Chapter 30: Mouth thirty: Gu Xingzhifanwai

[Gu Xingzhifanwai-every iceberg man paper is raised in Chengdu because of family education mistakes and his own mind]
"Hey, that's the school grass of that experimental class, even the back is so beautiful!"
"Oh, what's so good, all day long like a cold look, what to pull."
"Why, people are so handsome, okay? You are envious, jealous and hateful, and you really want to talk to him."
"I'm so crazy, I can't stand your women!"
A conversation like this should be heard several times a day ...
If I use the keywords commonly used in the discussion behind unfamiliar girls to cover my life up to now, from elementary school to university-"school grass", "excellent student", "coldness", "solitary", "arrogant", Add a negative sign to replace it is the "vase", "perverted", "stinky", "pretending", "self" in the mouth of the boy. The beginning or the end of the sentence must leave a contemptuous sigh- ".
From small to large, it has not been a flattering existence. My family's expectations for my results seem to be more than my character or psychological care, just like the gods in Greek mythology created Pandora, they used what they thought The shape you want is out of me. My parents were very busy in their work since they were young, so I gave them to my grandfather and grandmother to raise them. My grandfather is a very strict person in discipline. My name is what he gave him. "," The mountains are on their backs, the scenery is on their way. "It means that the mountains look up clearly and run along the avenue. Stop running, keep running along the road, don't stop running forward.
"Why do you have to do Olympiad to practice piano and write calligraphy? Can't you take a break?" I asked my grandfather this way.
He was carefully watering the newly cultivated orchid. He took off his glasses and looked at it: "You can rest, nobody allows you to rest. However, the rabbit is advanced by the turtle when he wants to sleep. Someone crosses you, gets to the place you want to go faster than you, and gets what you want faster. These are all the things you expect that are taken by others. What fun will you have when you are alive? Competition, survival of the fittest. "
Now that he had finished speaking, he uprooted another pot of orchids that had never been opened, and "snapped" for a moment, throwing it into the trash can next to him without any trace of nostalgia.
"Why throw it away?"
"Who makes it not blooming, and those who don't know how to grow and don't know how to behave can only be abandoned." My grandfather answered me like this.
"Be the fittest person who can stay until the end, do it."
He touched my head and left the blooming orchid like a treasure. I looked at the balcony and the tiny leaf in the trash can that had been completely wilted, until the crimson evening light The ground is dizzy--
Once protected, it is now just abandoned.
I was only in the first grade of elementary school, but this was my last time wasting time.
The final result is that whenever my mother meets with her so-called ladies and friends, she will be in a group of women with heavy makeup and sharp smiles. I become her another show for branding and performance. Capital:
"My family is small, the certificate of merit can be used as a wallpaper."
"The home can hold an exhibition of the first prize trophy of the mathematics or physics competitions over the years, then you must visit."
"Every time I hold a parent meeting, I have to be found in the past to talk about the parent's own educational experience in front of the whole school. We never care about him. Let me say something, Lao Tzu's inaction?"
The other women were naturally flattering, and her mother was obviously pleased. She looked back at me who was playing the piano. "Our piano is very good, Xiao Zhi, tell aunts who you are playing. What about piano music? "
I released the key and lifted my eyes to look back: "Prokofiev."
"What about the name?"
""irony"."
The living room was suddenly silent and silent. In this rare silence, I closed the piano and turned back upstairs to the room.
"Don't you mind, this kid has been like this since he was a kid, and I don't know how to get along with people."
At the corner of the stairs, I heard my mother explain this to others.
I do n’t know how to get along with people, I do n’t know how to get along with people, I do n’t know how to get along with people ...
It ’s like a curse. I really do n’t know how to get along with others. Boys may be a little better. After all, there is a good medium such as ball sports since ancient times; and girls do n’t understand them at all and do n’t know what they are thinking What, a group of creatures that are completely incomprehensible.
Frequently, girls from outside the class come to our class door to probe the brain inside, or pass by my window noisy like a group of small sparrows. When I usually frown and look back, they scream as frightened as the enemy. I ran around happily; sometimes I would walk on the road and be stopped by girls to send letters and gifts. I generally refuse to accept these. I have time to write these unrealistic words. Why not exercise my composition skills ? Do I spend a lot of money just to make me listen to the music box in the middle of the night and play "Ding Ding Jing Jing Jing Jing Jing Jing"? I still don't want to spend Christmas every day.
Because it is in the science experiment class, there are very few girls in the class. One or two girls before and after come to ask me the topic. When I patiently talk about the topic, they usually do n’t listen at all. Perfunctory to me, biting my mouth seems to be smirking, my face flushed red, and my face is petty, I can't proceed anymore, put aside the pen and said: Are you here for the purpose of the question? If not, you can go. Since then, they never looked for me again.
"Female", when you are bored in your spare time, you will write the word on the draft paper. Women are "good" and women are "miao". Since it is a thing related to beautiful things, why is it so strange. Especially my mother and all her sisters, every day sarcasm each other with their meager mouth, body, dress, age, seeing the little things, and carrying out personal attacks with a little defect, and then on the sofa after scolding Laugh on the ball. It ’s not just them, including women I ’ve seen in hospitals, streets, or any public place, who often quarreled because of their furry skin, and even the violent way of fighting is miraculously dying, pulling each other ’s hair like two cows fighting, There is really a thrilling sense of being around the tenth wonder of the world.
Terrible, woman ...
I have always been a striker of the school football team. Once, the guy with the goalkeeper who had a good relationship with me threw me a bottle of water, sat next to me, and asked me: "Gu Qianfeng, so many girls chase you, why don't you see you Are you in love? "
I unscrewed the cap and thought about it, "I don't like it."
"You don't like women?" He jumped away from me.
"Um." I propped up on the steps behind me and looked back.
He squeezed the bottle of mineral water in his hand, and banged: "Or ... do you like men more?"
By comparison, it is true that boys are better together, and I answered truthfully, "Well, what's wrong?"
He did not respond to me, screaming and running away ...
"..."
Since then, the players who used to be called brothers and brothers have been estranged from me.
My memory has always been good, I have never forgotten others ’names, and girls’ names are more memorable. Most of the words in their names are very similar. I rarely have someone who can write down without memorizing the name, but there is one, there is a girl, I can always remember her, although I do n’t know who she is at all, her name and her surname are unknown, and I do n’t have this I'm free to investigate. At the summer sports meeting of the third junior high school, the men's 4 × 100 relay run I participated in. She suddenly rushed into the runway from the lawn in the middle of the playground. She seemed to realize that she was wrong, but she was about to hit me. She was taller than me at that time, running very fast and vigorously, and I was the same, I was thrown into the greenery on the edge in order to avoid her being inertial. Later, when I fell in the green belt, I could hardly move around. I squinted with pain and looked for the perpetrator in the cracks of the human wall. She was running along the White Avenue towards the teaching building of the high school and letting go of the Buddha. The extreme running of the elk chased by the cheetah on the grassland even gave me a violent sense of going to the east of the river. I realized that she should be our school and high school, and the moment she hit me just now The running speed is not hers ... the fastest speed ... it is terrible ...
"..." I didn't understand the rules. I watched her disappear into the stairs and support the only movable left arm to rub off the grass scraps on her head.
It was amazing. I remembered the oncoming face, the inexplicable layer of fear in those eyes, and the flying of her joy, which were all deeply imprinted in my head. It's funny to think of her.
Thanks to this reckless unknown girl, I got a few months of rest in the hospital, and escaped a high school entrance exam that doubled my pressure and did not think about how to face it.
In the meantime she came to visit me secretly several times, and I knew it.
The first time I was asleep, she came in carrying a bag of fruit and walked lightly like a cat. She stopped by my bed and whispered, "Thank thankfully, I'm still okay, our class Group would kill me if they knew ... "He walked away lightly.
I think it's very interesting. When I figured out when she came, it was mostly like 5pm on Saturday.
When she came for the second time, she turned a few pages of the physics book that I had no time to put on the quilt and whispered a few words, "I leaned, I broke my paw and actually looked at physics. How did he turn the book? Use toes?" Hey, so disgusting ~ "Then she threw the book on my face ... = ______ =


The third time, this girl bought flowers and put them on the head of her bed, arranging the bouquets and entertaining herself: "The spirit of a flowery girl like me wasting time to visit you, a young child like you, is so great! "Children ... I can't help but frown.
The fourth and final time, she said, "I will take the college entrance exam the day after tomorrow, accumulate Yinde and character, forgive me", then, I can feel her crouching beside my bed, sincerely said three words "sorry ". That day, for the first time, I wanted to take a good look at her again. I could n’t hold back my eyes and opened them a little, squinting slightly to cover my eyelashes. The visual limitations, the picture I saw was completely blurred. The only thing left was that she was soaked in the red afterglow, the outline was hazy, and she left like a beautiful illusion.
She reminded me of the fat stray cat in the cartoon "Cat's Return" by Hayao Miyazaki, Muta, yes, it's him, staying and narcissistic.
But since that day, she has never appeared again. I probably have forgotten her too. This girl who passed by and pleased me with a certain leisure time of my teenager is not so pleasing but also amazingly does not let me The repulsive girl, the time she almost wiped out the shadows that were not so clear.
I may have forgotten her completely.
Later, when I went to university, my major was still good at mathematics. The world is very small. I also met my primary school desk here, and she became my deputy minister. The range of university dating is very wide, and the frequent student union activities have also made me know many friends, especially university girls ... how to say, I ca n’t think of any adjectives, forgive me for a science student ’s lack of vocabulary, in short Let's be more relaxed. At that time, I also had the first girlfriend in my life, the so-called first love.
Her name is Yun Wei, her appearance and personality are very cute, and she is also very good and active to me, but I do n’t quite understand what the girl is thinking and how to respond to her.
Before the university started, my mother had talked to me, and she came straight to the point: Go ahead, you answer truthfully, is there a broken mountain in your heart?
I:……
She: God! I do n’t think so, I ca n’t believe it!
Me: Mom, no, my sexual orientation is normal.
She: Well, please find a girl and fall in love!
Forced by my mother's daily nagging and pressure, and that time closest to Yun Wei. Naturally, I agreed to her pursuit and became her boyfriend and girlfriend. She is like a rabbit, completely soft and cowardly, and she will have some appearances of different sizes in all things, but I like to tease her uncontrollably until a heart likes her. But I should have known that rabbits will bite when they are anxious. On the eve of her senior year, she ran downstairs in my dormitory and called me down, gave me a hug, said break up, I never felt your like, I can't stand it. I can't stand it. It's totally unresponsive. After she said, she ran away. I was stunned all by myself, and Xia Feng warmed my eyes.
It seems ... ordinary people don't understand it, it belongs to the sorrow of a fool who can't express feelings ...
In the words of a roommate: your IQ is unrivaled at the high end, but your EQ is terrible.
Without any knowledge, Yun Wei went abroad. When I arrived at the airport, reality only left me with a white tail of blue sky, like a long sigh.
××××
The so-called life mischief is cruel.
Since then, the reasons that Yun Wei left before have made me feel guilty, regretting the fuse she broke up with me-the so-called mercilessness in my eyes, limited to the so-called mercilessness on the surface . Because of the relationship of more than two decades of growth, I used to bury my emotions in my heart. She still does n’t understand me, but I still want to respect all her decisions. Even if I miss her until I ca n’t sleep well every night, I do n’t want to spend a few hours looking for her in her country, truly, Hug her as much as she wants, and ask her for forgiveness, her accumulated self-esteem from small to large, and the heavy work at hand does not allow me to do this, at all, I am weak before her.
For more than three years, I punish myself with my crazy devotion to school, career, and rejection of any love.
And my good friend has a good career and a double harvest. He married a beautiful girl, two years older than him. On the wedding day, he invited me to be a groomsman. During the ceremony, the bride and groom did not attract much attention. On the contrary, the bridesmaid on the other side really made me want to turn my attention to her. The extent of her yawn It was really horrible. I could swallow a whole chicken with a big mouth. When she returned to her normal facial expression, I finally saw her face—
It seems familiar ... There is something coming out of my memory, like the faint precipitation of the line on the fishing rod, and I want to catch some unexpected gems from the blue lake.
However, I did not fully remember on the spot.
Ignore the appearance that she later appeared. Until later, Lin Weiyuan's wife asked me to send her back. She left the key in my car. I followed the past and wanted to return her. When I accidentally heard what she said on the phone with Gu Xueqi, I was deep in the body. All the memories at the bottom of the valley were awakened, and I remembered her coming, the wooden tower, she seemed to remember me ...
At this moment, I had a little surprise and pleasantness that surprised me all the time.
But this ease disappeared when I arrived at her apartment. The house where she lives now is the place where Yun Wei and I used to live together. No wonder the address is terribly familiar. The wall on the west side of the house hasn't even had time to remove the cloud Wei Hang's photo there-I hung up with her.
She asked me: Is the person in the photo beautiful?
For a while, my tongue was knotted, and the clever tongue function of the meeting room and the consultation room suddenly failed. I could only pick a sentence in my heart to send her back, and scared her, seeing her rushing to me in fright , The effect is still there.
"Aren't you afraid of the photos left by some dead people?" I said so.
The dead person, three years old, has died in my heart? Or is my heart already dead?
I thought it was just another ordinary and plain encounter, but the following development was completely beyond my expectations. In the afternoon, her good friend, my friend's wife, even confessed to me in front of a large public, I A little surprised, Lin Weiyuan around him turned to me and said, Xue Jin is very good. If he had been delayed by a man in his early years, otherwise how could he take off to 30 and have not been married?
Thirty? Only then did I realize that she was in the third year of high school, and it was indeed three years older than me, and it should be at this age, but she can't see it at all. Her face is still as young as then, including her attitude. Wincing was like a little quail behind Gu Xueqi, and when he provokes a misfortune, he always wants to hide irresponsibly. Her beautiful face was shimmered by the water of the swimming pool, and she was a whole person, from the inside out, inadvertently revealed, still as lively, vigorous, full of vitality, and girlish as it was more than ten years ago. She didn't change, she didn't, she was the wooden tower that disappeared into the sunset.
It should be interesting, can you try it together? I drank the juice and made the decision in my heart.
"Why not?" I left her this sentence, and her stunned expression quickly pleased me.
It's been a long time since I had such a light mood.
Xue Jin, I finally know her name.
Taking her home in the evening, she seemed to be a little bit against me, getting closer to her life, which actually stimulated my curiosity, and I followed her out of the car. Well, I admit that I am a little perverted and like to look at her embarrassing appearance. She is usually not too flattering when she is pretending to be dignified and calm. On the contrary, when her true temperament is revealed, I am extremely upright. My pervert also made me punished, tens of thousands of tire repair costs ... forget it, enough to be happy.
When walking with her, the night wind was just right. She asked me if I wanted to hold hands. I quickly agreed, but then was interrupted by ... unexpected circumstances, watching her go madly forward, I chased her and held her, and at this moment, I sincerely wanted to be with this fool Have a good relationship.
In addition, it is not unreasonable for her to feel good and have a low IQ from childhood. The community she lived in that night gave me a deep sense of the power of the ears.
The first time I was irritated by her was ... the time I kissed me so hard that I took a bite on my mouth, it hurts and hurts, but I was heartbeat because of an unspeakable kiss.
After playing Yun Wei, this thing in my chest has been silent for a long time, until I almost forgot about its existence, but now it is jumping around in my body like a small fish.
But in front of her, she still played her previous style of avoiding responsibilities and immediately took out drinking and drinking too much to excuse herself. What can I do? She had to pull her into the car and blow the cold wind all the way to help her "wake up", forcing her to face my face, and then kissed.
Afterwards, getting along with Xue Jin and progress were interesting, as I wished. Her mother is also very interesting.
The two of them brought me, although some things have been done a little bit too much, but it is difficult to be annoying, or have other negative emotions, crying and laughing are not the most, most of the willing elements.
And the words she said to me in her alma mater ’s cabin, staring at my sincere eyes, without any retreat and calculations, unabashedly said that she likes me, she is the first person who faced me like this . From that moment on, I wanted to be serious with this girl.
Including when I met her ex-boyfriend after having dinner with her, she was drinking like a vent, talking nonsense, and even confessed to the wrong person and called the wrong name. I couldn't be completely angry.
I really wish I could leave her with alcohol in the hallway, but I was reluctant and completely reluctant. There was only a heartache, a heart buried in the chest cavity, looked at by her red eyes, and it hurt so badly.
When holding her back to the apartment and laying on the bed, she may have completely unconsciously held my neck tightly and would n’t let me go, rubbing against me, tears flowing randomly, seeping into my shirt and winding on the skin on the chest Scorching burning pain-
Alas, silly girl, I really can't take her completely, I can only apply all my body strength to my arms and hug her tightly.
Sure enough, even my mother found out that I was not right, but also mobilized the network to find all the information of Xue Jin. He did not hesitate to go to Xue Jin's company to observe her for convenience. But without my knowledge, I was still in Japan ...
Thanks to the company of aftershocks, the days in Japan are not too boring. I rushed around the branch during the day and returned to the hotel in the evening.
Her appearance really frightened me, even more terrifying than aftershocks. When I opened the door, she wore a bathrobe and shrunk in the corner like a irritated and frightened kitten.
The fright was quickly replaced by ecstasy. She came to Japan just after she became mad. She never contacted me. Although I always felt that there might be nothing, I still felt uneasy.
But now, when I actually saw her, she appeared in front of me alive, close at hand, there were some unspeakable misses to convey, but I could not tell the words, I only hugged her and kissed her.
The days in Japan really became uncomfortable because of her arrival, she has always coveted me ... ability, in fact, she also gave me many hints many times before, but I do n’t want to happen with her so early The relationship is not because of how clear-minded, she is completely on the verge of teasing several times, mainly from an early age, her self-held character has been integrated into the blood and bones, and the principles have always been strictly observed. However, the indulgence that can't help but tell me that since she likes ... then let her do it ...
After my grandfather returned to the country from illness, my mother told me directly that because she was not very old to meet her, my answer made her very frustrated and did not talk to me again for a few days-how old is it in the eyes of others? In my eyes, a little girl who needs protection.
It is indeed true, it is true.
It was also when I learned that Xue Jin ’s ex-boyfriend turned out to be the son of my second aunt who had n’t met since I was a child, that is, my cousin. From the first sight of seeing him, my heart told me clearly that I didn't like him, not at all.
When I was still in Japan, Miss Xiang Ye went shopping. In a beautiful jewelry store nearby, I picked a platinum necklace in the shape of a fish bone. The fish eyes were diamond-set, which was as bright as her eyes, and was suitable for her. Miss Aiba came over and said with a smile, to the girlfriend? Me: How do you know? Miss Aiba covered her lips: At first glance, men giving women jewelry is a manifestation of possessiveness, just like putting a collar on their kitten.
This terrible possessive, so far, when I saw Tang Jian holding Xue Jin in the ward, I almost rushed downstairs to give him a punch. It is a pity that reason still prevented me from acting too aggressively.
I also just turned around and left the window like a loser, unbearably uncomfortable, and only I could experience it alone.
At this time, I realized that I hated Tang Jian, but it was n’t as I thought before, because of the and inseparable relationship between him and my family. Disgusted.
This is not the case.
But this is due to love, terrible possessiveness, what I hate is that he is with Xue Jin, can't stand them appearing on the same plane, I can't be happy at all.
But after that day, Xue Jin didn't seem to contact me anymore. The information that finally came was just Gu Xueqi calling to tell me that she was drunk again at the bar. Drinking again, this idiot is drinking again ... I immediately went downstairs and drove to drive over, wanting to greet her with arms, it didn't matter if I was drinking crazy. What happened was contrary to her wishes. She and Tang Jian stood together. All she threw at me was an exasperated sentence and the desperate sentence "Let's break up."
I stood in the same place, this scene is so familiar, like a hot summer night, a girl once said this to me. I was so easily controlled by my old and stubborn mind. In this case, it will only stay at the origin forever, and will only repeat such scenes forever, and will never retain the girl you truly love.
The night I waited for Xue Jin downstairs, I was exhausted in the car.
Dialing Wangcai's numbers on the phone keeps turning off, and repeated female voices tell me to turn off ...
Wangcai said that he was a lunatic. I turned my head and looked at the dark night outside the window. What is that treasure? It should be considered a crazy man ...
Dropping my head and knocking on the steering wheel, my heart is as dull and blank as the night outside.
That night I remembered many things. For example, when Lin Weiyuan came to my office to talk to me about buying land for the next property, I was receiving a newsletter from Xue Jin, "I had a snow top coffee in KFC, and I still remembered you The ice cubes are clearly out of reach, but the coffee is mellow and fascinating, forming a taste of the world. Oh, I will use a hard night to repay the delicious enjoyment! "
Lin Weiyuan seemed to ask me something across the desk.
I did not raise my head and replied: "Snowtop Coffee."
Lin Weiyuan turned his pen and smiled, "Awful, man in love."
I put the phone back on the table, coughed twice to restore the true color, and asked, "What did you just ask?"
He said, "The name of the new building this time ..."
"..."
Such trivial things are endless, all memories are as beautiful as dreams, sparkling, all about Xue Jin, all of her.
The more I thought about it, the more my heart was huddled.
It was extremely difficult for the day to dawn, and the first second I saw Xue Jin coming out of the corridor, I walked off the car like a reflex, and my legs were numb because of the long sitting position. This uncomfortable feeling was soon replaced by the heartache caused by my repulsion and resentment. But there is no way. I ca n’t let her go this time. I ca n’t do anything that I regret. I do n’t want to lose anything. Even if it makes people laugh, I am willing to take the first step without taking care of myself. .
If you don't speak well, you can only hug her and tell her the true feelings. I missed her all night and all night.
I could feel her body trembling gently in my arms, and I clearly knew she was crying.
"Gu Xingzhi." At the moment, when she called me, my heart shivered.
At first, my grandfather gave me this name, probably to prevent me from getting involved in human affairs and trivialities. But until now, I hold the girl in my arms, the honey-colored sunlight leaked on her face, and her tears covered her face with a layer of fairyland moist, beautiful. Now, I would rather understand my name in this way, do it, do it all. It is shameful to say nothing, because the present me, after all, is to find the girl who will stay for the rest of my life.