: Ocean (30th birthday essay)

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I am thirty years old today. ☆→Top ☆→Point ☆→Small ☆→ Say, www.
As usual, write an essay every year on your birthday. In the year of the establishment, what should I write? Until this morning, there is still no concept, no words to write, it is too much to write. Not long ago, I told people that people look at themselves when they are ten years old. You are yourself at the age of ten. When you are twenty, look at yourself. You are twenty years old. When you look at yourself at thirty, you will find The ten-year-old himself, the 20-year-old himself and the 30-year-old himself stood together. They left so many traces that they couldn't separate.
Well, I have 30 years to write.
In the past, I wanted to write something as easy as possible, or it was pragmatic. It is not difficult to understand, but then I think about it. Today’s beginning, write metaphysical and false big.
Say the three concepts, merged, perhaps most of me, during the period of some weird, two things, if you look at it, you will understand the reason.
One:
At the end of 2014, I went to Beijing Lu Xun College of Literature to participate in two months of study, including one lesson, which was taught by Professor Dai Jinhua of Peking University. During the period, Professor Dai Jinhua mentioned a concept, she said, in the process of origin of the text. In the Chinese text, it is ideographic, and the European text is the voice. This is the difference between the two.
Teacher Dai Jinhua's research at Peking University is not a language. She studies the direction of film, mass media, etc. When it comes to this concept, it should be because the content touches a little and it is free to say the past. I have heard about this concept in the past. After the lecture, there is a question time as usual. When I first arrived at Luyuan, I raised my hand and asked questions. The question is probably: the basic meaning of the existence of words, and the transmission of thinking. Invisible thoughts in the mind are passed on to others and passed on to others. In the "Three-body" and many science fiction works, the entire ethnic group like the ant family is also ruled by a mother. That is a way for creatures to evolve to high points. Our text directly expresses meaning in graphics, while Western text first turns meaning into syllables, and then uses icons to express basic syllables. After entering the brain, it is translated through a set of conventional methods, so that it has gone through a process. . There are no objective factors in the differences between the two developments. And the inevitability of development.
This question is a bit messy because it has nothing to do with Professor Dai Jinhua's course content. He just picked a topic on the scrap to make an extension. Professor Dai Jinhua also stunned at the time and said: This may not be necessary.
I asked: Could it be just the difference caused by the accident?
She said: um.
I have a lot of ideas about this issue, but I don't discuss it here. I said this thing. Because, this problem seems arbitrary. But for me, it’s so important that I turn around in my mind anytime, anywhere.
The most fascinating thing for me is the passing of thinking.
I am thirty years old and I am not in college. Writing online novels is still not really recognized by the society. Of course, I went to Luyuan to study and participated in several small meetings. I did not enter the association. My grades are only passed on a small scale. I am just an author of online novels that I can't keep up with, but if you ask me seriously: "What exactly are you doing?" I might answer: "I Do the delivery, the transmission of thinking."
"Bible. Old Testament. There is a myth in Genesis. I have always liked it. In ancient times, because human beings were not separated by language, they were very powerful and they worked together. They built the Tower of Babel together and tried to seize the authority of God. God did not destroy them, just let them all People began to speak different languages, and then humans fell into mutual suspicion and war, and they could no longer unite. The Tower of Babel collapsed.
This is really a simple and incomparable profound philosophy. All the differences and problems of human beings come from the opacity of each other's thinking. I wrote about the relationship between wild boar and morality in the 27-year-old essay. In the triangle of interests, morality, and deception, deception comes from this, which also gave birth to a colorful human world, all comedies and tragedies, all Rules and status quo.
Language is the most important way to complete human beings. It is used to convey the ideas and intentions of others, and to carry the wisdom of others. Whether it is the recognition of scientific laws or the perception of life, we can accumulate through words and pass them on to Later generations, let them grow up quickly, and do not necessarily need to go through it one by one. Thus, when they experience the same challenges, they may make better choices and have a better life.
Human society has thus gained evolution.
From the time when I was in my early twenties, I first encountered the concept of "the word has limits, it is impossible to express all thinking" in the book of Haruki Murakami. It was almost like a sudden, and ten years later - about not In ten years - what I tirelessly think about is how to turn thinking into words that are as accurate as possible. I lose the gorgeous even unnecessary strokes that I don't understand, leaving simple branches and turning the leaves. Prosperous, then pruning, such a reincarnation. Now, as I continue to trim this style, I am thirty years old.
Some people think that my writing is good, but some people are not. Of course, there are reasons for this.
Second:
Talk about my character. As far as I am concerned, I have great personality defects.
Such personality defects stem from the fact that when they were educated, they went through the wrong order and made the wrong structure. When I was enlightened, my grandfather taught me that I was very correct and upright. Later, when I read Lu Xun, when I was studying, I wrote something in the composition of Lu Xun’s style. My writing was not good. The teacher said that I didn’t think. Ok, I am very puzzled to think that I am attacking bad things. Why is it that I am not good at thinking? After thinking about it, this is the initial disagreement and incompatibility - each of us, more or less experienced these.
Next, I experienced a period of rapid change. Once a reader said in a book review, I have witnessed the afterglow of that era. Indeed, when I was a child, I witnessed the afterglow of the era when the change was not severe. Then there is a drastic change, the impact of various ideas, and the world view that I have established, but it is incompatible with this world. And then. Because of the family's predicament, I gave up the university. When I gave up the university, knowledge no longer has weight in my mind. Without weight, there is no awe. I dismantle everything at will, so all orthodox knowledge loses its meaning.
I often tell people that the so-called "meaning" comes from the "ceremonial feeling". When we were young, we used to play family. Everyone was very serious about how to put on the tableware, and how people would sit. How to feed the rice. We cleaned the tombs during the Ching Ming Festival, kneeling down, how to smash, how many times to head - for pure materialists, are these related to ghosts and gods? No, they are only related to ourselves. When we do this seriously, we will have the weight of "meaning".
In the simplest explanation: After we have worked one thing. Our hearts will automatically convince ourselves and do things. It is meaningful.
So later, once some book friends who didn't want to study came to ask me, when I want to go to college or continue my studies, I will persuade them to continue, not for knowledge, more. In order to let them feel the effort they made when they entered the society, feel the heavy things, and then they told themselves: "I am ready."
I entered the society when I was not prepared, and then I lost all my fear. I think that everything can be structured with basic logic, and my brain is also easy to use. When I encounter a thing, my brain will automatically return to thousands of years ago or even tens of thousands of years ago, from the original The society builds logic, and then pushes it all the way to the present, looking for all the causes of this thing. If you can find the cause, you can pass in your mind. As the story of the wild boar that I said three years ago, the cause of morality.
For a while, I suspect that I might have some kind of mental illness called Asperger Syndrome. These patients use logic to construct emotional thinking. In the time when I was least good at communicating with people, I even tried to form by logic. A set of guidelines for talking to people...
There is no doubt that I have tasted bitter fruit.
If there are only a few problems above, maybe I am not going to write something like this. Six months ago, I saw a sentence. Probably like this: The most important quality of a good author is sensitivity. For some things, others have not felt pain. They have been so painful that they want to endure the pain. They have to be humorous. ......
I often tell people that I have no literary talent, but probably sensitive qualities are available. I sometimes look at us after 80, after entering the society, I don’t know how to be good, change my own three views, and distort my spirit. In the struggle, no one knows what is wrong with this until one day - big Some people - using money rights as a measure of everything, as a criterion of success, constantly pursuing, people who have pursued, and feel unsatisfied, always feel that something is falling, people began to miss the youth that once was. When I was young, it led to the popularity of a large number of "Hurry of the Year", but in retrospect, even if the power of money could not satisfy myself, I had to continue to pursue it. Some of them are high-profile here, right?
Sometimes when trying to deconstruct myself, deconstruct the entire human race, put it on the whole earth or even the universe, and then see the wind and sand rolling up, an accidental moment, drawing a beautiful pattern, we produce so-called wisdom, we adapt The world, changing the world, and finally destroying the world, will eventually perish... Can't find the meaning that can exist forever - here is the second, right?
If I was 18 years old, I thought of this, my three views are not yet complete, it is indeed a middle two emotion that can be changed. When I am 30 years old, I will return to this question, that is, it is really moving.
This thing may be about the ultimate nihilistic proposition, I don't really want to talk to people. Under normal circumstances, it broke the table twice, shame the table, mention it, but also to enter the third point.
After stating these two points, we went into the third point: talk about the web.
I have been writing web articles for many years. Although I went to Luyuan, I insisted that literature has no distinction between tradition and network, but in fact, there is indeed. Some call it traditional literature and popular literature, some are called elite literature and popular literature, and we think that there is such a division.
I am very serious about writing books, and I dare to say this to anyone with confidence. There have been writers' dreams – and so far – just a definition of the writer, which is a bit different.
Two days ago, Hunan Province held the sixth youth writers' conference, which was said to have been held once every five years but this time. After I participated in the past, I happened to interview the reporters of Hunan Jingshi. At that time, there was no draft and preparation. I am a representative of the web. When I talked about the web, I said that the current web text may not be the future of literature, but the middle of it contains the most important part of the traditional literature that is now in trouble.
They are: attractive and persuasive.
I used to define literature. Habitually said: Traditional literature focuses on the excavation and speculation of self-spirit, and online literature focuses on communication and communication.
In this definition, traditional literature digs deep into the self. Its depth determines the height. Even if many people do not understand it, people with high ideological realm can see it. They communicate in a very high place. I don't think they have no value. On the contrary, these thoughts can be said to be the most brilliant treasures in human development. I am convinced.
And online literature, more concerned with research is that there is something in our mind, how to pass it to the reader's heart. In the years of web development, we have accumulated a lot of experience and techniques. Of course, there are good and bad. There are benign and bad. Net text, after all, is still a discipline that is not good or bad.
When I was studying in Luyuan, one day, I accidentally met a teacher on the road and talked about the topic of disagreement. The other party is a very good teacher. But after all, I don’t know much about online literature and talk about some things. I seemed to say at the time: I have seen many authors, they can't make money, they are forced by life, when they want to make money with words. They will go in one of the most extreme directions in the past and give up their original speculations. People are going to be so extreme.
The other party said: But we do have a lot of authors who are sticking to the continual decline of this society. They are not for money. They try their best to resist the influence of social atmosphere. Their speculations are for the society. Very important, can't be without...
The first thought I came up with in my mind was: the impact of reform and opening up in the past 30 years, leading to the decline of spiritual civilization, the influence of more than one billion people, can you say "do your best", can you explain the past? Perhaps there are such insistent authors, one or two, all respectable, but in the past 30 years, the whole literary circle has been weak and weak, isn’t it not responsible?
Literature is the beginning of spiritual civilization!
I didn't dare to say.
In the interview the day before yesterday, I mentioned the best literature. By asking, what is the best literature? I don’t really have a very specific concept. I can say that the spirit of people can really be harmonious. When we say: You shouldn’t just be for money and power in your life.
People will truly believe that it can be truly persuasive. It can be fun and entertaining, infecting the most popular people, rather than making people feel like singing after they finish. High-profile, it can reshape three views for one person, and can truly leave the experience of predecessors to future generations...
I said something, but it was not so organized at the time, I am afraid I can't see it on the news.
Science and technology will continue to develop. In science and technology, there is a difference between theoretical science and applied science. Theoretical science stands at the top. It can't earn too much money, but it can win the Nobel Prize. When they make breakthroughs, apply science—we Everything in life can be derived.
The spirit does not develop substantially, and the vertices of the spirit, or the state of infinitely close to the apex, appeared thousands of years ago. Confucius said: Seventy and from the heart, not over the moment. It is such a thing. When we understand many things in the world and gain understanding with the world, our spirit can be harmonious, no longer painful, and can be peaceful and joyful, but not negative numbness. That is the culmination of the spirit, but in every era, the things encountered are different. In every person whose life is only a few decades, the way to weave and shape the three views may be different, and finally reach this realm. There may be very few, but in each generation, this may be the culmination of our pursuit.
There is also a type of apex in literature. They are theoretical literature. We explore the use of each type of brushwork, explore every novel way of writing, inspiring techniques, and explore spiritual shaping. Such things can be won by the Mao Dun Literature Award or the Nobel Prize in Literature. Under this circumstance, applied literature explores its own spiritual depth on its basis and inspiration, and transforms it into words and conveys it to others. Traditional literature and web-based literature are in this category. There are deep speculators, too little research transmission, and the web of exploration and transmission, but often lack of speculation.
This is already a big country with 1.4 billion people studying. We have experienced a lot of problems before. I used to be a person who tends to be well-informed. I am longing for democracy. In the past two years, I think that in such a rapid development, this country is maintained. Going back to the second stage of the world, if historically, this time may be an unimaginable period of ZTE, and some part of my heart is beginning to feel proud of this country, and some states are back to Wu Mao. At least part of the position, we can be sure, and I still yearn for democracy. It’s just that the yearning for democracy is more complicated, and the people are incapable of autonomy.
But in any case, spiritual development is still at a low ebb.
Of course, there is also a saying. To correctly shape a person's three views, there is a method in ancient times. The Confucian method lasted for many years, and they have a lot of established experience - we don't say the ultimate good or bad of Confucianism. But to cultivate a person into a certain state, their methods have continued for a thousand years. After the May Fourth, we broke the frame, the new framework, can not be established, how to train a person. There is no mature system.
Just as I studied Lu Xun, I did see some people are not good, there are bad people, why did I point them out, I turned out to be a bad idea? The teacher will certainly say. I am good for your exams and the future, but as a result, the process of shaping the spiritual system will be problematic.
We often encounter things that are out of place in society.
We pay a smile, as usual, one day, these things will infiltrate into the details of your spirit. Once I chatted with a friend on the plane. He was a local tyrant, but said: "I have a maximum of one and a half million in a month, but I still feel that I am not practical. I can only make more money, but How much is it earned?"
Forty-five thousand a month, still not practical, for some people, this is no disease, right? Is it right? But I think this is definitely not a question of money. He may not know it, but he can only continue to make money.
Whether it is poverty or wealth, I think that there must be such a deficiency in our generation. We are going to pursue something, but in the end, what we are pursuing cannot comfort ourselves. Only at the last time, we Feeling anxious and stressed by life.
I want to attribute my own problems to the powerlessness of the literary circle and the spiritual circle in the past 30 years. In the best expectation, the environment of my life should give me a spirit of harmony, but I really can’t blame each of them. One person, I can't even blame the literary circle, because our previous damage is so great. However, if it is placed here, when the traditional literary circle continues to be poor and shrinking, the reason they are talking about is becoming more and more incapable of touching people. We only say that "someone is holding on" and "doing the best", how can the sacrifice of the next generation be explained?
Since there are so many good things, why not study self-study and study entertainment, study the transmission, and try to infect more people without compromise?
Some time ago, I didn’t know Tsinghua or Peking University. A student who studied web-based professors sent a message on the website. After a while, but hundreds of clicks, commonly known as the street, they were very surprised. Some press releases showed that
I can’t The attitude of writing low-level things like web--of course, perhaps not the performance of the students themselves, it is possible to pick up the news. However, their basic attitudes were originally wrong. If the university can truly regard entertainment and connotation as literary factors of 50% importance - I am talking about true propaganda, perhaps less than ten years. The current network circle will no longer exist.
However, for the upper class, this is another dangerous thing. Standing on the side of entertainment, or standing on the side of connotation, it may be very common. Only those who stand on the middle of the mean, perhaps the most It is vulnerable to blows.
However, this is a society of 1.4 billion people. The mental poverty of 1.4 billion people, people laugh at housewives watching soap operas, but never take the initiative to change her - I think this can't be done. People with high-end spiritual levels are high, as if waiting for one day these housewives suddenly like their things, is it possible? After people leave the school, there is no compulsory learning. Spiritual poverty can also last a lifetime. Only one day suddenly feels that something is missing, the world is getting worse. On the other hand, even in school, it is shaping. The compulsory of the human spirit is almost equal to zero.
The ethical articles in the textbooks, how many of today's students can make their convincing appeal? I will help my friend see a paper one day (friends are not authors). One of the paragraphs below (don't look carefully):
"Higher education is at the highest level of education and plays a guiding role. The scale and level of development of a country's higher education often become a symbol of the scale and level of education development in the country, and also a symbol of science, technology, civilization and comprehensive national strength in the country. The key to the material civilization of a country depends on the level of science and technology in the country. Similarly, the key to the level of science and technology in a country lies in the scale and level of education development in the country, especially the scale and level of development of higher education. The quality and level of education..."
I am not saying how big this literary theory is, but there is one thing that makes me quite concerned. This may be just the author's negligence, but... Where is the spiritual civilization? When we talk about higher education, why do we focus on material civilization and do not mention spiritual civilization?
If I use such a paper to be partial, I am overdone. But one thing is actually obvious. The shaping of spiritual civilization in higher education... is not as high as we think.
My friend’s subjects are related to education. When I talked to him about this, I said that our education is probably in the biggest problem in history. The popularity of knowledge has not led to an improvement in people’s education. Because in ancient times, the word education. It is to shape the outlook on life and teach children how to behave. Today. The proliferation of knowledge has led to the disappearance of authority. A 10-year-old child said a second sentence, placed on the Internet, there will be 10,000 people in the same second, and warm up. The disappearance of authority, the disappearance of right, any concept of a person's growth. There will be no chance of correction, a divergent view, where people want to sit and sit, without thinking, there must be 10,000 people to accompany you. This kind of people. What about the long meeting?
And the second half of my growth is like this.
Schools can only impart knowledge, without the power to shape the outlook on life, society is even worse. The speculations and experiences that could have been used to shape people are hanging at the top. Why can't they be added to the part of entertainment and put them down, just like adding baits to attract people?
So, later, I no longer want to be a traditional writer like that. I still respect the theory of research, but in other directions, I think that the direction of this life can also be settled here, I will For a lifetime, be a kitsch network author, do this unrewarding combination and explore...
If, after thirty years, someone said that my spirit has been shaped like this by the world, you are responsible. I can only say that as one of the 1.4 billion, as a writer who wants to learn Lu Xun. I also tried my best.
After talking about such a long pile of nonsense, many people are annoying or annoyed. But in any case, thirty, these or two or stupid or whimsical things, why I became my root of thinking, is what I want to stay at the 30-year-old node.
back to the begining.
I am thirty years old, life is good or bad, I still live in that small town, I write books, often racking my brains, often Calvin, but because of the tolerance and support of the book friends, life will be able to pass. The body is not good, occasionally insomnia, tossing and turning. If you are in the card period, life often loses its rules because of anxiety. The price in the town is not high. I took a fortune. I bought a house by the lake a month ago. On the 25th floor, I can overlook the good scenery. After one year, I will live in the house. My brother will not have to. Squeezed on the original balcony of my home and slept.
I occasionally go for a walk~EbookFREE.me~ If the code is smooth, I can run and exercise. Sometimes there are one or two friends, sometimes not. The most popular pastime I go to is to go to the cinema to watch the new movie blockbusters. Although it is on the most popular pedestrian street in the town, there are many times in the cinema. Fortunately, I am The horror film is not of interest. Since the entire living circle is only within a fifteen-minute walk, I will not drive or plan to buy a car. That's it.
I often can't be sincere to my friends, because there are too many thoughts in my mind, people with excessive brains and few contacts, often forget that someone called me today and wished me a happy birthday. I used to talk about people many times. Did not save his phone number, the name has also been forgotten. This situation may not be the first time. Sometimes I meet and say hello for the first time. I will go out and meet and ask: "Who are you." Often, every time I feel this, I think the most sincere way is to pay less. Friends, so I have to narrow the circle of life, if you are my friend, and please bear with me.
Of course, there are also friends who have a firm relationship. Sometimes they will go out to travel, relax and distract themselves, but never catch up with the sights. Not willing to rush.
As a result, it seems to be all my life.
Many things are getting better than when I was playing with mud and breathing the smoke of cement plants. I often miss, think of the bad life, the bad habits that are developed in extremes and paranoia, but nothing can be changed.
Therefore, instead of sighing and sighing, the film is self-pity...
It is better to do something.
Sincerely

salute
Angry bananas.
In the early hours after the 30th birthday. (To be continued.) I527
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