She didn't dare to go backwards because she didn't feel jealous that she was joking. "You don't think it's too morally wrong to do this, right? Is this country too unfaithful?!"
Is she gambling wrong?
Where is the mistake? Is it also the people of Ferdinandia?
The eyes of Ferdinanda, who are like snakes, are staring at Duan Ruocheng. She suddenly feels a trace of despair.
The words of the men did not hesitate to move.
She slammed her eyes shut, and the death seemed to hug her at this moment, but no.
very quiet.
Her limbs were a little stiff, and after half a minute she snorted and gambled at the man in front of her.
"Good, then, where did I offend you?"
Olivia suddenly felt that her sixth sense was really accurate. The words were really a bastard. Look, he pretends better than anyone else, justice, handsome, serious, loyal, meticulous, in a standard sense. The right person.
But is he?
He is not at all.
"Don't be nervous, Your Highness," he took back a little bit of a rare smile. "I just want to remind you, don't take him as a bargaining chip between us."
he?
Olivia flashed quickly in his mind and finally settled.
"He...is indeed the blade of Ferdinandia," Olivia turned her eyes. She was very smart. "But he was used, and it has nothing to do with the rebellion of Ferdinandia..."
The look of speech is slightly gentle.
She continued: "And he lost his memory, because he wanted to quit, so he was persecuted."
The words nodded. "You will say this in front of my father, right?"
Olivia wants to roll his eyes.
Sure enough, because of Shen Zhifan, to tell the truth, she really did not see what it means to talk to Shen Zhifan.
Although I can probably see it a little bit, I used to think that Shen Zhifan’s eyes are not very right. Although the sixth sense is very effective, the words are too restrained, and there is no flaw in the drip.
I didn’t expect that the words were really serious. I knew that Shen Zhifan’s next goal was him, and he didn’t care.
The innate ability of a woman is a gossip, and Olivia is impressed by this infatuation that is a bit of a blow to her worldview.
This big brother, IMHO, he wants to kill you, not want to do you, how can you still maintain him without leaving room?
... there is something wrong with it.
Shake m?
Olivia's face was indescribable, but in the end it was swallowed up.
"For your Highness, you have not said why he lost his memory."
Olivia is not very airy.
"Hypnosis, very special hypnotism, my school, but I thought it must have failed. No matter how magical hypnotism is useful for talented people, but it has succeeded."
Thinking of Olivia here, I also raised my eyebrows with a little doubt.
"But Shen Zhifan is not a weak person. I have investigated his previous experiences. He can never be that kind of person. There is only one possibility. He was struggling in his heart and he was also escaping from himself..."
"Subconscious, he wants to forget these things, so I succeeded."
The words hang down the scorpion: "But it is very unstable. He seems to remember it at any time, and when he touches the mech."
Olivia is a bit embarrassed: "...this is not something I can control, big deal, wait for him to think about it, I will try again?"
Speaking curiously, she glanced at her: "Why, do you think I really don't want him to think about it?"
Olivia glimpsed: "...you, you want him to think of it?"
Yan Yan looked down at the watch: "In fact, I am quite looking forward to it, when you say his relationship with Ferdinandia."
A glimpse of Olivia.
"I always thought that he liked Ferdinanda. It doesn't seem to be right now." It seems that the mood is not bad. "I am very happy."
...the ear is going to be paralyzed.
Olivia couldn't help but break his illusion: "But obviously they are very close, obviously Ferdinanda saved him, and Shen Zhifan hated the whole empire, he is against you..."
The words looked at her unpleasantly.
... Via, smile, Via, for a moment of calm.
Olivia swallowed what he had just said and smiled. "But I can still see that he is struggling for you. Obviously your position is higher in his heart."
Pooh.
The words nodded, and the mood turned out to be really good at the speed visible to the naked eye.
The man is still a complex and simple creature.
Olivia felt a trace of despair.
However, the phone that screamed at this time rang, and Olivia was eager to see that he could do something.
But when she saw her eyes bright, Olivia felt that she would probably be disappointed again.
Shen Zhifan was a little embarrassed to wait for the other party to connect, and the other party quickly picked up, because he did not know who the other party was, so he kept silent.
The familiar and low-pitched voice slowly passed over.
"Hey?"
Shen Zhifan just like a wandering heart suddenly must be.
This number...is really a statement.
"...Hello, hello."
Shen Zhifan just woke up for a long time. When he heard the voice of his voice, he suddenly felt that the wine was a little bit up, and he was dizzy.
"Will the wine wake up, how is it?"
"It's okay, it's a problem for you."
"Well, then I am relieved, I don't know how shallow your drink is, I will pay attention next time."
Olivia looked at his face and said that his eyes would be embarrassed.
Big Brother, the country still needs you, it is feasible.