Chapter 63: That grand farewell (4)

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However, he forgot!
Only at this moment did I really understand that I would lose him forever! The man who I thought would accompany me to see clearly no matter how dark the world is.
3
Quasi-years
New inflows and old inflows cannot be caught.
It seems that this is what it means.
I chose the School of Economics and Management of Tsinghua University. My dad helped me fill out the application. There is no suspense in admission.
Guan He went to Hangzhou, her father's hometown, her mother and she should be very satisfied. As soon as the admission letter arrived, she and her mother left.
The day after she left, I received a letter from her, seeing that the postmark was sent the day before. When my dad handed the letter to me, he smiled and said, "It's a bunch of kids! Is there anything you can't say in person? Didn't you go to her house and say goodbye to her yesterday?"
My dad was wrong, because we are not children anymore, so we started to turn around and set things up in the face and back.
I do n’t know why, I do n’t want to read this letter too much, because the letter itself means that I ca n’t speak to people.
In the end, I opened the letter.
Qiqi:
When you received this letter, I had left, and I knew that I would never come back.
Qiqi, please allow me to call you so, my friend, my enemy.
I remember the worst semester I had in the third semester. My mother scolded me for not being upset, letting her and my dad down, saying that she knew I was so upset, why did she sacrifice so much for me. I was so miserable that I wanted to commit suicide, but you came and told me that you always envy me. I did n’t believe it at all, because obviously I always envy you.
Do you feel shocked now? That's how I felt at the time!
You gave me a shock, I gave you a shock, we evened!
From an early age, my mother told me to work hard and be very good, because she sacrificed a lot for me, and everything she did was for me. Under her spur, I have been trying my best to be an excellent child.
Although we are in the same class in elementary school, you seem to be very quiet. I have no impression of you. I just remember that you and Zhang Jun are the proud students of Teacher Gao, and you learn math very well. After attending junior high school, I watched you win prizes in speech and debate competitions again and again. I was a little surprised. It's hard to connect you to my elementary school classmates. I heard that you are mixing outside, there are a bunch of friends in society, probably out of curiosity about not understanding the world, sometimes I envy you a little.
On the third day of the junior year, we were assigned to a class. Frankly speaking, I was happy and depressed. You turned out to be the first class, and I was the second class. I was very dissatisfied at that time, and I began to approach you deliberately. Isn't there a saying "I want to know someone first if I want to knock someone down"? I am a loyal executor of this sentence. With my efforts, you finally accepted me as your friend. You lived wildly. You did n’t even care if the teachers and classmates liked you. It looked indifferent, but in fact it was a person with a real temperament. I was proud to start admiring a girl for the first time.
Your first place is only a short-lived one. Your subsequent results have always been worse than me, but I am not proud of myself, because I know that you did not participate in this competition at all, this is just my wrestling. At this time, I really appreciate you and like you, if not later, how good! My memory will always stay at this most beautiful moment.
After entering high school, I feel that you have changed. Learning for you is no longer indifferent. Although you are not in the same class with me, every time I take an exam, I regard you as the enemy.
You climb up to the highest.
Looking at someone who is not as good as myself, and surpassing myself a little bit, until I can't catch up with the distance, I never admit it, and have to admit that I am indeed inferior to you. This process is very painful. In this painful process, the weights of the friends are getting lighter and lighter, and the weights of the enemy are getting heavier and heavier. I began to jealously jealous of you, jealous of you is better than me, jealous Zhang Jun likes you, jealous of you do not care at all, jealous everyone pays attention to you, all teachers are desperate to treat you, even elementary school students who once liked me Talk about you and ignore me.
Jealousy made me do a lot of disgraceful things. At the beginning, it was just a small movement. For example, at Zhang Jun ’s birthday party, I deliberately asked you to sing after me, just because I understand that you are not as good as me. But Zhang Jun made the original embarrassment romantic. It turns out that you are now the focus of everyone. No one cares about what Guan He is. My jealousy makes me go farther and farther. I began to aim at Zhang. Jun.
For your excellence, it is not only me who feels the pressure, but also Zhang Jun. You worship too much and believe in Zhang Jun, but neglect that he will also be inferior and weak.
I confided to him the pressure of study, the frustration of failure, he comforted me sympathetically, unraveled me wholeheartedly, I even told him about my father, and threw a lot of sympathy weight on his balance, Arouse his desire to protect.
I also told him what you said, saying that you do n’t believe in love at all, that love is just an illusion. I have repeatedly said in front of him that what you value most is learning, and you will never let anyone affect your learning.
I was a saboteur intentionally or unintentionally, but at the time, I did not admit it. I told myself that Zhang Jun and I were only good friends who cared about each other, and I told him all the truth. Now I no longer want to justify myself, I did want to destroy you unscrupulously.
In the end, in the face of his perseverance and your frankness, I retreated from difficulties. My pride made me disdain to be a girl like Huang Wei. In fact, under my gorgeous gauze, it was even more embarrassing than her. I do n’t even like Zhang Jun, I just want you to taste the failure, because I hate you!
When I was entangled in success and failure, in fact, I had already failed, but I was in the game and had long lost my way. When you told me that you have been envious of me since you were a child, not only for my studies, but also for my attitude towards life, I suddenly felt stupid. How can I be a failed person because of failed learning? If Dad had a spirit underground, he must be ashamed of me!
I began to alienate you, and Zhang Jun even more. I also cried and quarreled with her when my mother scolded me for not being upset, and told her that I had been forced to commit suicide by her. In the days after the third year of high school, I had a very simple and quiet life. I did n’t even look at the performance list. I just asked myself, did I try my best every day? As long as I try my best, I will sleep in peace.
Zhang Jun finally broke up with you. You and him kept silent. I can't know the reason. I don't know how much weight I played in this process. I'm sorry!
I do n’t want to say forgive me, let ’s continue to be friends! I know that is impossible! Everything that has happened is what happened. Instead of forgiving hard and forgetting it, let us be like a stranger, cherish each and work hard!
Although you don't need my blessing, I still wish you the best life!
Guan He
I read the letter three times over and over again. It was very uncomfortable, but she did n’t feel angry or angry. She did n’t need to ask for forgiveness at all, because we are not angels. She only knew that I had envied her, but she did not know that I had also been jealous of her.
I can't help but think, if there is no Guan He, will Zhang Jun and I not break up? I have no answer. Because without Guan He, I wouldn't be me now, then Zhang Jun and I might not be together at all.
My dad did public medical treatment in Beidaihe. My mother took annual leave. They decided to take my sister and me to return to my mother ’s hometown first, and give my grandfather a grave. Thank you for blessing me to enter the university smoothly, and then go to Beijing together and send me tourism.
My dad and my mother called me and my sister together and said they wanted to hold a family meeting. I'm wondering, the most important thing is that I want to go to college, but is there any good discussion?
Dad told me and my sister: "In the past two years, your mother and I have been in an active relationship and want to transfer back to Xi'an. I received a call from an old classmate some time ago. My work has been basically implemented and it is a unit with good benefits. The job title given to me is also very good. Your mother ’s job is still a little problem, but I have discussed with your mother, I am afraid that I will miss this opportunity, and the future unit will not be so good, so I decided to transfer it first, wait for me to go After that, help your mother activities, there will definitely be more opportunities. "
My sister and I looked at each other. The news was too big and too unexpected. We were not prepared for it.
My mother said: "We haven't told you that we are afraid that things will not succeed, but it will disturb your thoughts about studying. Qiqi is going to study in Beijing, which has little effect on Qiqi. The main concern for me and your dad is 瑗瑗, fearing that 瑗 瑗 will affect learning because of this matter. After consultation, we decided to let your father go to Xi’an first. I can accompany 瑗 to study here, wait for the 瑗 瑗 college entrance examination, and then transfer to Xi’an. There are many good universities in the capital city. It would be nice if Ao Yuan could go to school earlier. Ao Yuan, what do you think? Do you want to stay here to study in high school, or transfer to Xian as soon as possible? "
My sister hesitated, and my mother said: "Qiqi was independent and strong since childhood, and she is clever. My father and I didn't want to limit her development. As she went to run around, 瑗 瑗 grew up eating lazily, not smart enough, relying on parents to get used to it, I And your dad thinks you are studying in Xi'an, your parents are close, and you can take care of everything. "
Mom, Dad, and sister were intensively discussing whether to stay here to study or to go to Xi'an.
I thought with a smile, it turns out that this is the result of being smart, independent, and strong. No one feels the need to ask how you feel, and no one feels that you need to worry about you because you are smart, independent, and strong. It seems that Yi Shu once said that when a man loves a woman, she feels that she is small, stupid, and pitiful, and needs to worry about everything; when she does not love a woman, she feels smart and strong, and she doesn't need to care about herself. This sentence actually applies not only to the relationship between men and women, but also to all relationships between love and being loved.
The younger sister's character is optimistic and lively. Anyway, the sky collapses and is supported by her parents. Although some are reluctant to do so, they are even more greedy and fresh. Soon, she decided to transfer to Xi'an as soon as possible. Mom and Dad are very happy. The three of them are talking about the good life in the future. If their sisters have good academic performance, they can go to Xi'an Jiaotong University;
I started to organize my things.
What I do n’t want to remember right now is Zhang Jun and Xiaobo. They are very eager to forget everything related to them. They have already left, and I do n’t need to miss them anymore. However, it really made me throw away all the things related to them, and I couldn't care less.
I put all the things related to Zhang Jun, the gifts he gave me, the graduation photo of elementary school graduates, all packed in a big cowhide envelope, and then put them in a cardboard box; put all those related to the wavelet, the pine picked up on the Great Wall Guo, stones picked from Lao Mountain, maps hanging on the wall, lotus flowers painted with him, all the tapes he gave to my Little Tigers were thrown into cardboard boxes, and things Xiaofei sent me, Guan He The letter written to me, the elementary school graduation guestbook ...
Everything, everything I wanted to forget was sealed in a box by me, as if I could put all the unhappiness down to the end of the year and no longer hurt.
I gave the box to my sister: "Can you help me save it? If I am not at home when I move in the future, you will be responsible for moving these things to Xi'an."
My sister saw that the box was sealed tightly with calendar paper and covered with transparent glue. Under each transparent glue, there was a seal that I signed. She was not happy: "Humph! Why do you want to hand it to me since you don't believe me?" save?"
"You already like to eavesdrop on my phone, peek at my things, I leave it to you to save, but don't want you to peek at my things. Can you agree? Can I believe you once?"
The younger sister hesitated and said, "If you don't read, don't read, your broken things aren't those books! However, as a reward for me to keep things for you, you have to give me pocket money after you work."
"no problem."
With the promise of money, the sister was very serious and put the box carefully under her bed.
I looked around the room, what is it that I want to take away?
On the bookshelf, "Yi Tian Tu Long Ji" copied by my grandfather stood quietly. I pulled them out and wrapped them carefully in a plastic bag. This is my first and best memory, and I will take them away to the unknown future. No matter what difficulties I encounter, as long as I see them, I will remember that I have been deeply loved.
I was tired of excuses and went to bed early.
He slept unsteadily and had a messy dream all night. He woke up in the pattering rain at six in the morning.
I went out wearing a coat, did not hold an umbrella, and wandered in the light rain.
Walked to the river, gazed at the torrential water, and then crossed the bridge, passed the green forest belt, residential area, and arrived near Zhang Jun's house.
Not daring to approach, just standing in the distance and looking out.
The trumpet flowers in front of his house were blooming just right, white, pink, and purple, intertwined and spliced ​​into a gorgeous piece.
Between deliberate and unintentional, he has not heard from him for a long time. I didn't ask what university, major city, or major he went to. Everything that is too specific represents thoughts. After all these things disappear, the thoughts will disappear and disappear without attachment points.
The window of his bedroom, the curtains were pulled tightly, and there was no one in it.
Maybe he is still in that room, maybe he has left.
Although Yusi was very thin, she stood for a long time, her hair and coat became wet, and her glasses were fogged with a layer of mist. She could not see anything clearly, and she took off her glasses.
Slowly walking back, stop and stare when passing the bridge.
A lot of stones were picked from the ground and thrown into the water piece by piece
I was about to raise my hand and throw the last stone. I saw a boy wearing a black sports vest running along the river channel. My hand stopped in midair.
Although he didn't wear glasses, I wouldn't admit his figure wrong.
He also saw me and stopped slowly.
I probably knew this was the last time we met, so instead of looking away, I stared straight at him.
He walked through the drizzle and walked towards me, not wanting to get too close, and stopped at a distance where he could see each other, but not clearly.
His hair was wet, and tiny droplets of water attached to the tip of the hair, with a layer of crystal light.
I suddenly remembered the boy who tilted the umbrella to me as much as possible. My body was not wet at all, but his hair was covered with drops of water.
The misty sorrow is like this drizzle, looking at no trace, but overwhelming and omnipresent.
I threw the stone out of my hand and turned away.
Call me, call me, you just call my name, and I will immediately go back to you.
However, there has been no sound.
I went to the fourth elementary school along the way of finishing the tutorials as a child and finishing school with Zhang Jun.
The sign at the school gate is exactly the same as before, with a white plaque and large black characters.
Across the railings of the school gate, looking inside, multicolored flower beds, white teaching buildings, large glass windows, blue curtains, everything is exactly the same.
It seems that as soon as the eyes are closed, the captain wearing three red bars on his arms is standing at the entrance of the school, seriously checking whether every student entering the school is wearing a red scarf.
The thin me, carrying his schoolbag, bowing his head in a cower, followed behind his classmates, lest others would notice me.
However, I was so big.
I walked straight along the street in front of the school gate. It used to be very lively. There was a vegetable market on the right, and there were many shops on the left. The vegetable market was dismantled during the second year of high school and changed into an open-air plaza.
When I saw the game room that was pushed down halfway, I felt both unexpected and normal.
There was a concrete floor in front of the game room. Wavelet and squid were laid by hand, but now it is full of broken bricks, which is hard to tell.
I suddenly remembered the grape, and immediately rushed into the ruins of the broken wall, bent over, rummaging around under the bricks, only to see a row of discarded dead vines and bamboo poles, and found nothing similar to the grape root.
I squatted on the ground, looked at the mud with my hands, and suddenly laughed, wavelet took the grapes! Although not because of me, maybe just for squid, but it is also my grape.
Laughing and laughing, but wanting to cry, the noisy chase under the vine rack is still in the ear, but there is only broken mud in front of the brick.
I squatted in a brick floor in a daze, the workers came to work, looked at me in amazement, and I realized that it was more than nine o'clock.
Hurry up and run to the house in a hurry. My mother saw me with a nervous look and complained to me: "Where did you go early in the morning? We have to catch the train."
I said nothing and immediately washed my hands.
The faucet blew, forming a rotating water vortex at the sewer. The brown muddy water carried the breath of the past, circled in nostalgia, but was quickly washed away by the clean new water, getting weaker and weaker. Disappearing.
It seems like this is what the waters are all about, and the new inflows and the old ones are gone.
Please believe that those sneaking away time hastened our looks, but enriched our lives.
Please believe that our vicissitudes of life after the event not only let us learn the indifferent self-protection, but also let us learn to be kind to others.
Please believe that something in this world will be more eternal than time, that is, we love others and our hearts.
Please believe that the value of youth is not because of those young days, but that heart full of courage and enthusiasm, not afraid of injury, not afraid to pay, not afraid to love, not afraid to dream.
Please believe that the death of youth is not terrible, what is terrible is the loss of the heart that bravely loves life.