Chapter 43: ?Because of obsession, so missing

She nodded calmly, took the pen, and found that the space on that line was too small, so she wrote the name between the title and the table, writing carefully one by one.
Sheng, Huai, Nan.
No one told her how to write his name, but she knew it since she was a child.
Didn't he say that Huainan is an area in the south, although he is a northern boy.
The teacher raised his eyebrows in surprise: "Hey, how did you know that it was written like this?"
She laughed, I don't know, instinct.
Looking down, this person's name stood alone and abruptly away from everyone, quiet and lonely. With a taste of pride.
When she returned home later, she bought a thick and expensive book for some reason, with yellowed textured paper and a restrained gray-black matte cover. She wrote the first high school diary under the orange lamp, and wrote the name again and again with the gray-blue pen, but she could not restore the calm attitude of holding the pen in the office.
For some reason, she resisted curiosity at the time and did not ask for information about this person, nor did she deliberately show the slightest praise or surprise for his grades in front of the teacher. She just bowed her head, expressionlessly, and worked hard to write about him. The name is very powerful.
When the transcript was released, everyone sighed and wailed below, which she expected. The leaders of various junior high schools had reduced their sharpness, pretending that they were weak and praising others, and doing so when they saw their results. The tragic and strong appearances that are about to collapse are mostly disguise.
She sat back in her seat, and suddenly wondered whether the classmates in Class 3 would pat his shoulder loudly and exaggeratedly after seeing his grades and say, "Your kid is too good"? So, will he sullen his mouth proudly pretending to be modest and serious, or will he smile and say "accidentally, accidentally"?
She met him at the age of five, and then eagerly tried for eleven years, treating him as an imaginary enemy, but at that moment realized that the distance seemed to be so great. Luo Zhi, an omnipotent good student in the eyes of others, realized in the first exam that excellence, excellence and perfection are not synonyms. Before that, she had been paying attention to the news of Sheng Huainan. She thought that she would be a classmate, but he missed the entrance examination, and his score just passed Zhenhua’s admission line and was not qualified to enter the top class. . She had been secretly proud for a long time, even when her mother was boasting in front of others, she felt she was arrogant.
She is better than "their child", isn't she?
Unexpectedly, his appearance made her feel embarrassed to slap her in the face, and she didn't even dare to imagine what she would think when she saw the three big characters on the list and the shocking results when her mother came to hold a parent meeting.
However, if she didn't appear like this, she wouldn't be the one who made her obsessed for eleven years.
Luo Zhi's high school life is extremely simple and boring, life is not salty nor light. School, after school, always overcrowded 122 car, eat, study, bath, continue to learn until the hair is dry, and then sleep.
But from the moment she wrote his name, life began to become extremely purposeful.
After the mid-term exam, her classmates were all talking about this man. She was seated against the window, and when she was leaning on the window sill in a daze, she could clearly hear the two girls at the back table chatting about him. Now Luo Zhi can't remember the intoxication and a little shyness of the two girls. She still remembers their voices, sweet and harsh. When they uttered the three syllables of "Sheng Huainan", she said the ending "South" To be proud and clear, yet so gentle and ambiguous.
Once you hear the name and deeds of a person for the first time, he will frequently appear in your life since then. For Luo Zhi, it was strange that he was a classmate in her next class. She kept hearing his rumors, but had never seen him since the beginning of school.
She thought, maybe she had seen it, but she didn't know it was him, after all, who would know what a five-year-old child would look like when he grew up. However, the girls all said that he is very good-looking. If they hadn't lied, Luo Zhi believed that she had never seen him, because most of the boys she saw in this school were not very good.
A few weeks after the mid-term exam, she no longer needed to pay attention to the name and news of this person. The three words "Sheng Huainan" were filled with various conversations.
For example, when she passed the basketball court, she heard someone shouting "Look at Sheng Huainan", but she turned her head in a panic and deliberately ignored the court.
For example, the girl at the back table said that the Chinese-grade small-test Master Sheng ranked third in their class, and did not fill in a single blank of ancient poems. The substitute Chinese teacher carried the papers and asked loudly: "Who is Sheng Huainan, do you want to go to college?"
For example, her tablemate came back after watching the basketball league finals during lunch break and said that Class Three won and won the championship. Their classmates threw Sheng Huainan into the air, but they did not catch it when they fell.
For example, in the new week, she sat in a group near the door and heard a group of boys clamoring by. A girl shouted loudly: "Zou Jin and Sheng Huainan, you two are still so late on duty this week!"
For example, their head teacher always sighed when they mentioned this name, as if their first mid-term exam scores were overshadowed by the number one in the third class.
I don't know from which moment Luo Zhi had a clear wish, or short-term ideal, in his mind.
She will not see this person for now.
She seldom walked out of the classroom, for fear that she would meet her accidentally. As soon as the mid-term exam was over, she began to study frantically, keeping the desk tidy and orderly. The schoolbag was hung behind the chair. The desk was filled with exercise books. There was only a tortoise pencil case on the desk, and her kind and innocent eyes were bright. Seeing her silently doing the question, her bangs were pushed up and down again and again.
Luo Zhi in the first year of high school, in the eyes of others, is a girl who cannot say five sentences a day. If you want to describe it, there are only four words: simple and clean. Simple and clean clothes, simple and clean ponytail, simple and clean expression, simple and clean tone.
Blank.
However, her crazy efforts were not motivated by the same motives as the modern Cinderella in the idol drama. She worked hard to retreat and practice in order to be equal to the prominent male protagonist of the family. She surprised four people as soon as she appeared on the stage a month later... I haven't seen him, I can't talk about love.
In the final analysis, she is timid.
That beautiful little boy has always been generous and friendly, and she knows this. Although she chased this illusion for a long time, treating him as an imaginary enemy, driving herself with injustice and resentment, she still did not forget the innocent and pure smile. She wraps herself in a deep hatred, because hatred is easier and more direct than forgiveness and love, and it provides her with a steady stream of motivation to live. She wakes up every morning with an important sense of mission.
However, she was finally admitted to Zhenhua with great arrogance. Walking on the same campus as this person, she could meet every day. She felt a ridiculous feeling of being close to hometown. What's more, as soon as this person's name appeared on the stage, she devalued her self-righteous efforts and pride for so many years.
Very simple, she was scared.
She is not a person without fantasies. Sometimes it is just obsessed with certain scenes and feelings and never forgets.
So she would never deliberately explore and meet, she just hoped that God would give her another chance that was as beautiful as when she was five years old and not artificial. For example, one day in the class next door, when she was completely unaware, there was a burst of exclamation-come and see where Sheng Huainan, this girl scored higher than you in this exam, do you know her? She is in the second class.
Then in the corridor, others will point to her and say that it is her, Luo Zhi. When she looked back, she saw Sheng Huainan among a group of boys, who was as clean and beautiful as when she knew him. She would smile at him, using her best-looking, proudest and calmest smile, and then turn around and return to the class, pressing her heart to the bottom of the water. It was a farewell, and everything was over.
This kind of fantasy is even more idiot than the stage of the idol drama, I am ashamed to think about it, but it is indeed the most ardent wish buried in her heart.
People always need some rituals. The rituals give people a sense of dignity and destiny, and give people confidence.
The beginning and the end are equally solemn and perfect.
But God won't give her any hope.
She met him in the third week after the midterm exam.