Chapter 206: The past he doesn't understand

Zeng Hanyu was lying on the bed, and Leng Xiyao's words kept ringing in her ears.
Is he really too self-righteous?
Is it true that as An An said, Selina kept telling herself that her legs are already healed just because she was afraid of leaving her?
Zeng Hanyu felt that his heart was tangled and messy, and he couldn't figure out his mind at all.
Why, she lied to herself, but why is he so uncomfortable!
Zeng Hanyu held the quilt and turned over uncomfortably. Suddenly, he felt something beside his shoulder panicking him.
Zeng Hanyu reached out to grab it, but pulled out a notebook from under the sheets. Through the moonlight outside the window, he could see the cover of the notebook clearly. It was a little girl sitting on a swing. Her expression looked very lonely, somehow. Yes, Zeng Hanyu suddenly thought of Selina.
Selina of the past five years, and this little girl, look very much alike.
In the past five years, it seems that she has not been happy, especially every time he goes home, he sees her sitting in a wheelchair and looks at the garden downstairs. The lonely breath in his eyes is exactly the same.
Zeng Hanyu suddenly felt extremely distressed, so he slowly stretched out his hand and turned on the bedside lamp.
He slowly turned over the first page of the notebook.
On the first page of the notebook, the three words Selina were written in a big way. Zeng Hanyu couldn't help but remember that when he just knew Selina's name, he jokingly said that Selina is not as good as Selina!
Unexpectedly, after so many years, she even remembered it.
The date he looked at the diary should be five years ago when she had just returned from China and started writing.
He felt a little nervous suddenly, because he knew that he might find many answers in this diary that he didn't know, but he was a little scared, afraid that the result would be unbearable, or in other words, unacceptable to him. .
Despite the turbulent emotions in his heart, Zeng Hanyu slowly lowered his head and looked at Selina's diary.
2012, February 14.
Today is Valentine's Day, but this is the most sober day when I wake up from a coma.
I blocked a shot for the little girl. Maybe everyone thinks that I blocked this shot for Zeng Hanyu. In fact, it is not. Although I know that the little girl has something wrong, he will definitely be very sad, but I blocked this shot. More is out of instinct. After this time of getting along, I have regarded the little girl as a very close person in my heart, no matter what others say, no matter what the little girl, me, and Zeng Hanyu will become in the future In this situation, I will still treat the little girl as my best friend.
I rarely made friends before, but the little girl was the only one who made me want to treat each other sincerely. I still remember that time in the bar when Zeng Hanyu attacked me, she stood up without hesitation , Standing up for me, I was very touched at the time, no one can know how I feel in my heart.
Therefore, I have always felt no regrets for blocking the gun for her. I also regret not protecting her well and let her get a second shot. You know, she was pregnant at the time, but fortunately, God is right. She is not so cruel, the child is kept, and her life is not in danger.
I, Zeng Hanyu, and the little girl returned to England and lived in my house.
Today is Valentine's Day, but I can't go out. The doctor's words still echo in my ears.
He said, Selina, after you were shot, the sciatic nerve was injured during the operation. You may not be able to stand up in the future. Of course, you should not be discouraged. As long as you recover for a period of time, you only need to persist in rehabilitation. Ten percent chance to stand up again.
A ten percent chance is almost pitiful.
I never felt that I was a weak person before, but today I felt that I was so weak that I was in a mess. After returning to the villa, I started crying. I cried so uncomfortably. I don’t regret saving the little girl. I can't stand up anymore, Zeng Hanyu, he should leave.
After all, when my legs are good, I can't keep up with him. Now, I can't walk, let alone keep, and can't catch up with him.
Valentine's Day, for me, is white...
2012, March 15.
Now, I don't know if I should say I am lucky or unfortunate.
Because Zeng Hanyu has been taking care of me since I couldn’t walk. He didn’t leave without leaving any news as before. He would come back to see me every night and would come back to take care of me at noon. Even though there was a servant, he Still don't worry, I'm afraid they will not take care of me.
I suddenly felt so happy. This kind of happiness was the first time I felt deeply when I fell in love with Zeng Hanyu. It turned out that this is the taste of being cared for, or being the one you love.
The little girl's belly is already pregnant. Seeing her struggling, I can always think of the man she loves.
The man was not by her side, but she insisted on giving birth.
Although she has been emphasizing that Leng Xiyao is dead and An An is alive, but I still deeply feel that she is just burying the man deepest in her heart.
2012, December 24.
I have checked for ten months of rehabilitation, but my legs don't seem to have improved at all. They don't listen to my orders at all. In my life, I have never been as weak as I am now.
I thought, I won't be able to stand up anymore, can I be worthy of him? My son Yu!
I have begun to feel discouraged. Every time Zeng Hanyu takes me to rehabilitation, I fall down in front of him again and again. I feel the pain in my heart increases day by day, and I suddenly don’t want to go again. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t stand it. Every time I rehabilitate, he looks at me and doesn’t know why. He secretly sympathizes, feels uncomfortable, and pity my heart all the time. I feel uncomfortable. , I can't sleep every night, I don't want to see his disappointed eyes again, I thought, so be it.
By the way, the little girl gave birth a few days ago and gave birth to a big fat boy, but she changed and became colder than before. After giving birth, she went to learn jewelry design. I don't know what she was thinking. Maybe, everyone needs some changes.
After all, no one knows the direction of life.
I never thought that the second half of my life would be spent in a wheelchair.
...
2013, June 13th.
After nearly a year and a half, I still did not stand up.
It seems that the ten percent miracle the doctor said will never happen to me.
Maybe it's because I don't want to make me suffer any more, maybe it is too painful every time Zeng Hanyu sees me rehabilitate.
When I asked again to give up continuing rehabilitation, he agreed without hesitation.
In this life, I will never have a chance to stand next to him again.
Whenever it is late at night, my heart is always very uncomfortable, I don't want to give up, but every time I see him look at me with that look, I will feel very uncomfortable.
Give up, just give up, what am I still insisting on!
It can be seen that Zeng Hanyu is ready. He is ready to take care of me for the rest of my life as long as I can't stand up.
In this way, I don't know whether it is good or bad.
However, I know very well in my heart that I really cannot do without him.
Sometimes I really feel that my love is selfish and humble. If he knew what I was thinking, would he despise me.
Don't think about it, I can't stand up anyway.
2013, October 1.
This time today is considered a National Day in China, and there are so many tourists. I sit in the castle every day and seem to be able to hear about this city, which is more lively than usual.
Unfortunately, I can't stand up now.
Since I said that I will not go for rehabilitation, Zeng Hanyu has been more caring about me. He has dinner with me every morning and noon. I feel that I seem to be greedy for this feeling.
Sometimes I feel that I am despicable and lead him in this way, but sometimes I feel very happy. Fortunately, I still have him. Otherwise, I really don't know what I should do in the future.
Although I said not to go to the hospital for rehabilitation, in the eyes of others, I really wanted to give up completely.
However, no one knows that I would rehabilitate around the bed every night. Without the complicated eyes of Zeng Hanyu, only the company of the dark night, I don't seem to suffer that much anymore.
Deep down in my heart, after all, I still want to stand up.
I don’t know if persisting like this day after day will work...
2014, March 8.
Today is Women's Day, and I am very excited because last night, I finally got up.
I still feel like a dream, and I can’t believe it. After two years, I can finally stand up.
I think I must tell Hanyu Zeng this good news.
Sitting on the balcony, I felt the temperature of the sun, which seemed to be just what I wanted.
When I heard the door opening, I turned my wheelchair around excitedly. At that moment, I saw the little girl standing with Zeng Hanyu. Suddenly, I felt extremely uncomfortable. That uncomfortable feeling swept my whole heart.
After all, Zeng Hanyu still has a little more responsibility to me. He has always loved him. It should be the little girl, but the little girl has someone else in his heart.
However, no matter how you say it, the little girl is his righteous fiancee, and me! What is it?
I flinched suddenly. I didn’t want to tell him the news. Did I hide from him? He would always take care of me like this and never give up. If it really is, I think I would rather be selfish and humble. To deceive him.
Please forgive me!
2014, December 24.
I can now stand up completely. I practice walking in the house every night.
I really got better, but I became more and more worried, worried that one day, he would leave me.
But without telling him, am I going to sit in a wheelchair for the rest of my life?
I have been completely lost, lost to myself.
My pride, my self-esteem, all made sacrifices for my love, I asked myself, is this really good?
I don't know the answer myself, so let's do it, I am a selfish layman after all.