Chapter 48:

That night, the boy took advantage of Zhang Man's sound sleep and shut himself into the bathroom.
He sat on the bathroom floor all night.
There was no heating in the bathroom, so he opened the window specially. The biting cold wind and icy floor of the winter night kept him awake.
It turns out he is really a demon.
Silent darkness, bit by bit cannibalize him.
Isn't it true that people like him shouldn't live in this world?
He suddenly understood how his father felt at the time.
Since it is so painful to be alive, you can't love the one you love, or even hurt her, is it better not to live?
Before dawn the next day, he quietly walked into the room, lay down beside her, trapped, from this time on.
He thought he was a little ridiculous.
The trap of the hunter is often to let the prey step in and finally capture the prey. And he, trying his best to let his prey go.
If he shows a hint of collapse or depression, perhaps Manman will stay with him.
Then he has any space and courage to leave her.
...
On the way to the hospital, the snow stopped and the weather cleared up after a long time.
But he couldn't feel the warmth at all, and the sky didn't seem to have any color, it was gray.
In fact, he was going to die, but he still held on, pretending to be himself.
During the psychological examination, after he said every sentence, he carefully observed the doctor's subtle expression to adjust the tone and state of his next sentence.
This is difficult.
Having studied psychiatric science for many years and has countless clinical experiences, the female doctor was overwhelmed with joy and anger, her eyes were very old, and he almost revealed a flaw several times.
He first admitted his collapse and panic frankly, and then, under the persuasion of the doctor, said that he was much calmer than before.
It seems that after spending a lot of thoughts, I finally convinced myself that I must actively cooperate with the treatment and live a positive life-like a patient who has regained confidence in life after a huge blow.
Sure enough, his vine stretched his brows after coming out of the doctor's office.
He took her to the most expensive restaurant in N City, but he didn't seem to taste anything.
Manman said, the taste of that pork chop is a bit spicy.
But he tasted like chewing wax.
He took her and climbed the reef group.
For a moment, looking at the vast sea, he had an urge to jump down.
He has nothing, can't control himself, and is about to lose her.
Is there less pain if you jump down?
The next second, what I thought was, no, I can't scare her.
After sending her home, he returned to the study and started editing the email.
He could not leave without saying a word.
This kind of silent disappearance will make people worry for a lifetime.
It took a whole night of youth to edit this email.
He conceived in his mind how to persuade her to leave him. His Manman is so kind and smart, he wouldn't be able to go no matter how cursed or coaxed, right?
What kind of words can hurt the most?
It is certainly not hysterical abuse, nor is it a vicious word piled up for no reason, the most hurtful, always the most calm ignorance, coldness and selfishness.
When does a person feel chilly?
It is when the other party calmly analyzes so many considerations and so many reasons, but nothing is thought of for you.
You are far behind him in his heart.
The cursor kept flickering, and the boy tapped his hands on the keyboard. With each tap, his heart seemed to be chopped.
"Manman, I may have to leave you for a while..."
Delete.
"Manman, let's be apart for a while..."
Continue to delete.
"Manman, let's... break up."
At this moment, the oxygen on this planet for him to breathe seemed to be emptied suddenly, otherwise, why would he not be able to breathe until he was suffocated.
The boy raised his hand and pressed it close to his heart. Fortunately, it was still beating.
He curled his mouth and smiled.
Originally left her, not a break up, what else could it be.
How come now, there is still a trace of luck.
Then he calmed down, planning to think of three high-sounding reasons for himself.
Three reasons he left her after "thinking about" for himself.
Well, he may not have the mind to take care of her condition and her.
Because when he saw her, he didn't want to think about anything. He will become more and more selfish, more and more frightening, no matter whether it hurts her or not, he wants to stick to it tightly and selfishly keep her by his side.
He didn't want to worry about so much, didn't want to think about the future, he only knew that he could be saved only by being with her, even if it might drag her into the bottomless abyss.
anything else.
With her, he deviated from the original path of his life. He did a lot of things he wouldn't have done.
At this moment, the heart of the young man was extremely painful.
Yes, because of this girl, he was fortunate enough to walk out of his small, dark world and take a look outside.
Because of her by his side, he knew that he could get a cast if he was injured, so he didn’t need to be afraid of trouble; because of her, he tasted the sourness of jealousy, he knew what was in his heart, and never wanted to be taken away by others; because of her, he He lied a lot, just to hug her and kiss her.
He became more and more greedy and unable to satisfy.
anything else.
The teenager hit the tabletop with his head in pain.
So difficult.
She is his angel, his only faith, and what she brings to him is the only light in his gloomy life.
There is no reason to leave her.
He once again thought of the the cusp of his heart, so truly thought of her eyebrows, her fair skin and soft lips.
She is so good, when she smiles at him, there is always a moving light in her eyes.
Every time, every time he saw her smile, there would be an uncontrollable dull pain in his heart. He wanted to hug her in his arms and hurry up to kiss her.
She is so good, she used to lead him in the bustling streets, in the snow in the sky, running like crazy, she took him to see the world, she has been by his side to accompany him.
To him, she seemed to be an irreplaceable medicine.
He can't do without her.
He really can't do without her. What can he do if he leaves her?
The teenager almost couldn't write.
There was a voice clamoring in my heart, or forget it, forget it, just stay with her, one day is one day.
At this moment, he suddenly remembered the hand he unconsciously placed on her neck the night before.
Boundless fear and despair once again struck him.
The boy slammed his head against the table again, hating his thoughts from the previous second.
Li Wei, you are really rubbish.
What if you can't live without her? Do you bear it? This girl, you can't wait to protect her in your hand all the time, so that she won't be hurt a little bit.
He really didn't dare to take this risk.
The boy raised his head, looked at the screen, and continued to knock down.
"Manman, I don't want to repeat his mistakes. Even if I like you very much, I don't want to take such a big risk for you."
Pause, the cursor moves backwards, deleting one word by one.
"Manman, I don't want to repeat his mistakes. In other words, I may not like you as much as I thought."
However, the pain in my heart told him-I might, like you a thousand times, a hundred times more than I thought.
Well, it's over.
Like a doctor, had a difficult operation and was exhausted.
Will his man cry when he sees it?
I will cry for sure.
After crying, it may be anger or resentment.
A young person at this age, even a kind-hearted person like her, would surely still be confused when he sees such an email?
She would feel that she really misunderstood the person, how could she like such a selfish and cool hypocrite?
Maybe she will come to him angrily, wanting an explanation.
But he would definitely not let her find it.
Then, in countless nights of cursing and discomfort against him, she would eventually forget him.
Maybe, after a long time, she will meet the next person, someone better than him, they will hold hands, hug, kiss... They will even get married, they will go to see what she said, Sanya in winter, And the Jiangnan in spring.
They may have a beautiful and lovely daughter like her.
The boy's eyes were suddenly stained with terrible blood red.
He wanted to go crazy uncontrollably.
The water cup and a stack of thick books on the table were pushed hard to the floor by him, making a "bang" sound. The broken glass splashed up, and one piece even cut the back of his hand.
The loud noise calmed the boy down.
You see, you can't control yourself at all, you are a devil. Anyone she meets in the future will definitely be better than you.
At least it's a human being, not a devil.
He raised his hand in pain and hammered the desk hard, then trembling, forcing himself to continue typing on the keyboard.
Knock on words that frightened him one after another.
"In the future...you will meet someone a hundred times better than me"
The heart beats "suddenly", beyond its proper frequency.
That dull pain is more serious than all the pains before.
After finishing writing, he hurriedly clicked to send it regularly, and he didn't dare to read it again.
Looking at the messy room in the huge study, the young man closed his eyes in despair.
After all, he completely lost her.