Chapter 86: Yoyo This Hate and Wuji (1)

White prayer flags flying all over the sky hunted in the wind. I closed my eyes and didn't look at the redwood carved coffin with a moiré pattern on the side of the mahogany fortune and longevity. It was slowly placed in the cemetery that was already prepared. The sorrow and joy whirled in my ears, I couldn't escape, I could only let them be blown into my ears by the wind.
The smile of my father appeared in front of me, that smile was so kind and full of petting me.
I stretched out my hand and couldn't help but step forward. The plain crepe dress had a long hem. When I stepped on it, a stagger would fall to the ground.
Someone supported me. The hands were warm, I looked up, his eyes were worried and sad.
I lowered my eyes, just staring steadily at the hands holding my arms, and suddenly an uncontrollable hatred surged in my heart. There was a cold war with my lips shaking slightly. I desperately restrained myself.
For a long time, until the last tune of the sad music stopped abruptly in the air, I slowly raised my head.
Shen Xiyao's face is right in front of my eyes. When I was startled, I didn't open my eyes, let go of his hand and stood up by myself.
Shen Xiyao's hand gently stroked my temple, where the hair had been blown into a mess.
I knelt down and bowed to my father's mausoleum, and Shen Xiyao also stepped forward and bowed three times with incense. Behind him were hundreds of civil and military officials, who went down one by one, crying. The last glory of my father reached its peak here. However, it is only the last glory.
The memorial service lasts for seven, seven forty-nine days. The first three days are the most grand.
Every day I stay quietly in the Mingjingtang, chanting sutras and reciting the Buddha.
Although Mingjingtang is large, it is built on the edge of the imperial palace garden. It is surrounded by dense pine and locust trees. From the window of carved beech wood, it is full of green woods and blue sky. Burning sandalwood, there is a deep and deep flavor everywhere.
I was reciting the "Great Compassion Mantra" quietly, with a yellowish scripture beside me.
This is specially taken out from the Royal Collection of Hanlin Division and consecrated by a high monk. It is an authentic relic handed down through the generations and is very precious.
The vicissitudes of history were scattered on the slightly yellow pages in the candlelight. The moment I saw them, my heart calmed down like never before.
Shen Xiyao sent a large number of guards to guard around Mingjing Hall. But it's a place I can't see. I think he wanted to give me a peaceful atmosphere to forget the pain of losing my father. But even if I recover from that grief, what should I do with the deepest hurt in my heart?
I quietly knelt down in the Mingjingtang reciting the scriptures on hand, and occasionally I looked up and saw the smallpox with golden lotus and aquatic patterns in the Mingjingtang. The ornamentation spread out, and the whole hall looked lofty.
In front of me is a pure gold Guanyin statue. I often stare at the gentle and compassionate face of Guanyin for a long time, and the eyes that see the sadness, joy and sorrow of the world are infinite light, full of Zen power. The heart is so quiet, so calm that I think I have forgotten everything.
I haven't seen anyone for several days. Although I know that almost every day, Shen Xiyao stands outside the door of Mingjingtang. I can feel his eyes fixed on me, but my heart will beat fiercely at that time, and my hatred will spread again, losing the peace I have always been.
I think, no matter how many Buddhist scriptures I read, how long I stay alone, I still can't forget all that.
In the early morning seven days later, I felt a little cold when I was copying the Amitabha Sutra the first night, and I woke up weak in the morning. But I still knelt in front of the Buddha statue and moved the topaz rosary on my hand. The floor tiles were hard and cold. When I knelt down, my knees that had been kneeling on the ground for many days became sore, like a needle stick. I became sober after a moment of trance and dizziness.
With a "squeak", the door was pushed open, and I slowly turned back, the flood of sunlight poured in.
I was sore by the intense light that I closed my eyes. The hand resting on the chrysanthemum sutra written with thread embroidery green ground color pruning tightened and loosened.
Opening my eyes, a tall figure stood in front of me, and I raised my head hard to look at him, his eyes deep.
My heart was beating almost out of my chest. I paused and smiled at him: "My lord, why are you here."
My head hurts, and my whole body aches. It is very laborious to look up at him like that.
Shen Xiyao looked around and then at me, who was kneeling on the ground, with pity in his eyes.
"It's been seven days, it's time to go back." His mouth was soft, and when I heard his voice, there was no ripple in my heart.
I shook my head: "The emperor, the concubine wants to chant the manager Buddha for his father for forty-nine days, so as to fulfill his filial piety." My voice was very soft, perhaps because the morning wind was blowing in because of the open door, suddenly I coughed violently.
Shen Xiyao's expression changed, he hurriedly stepped forward and embraced me and patted my back lightly.
It was obvious that there was an earthquake in my body, and his figure appeared on the golden ground, but it was blurred.
I can only see my face, in the reflection of the gap between the long hair that dangles to the ground, the haggard eyes, there is still hatred.
"The emperor." I stopped my coughing and stood up with the strength of his hands, knees sore from the long kneeling. I staggered and fell into his arms. I felt his heartbeat, so violent, just like mine.
I looked at the Buddha statue in front of me and smiled softly.
"Why don't I dress so little?" Shen Xiyao righted me, looked carefully, and kept shaking his head slightly, then looked around and said: "Where are the palace servants who serve you? Where have they gone?"
I lowered my head and looked at myself. It was just a filial filial attire with no flowers and no embroidery. The long hair was scattered because of just now, and the mahogany hairpin used to hold the bun had fallen to the ground. .
It was a little bit cold, I suddenly felt it, and then there were endless layers of cold getting heavier and heavier. It seems that in the cold winter, the cold that gradually penetrates the bone marrow is not felt at first.
I looked up at Shen Xiyao with a little fear, eyes flickering, I knew my eyes must be full of sadness and helplessness.
"The concubine let them all go out. The concubine only wants to be here alone to remember his father." My tears fell: "What's more, if the concubine dresses up like this, she will lose her identity as a queen and shame the emperor. of."
Shen Xiyao took a deep breath, and the strength of the hand holding me increased.
"You are my queen no matter what. Whoever dares to blame your clothes, or talk about your behavior, is disrespectful to me."
"Thanks to the emperor for his love." I lowered my head and said softly: "The emperor, the concubine is so cold, will you hold me?"
My eyes fell on the corner of the main hall of Mingjingtang leading to the inner room. There, a long fox fur cloak showed a white corner.
I stepped forward and leaned against Shen Xiyao's arms, as if mumbling to myself: "Xiyao, your place is so warm."
Then there was heart palpitations, and I felt that the world was spinning, and I slowly slipped from his arms.
Open your eyes, it is the familiar red. That is the big bed of the Dongnuan Pavilion of Kunning Palace.
I looked at myself at the big red and gold, hundreds of descendants, thousands of grandchildren, and five blessings and longevity on my head. The soothing Yurui Duan incense was burning in Kunning Palace, and I lay calmly with hollow eyes.
Even though I have been evading to come back here, back to this palace where I can never forget who I am, but I still inevitably come back.
A small smile appeared at the corner of his mouth. I'll be back sooner or later, right?
When I got up, I saw Hui Ju and Zhilan sitting aside. Hui Ju was napping on the table, Zhilan's eyes were fixed on a jade bowl in front of her.
I didn’t feel bad anymore, but I still felt very cold. I pulled the quilt to wrap myself around, and whispered, "Zhilan."
When the voice came out, I was taken aback. My voice was so faint and hoarse, like a dry earth long lacking rain.
Zhilan stood up quickly, Hui Ju also woke up, and walked quickly to my side.
"Niangniang, you are awake." Hui Ju looked at me who was wrapped tightly in the quilt: "What happened to Niangniang?"
I didn't look at her, but said quietly, "Why is it so cold. Go and make a brazier."
I looked at Hui Ju and Zhilan's dress in the early autumn and asked, "Aren't you cold?" I trembled as I spoke.
Zhilan's face changed, and Hui Ju suddenly stopped talking. I looked up at them incomprehensibly, and my light fell outside and suddenly understood.
There are four wrong golden unicorn stoves in the East Warm Pavilion of Kunning Palace. At this time, red charcoal is burning inside. The entire Kunning Palace should be very warm, but I feel so cold that I can use it up. It didn't help to hold on to the quilt.
"Niang, the slave and maidservant go to ask for a doctor..." Zhilan said to me with a straight look.
Hui Ju helped me sit up, put a soft hang-satin cushion behind my waist, tucked the quilt for me, and then called Xiao Fuzi and Xiao Luzi to lift the stove closer to the bed.
I sat curled up, my head a little heavy. I know that this is because I was not covered with a cold last night. In addition, this morning I only wore single clothes in the empty and cold main hall of Mingjingtang, naturally this wind chill is getting worse.
However, if I don't do this, he might not stay with me tonight.
Across the golden embroidered curtain, the best physician in the Taiyuan Hospital frowned, Hui Ju and Zhilan stood aside, and Shen Xiyao was in the Imperial Study Room due to the emergency military situation in the southwest. In fact, I told Zhilan not to tell him first, so he didn't know at this time. What's more, I think Xi He must also be in the Imperial Study Room for the military situation in the southwest.
I don't want him to worry, and I don't want him to follow along.
Because tonight, I want to be alone with Shen Xiyao.
I looked at the doctor Zhang outside the curtain, his brows suddenly tightened and loosened, and my heart suddenly picked up, with an ominous premonition.
Something wrong with me a few days ago completely rushed to my heart at this time, so when I saw Doctor Zhang stretched his brows and was about to speak, I first said to Huiju and Zhilan outside: "My palace still feels cold. Hui Ju, you go get me a soup lady. But don’t get too hot. "Looking at Hui Ju walking down, I smiled and said to Zhilan: "Aunt Zhilan, my palace wants to drink soup, you go prepare Some."
Zhilan glanced at me and wanted to say something, but after thinking about it, she went out.
I watched that door was closed before I said to Doctor Zhang, "Doctor Zhang, what's wrong with my palace, you can tell me first."
The doctor Zhang stroked his beard and looked at me. He was already in his old age and was the oldest doctor in the Taiyuan Hospital. He had been admitted to the Taiyuan Hospital when the Emperor was young and he was very appreciated.
His eyes have the kindness and meticulousness that a medical practitioner should have, and the kindness that an elderly person has.
I couldn't help thinking of my father, and there was another sting in my heart.
"Why did the empress leave everyone?" Doctor Zhang didn't answer my words directly, but asked with a smile.
I lowered my head, my heart was ups and downs and nervous, but on the surface, I said calmly: "My palace is afraid of my own illness..."