Chapter 75

: Hold the Door! Hold the Door!
Translator: 
CKtalon 
 Editor: 
CKtalon
Cai Fang quickly gave Ouyang Huazai a phone call.
But all he received was a barrage of angry roars,
Those bastard villagers gave us the wrong directions!

Ouyang Huazai had begun to find things amiss as he drove on. Finally, when he stopped and asked a villager from another village, he was immediately infuriated. They had taken the wrong route! The past half an hour had been for nothing.
Cai Fang’s timely call was just in time for him to hear Ouyang Huazai bellowing angrily.
Cai Fang immediately understood what had happened. He bitterly smiled for he had no idea what to say. In any case, after confirming that Ouyang Huazai was on the way back, he was relieved.
As for Fangzheng, he noticed that more and more people were coming and he knew none of them. Everyone looked at him as if he were a cheat, all of those sorts of contemptuous looks made him extremely displeased. Hence, he decided to go to the backyard, where he went onto the Internet to read the news. That was much better than letting the group stare at him while hearing mockery from time to time that was deliberately for him, despite them trying not to make it obvious.
With Fangzheng, the only stranger, gone, the courtyard became more lively. People gathered around the bodhi tree and marveled at it. They also marveled at Chen Jing’s bruised face.
Fangzheng stayed in the backyard for a while, but he felt something was amiss. Why was it getting louder outside? Why was it getting rowdier?

That won’t do. These fellows are just too rowdy.
Fangzheng stormed out once again.
The moment he came out, Fangzheng was infuriated. The so-called cultured guests were surrounding the bodhi tree and gesticulating at it. Some were even composing and reciting poems. The impassioned expressions seemed to indicate they were lost in their reverie. Fangzheng listened in on a few lines.

Bodhi, oh, Bodhi! Why are you so green?


Why are you so green?


Do you not know it is winter in the north. Isn’t it time to strip off your lush green leaves and wear autumn clothes?


…

Fangzheng’s face turned ashen. Although he had not studied much, he had seen a number of ancient poems. He knew what were ancient poems and also knew some modern poems. However, he was never too impressed by modern poems. He had always felt that modern poems were simply language classes composed into a poem, they lacked that bit of charm. Or it could also be said that Fangzheng lacked taste.
Now, having heard these people recite their newly composed poems, Fangzheng could not help but think,
What the fck!? Why don’t you ask why the ocean is full of water!?

Therefore, Fangzheng quickly went forward and said,
Amitabha. Patrons, Buddhist places of worship are meant to be tranquil. If you want to recite poems, please go out.


Hehe, Little Monk, what are you talking about? It’s elegant and in good taste for a cultured person to recite poetry. If not for Ouyang Huazai coming here for a competition today, do you think we would come? Even if you were to invite us, we would not have come.
The man that was reciting the poem was displeased. He had a face that resembled a big pancake which was freckled with spots. Although he claimed to be a cultured man, Fangzheng had a nagging feeling that if he were to wear a mask, he would immediately give the impression of a bandit.

That’s right. You do not know how much of an honor it is for us to recite poems in your courtyard. In a hundred years, who knows if it will be like Yueyang Tower, becoming famous because of a poet,
someone echoed.

Little Monk, do not participate in it if you do not know poetry. Go fetch some water in the backyard and don’t disturb our elegant pleasures.

When Fangzheng heard these fellows blabbering on and on in a cacophony, he immediately felt enraged. However, he could not act it out. With a stroke of genius, he turned around and left.
When he came out the temple, Fangzheng whistled and a large wolf climbed out of a particular snow pile. It was none other than Lone Wolf.

Stop being lazy. Chase that bunch of grandsons out of the temple. Do not leave a single one behind! I want no deaths or blood, but the rest is up to you.

After Fangzheng said that, he returned to the temple.
The man that had mocked Fangzheng said with a laugh,
Little Monk, why are you back again? I thought you didn’t like it. If you don’t like listening to the poem, go have a walk outside.

Fangzheng rolled his eyes. What sort of person was that guy? This was his temple!
Fangzheng said,
Amitabha. Patrons, are you sure you want to continue making a scene here? In a moment, don’t blame This Penniless Monk for not reminding you when Buddha bestows punishment.


Buddha bestows punishment? Haha, I have never seen Buddha in my entire life. But if I were to see Him today, that would naturally be a good thing,
a man laughed out loud, causing others to agree with him.
Jing Yan, Chen Jing, and Cai Fang looked at Fangzheng and immediately came to a realization. The group immediately rushed out of the temple.
Cai Fang even tried to help Fangzheng persuade the others out, but all of them refused. Some even declared that Cai Fang was not a cultured person and lacked guts.
Seeing how the ones that should be out were out, Fangzheng closed the main door and went to the backyard. The door to the backyard was opened and Lone Wolf came in.

Amitabha. I don’t know anything,
Fangzheng mumbled.
Lone Wolf grinned and walked out.
Moments later, chaos could be heard from the courtyard with all sorts of screams. There were Lone Wolf’s howls and the yelling from the so-called brave cultured people. It was rather lively.

It’s a wolf!


Holy sht, where did the wolf come from!?


Such a large wolf! Is one of its parents a bull?


Who the fck closed the door? Open the door!


Ah, my ass!

Rip.

Pants, my pants!


Where are my shoes?!


Save me!

Three minutes later, Fangzheng came out once again. The courtyard was already empty. There were torn rags and shoes everywhere, which made it look like a rag-and-bone market.
Fangzheng shook his head and picked up a broom to sweep everything into a pile. Then, he threw them into a rubbish bin and pushed the door. Holy moly, he could not open it!
Then, he heard people from outside shouting,
The wolf is assaulting the door! Hold the door! Hold the door! Everyone, come over to hold the door!

Fangzheng was rendered speechless. Are those your guts? Isn’t it too much?
Outside, Jing Yan said in an eccentric tone,
Hey, didn’t all of you claim that you had guts? Didn’t you say you wanted to meet Buddha? There was the perfect opportunity just a while ago. Why didn’t you grab the opportunity?

Cai Fang said with a bitter smile,
Everyone, why did you have to do that?


Cai Fang, Jing Yan, did you already know about it?
Pancake Face said angrily.
Cai Fang was an honest man, but he did not say a word.
It was Chen Jing that was delighted seeing this. He had suffered quite a bit previously, and he was still suffering in grievance. This group of cultured people had even circled him and criticized him. It sounded like words of advice, but it was obvious sarcasm. He had nowhere to vent his anger and nearly blew his top.
Now, seeing this group of people in this dire state, he naturally beamed. He chuckled and said,
What do we know? We only know that people who do not follow the rules of others and act as they wish are of poor character. It’s only normal if they are taught a lesson.

He had apparently forgotten that he had been one of the ones that had not followed the rules.
When Pancake Face and company heard that, they blushed but stubbornly said,
What do you mean by not following the rules? We were reciting poems and having a literature exchange. It’s elegant!


Tch, you call that literature? It’s alright if you got the Writers’ Association to compose a poem. As for all of you, the best you can do is write some nice calligraphy,
Jing Yan said disdainfully.
Pancake Face was furious, but after glancing at Jing Yan, he did not say a word in his stupefaction. He was clearly afraid of Jing Yan.
Fangzheng pushed the door once again. Pancake Face’s legs nearly went limp. Lone Wolf had focused on him a while ago, and huge swaths of cloth from his pants had been ripped off. Now, his trousers had become shorts. He was dressed Hawaiian style in the middle of winter!
Pancake Face bellowed,
Hold the door! Hold the door! The wolf is banging it again!