Chapter 54:

"Li Wei, you have known me for so long, but you don't know me at all."
After hearing this, the young man was taken aback, and then he became anxious.
How could he not understand her?
Her every move, every detail of her life, every smile and every tear of her, he has to remember back and forth over and over again these nights.
Only in this way can we persist in living.
He knew that her taste was a bit spicy, and she liked fried seafood more than steamed. She loves the sea and beach at dusk the most, and every time she sees it, she sighs with joy.
When she was doing homework, she was used to frowning, she would number each formula, neatly arranged in rows.
She likes to sing and listen to songs. What she likes most is the slow rocking of the English countryside in the last century. She always listens to her homework seriously.
She doesn't usually smile, but she loves to smile at him.
When she was sad, she was used to squatting on the ground, burying her head in her knees and crying, like a kitten who was discarded by her master and curled up and trembling.
she was……
There was too much to argue, but she was overwhelmed by a word.
Defeated.
"Li Wei, you don't know me at all, you don't know how much I like you."
"You have no idea how important you are in my life."
The heavy thoughts that have been brewing in my heart for so many years, finally, in this winter, on this night when I reunited with him, speak out.
Zhang Man suddenly remembered that, except for the day he confessed to her, she seemed to have never said properly that she liked him.
Before being together, she had always worried about his mental state, afraid of irritating him, afraid of him being suspicious, and could only carefully restrain her feelings.
After being together, I indulged in the joy of love every day. As long as I was with him, I would forget everything, and even forgot to express. She is boring and used to it, and expressing feelings has always been an obstacle to her.
But not saying it does not mean that it does not exist.
She likes him so so so.
Her love for him has accumulated for so many years, and it has long since become a part of her body and life, firmly imprinted in her mind, flowing in the blood, and buried in the heartbeat.
In fact, the two simple words "like" can be described long ago.
Blame her, perhaps because she gave him such an illusion, making him think that she could live better without him.
how can that be possible.
She put her hands on the boy's shoulders and stared at him firmly and tenderly.
"Boyfriend, I like you a thousand times, ten thousand times more than you think."
After hearing her words, the boy trembled fiercely.
Even if he was still struggling and worried, he couldn't stop the ecstasy that filled his heart.
His Manman said that she liked him thousands of times more than he thought.
He obviously thinks that if she likes him a little bit, or as long as she can accept that he likes him upright, she will win the jackpot.
Zhang Man curled his lips.
Quiet night, big house, two people leaning on each other.
Many things can only be said in such a situation full of security.
Her voice was gentle, talking about things she had never said to anyone for so many years.
"I remember that after you accompanied me to Uncle Xu's house that day, you asked me how I grew up with my mother."
"I didn't say anything at the time, I will tell you now."
"Actually, before I met you, I was not such a person at all."
"When my mother gave birth to me, she was too young. She couldn't take care of herself, so how could she take care of me with all her heart."
"I don't have a father. When I was in elementary school, the teacher asked everyone to write an essay with the title "My Father". As long as you are a primary school student, you should have written an essay on this subject."
"Do you know? I made one, and I forgot what occupation I made, like a firefighter or a doctor."
"I am afraid that I will be different from others. I am afraid that the teacher will ask me in public. I am even more afraid that others will sympathize with me and notice me because of my difference."
"I don't like adventurous, nor do I like freshness. I have always lived in my own small comfort zone. I can't go out and don't want to go out."
"I don't chase stars, and I don't like to talk with the girls about which boy in the class is handsome and which boy is humorous. Gossip and topics have never been about me."
"I'm not like you. I was excluded from childhood for some reasons, but I have never been able to get in. Except for Chen Feier, I have a weak relationship with anyone. Everyone has a small group, but I am used to it. There are only one or two friends around, so that's great."
"I am the'autistic child' who never said a word from my mother and friends. When my mother was a child, she sang in a bar, and I just sat in the audience to watch, and I often wondered why my mother and I are so different. ."
"She is on the stage, like the brightest star, and me, I don’t want to hide myself in the crowd all the time, don’t show up, don’t let anyone notice me, as long as someone’s eyes scan me, My hairs will stand up and I will be upset."
"Do you remember the National Day performance that just started last semester? Feier Chen told me that maybe you guys like girls and versatile. I also asked if you like guitar or not, and you said you like it. So, in order to please you, I bit my head and signed up. You don’t know. On the day of the actual performance, the spotlight hit me in the face. Looking at the crowds of people under the stage, my hands with the guitar were shaking. Unfortunately, you I didn't come that day."
When she said this, she pouted and glared at him.
Although he finally sang to him on the beach, but he did not come, she was really disappointed that day.
The boy hugged her tightly, kissed her on the cheek guiltily, and continued to listen to her.
"Also, I didn’t like physics before, but I know what you love most is physics. When you talk about physics, your eyes are filled with stars and the vast universe. Slowly, I also like physics. This is a simple and powerful subject."
Even when she was in college in her previous life, she resolutely chose this major that she was actually not very good at.
"Chen Feier always said that when she grows up, she will go wandering around the world to make a living, to experience the different beauty in every corner of the world. But I never thought about it. I even wanted to go. It’s so far away, how tired, it’s better to stay at home and watch the show, don’t worry about the accidents encountered during the journey, and don’t bother to plan, where to go today and where to go tomorrow."
"But after being with you, I will think from time to time. When we have time in the future, we must go to see the south of the Yangtze River in the drizzle and the shores of Lake Baikal where even the spring breeze is intoxicated. I want to go see the mud with you. On the sandy Loess Plateau, I want to take a walk with you along the Seine River. When I get tired, I lean on the railing and kiss. I heard that many couples will kiss there."
"So, boyfriend, after I met you, I almost changed a person. I have never experienced it before, love. Well, when I met you, I became full of curiosity and love for this world."
"The day you left me, I started to miss you."
"This longing and pain has not faded the slightest because of time, but intensified."
"Do you believe it, if I can't find you in my entire life, maybe decades later, when I become a little old lady, I will still be alone, hiding in a narrow comfort zone, and living a mediocre and boring life. That kind of life is plain and tasteless, and terribly ineffective."
Just like the previous life.
This is her.
There has never been vigorous joy and depression, only ordinary, ordinary, hiding in a safe and hard shell for a lifetime, outsiders look very normal, only oneself knows that she is incompatible with this world at all.
But this kind of emotion, not to the extent of torture, would not stimulate her nerves so much that she didn't want to live anymore, but everything about life seemed to her tasteless.
Only him.
Only him is the most special thing in her ordinary life.
He was the throbbing and sweetness of her dreaming back at midnight, the long-awaited in her heart, her beating heart and the hot blood flowing.
Loving the right person will make a radically positive change.
How could he not understand.
She has to make him understand.
She knew that he was full of doubts about the world now, and she knew that he might be so depressed and even doubt the meaning of his life.
She had to let him understand.
Zhang Man raised his head, with tears in his eyes, and kissed the corner of his lips.
"Boyfriend, don't be ignorant of yourself, and don't doubt your worth. To me, you are my world."