Chapter 850: Self-improvement

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Five weeks.
In just five weeks, or even less than five weeks, the condition has deteriorated faster and faster than all the previous two years of accumulation. Just like a runaway car, the brakes have failed and they can only join in rampage. Moving forward, until the moment of crushing bones.
All the illusions of peace in the world were torn to pieces in an instant.
Since Ryan's condition has deteriorated, Jonathan has shouldered all the heavy burdens. No one can tell, no one can rely on, strong for a long, long time, and suddenly saw Lu Ke-
The captain of the offensive team that led the San Francisco 49ers to regain their peak, the quarterback of the team who tried their best to win unrelentingly, the spiritual leader who ignited the enthusiasm and hope of the city again Become fragile.
The sudden impact force accumulated for too long and suppressed for too long. After all was released, even the strong and determined, such as Jonathan, became trembling and unconsciously muttered to himself.
"When the diagnosis was made, the doctor said that this disease is unpredictable, uncontrollable, and incurable, and can only be alleviated; but even if it persists in rehabilitation. The effect is also unknown. People can know. Therefore, we need to be mentally prepared at all times. Patients may die in just one year, or they may continue their lives for more than ten years. "
"I thought ... I thought I was mentally prepared. I thought I was strong enough to deal with all possibilities. In the two years, the five stages of grief have gone back and forth several times. I thought I was early. It ’s already impossible. But ... but I still did n’t get ready. Ryan needed me, but I could n’t even take care of myself. God, I ’m such a terrible brother.

Suddenly, Jonathan's voice stopped, no choking, no crying, no sourness, just a daze and confusion overwhelmed, and looked at Lu Ke with doubt, "Why? Why did things develop like this? Son? Can God give me the answer? Or who can give me the answer, who should I ask? "
Sadness is more acute than anger.
Daze is more bitter than despair.
Compared with the outbreak, calm is more suppressed.
Jonathan did not cry or scream, and even could not see the tears. The whole person was calm and quiet, but Lu Ke was almost breathless, unable to say a word.
He couldn't answer, and he didn't know how to answer.
Even the words of comfort have become so pale at this moment, "Everything will be fine" "Things will turn around" "I will pray for you sincerely" ... These are deceptive and cruel. In reality, there is no comforting effect at all. It sounds like a lollipop that comforts a nine-year-old child—it does n’t work at the age of ten.
Looking at Jonathan's confused eyes, Lu Ke firmly clenched his fists and said firmly, "But things are still not over."
Jonathan looked at Landing indifferently, with no trace of waves in his eyes. He didn't seem to understand the meaning of this sentence.
Lu Ke has no way to lie, "Things will be fine," he has no way to give Jonathan such a vague hope, because even the doctor and God can not guarantee, what can he do?
But Lu Ke knew that he would not give up, he refused to give up, football is so, dream is so, life is also so.
When serving as a sparring partner at the university, John Ward mocked him for being stupid, stupidly sticking to a hopeless goal and a lifeless dream. Like a fool, he hit the wall again and again, but he broke his head and broke the blood but still did not understand Give up, this is the most stupid insistence in the world, "True smart people must learn to give up."
Nietzsche said that the so-called maturity of many people is just a corner of the customs, which has become secular and practical. That is not maturity, but premature aging of spirit and death of personality. True maturity should be the formation of a unique personality, the discovery of a true self, spiritual results and harvest.
Persevere in dreams and persevere in yourself, maybe all you need is a little silly courage.
Later, John Ward joined him.
Up to now, Lu Ke still remembers that chasing young man who ran wildly on the rose bowl. He once thought that his career would be exhausted in the sparring, and after four years of suffering The end; but after all, he still walked side by side with Lu Ke, grabbed the tail of youth, and bloomed wantonly.
Life is as gorgeous as summer flowers, and death is as beautiful as autumn leaves.
Before the end comes, life has countless possibilities; before reaching the end, dreams have countless appearances.
The same is true of Ryan now. He hasn't reached the end of the sprint, and now he chooses to give up? This is definitely not the performance that a real 49 person should have.
"Things are still not over." Lu Ke repeated his words again, his eyes revealing a firm light, cheering for Jonathan, "Don't ever give up before the end of the game, and continue to fight forever. , There is always hope, even if the final outcome is still a failure, but at least we tried our best to fight to the last second. This is the reason why the team has been to the present, and it is also the belief that the fans are willing to accompany us to move forward, not ?"
Knowing that this is a must-have game, what should I do? Raise your hands, surrender your weapon, and end the pain early; or clenched your fists, raise your hands, and keep fighting until the last drop of blood burns out?
Ryan's game is not over yet.
Jonathan opened his mouth slightly, and the flashes of light appeared again in his numb eyes, and his numb and dazed emotions seemed to be a little loose, but he could not distinguish the specific emotions for a while, and he still carried the burden. The pressure is too long, too long, it is difficult to turn around immediately.
Lu Ke gave a big smile and gestured towards the ward. "Can I go in to visit Ryan? I mean, if it won't disturb his rest and rehabilitation."
Jonathan only recovered a bit, but he still couldn't organize his own language and said a complete sentence. He could only nodded his head in agreement.
Lu Ke turned around and gently opened the door of the ward.
I do n’t know if the time for Lu Ke ’s visit was just right, or because the ward arrangement was originally the case. At this time, the ward that can accommodate six people was only Ryan. He was facing the window, and he sat quietly, just passing a back. , Unable to accurately describe specific expressions and expressions.
Lu Ke and Jonathan had just stayed at the door for so long, and Ryan was still motionless.
Lu Ke aggravated his footsteps a little and made a little noise to remind Ryan that someone was visiting, but Ryan still sat motionless, which also made Lu Ke only a little distance away, in order to avoid scaring Ryan Then, he came to the bed opposite Ryan, looked around, and sat down on the bed edge of the bed, parallel to Ryan.
Turning his head, Ryan still had no movement, and Lu Ke could not judge whether he had noticed his arrival.
While Lu Ke hesitated whether he should make a sound or not, Ryan spoke voluntarily, "... ohhhhhh, believe, now ... umhhhh ..." his words are a bit vague, both syllables and syllables Sticking together, unable to recognize clearly, this made Ryan show a helpless smile and paused.
I did n’t see any action, it seemed that I just adjusted my breath, and then Ryan spoke again, "No matter if you believe it or not, I ’m very excited now. I did n’t expect that I would be able to sit with Skywalker one day, which is incredible. I ’m screaming in my head now, but to avoid disturbing other patients, I have to forcefully suppress my urges. "
Ryan ’s speech was very, very slow, almost word by word, and occasionally some syllables were slightly ambiguous, but this time it was finally understandable.
Lu Ke didn't anxiously interrupt Ryan until he finished talking, and then he laughed lightly, "Every week, we have a chance to fight side by side, I think you have already got used to it." Lu Ke I also slowed down slightly, not too deliberately too obvious, but lowered the rhythm, the whole atmosphere would not be so strange.
Ryan twitched his lips slightly, as if smiling, but seemed to be twitching, unable to distinguish clearly, "That was the moment when 70,000 nine people were fighting side by side. I am just one of them."
After a pause again, Ryan swallowed a spit with great difficulty. The subtle movements are like the stop motion analysis of slow motion, frame by frame.
Lu Ke didn't open his mouth, he didn't deliberately pretend to be happy and excited, nor did he keep talking and distracting, but kept a sincere and calm attitude, watching Ryan.
Because Ted-Jean told Lu Ke during his illness at the beginning of the year: What we need is not pity, but equality. In your eyes, the shouts are warm and positive and optimistic. In our eyes, it seems to be a kind of charity, because you already know our ending. The problem is that I don't accept that is my ending.
After completing his swallowing action, Ryan continued to say:
"But the truth of the matter is that I ca n’t move now. Sitting here, this is my rehabilitation exercise today. With a little big movement and a big shake, I may lose my balance, then fall, and then I ca n’t stand again. Get up. Just like now, I want to turn my head to look at you directly, but I dare not.
Similarly, I want to go back to the candlestick stadium and fight with all my comrades, but I have no choice. This is my status quo, but do n’t worry about me. I have gradually accepted it, but Jonathan still has no way to give up. He always feels that he owes me. He is really a fool. How could he owe me?
Witnessed the rise of 49 people again, this is the most beautiful thing. "