Chapter 52: Looking back on life scenery (7)

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Deviations from my moral standards have made me often tortured by shame. Because of shame, I will deliberately be better for Guan He and make up for my former gloom, but Guan He does not know my ideological struggle, she just sees that I am good to her, so she kindly uses the same good To return to me, our friendship is getting deeper and deeper, but I still have to envy her. The deepening of friendship can only make my guilt more and more serious.
Because of guilt, I treat her more and more; because I am good to her, she is also kind to me, and the friendship naturally deepens; because the friendship deepens, I am very guilty. I was caught in a strange loop.
Because when I went out to play bowling and roller skating that day, I secretly produced a series of thought activities that tainted my friendship. I felt sorry for Guan He and despised myself. So, I saw that she really hoped that she could be like anything else When my classmates were gliding, I decided to teach her roller skating.
Zhang Jun ridiculed me: "Dare you dare to be a teacher with your technology?"
"What's wrong with my skills? It's more than enough to teach people who don't know anything at all. After the church's basic glide, slipping, one-legged, and tricks can be learned by yourself."
"I'm not doubting you, I'm worried about you. Teaching people to rollerblade, if they are not skilled, they will easily fall, and I go to a good skater to teach her."
"Guan He is very face-saving. She has no interest in falling down in front of boys. If you don't believe it, call her."
After seeing how Guan He was cautious and never dared to let go, I understood that no boy could really teach Guan He to roller skate.
Zhang Jun called immediately, and the answer was as I expected, he looked at me in surprise.
In fact, Guan He ’s mind is not hard to guess at all, because that is the enlarged mind of mine. When I was studying roller skating, I also hid in the dark and practiced hard. It's just that I'm due to excessive self-esteem due to inferiority, but her reasons are more complicated.
Twice a week, it became a separate "dating" time between Guan He and me.
Although I have no patience with her for her kind patience and self-esteem, Guanhe didn't even say a word of gratitude, but the gratitude in her heart, I can feel that our friendship is growing rapidly in the flying wheels.
Before the summer vacation is over, Guan He is already blue and better than blue. As long as she wants, she can also wear a short skirt and become a beautiful landscape on the roller skating rink.
As a thank you, Guan He invited me to eat spicy hot.
On the way, I saw an old man-enchanting.
Under the scorching sun, a man wearing a baseball cap stepped on a tricycle. Enchanting was sitting behind the car, with cardboard boxes stacked beside him. She did not squint and stared at her goods intently.
Is this woman who is always facing the sky really that enchanting makeup?
A cardboard box suddenly fell to the ground. A bunch of girls' hairpins fell out of the cardboard box. Enchanting immediately jumped out of the car to pick it up. The man stopped the car to help her. He probably thought that the sun was too big, and put the baseball cap on his head on the voluptuous head. The voluptuous raised his head and smiled, and was busy loading things again. There is a natural closeness between the two.
I stood in the distance, staring at them, and there was cold sadness in my heart. In just over a year, the enchanting had forgotten, forgot the squid, forgot their mountain alliance pledge, forgot their white-headed covenant.
How many people in this world are willing to dance in shackles? The Omi Pillar is certainly shocking, and even if you let it go, it ’s nothing wrong. There are not many people in this world who are willing to carry the weight, or this world does not support people to carry the weight. Therefore, it is natural to let go, but I still have to be sad.
Guan He saw that I was suddenly gone, and his feet were set on the ground like a root, so he asked, "What's wrong?"
I shook my head and smiled at her, looking careless. Guan He took my hand and went straight to the food stall.
We are getting better and spicy, eating, and suddenly heard someone call me: "Luo Qiqi."
I looked up and turned out to be Lin Lan.
She walked happily: "I haven't seen you for a long time. I heard countless rumors about you just after returning from the summer vacation."
After a long time of reunion, I was also very happy and gave her a hug without restraint: "Are you all right?"
My enthusiasm surprised her: "I'm fine, and I have graduated in two years, so I come back this year to find an internship unit. You are not the same as before."
I akimbo with one hand, posing, and said playfully: "That is, the longer the more beautiful!"
Lin Lan stared at me in surprise, as if she could not connect the people in front of her with those who were silent and cold.
I said, "Eat together, I'll treat you."
She smiled and shook her head: "Next time, today I came with my mother."
She pointed to another hot and spicy stall not far away. I was shocked when I saw her mother. Was this emaciated woman really Lin Lan's mother? At that time, she looked more than ten years younger than my mother, but now she looks ten years older than my mother, but this is not the most sad. The most sad thing is that she is trying to turn herself to Dressing up in the young and wearing improperly really highlights her demise.
Because I was so shocked, even though I was always good at hiding emotions, I could n’t hide it. Lin Lan seemed to fully understand what I was thinking and said indifferently: "The man said that he could not bear the pressure and left, her love has died. Looking at her Today, I feel both pitiful and relieved. Everyone persuaded her, and I cried and begged her, but she was the only man in her heart. In her eyes, my father and I could not compare to her great love. , Now finally taste the evil. "
"what's your plan?"
"I have decided to come back after graduation. She is only me now. It's ridiculous. I fled here because of her, and because she wants to come back here."
I looked at her silently, unable to say anything, and impossible to say anything.
"My dad is married again, and the son born to the new wife can call me and call her sister. My dad's new life has just begun, but my mom's life is over." Lin Lan sneered coldly, " Men are different from women. Men can still make mistakes even at the age of forty. Men can 'return the prodigal son and don't change the gold'. Women only have 'a stupefying hatred'. Women don't say that they are forty, they are fifteen. Destroy your life. "
Lin Lan did not say that he was 14 years old, but instead said he was 15 years old. Recalling Xiao Fei, my look dimmed, Lin Lanming knew my pain, but still poked at the pain. I stared at her, but she was confused, her mouth flicked up, and she was smiling like a pretty girl, looking like an ordinary pretty girl of this age.
"I will never believe in love in my life. Men will only add icing on the cake. He will come to love you only when you are beautiful; you are ugly and desolate, he runs faster than anyone else. Qiqi, you also have to remember, forever Love yourself the most. "
Lin Lan grabbed my hand and had sincere worries in her eyes. It was only after I responded that she meant something. It seems that she heard the rumored news of me and Zhang Jun. Zhang Jun's name is outside. She is afraid that I will suffer a loss.
We almost never communicate, but probably the gentleman's relationship is as light as water, otherwise her current coldness will never open her heart to outsiders at will.
I held her hand instead: "I understand, thank you."
"Study hard. When we were a group of girls, I always believed that only me and Ge Xiaofei were the best. I would definitely be admitted to a prestigious university, but now you are the only one ..." Lin Lan shook her head with a smile, throwing away the haze in her eyes. , "I'm waiting to hear the good news of your entering Tsinghua Peking University."
I smiled and sighed: "Only the top grades are possible to enter Tsinghua University, I am not even the first class."
"I have absolute confidence in you."
Lin Lan left, leaving me a light back, but the heavy burden under the back was only known to her.
I returned to the food stall with a smile, but Guan He was also very sensitive, and asked me: "What did you say to Lin Lan? It seems that you have something in mind."
"It's nothing." I ate in silence for a while, and finally asked, "Can't you say, what is love? The poems, myths, legends, novels and movies all praise it again and again, it seems that we are human The most beautiful and sincere thing in emotions. But why ca n’t I see it in the real world? Classmates around us are easy to say like, but maybe writing a love letter to you today, and chasing another girl tomorrow. The world of adults is more Needless to say, fickleness and reality are together. A colleague of my dad just got admitted to a graduate student of the Chinese Academy of Sciences and dumped his girlfriend who had been here for two years, lest he might delay his splendid future. "
Guan He smiled breathlessly and said with a smile: "You ask me, who do I ask? The person you are in love with does not know, how can I know? But compared to love, I am more willing to believe in family, I know my mother loves me, and she will never change her heart when she sees another, more beautiful girl, so I love her boldly and wholeheartedly. "
I laughed, Guan He is really a wonderful person! Regardless of true or false, she always decorated her life with flowers and clusters, she let herself live like a princess, and others regarded her as a princess. This is probably another way of self-love. If you don't take your own misery as misery, no one will dare to despise you.
Guan He asked me curiously: "Qi Qi, how does it feel to like someone?"
I asked with temptation: "So many boys like you, haven't you ever liked a boy?"
Guan He shook his head: "I'm different from you. I don't have the heart to think about these things. I have to study hard, otherwise I'm sorry I have sacrificed a lot of my mother."
I let go of my heart and said with a grin: "I don't like it very well. I like to give my heart to others and let others control your emotions. This is not a good thing."
Guan Hexiao: "So why do you still like Zhang Jun? How much do you like him? I mean ..." She thought about it, "Maybe my outlook on life is more realistic and I think more, for example, you have Have n’t thought, because you are with Zhang Jun, your academic performance will decline? What the teacher said may not be right, but it turns out that early love does affect learning. For ordinary students, it may not matter if they are seven or eight behind in the grade. But in our position, it is the difference between Tsinghua Peking University and Xi'an Jiaotong University. "
Guan He ’s question was not easy to answer. After thinking about it, I asked her:
Have you ever seen Leo? Tolstoy ’s Anna? Karenina?

"I've seen it, but I don't like it. The selfishness of men and the cowardice of women. I prefer" Resurrection. "
"" Anna? Karenina "is my favorite book. I read this book three times in a row in the summer vacation of the third year. It can be said that it has subverted my love view."
Guan He made a questioning expression, and I said: "Worensky loves Anna very much, and she doesn't mind that she is married and has children, nor does she mind that her reputation will be damaged. They can say that they have come together after many twists and turns. , They absolutely have the most sincere love in the world. But the result? When Wollensky really got Anna, when the two people ’s gorgeous and passionate love was put into real life day after day, the passion retreated Sky discovered that love is only a small part of his life. He began to long for other parts of his life. Obviously Anna was still the one who had fascinated him, but he regretted what he gave up for Anna-family, Social status, etc., he began to be dissatisfied with Anna. Anna finally chose to lie on the rails to commit suicide, and revenge Wollensky by sacrificing her life. Wollensky will definitely not get peace of mind in the rest of her life. Is it worth it? "
"You hate Wollensky?"
"No, I do n’t hate Wollensky. He ’s not mean or bad. Otherwise, he wo n’t be condemned by heart for life because of Anna ’s death. His thoughts and practices are the thoughts and practices of all normal men. Steyr just enlarged the normal man realistically on him. Men can only live for love for a moment, never for a lifetime. In their lives, career, family, and social status will be more important than love, if at that time he I do n’t think it ’s important, I think love is more important, please believe me, it must be an illusion! "
Guan He listened intently: "What about Anna? Do you sympathize with her?"
I said, "I also have no sympathy for Anna. There is nothing wrong with loving a person. The life of a woman is full of love, but if you love someone until you lose yourself, then it must be wrong. Women always like to Love sacrifices itself, but does not know that when she sacrifices to only love, it is also when love leaves her. A man can never regard love as the whole life, so a woman must not regard a man as the whole life. Anna regards Volensky as the whole of her life, but the result is that she killed herself, and also makes Volunsky misfortune for life. Anna loves her very failed. "
Guan He nodded: "That's why I don't like this book, because there is no character in it that makes me like it, but I must admit that Anna is also a realistic enlargement of all women, and Anna in real life is everywhere. I think I Understand what you mean, you will not be Anna, and will never give Zhang Jun the opportunity to be Wollensky. "
"Yes! I do n’t want ten or twenty years later, Zhang Jun recalled his high school and regretted that if I did n’t fall in love with Luo Qiqi, maybe I could take a good university and a good major. , Maybe I wo n’t be like now, how can I ...
Guan He laughed: "Well, because men think love is more important, it is an illusion. One day, he will wake up from the illusion, regretting what he lost for love."
I said mockingly: "I myself feel that I am too unreasonably sensible and constantly measure love and reality."
Guan He looked at me and said, "Wrong, Qi Qi, you like Zhang Jun very much. You are afraid that he will have regrets in ten years. You don't want him to regret having liked you."