Chapter 44:

Winter, snowy night, seaside.
In the snow all over the sky, Zhang Man hugged the boy she loved tightly.
The waves slapped against the rocks and the beach, the sea breeze howled, and snowflakes quietly fell on the ground, in the sea, and many more, falling on the faces and bodies of the two of them.
The extremely low temperature caused Zhang Man to get goosebumps. The boy's cold embrace at this time could not give her any warmth, but she tried her best to keep herself from shaking.
She could only calmly feel his uncontrollable trembling and choking.
She thought, perhaps the most difficult step has passed.
Under extremely severe mental shock, people will start to lose consciousness, just like Li Wei just now, he can't distinguish what is reality and what is false. If no one came to wake him up at this time, the collapse of the world view would cause an irreparable and huge blow to his spirit.
But Zhang Man is not optimistic.
Even if he knew that the world was real, it would still be too much for him.
No one wants to admit that, in fact, he is really a "lunatic". He didn't care about other people's words before, because he felt he was not. He felt that they had misunderstood him.
How certain he was in the past, at this moment, after he learned the truth, the panic in his heart was just as deep.
What's more, he lost the two most important "relatives" in his life in an instant.
Pain is always hierarchical.
Zhang Man thought that at this moment in his heart, he must have experienced heart-wrenching pain that she could not imagine.
...
After the two finally returned home, the teenager seemed to be calmer than before, but still did not speak.
Their hair and clothes had long been wet by rain and snow, and their shoes were soaked by the waves on the beach, embarrassed as if they had just been fished out of the sea.
Zhang Man led him in, pressed his shoulders and let him sit on the big sofa in the living room, and went to the bathroom to boil hot water for him. But as soon as she took two steps, the teenager followed.
Like a lonely shadow, he can only follow his master.
"Li Wei, you go to the sofa and sit for a while, I plug in the water heater, we all have to take a hot bath, otherwise we will catch a cold."
The young man reached out and pulled her sleeves, looked at her, shook his head and said nothing, looking at her stubbornly with a pair of dark eyes.
Zhang Man felt softened almost immediately.
For him, she really has no choice.
"Okay, then you just stand by and look at me, OK?"
The teenager nodded and took her hand.
When the hot water was ready, Zhang Man pushed him in for a shower, but he was not happy again.
Zhang Man chuckled softly and teased him: "Can't we wash together? If you want, I'll be fine."
"Man."
The boy's voice is too dumb, different from the low and nice hoarseness when it is flat sulfur. His voice at the moment has an indescribable burning sensation, as if he took a sip of sulfuric acid.
"Will you be inside with me? You stand next to me... I don't want to be alone."
He never wanted to be alone.
Zhang Man looked at him, a confident and confident teenager, he seemed to have never been so confused and helpless before.
Her heart was filled with fine soreness, and she had to compromise.
Fortunately, in his bathroom, there was a separate shower room, and a waterproof shower curtain was hung in the glass door. After it was closed, she sat at the door and saw nothing.
The boy's mood was obviously extremely anxious.
He called her name almost every half minute to determine if she was outside.
Zhang Man had no choice but to sing a song gently outside.
She was also very confused in her mind, she couldn't remember too many lyrics, one after another, she sang lyrics where she remembered the words, and hummed where she didn't remember.
Fortunately, it is really useful.
When the boy came out of the shower, she went in and took a shower. The teenager, like her, moved a small bench and sat at the shower door waiting for her.
He sat upright, staring at the snow-white tiles on the bathroom wall, not knowing what he was thinking.
The two are separated by a glass door and a shower curtain, one in a bathrobe and the other in the shower without any distractions or desires, like two old friends, singing and talking .
Zhang Man sang the song, trying to hold back his voice not to tremble, but still burst into tears under the immersed hot water.
The teenager she loved has endured too much pain that he shouldn't bear at his age.
She didn't know how to soothe the scars deep in his heart. She didn't know how to love him to fill his boundless loneliness.
It seems that how to love is not enough.
She suddenly felt her smallness.
Compared with this world, time, and destiny, her power is so small. She once felt that she didn't have many strengths, but what was considered good was more stubborn.
She thought that one year would not work, five years, five years, ten years, she would always let him get rid of his destiny safely.
But what happened today was also a huge blow to her.
Whether it was the grandmother who still lost her granddaughter, or he who still found her own delusion.
Only then did she understand that she actually did not have the ability to completely confront destiny.
Zhang Man wiped away the water and tears on his face, and kept comforting himself in his heart. No matter what, no matter what the ending is, as long as she loves him, he loves her, which is always better than the previous life.
Both of them had finished cleaning up, and it was already past eight in the evening. Zhang Man couldn't worry about Li Wei, so he called Zhang Huifang and asked her to agree that she would live with Li Wei tonight.
She took the young man's hand and pulled him into the bedroom.
The boy lowered his eyes, and because he had just washed his hair, the slightly long hair on his forehead blocked his eyes. He hasn't spoken much, but he looks calm and well-behaved.
Li Wei's room is very empty, and one of the huge soft beds is very eye-catching.
Both of them were wearing bathrobes. Zhang Man took the teenager and sat on the bed, and asked him softly: "Boyfriend, can you find a dress for me to wear to sleep?"
Her own clothes were soaked.
The young man nodded, pointed to the closet, and motioned for her to take it.
Zhang Man opened the wooden wardrobe that was almost the width of the wall beside the bed.
He doesn't have many clothes, and the closet looks a bit empty, but each piece of clothing is neatly folded according to the material and style.
Zhang Man picked one of his long T-shirts, which is more than enough for her height as a skirt.
She wanted to go to the bathroom to change clothes, but as soon as she took two steps, the boy got up from the bed nervously and grabbed the sleeve of her bathrobe.
She looked at his stubborn eyes and sighed slightly in her heart.
At the moment, he is so like a child with a fragile heart.
"Then, will you close your eyes? I'll just change in the room."
The boy nodded and sat on the head of the bed, his eyes closed tightly.
To reassure her, he turned his head.
But his hand still grabbed her bathrobe sleeve.
Zhang Man smiled helplessly: "...If you don't let go, how can I change my clothes?"
He just let go.
Zhang Man quickly changed his clothes and breathed a sigh of relief.
Even if he closed his eyes, he was right in front of her after all-she was really, a little uncomfortable.
She took out a set of his pajamas again from the closet: "Okay, I'll change it, you also change clothes, shall we sleep well?"
The boy did not make a sound, took the pajamas, and directly reached out to untie the bathrobe.
Zhang Man immediately closed his eyes.
Can't take advantage of him at this time.
She listened to his "fine rustling" changing clothes, and then opened her eyes when the voice stopped.
"Now, boyfriend, let's sleep, okay?"
"……Ok."
The young man reached out his hand to hold her again.
Zhang Man sat with him on the head of the bed, opened the quilt and lay down to make room for him.
After he lay down, she reached out and dimmed the light in the room-only the one beside the bed was left. She thought, tonight, he might not want to turn off the lights.
The soundproofing of the house is very good. It is clear that there is a storm and snow outside, but there is peace in the room.
At peace, nothing seemed to happen.
This world is like this, and the misery and misfortune that happen to everyone has no impact on this huge planet.
Zhang Man turned sideways and leaned into the boy's arms.
She felt her tears, soaking the bed sheet under her cheeks silently-it collapsed all night, in such a dim time, she finally couldn't help but wept.
"Man..."
The young man suddenly reached out and hugged her tightly.
She heard his suffocated painful gasps.
"Manman... they all left me, I only have you... don't leave me, okay?"
The cold of the winter night came through the wall, and then penetrated his chest, spreading the tingling pain throughout the internal organs.
At this moment, he can only feel a trace of warmth if he hugs her tightly—not to freeze into ice.
"I will not leave you, I will stay with you forever, forever."
Zhang Man didn't know how to comfort him, so he could only promise him softly in his ear over and over again.
Forever...
The teenager calmed down.
He thought, he couldn't deceive her so selfishly, she has the right to know everything before making a choice.
"Do you know? Janet is really gentle."
His voice was rough and hoarse, like rough sand in a stream.
"She immigrated to Canada when I was very young, but she comes back to see me several times a year."
"When I first arrived in the orphanage when I was a child, I was very unaccustomed to living. But one day, she came back. She waved at me from the fence outside. I sneaked out from the side entrance of the orphanage. She was far away. , Opened his arms to catch me and said to me:'Baby, long time no see.'"
"Like you, Manman, she is a gentle and beautiful person."
"She took me to climb the mountain near the orphanage to see the red leaves all over the mountains. I was tired from climbing, and she sat on the top of the mountain, let me lie on her lap, and sang a gentle sleeping song to coax me to sleep."
He said and smiled: "I still remember that time, I fell on the mountain and came back in disgrace. I was scolded for a long time by the aunt in charge of washing clothes in the courtyard."
"And Nick."
"The memory of Nick seems to be a bit bigger. When I was in elementary school, it was so boring. I found out the leftover middle and high school physics textbooks used by others from the small library of the welfare institute. Write down the meeting place, and communicate with Nick every two months."
"He will refute me when I am wrong, and he will not hesitate to praise me when I get the correct answer."
"When you came that day, he still said, he said, Li Wei, is this girl your girlfriend? Very beautiful."
He recalled the only warmth he had left over the years, and he bent his lips uncontrollably.
But the next second, after remembering that all of this is illusory, he hugged his head in pain: "But you know? I suddenly can't remember their faces today. Two people so important to me , Actually does not exist. It turns out that I have never had relatives or friends. They were my imagination. I have been for so many years... I have so many years..."
He said, his voice choked slightly.
"Manman, I can't accept it."