Chapter 35: : Where is the warmth? ——Vishati's Fanwai (Part 1)

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How much can ordinary people recall about what happened when they were four years old? I am different. The memory at the age of four is a watershed in me. Before the age of four, there were parents and brothers in the family. After the age of four, only my father and I were there.
I remember my brother holding my hand in the yard, not playing with me like before, but holding my breath and looking towards my father and mother's room. At that time, I would like to ask my brother what I want to know. My brother knows everything in my eyes. So my brother told me that my mother had not eaten or drank for six days in order to become a monk.
What is a monk?
Becoming a monk is when your mother is moving out.
While my brother was not paying attention, I ran into the room. I want my mother not to move out of the house. But he didn't see the mother on the bed, but he saw his father crying with a long strand of maroon hair. When I saw me, I hurriedly hid my long hair behind me, wiped my face indiscriminately, and asked my brother to take me out.
I asked my elder brother, why did her mother even move out of the house not have such beautiful hair?
My elder brother said that when he became a monk, he couldn't ask for anything.
The mother, as his brother said, moved out of the house and brought nothing. When leaving home, the mother was carried out, the mother on the recliner's face was very poor, and her beautiful red hair was gone. Suddenly I felt scared. I don’t know that kind of mother. A few days later, my father took my brother and I to Wangxin Temple. I used to like mothers who were always dressed in beautiful clothes, but they wore dazzling robes. The beautiful mother in the impression can no longer be seen.
Since then, my father will take me and my brother to the temple every three to five. My mother seemed to have changed her personality. I used to smile when I saw my father touching her mother. Now, when my father wants to touch her, she will hide, and then put on a ceremonial ceremony that I learned later. And me, when I want my mother to hold, my mother hesitates. Whenever this time, my father will always hug me, eyes that I don't like to see. When I grew up, I knew it, the kind of look called sadness. And I, no longer haunted my mother to let her hug.
My father will take me and my brother to spend the whole day in the temple, listening to people who wear the same clothes as my mother and who also have no hair read what I don't understand. It’s really uncomfortable for me to sit obediently. I can’t help but I can only sleep. However, my brother is different. He listened very carefully, and after the end he was able to tell the old man what he heard. The old man seemed to like his brother very much and kept mumbling about his father and mother. Later, my brother told me that he was going to be a monk too.
Does brother have to move out? Who will play with me?
My crying still didn't block my brother. My father and I watched my brother put on the same robe as his mother. He knelt on the ground, and the old curly shawl red hair was shaved off by the nasty old man. My father grabbed my hand so tightly that I felt a little pain. Wanting to shout, I saw the look in my father’s eyes that I didn’t like. I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t hold back the pain.
My brother accompanied me to hide and seek in a small courtyard in the temple. My brother caught me blindfolded and I flashed. It's been a long time since I was so happy, my brother will still play with me. The elder brother threw at someone, and he shouted, "Caught!" I didn't have time to tell him that it wasn't me, and the elder brother discovered it himself. That was his master, Wang Xinsi, a monk of the Buddha figure. When his brother saw him, his face was very unsightly, he lowered his head to listen to what he said about meditation. That was the last time my brother played with me in memory.
Since then, when my father took me to the temple, I always saw my mother and brother holding thick books. When I saw my father and me, I just smiled. No one hugs me, no one plays with me, and I hate going to the temple more and more. But, my father likes to go. Okay, so I pretend I like to go. From the age of four, I know how to pretend to please my father.
At the age of six, his brother could hear memorable scriptures every day, and he could hear praises all over the city. The mother told her father that he could not let his brother be touted too much under this prestigious reputation, so he had to go study with him. I can’t remember the name, I just know it’s a very distant place, and it will take years to come back. My father took me to see me off, and there was another look in my eyes that made me sad. I think my father would want to see me cry, so I cried. However, under my heart, I am very happy that I can finally stop going to the temple.
My father who didn’t have to go to the temple seemed to have no support at all, and would always hold me in the yard for a long time. The palace brought news of mother and brother, the father was always very excited. Then I will tell me what they are doing there now. For four years, my father kept telling me how my brother got the approval of everyone and worshipped the monk as a teacher, and how much praise he received. My brother, whose impression is fading, seems to have become a big man.
At the age of ten, they finally came back, and Uncle Wang deliberately picked them up. I heard that my brother won a controversy in Wensu. All of a sudden, no one knew my brother. Someone mentioned his name everywhere on the street. Should I be proud? There is such an excellent and famous brother. However, when too many people pointed at me and said, "That's the younger brother of the prodigy Kumorosh," I began to object to it for no reason. My name is Vshatipah, and remember, I am not just the brother of Kumorosh, I am I, Vshatipah.
I remember that the ceremony to greet my mother and brother was very grand. I finally saw them who had been away for four years. They are actually not as familiar to me as the servants in the house, but to make my father happy, I fell into my mother's arms. Four years without the memory of my mother's arms, this interdependence does not make me happy. Mother's arms are cold. I rested my head on my mother's shoulder, thinking about when I would get out of my hug. Suddenly, I met a pair of flexible eyes, and those eyes were turning around me in a boneless manner, and my eyes were as clean as the blue sky of Guizi.
At first glance, her face knew that it was different from ours. She was petite than the Qizi people, and the whole person looked comfortable. I have seen such black-haired and yellow-skinned people in the city. My father said that they were called Han, and they came from a far east. They had to go through the endless desert Gobi and walk for a year to get here.
She was watching me while I was looking at her. She smiled at me. In fact, her smile was very nice, her little lips raised, revealing a shallow dimple. It's just, I don't know why, I always think her smile is a little silly, pure and silly, just like her eyes. Then she secretly murmured again and made a grimace at me. I suddenly felt that she would be a fun person.
She is really fun, unlike anyone I have ever seen. Since she lived in my house, she used to go to the palace during the day to study and practice fighting with her cousins. Her Qizi language is not standard, and I always learn her tone to make fun of her. When she was angry, her expression was exaggerated and her eyes widened, not at all like the women in the palace who pretended to speak softly.
She has a big bag full of novelty toys. She drew a lot of paintings with a pen and paper that can be used repeatedly, but the paintings are not pretty at all. She once drew a pair for me, which made me unable to move for a long time while sitting on the carpet, but the painting was so ugly, not like me at all. She also stuffed things into the bag from time to time, as if she could see a rag for a long time, and then stuffed it into the bag. So I often took something worthless and told her that it was used by Uncle Wang, my mother, or my brother, and she would exchange the pen and paper with me with both eyes. I was surprised that the bag seemed to be a cornucopia and seemed to be able to cram into everything.
She taught her brother Chinese and my father asked me to follow her. For the hard-to-remember Chinese, my father asked a Chinese to teach me before, and I was angry. And she is different, she is not like that person who asked me to endorse all day, she is more like playing tricks when teaching me. She taught me what scissors, rock cloth, and little bees flew into the flowers. If I lost, I would recite a copy of "The Analects of Confucius", and she lost the next day and became my day soldier. Every time I have the most fun, my brother will appear, and then all of us will be quiet. My brother can talk to her directly in Chinese and can tell her the truth that I don’t understand. I'm a little bit dissatisfied. I must study hard and play with her in her language.
While studying in the palace, the princes and cousins ​​all pointed at me and smiled badly. It turned out that the first prince and the second prince saw me always go back so early, sneaked into the house and saw her, they made fun of me and found a big wife.
"What about the big one? I like the bigger one. Like the princesses who are charming, knowing to be cute and crying is annoying."
"Are you treating her as a mother?" The four princes jumped beside me. "Your mother is not a monk when you are a monk, so you will find a mother as your wife."
I did a fight with them. They are older than me, and I have a few bags on my forehead.
She saw it when she returned home and bandaged me in a hurry. I want to tell her that I am a man, what a minor injury is. But the words swallowed back to his mouth. I actually like her hand brushed on my face, warm. I suddenly wanted to try to see if her arms were so warm, and fell into her arms and wept. She is really too easy to be fooled, really hug me and comfort me. The arms were so warm, soft touch, and even her voice came from above the head, so warm. For the first time, I felt that hugging was so comfortable. At that moment, I really wanted to be held by her like this. Never let anyone disturb me, especially my brother.
My father went to Gumo and it will take several days to come back. I was actually very happy, deliberately pretending to be afraid as planned, and successfully slipped into her quilt. She patted my back and sang Handi's children's songs in my ears. I secretly sneered. I am not a child anymore. I coax me to sleep in this way. However, her voice is so nice, clear and bright, and the children's songs are like a quilt that has been basked in the sun in winter, and surrounds me warmly. I was in this warm song, asleep in the warm breath from her. Before going to bed, I thought that my daughter-in-law must also have such warmth.
Since then, I have one more reason to entangle her: to ask her to continually change children's songs to me. She always spoiled me and sang over and over again at my request until I fell asleep. I found that as long as I fell asleep, she would cover me with a gentle quilt, and secretly scrape my nose, whispering and whispering in Chinese. All this is so interesting, I often pretend to sleep. But that night I was discovered by my elder brother. I walked out in dismay and hid in the corner. I heard her singing to my elder brother, and the elder brother who never laughed actually laughed out loud. Somehow, I was angry. Why should she sing to him? She should only sing to me.
And the next day, what made me even more angry was that when I rushed back from school, I couldn't find her. The servant said that his brother took her to the Wangcheng. Why did you let her take her? She wants to go shopping, can't I show her the way? My brother robbed my mother. Will she even rob me? I angrily took the big yellow dog from the house and stared at the door to see when she would come back.
She finally came back before dinner. I was going to be angry to show her, but she took me to play hide-and-seek, I was teased by her, and the sullenness disappeared without a trace. It seemed that it was only when she was facing her that she really laughed because she wanted to laugh, not as tired as when she cried and laughed because of her father's heart.
That day she looked at the strange bracelet on her wrist and suddenly shouted, "Yeah, tomorrow is the big New Year!" Then she said that she would celebrate the Chinese New Year, and gave my brother and I a gift the next day. I gave my brother a string of sandalwood beads, but it gave me something weird. It was a monster that she drew, neither a cat nor a dog. She also had a strange name called Hudola A Dream. She said that the monster has a pocket and can take out all kinds of things it wants. I don’t really like this monster. She still treats me as a child when I am a child. However, somehow she painted it by hand, I will barely accept it.
I know she will leave in the spring, and go to Chang'an, which takes only a year to reach. I really don't want to let her go. Is there any way I can keep her from going?
I only thought of one way, that strange big bracelet on her hand. There seemed to be something moving on that big bracelet. I used to want to see it, but she was so serious to me for the first time and sternly warned me not to touch anything on the big bracelet. She wears it all day, even under the pillow when sleeping, and only takes it off when taking a bath. The big bracelet was really weird. I became more and more curious, so I sneaked into her room while she was going to take a bath to figure out the strange thing.
Somehow, the big bracelet suddenly glowed green, and a ticking sound rang out. When she had no idea, she came back. Can't let her know that I want to steal this bracelet, I quickly said: "Ai Qing, this thing is fun, it will tick, will you give it to me? "
After many years, I can still clearly recall the scene at that time. I often think that if I don’t use my brain to steal that bracelet, will it make any difference? She disappeared strangely in that light, I looked for her everywhere, and didn't give up until a month later. Is there really a in this world? Is she really a fairy? I don’t believe in Buddha, the only thing I believe is that I really met a fairy when I was ten years old. Otherwise, how could a mortal woman have such a beautiful show, so different?
I didn't tell my brother that she left a message and asked him to go to the Central Plains to promote Buddhism. She said that her brother would become a great person. what about me? She is a fairy, why not tell me what will happen to me in the future? Somehow, I was annoyed to see my brother in her room looking at it step by step. I was annoyed to see my brother carefully put away what she left behind. I saw my brother telling the people in the house to keep this room. Daily cleaning is annoying, and seeing him is more annoying than I thought.
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In Hui Jiao’s Biography of the High Monk, she recorded a study tour of Jaipur with nine-year-old Kumoroshi:
The Shiguizi people, with their mother-daughter, have a lot of benefits, but they avoid it. When they were nine years old, they The mother crosses the Xintou River, and reaches the Binbin, who meets the famous German master Pantou Dado, who is also the younger brother of the king of the Binbin. There are a lot of geniuses, only the knowledge and knowledge. To the middle, handwriting Qian Kai; from middle to twilight, also chanting Qian Kai. The names are broadcast to the nations, and the teachers are near and far."