: 34th birthday essay - complex

Hello everyone, my name is Zeng Xiaolang.
The writing last night had no results. I almost fell asleep at about three o'clock. I got up at eleven o'clock this morning. The dog Xiong Xiaolang at home has been waiting for a long time. He screamed in the cage, and his wife gave it breakfast. After I washed it and drank a glass of water, I took it downstairs to let the wind out.
Xiong Xiaolang is a side animal, the smartest, most sporty dog, and cute. This leads me to kill it by myself - if I can't take it for half an hour or an hour every day. It is bound to be melancholy at home. The form of expression is probably like a mouse screaming on the ground. When I see my wife or my wife, my eyes are always like a child abused, and we will not care to run. Go to the kitchen or under the table to pee.
As mentioned above, I couldn't kill it myself. Moreover, today the sun is shining, I have to take it down and run to the park.
The park in the community has just been built, with a large area and few pedestrians. In the birthday essays of the early years, I once described the beautiful toilets by the lake. The lanterns in the night are like the villas. The community is on the toilet side, and the middle of the room is originally a large forest.
In the second half of last year, a five-storey building that was said to be a party school was built in the community. The woods began to build walks and separated from the flower beds. Most of the tombs previously built between the trees were moved away. Most of the trails in the forest are covered with turf, and unknown plants are planted in the flower beds. The park originally built along the lake has almost doubled. A pavilion was built high in the woodland where there was very little entry. Going to the pavilion and looking at the lake, the head is the back of the toilet, and a small road squats down. It is integrated with the lakeside trail.
Previously inaccessible, most of them are now traces of people. In the morning, there are often no pedestrians. I listen to the songs and let the dogs run in this place for a while, far from seeing people, and bolting the chains. . The trees in the park are old trees in the former forest, lush, and the sun falls from the top.
In winter, there are many branches falling on the ground. I have found a few thicknesses to play with the dogs. The animal husbandry is a touring dog. When you throw things out, it will immediately run over and come back, you throw it again. Continue to linger, and soon I will become a bellows, and I will save a lot of things. Nowadays, the branches are decaying, and the dog has developed the habit of finding a stick in the grass every time he goes to the park. Perhaps this is a pleasant past.
When Xiong Xiaolang was picked up at 12 o'clock, when he came home, the younger brother called and asked me when I used to eat. I told him to go right away, then went home and called my wife Zhong Xiaolang, riding a motorcycle to the parents. Although Xiong Xiaolang was too tired, but still wants to go out after drinking water, we don't take it. It stands in the living room and looks sad and unbelievable. After closing the door, we can hear the protests from inside.
I have to go to my parents to eat today because I have a birthday today. When I was eating, I chatted with my brother about "Women's Union 4". We all agreed that the best thing to do in a superhero movie is to be the body of steel. The Women's Federation 4 is good, but the fighting scene is naive. I always think of a round of American or Chinese. What kind of scene is the fire, the younger brother mentions the scene when Iron Man 1 Tony sells the arms, a split-type missile can wash a few mountains, and the head becomes a melee... My illiterate father said that, The movie tickets sold too expensive, CCTV stopped calling, hahahaha. Grandma is saying that Zhong Xiaolang are you thin? Zhong Xiaolang recently felt that he was getting fatter. He was said to be so entangled that "the clothes are worn less."
After lunch, I went out. The sun at noon was very good. I rode the electric motorcycle and ran along the road. There is really no place to play in a small place like Wangcheng. We wanted to go all the way to Jinggang, but we ran for more than ten kilometers. On the riverside, we were on the old road that was in disrepair, all the way to the dust, and all kinds of cars passed by. I want to come to the boring people who come to Jinggang.
Then we will not go, turn the front of the car, I said, "We are going home, Zhong Xiaolang, don't cry."
Zhong Xiaolang was "squatting" a few words behind.
When I got home, Zhong Xiaolang put water in the bathtub to prepare for bathing and nap. I went to the computer for a while and decided to simply go to sleep. Zhong Xiaolang just took a shower and recommended her bath water. I went to the bathtub and lay for a while. The song was placed in the mobile phone. The first one was Na Ying’s "Love and Hate Early", He Qi’s song. Na Ying sang in the song "The glass window is like a old movie, every frame is just faded." When the noon sun is coming in from the window, it shines in the water of the bathtub. Warm, clear, clear, just like a movie. I listened to the song and went to sleep. The second one was the picture of Haishu, which was sung by Hetu. It was still lazy. After that, everything was changed and it became a prelude to Huayuchen’s "I am in charge of you", scaring me.
So I turned off the music, changed my pajamas to bed and lay for a while, and then got up at three o'clock. I drank coffee and wrote this essay in front of the computer.
Talk about essays.
I was told a few years ago that I might be a tp-type personality. I have always been scornful of these inductories, and I feel that it is a foolish cognition with "the Taurus people have character", but in order to distinguish whether the other party is boasting me or yelling at me, I went to search for the definition of the personality.
Some of them describe it, but it really allows me to sit in the right place, such as telling and writing about the meaning of the personality. People with tp personality often think through complaints. "The person of this personality type likes to share it with his own debate. "The mature idea" "When it is particularly excited, the words spoken will become incoherent because they will try to explain a series of chains of logical conclusions, which in turn will give them the latest ideas."
The same is true for me. The process of telling and writing, in my case, is actually an inductive attempt. In this attempt, I often see my own problems. If life is a math problem of "two times three times and then three times", when I think about it in words, the question is simplified to "six times three"; but if there is no text, the calculation is difficult to simplify. .
In this way, in the past few years, everyone has been able to see that I continue to summarize myself and make a conclusion. Rather than sharing these with you, it is better to say that as me, I need this kind of behavior to confirm my position in this world. What is it, where I am from, where I am going.
I can write novels, perhaps because of this habit, because I keep looking back, remembering my feelings when I was in my teens, recalling the mood at the age of twenty, and recalling the mood of twenty-five years... I was able to write in the book. Come out with similar characters and write different life perspectives and aesthetic levels.
But even so - even if it is constantly remembered and constantly introspected - my understanding of the past may still change little by little. What are the real memories of the past memories, and which ones are in one Is the day's memories too glamorous or too ugly? Today, the scale of time may have been a little fuzzy in memory.
When I was thirty, I said that the so-called thirty-year-old self is probably a kind of thing that is a fusion of the 20-year-old self and the ten-year-old self--before that is not the case, ten-year-old self and two The difference between the ten-year-old self is so clear that by the age of 30, both are swallowed up. By the time I was thirty-five years old, I felt more and more that they were mixed together on a subtle scale, because the mixing was so deep that I could not tell which year belongs to which year.
Memories, not so much as my past memories, are "35-year-old my memories", because our distance from the past has been so great, the power of time, the alienation of personality and the non-objective memory fusion When it is, it is thing which is responsible for the present. "My past is like this" has become "I think my past is like this."
Realizing this, I was carrying a bear Xiaolang in the park. The grass in the early spring was still chilly. A father took the child down the stairs. I took the dog with a chain and sat on the steps. They walked over. The rare sunshine in this spring is bright, the child is making a screaming sound, and the turf laid in the park is working hard to take root. I am tired of back pain in the gym the day before.
A medical examination after the year made me really think about the problem of death, so that I looked at the child and the dog at the time, and I remembered the fact that I was in a big situation with him.
There are certain nodes in life, and you will suddenly see the traces of time more clearly. Some people are keenly aware of this, others are slower, and generally, dull people are happier.
In the past essays, I often recalled some of the problems I encountered in the past, and maybe even some experiences that might be described as suffering. But if it is objective, I think that in my decades, I have actually gained a lot of things. I was able to make a living from interest. After I was 30, I went all the way, even though I didn’t make much money. But I don't have to worry too much about the money. I can even refuse some business that allows me to write with huge sums. I entered the association, even the National Association, won the prize, got the platinum contract, I even because of the 31 The essay got the title of the monthly ticket. When I was young, it was impossible to imagine.
My interest in writing is still in the fourth grade of elementary school, and junior high school is in the same school as elementary school. When I was in high school, I went to Yongzhou No. 2 Middle School. It was a city focus. One of the things that attracted me more was that there was a literary society in the school called
Changhang Literary Society
. I am eager for the word literary.
After I entered the school, I applied to join the Literary Society. Of course, this is only the case. My writing is too bad. I have not participated in any activities for three years. Perhaps an essay has submitted an article, but there is no subsequent article. Audio feedback. Of course, I didn't open it at that time. This is also an unusual and natural thing, but I still remember the embarrassment of literature at that time.
One thing I remember is still fresh. It didn’t take long after I entered the school. The girl who was sitting next to me was a big master who said that she had published an article. When we chatted together, I remembered a thing I saw during the summer vacation. An essay question throws a piece of paper into a glass of water and writes an article. I think this topic is really subtle, share it with it, and the other person smiled. "Oh, the peek in the cup." I didn't know what it was at the time. I was a bit embarrassed.
I always think about it and it is interesting. I was living in a small circle in a small city. I didn't have access to the Internet. I didn't know much about the outside world. Han Han won the first prize of the new concept essay through "The Snapshot in the Cup". At that time, it was widely spread, but even as a self-proclaimed literary enthusiast, I still have no idea about this matter. I have seen a subtle The topic is very exciting... I often think back, and I sigh that the world I saw at that time is really perfect.
Everything I can see is full of novelty and full of possibilities. Everything I see every day is new. Every time I add a cognition, I really get one thing, just like it is wonderful. On the beach, there are wonderful stones, and the surrounding materials are poor, but the world is wonderful. Even though I have no literary talent, I love writing. Maybe I can't publish any articles in my life, but literature will take me to a magical place. There is no doubt about this.
"Hey, throw a piece of paper into a glass of water, can you use it to write an essay?"
If I can go back to that moment and tell the child that year, you will eat by words in the future, and even join the national association, how unbelievable he will be. After so many years, even though the memory has been blurred, I can still be sure that I have never thought of this in my student days. We didn’t popularize yy at the time, and on the other hand, because I was very sure, I was in literature. On the way, there is really no talent.
After I was twenty years old, I gradually grasped the shackles of writing, and then gradually accumulated doubts. By the time I was 30, I said to people, "I want to see what the current high point of Chinese literature is." The direction of literature is fragmented. There are no clear goals, full of all kinds of confusion and sigh.
The world, life, is such a magical thing. When you have nothing, you really have the perfect thing. Once you reach one day, you touch its borders, you have only the sand castles that are broken on the beach. You can pick up the vacancies, but in the end it will be gone before the waves.
Of course, sometimes I may also have to thank it for its confusion and failure. The failure of literature may mean that it has a slight perfection in other places. Because of this possibility, we still have the motivation to move forward. The most terrible thing is complete failure and perfect success. If there is one day, we will lose meaning, and in an imperfect world, we have room for existence.
These things are hard to understand, and for some people, it may be like no disease.
I know that many readers may wish to feel the motivation in my essay. I thought about whether or not to write these things, but I think this is the state when I was thirty-five. Each of us, someday, may touch a certain border, you will see your future trajectory, not far from ten, and sometimes you will feel uninteresting, you can only get from some more complicated details. Looking for the fun of life.
So I still want to portray these things truthfully. I think this may be the real node of life from simple to complex. Before that, we like pure pop music. Then we may like something more profound, such as symphony? Before we despised everything, but maybe we would rather experience some ritual feelings later? Or maybe it has more forms of expression. If I use the current node, just look at me now, who am I?
Recently I have read "I and the Earth" occasionally.
I have told you many times that I read it over and over in the early morning classes of junior high school and realized the beauty of the words. In the past years, I have read it hundreds of times over and over again, but I have not read it in recent years. I picked it up a few months ago and read it again, only to realize that the kind of calm in the past has left me. My thinking often goes to more complicated places, not just in the book.
I took a lot of effort to finish it completely. There are some weights in the article that I have never felt before. The middle is no longer the smoothness of the boy, but more of it. The sigh after the language. I think this kind of complexity is not a bad thing. The problem is that I can extract something from it.
I have recently written in a small room at home. The room has a good view. A laptop computer with a green axis portable keyboard is small and can't do other things. After Zhong Xiaolang goes to the flower shop, I will also Sitting in front of the window reading a book, sometimes reading it out. Life is not completely on the right track. After the medical examination, the body has sounded the alarm. I went to the gym to get the card. After a month of exercise, the condition is getting better, but the rhythm of writing is still not well matched. Recently, I have insomnia occasionally.
I sometimes write some other books at the beginning, some will stay, and some will be overthrown after writing. I occasionally chat with friends in the group and talk about the structure of the later period. Occasionally, my family wants to urge us to have children, but I don’t say it in front of me. I hate children. After all, my brother is ten years younger than me. I have already had enough of his rebellious performances.
Life often goes to the next stage when you are not ready. When I was in my teens, I was literate. However, my brother was sick. Suddenly, I could not study. I had to enter the society and enter the society to make money. After a few years of hard work, I’m going to fall in love, get married, and start to run in after marriage. I really want to rest for a few years – I haven’t raised the confidence to teach and teach a child, but we don’t have much time.
Maybe in the second half of this year, maybe next year, we have to have a child. In fact, I understand in my heart that we can never be prepared for this kind of thing in life. There is always a certain day, and it will come to an end without knowing it.
I finished "Hidden Kill" when I was twenty-four.
A few days ago, Rosen sent a message to me and said, "Thank you for making the Kaoru's Duzi big ~EbookFREE.me~ also clearly let the East go to bed," although there are of course many problems, but there are " Great thing." I watched almost all the bookstores next to the school in high school, and tried to figure out the words and structure in "Fengzi Story" over and over again. When I wrote "Hidden Kill", I also tried to read the words "Fengzi" and "Ali". Way, how can I think at the time, one day Rosen will read this book?
Time is the most ruthless, but there are many precious and warm things left in the time. I think that today, whether it is for Zeng Xiaolang at the age of fourteen or Zeng Xiaolang at the age of twenty-four, it should not be a failure. I am very grateful for your hard work. Although I am still facing today, I am still unable to prepare for this world, but I know at least how to deal with it.
We will stay at this node for an instant, and time will push us forward without any mercy. I often regret the past and fear the future.
Of, I occasionally see the words
Don’t read the past, not fear the future
in some chicken soup. It’s really nonsense. Just because there is something good in the past, we will regret it. Because we value the future, we will fear. Will only hold the present force hard. If we really don't think about it, how sloppy it will be in our life.
This is what I can see this year. It may take many years for that complicated world to come to a conclusion. I hope that at that time, we can still treasure each other and see you again.
There may be updates in the evening, or not, but this year's essays, come here - Zhong Xiaolang urged me to have dinner.
Sincerely.
salute.
Angry bananas - on May 1, 2019.
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