Chapter 63: ?Why do I love you

"Can I go to the rooftop to blow the hair?" Zheng Wenrui asked.
Sheng Huainan didn't know how to answer. The other party still had stubborn eyes, dazzling and tough, and his attitude was so stiff that he didn't seem to be asking politely.
Please, the rooftop is not owned by my house. He thought to himself, with a gentle smile on his face naturally: "Of course, why are you so polite."
Zheng Wenrui stepped forward abruptly and smiled aggressively and asked: "Then are you leaving soon?"
If it was in high school, this sentence would make him think that this girl hates him so much that he can't wait to use naked means to drive him away. Later, after the other party's fierce confession of debt collection, he was as smart as him, and instantly understood Zheng Wenrui by analogy.
As Luo Zhi said, everyone has a skin that he painted, so Zheng Wenrui's skin must be a ghost, stern words, and concealed feelings. The word "disgust" is sometimes just a cover for "not being loved". Since being rejected will bring obvious downfall and embarrassment, it is better to draw a face with iron bones and inverted eyebrows at the beginning to glaring at the opponent.
Sheng Huainan knew that this kind of condescending analysis was based on the other party's love for himself, and even more so because he didn't care about the other party. His sympathy and understanding are better than trampling and indifference in the eyes of some people, but it is extremely hypocritical in the eyes of some people. It is more serious bullying and contempt than insulting.
He took back the gentle smile just a little bit. Sheng Huainan sighed and said flatly: "This is not my rooftop, so you can come if you like. This is not your rooftop, so I just want to leave."
Zheng Wenrui was stunned, and finally lowered her noble forehead, muttering: "I, I am not driving you away."
Sheng Huainan felt that the atmosphere had begun to shift towards a weird ambiguity. If it is normal, he will flash to the door as soon as possible, politely tell her that the wind is cold in winter, and then explain that he has a headache and must go back to the dormitory to sleep. The last reason is sufficient to be polite and not hurt. Land-escape. But it can't be said for the reason. He didn't make the rounds this time. He turned back to the railing and continued to look at the scenery. It was just the skin no matter how he looked like nothing but me. The scorching gaze shining from behind was not an illusion. In his memory, he couldn't laugh or cry under such gaze again and again. You don't need to look back to know that Zheng Wenrui was standing behind and staring at him motionlessly, staring at his father and enemy.
The phone in his pocket vibrated, and it was still Ye Zhanyan's phone. Just now in the library, Luo Zhi said flatly, "You have missed calls" when he walked in, without a trace of cracks on his face. When she was in the playground, she saw Ye Zhanyan's text message, and there was an embarrassing and unnatural crack in her expression. She didn't know when it was already perfect.
"Hey?"
"Huinan, will there be an exam tomorrow?"
"Ok."
"Come on. I just called to tell you. My father gave me two tickets. "The Enemy of the People" was staged at the Poly Theater. I heard that it was very good. It happened to be the show at 7pm on the day of your holiday. Don't be lazy, the exam is complete. Let's go see it together!"
Ye Zhanyan's voice was like a big bottle of serial service liquid banging ping-pong together. It was crisp and bright, but when it reached his ears, it became a big mess.
"Huainan?"
Be friends.
He finally said "Goodbye", and she cried and said, "Be friends."
Being friends is the beginning, not the end. How can it be satisfied just to be friends.
"Let's talk about it. I have something to do, hang up first. Take care."
There will be an exam tomorrow, Sheng Huainan thought of it after all. He should put aside all his thoughts, go back to the library, and study.
Even if Ye Zhanyan asked him in the third year of high school if he was kidnapped on the day of the college entrance examination, would he put down the exam and rush to save her; even if this question is not much better than "Who shall you save first when I and your mother fell into the water at the same time"; even if he made a promise It is said that the college entrance examination can be repeated, there is no second Ye Zhanyan in the world; even if he was speaking the truth at that time; even if he was deeply in love at that time and faced with the critical choice of survival, he would naturally put down the college entrance examination which is like a temple fair once a year— —But Ye Zhanyan didn’t know that if no one’s life was a matter of death, it was just that she asked to break up with him on the day of the college entrance examination, or let him make a choice in love and the college entrance examination—maybe he let go of her faster than the calculation within 100 Subtraction, multiplication, and division are fast.
Perhaps Sheng Huainan would never understand such a thing as crazy for love.
The mood disturbed by Luo Zhi returned to normal the moment Ye Zhanyan's phone rang. He picked up the schoolbag on the ground and strode towards the exit.
"Are you leaving?" Zheng Wenrui didn't block his way, nor was he aggressive, this time it was very calm.
"Well, go to study."
"I've been counting just now to see how long your politeness can last. The result is 207 seconds, which is less than four minutes. Actually, you really don't have to pretend not to hate me. Really."
"I didn't." Sheng Huainan was too lazy to explain.
"You don't hate me on the surface, but in fact you hate it. I hate you on the surface, but in fact I don't at all. You suffer short-term small grievances, and I suffer long-term large grievances."
An unnamed fire swept through his body. Sheng Huainan tried to restrain the emotions the moment he walked out of the library, and finally collapsed at this time. He frowned, stared at her plainly, and said: "No one can give you Feel wronged unless you ask for it."
Zheng Wenrui did not confront each other, but avoided his gaze.
"Yes, I asked myself. I not only asked myself and abused myself, but I also always let you know that I was uncomfortable and made you feel guilty. I am a very hateful person, weird, and I don't know what to do. Looks like, right?"
"Correct."
Throwing out the word coldly, after that, he still couldn't bear it, he paused, then added a few words slowly and said: "You are a little strange, but...but it is not as unbearable as you think. Me, I am not as good as you think, each other."
"No," Zheng Wenrui smiled pale, "You always thought that I, like them, worshipped you as a perfect statue, right? They are all qualified and capitalized girls, they love You imagine you too well because they love to dream and have capital to dream. I don’t have capital to dream, so I always watch and wait behind my back like a thief. Every one of you, every one, I see It must be clear, including myself."
She laughed and laughed until she bent down, laughed until she squatted down and hugged her knees, laughed until crying.
Sheng Huainan felt that he was back in the stands of the high school stadium, as if the crying boy from Class 6 was standing in front of him again, making him embarrassed and funny, but he didn't dare to laugh, exposing his cruelty.
"They love you, some treat you as their own achievement, some treat you as their own glory, and some treat you as ideals and obsessions. What do I love you for? I love your coldness, Your selfishness, you only have good things in your eyes, you look down on the mediocre guys around you, you are smart, you are arrogant, you are sober-but what I like most is that every time you pretend to be gentle, polite and approachable, every time You put on that skin and walked out of the dormitory and walked into the crowd. I watched from behind and saw the riddled with holes, I still like it."
A gust of wind blew the corners of Sheng Huainan's clothes, and the iron zipper hit his face, causing cold pain. Zheng Wenrui's words were sharp and ruthless, and a bit sour and numb, and even biased, but he still poked every word into his heart.
"How can I not like you? No matter how ugly you are, I still like it, what should I do?"
He grabbed the doorknob and squeezed it twice.
"I like that you know the advantages that others also know, and you also like the shortcomings that you know but others don't, even including all the parts that you don't know or you don't want to admit. What should I do?"
She suddenly took off her schoolbag, held it with one hand, and reached in with the other hand for a long time, and took out a thin sheet of paper, which seemed to be soaked in dirty water, and it was crumpled and fragile.
"I wrote you an anonymous letter when I was a freshman in high school. Do you know that is me? I clipped it in your workbook, and when I was on duty the next day, I saw it under your seat and was stepped on. It's all wet footprints. That's how you treat others. If it were not for an anonymous letter, you would at least keep it properly in order to maintain your image, right?"
Sheng Huainan's eyes gradually lost sight of her as if he was looking at an ancient poem to fill in the blanks.
"Later I found out that you didn’t know me at all, and you couldn’t find my seat in your hair curlers. It’s been so long since school started and you still don’t know me. You stepped on my letter, but I kept it with me, no matter Whenever I change a schoolbag, I will put it in it. Sometimes I have hallucinations. When I take it out again, it will become two. Will there be a reply letter in the schoolbag..."
Maybe it just fell off accidentally when flipping through the workbook. He felt helpless and wanted to comfort her, but could not speak.
"Don't do that," he sighed and said dryly, "you make me feel like I ruined you."
Zheng Wenrui was sobbing blood, but at this moment, he looked up and smiled triumphantly.
"Unfortunately, you never know what I ruined you." she said.
Neurosis. Sheng Huainan lost his patience.
He opened the iron gate vigorously, glanced back at her, said nothing, just smiled contemptuously.